Alpha Milan

Chapter 4:Learning to cope

Jyn

The only good thing about this crappy life I found myself thrown into,was that the cps social worker always came once a week to let me see my grandmother. Even though she no longer remembered me,it was always good to see my grandma. It hurt me to my core though,to see her as only a shell of her old self. "I'm so glad to see you Diana!" You get more beautiful everyday sweatheart". Diana is my mother's name,and now who she thinks I am.I was no longer her jynny poo as she use to call me. To her I no longer existed,but I learned to cope with it all,just to be with her. I knew what she was going through wasnt her fault. It wasn't her fault that she lost her only child,wasn't her fault that she lost her husband to cancer,it wasn't even her fault that she lost me in the mix of it all.She was battling something she had no control over,and after losing so much just pushed her over the edge of no return.I would give anything to have my old life back. To see my grandfather look at me and grandma with so much love and admiration. It wasn't fair that a life with my parents was taken away from me at such a young age,but to lose the two people that I knew and loved so much was unbearable. Sure I still had my grandma,but she no longer knew me. she no longer remembered our love and memory's. It's like everyone I loved left me. It's like I was destined to be alone,to be miserable while everyone else had it all. I know I shouldn't be this way,I knew there were people out there that had it way worse than me,but I couldn't help feel the pain. Somebody this young shouldn't have to feel so much pain,my little body couldn't hold it all.But indeed it was my life,and I had to continue on living it with their love and memories in mind.with a small kiss to her cheek and an I love you,I left the nursing home to head back to the place I had to call home. I hated to leave her,but I knew I would be back next week. With a deep exhale,and a click of my seatbelt,I prepared myself for the drive home. I decided to tell myself whether it was true or not,that things would eventually get better. I had to believe that. I had to hold on to the hope of this not being my forever,because I was once told that life is what you make it. I decided to focus on the good in all of this,instead of dwelling on what was and what should of been.I decided that it just had to work out,and that I was actually going to be ok.

With a lighter heart and mind,I fell asleep in the backseat.