Their traded family

7. Tension

Hope's P.O.V

Dad passed me the suitcase as soon as we were outside, my entire family standing beside two black cars, engines already started.

Mom glanced at us for a brief second, glared at Dad, then looked away. My aunt, who was watching the whole exchange, winced and then turned to look at me herself, an emotion I couldn't quite read flashing in her eyes.

The tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife. Everyone who knew what was going on had obviously taken sides, dividing the family in two. My close-knit, always together for everything family, could barely see eye to eye, and it was all because of me.

I'd done this. I'd made my parents fight, made them avert their gazes at the sight of one another, made my aunt Dali unable to look at me, opened up wounds she'd fought hard to keep closed.

I wanted to go back inside and hide until the walls of the pack house swallowed me whole. I wanted to crawl out of my own skin-

"Go. We'll be fine," Dad urged, stopping my silent panic. Stealing a quick look at him, at the unemotional mask he'd slipped back onto his face, at the warm hand on my lower back pushing me toward the car, and swallowed.

I stepped before my mother first.

We stared at each other, neither of us knowing quite how to break the ice. I was mad at her and I had every right to be, but I could also recognize how hurt she felt.

"Don't apologize," Hadley warned, "you do not say sorry for things you're not responsible for." But if I didn't apologize, would she? Would her stubborn self let her love for me overcome all else or would we never be as close as we were yesterday before everything happened?

"You're going?" Mom asked, her voice devoid of emotion. I couldn't read her no matter how hard I tried. She was speaking to me as she spoke to the enemy, and my heart shrank a little at the thought.

"Yes," I murmured nonetheless, Hadley's words echoing in my mind, "but I'll be back."

"Right." My left arm held onto the right, allowing me to dig my nails into it until the pain made the tears go away.

I'd done this, but so had she. All I wanted was knowledge, and with that came the truth. And yet it was too much.

"Goodbye, Mom," I said, dropping my arm. I hoped no one would notice the little red marks I'd left on my skin. Just as I was walking away, Mom grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to her, not hugging me but not glaring at me, either.

"Whatever you do, stay safe!" And with that, she let me go.

I turned away from her with a small nod, hating how everyone's eyes were on us. Hating how despite my anger, I'd wished she would hug me before I was gone for Goddess knew how long.

Aunt Dali stepped toward me, rubbing a hand down my arm, and I knew, I just knew she'd seen the crescents I'd dug into my skin, recognized the feeling of having to hide the mental pain by causing physical one. But she didn't hug me, either.

"I'm sorry, Hope. I just wanted you to know. Even though your mom didn't want us to speak to you about your mama, I could've tried harder. I have the power to go against her and I didn't."

"It's not what I wanted," I whispered, though at this point I didn't know what it was I actually wanted. I didn't want hergoing against Mom, that much I was certain of, and it wasn't really aunt I was pissed at, and yet...

"You're a smart girl, my precious niece, and I know exactly where you're going with that look in your eyes. You always did have the determined gaze when you were after something you wanted, but I'm begging you, Hope, don't end up like me and your mama! It's not," she trailed off, those dreadful tears that always filled her eyes whenever she spoke of her pain and of her sister filling her eyes, "It's not a place you want to be in. It's not a state of mind you want to bear for the rest of your life." Words had escaped me, my throat growing dry and making it hard to swallow. It seemed like everyone knew what I was after, and it was only a matter of time until the wrong wolves knew, too. Perhaps that's what my aunt was trying to tell me. But she had my uncle, and she would be okay. I, on the other hand, as terrified as I was of ending up hurt, had led a good life. I had had a great childhood, friends, family, and I'd stolen the life somebody else could have. So, if I was meant not to be okay, if the Goddess had something in store for me, I knew I'd take it.

Despite everything, despite the argument and the secrets, I couldn't resist pulling my aunt into a hug. Not with the pain in her eyes.

"I'll be alright." Then, pulling away, I tipped my chin at my uncle, her mate, and passed her straight into his loving, safe arms, knowing that even if I wasn't alright, she never again would be anything but.

Next, I hugged my cousins. I made them promise to not miss me too much, and they made me promise to call them often. And to not have more fun with Beyla than with them, which she grumbled at, sticking her tongue out at the twins.

Then, when all the other goodbyes were over, I turned to my dad.

Usually, he would've been standing next to Mom; not today though. I didn't let the thought linger as I hugged him, the dark fog of tension lifting off my shoulders as soon as I felt his arms wrap around my waist, my head buried in his chest.

"Promise me you'll be careful!" He demanded.

"Promise me you and Mom won't stay mad at each other!" We connected our pinkies in a special promise like we'd done when I was young, and I let a small smile break loose.

"I'm ready," I told Uncle Zane. He called for his mate, my aunt pouting as she separated from her friends, hugging them each one more time before she let Uncle open the door to the passenger seat for her and shuffled inside.

"You're sitting back with the brats, good luck," I winced playfully, only half joking. Beyla and Noah fought so much that they could barely stand to be in one room, let alone one vehicle. Let alone sitting next to each other for four hours.

"I think I'd rather run," I whispered to myself, Aunt Sofia and Uncle Zane bursting into laughter as Beyla scowled.

"It's not my fault that he's an i***t!" She rolled her eyes, Noah punching her shoulder.

"You're the i***t, dumba-"

"Do not start already!" Aunt growled, cutting him off. "Hope, middle seat, honey!"

This was going to be a really, really long four hours.

***

As always, Beyla and Noah did not stop bickering for almost the entire ride. Then, their dad stopped to buy them snacks as that would supposedly keep them quiet. Spoiler alert, it didn't. Only now the car was covered in candy and chips that they threw at each other.

"Please!" I whined for the tenth time in the past hour.

"Not a chance, redhead!" Uncle laughed evilly. Truthfully, there was nothing evil about his laugh save for the fact that he was mocking me with it. "I get my mate in the front for once, no one's taking her away!"

Noah groaned.

"Just because you'll never find love doesn't mean you have to be a little b***h about it!" Beyla defended her parents. Now, whether she was defending them or simply pissing her brother off I had no idea, but I rested my elbows on my knees and buried my head in my hands, pretending to cry.

"Bee, please!" Aunt Sofia pleaded with her. "Zane, maybe I should change seats with Hope?" She suggested, her mate growling and placing a hand on her thigh, squeezing as if it would keep her glued to her seat.

At that, Beyla gagged.

"Just because you'll never find love-" Noah began in a mocking voice, uncle growling so loud it shook the car.

Everything finally went quiet, and I knew that I was probably supposed to be affected by the large Alpha and his anger, but it was my uncle and all this was was an attempt to keep his mate from going to their pups. And, hell, after three hours I was ready to do anything to get a little bit of peace and quiet, maybe even ten minutes without breaking up a fistfight.

"Beyla, one more word in the next hour, and you're not going to the bonfire party next week! Noah, you'll be training with the pups for a month if I hear a word out of your mouth! Any fighting until we get home and you're sharing rooms for the rest of your lives, am I clear?" His tone was dead serious, leaving no room for arguments.

Now, I knew that Liv and Ru had disagreements sometimes too, but it was never like this. Was I supposed to be glad I had no siblings?

And then the sadness hit me again, reminding me why I was really traveling with the Browns. Because I had no idea whether that monster had forced himself onto more females and given me a sibling somewhere.

"Yes, Dad." Both Beyla and Noah muttered, each turning to their own window to stare out of it. I knew I was meant to be on their side, but I kind of regretted Uncle Zane not doing that earlier.

"They're acting like they're five years old," Uncle muttered to his mate as she shot him a disapproving look. Oh well,she was just as glad for the silence as the rest of us.

***

Unfortunately, I had to say I preferred the loud and the chaos to the quiet that descended upon the car. Once it did, once I was left with nothing to do but think, the thoughts overwhelmed me. I could barely sit still, feeling as if I wanted to crawl out of my own skin again.

The thoughts that I'd stolen a life somebody else could've had, that I could have siblings somewhere starving, alone, in pain, possibly, while I was living my best life, it all made me feel like the worst wolf in history.

I should've asked earlier. Should've done something. Anything.

"Hope, you're being ridiculous. What would you have done at twelve years old? At fourteen?" Hadley prodded, yet I kept quiet. The logical part of my brain knew, of course, that there was nothing I could've done. That there was little I could do now that my father and uncles hadn't already done, but panic and guilt overruled logic as much as curiosity did.

"Hope?" Beyla called. It was only then that I realized we'd arrived, that everyone else was out of the car and an Omega male was waiting to take the car away.

"Sorry," I muttered as I got out of the car and shot the male an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry if that i***t and I tired you, he just drives me crazy," Beyla apologized, making me wave her off.

"I'm fine."

"Are you? You don't look fine?" I rolled my eyes.

"Jee, thanks."

But she was right. I was running on autopilot, consumed by thoughts I could not control, each more graphic and awful than the last. I was walking and talking and acting normal on the outside, mostly. I even made it to the guest room I'd be occupying, told an Omega where to place my suitcase, then showered, changed, and went to dinner with my uncle and aunt's Beta and Gammas.

I was in a room full of wolves, wolves I knew that cared for me, and yet I felt lonelier than ever. And if there was someone else out there feeling the same, I so far didn't know. But I would. I would because no one deserved to feel that way.

A/N

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