The Kings Mate

chapter 15

Alex POV 

its been there months since the last time I felt this bad and yeah Xavier left at the end of last month or the being of this month I don't remember fully. Liv and I started to talk again when she asked me to be friends again I couldn't turn it down even though I really should I really thought that I would have been better once we became friends again but that is not the truth. like I said I am still the same but I was happy for a while it was three months of me being somewhat my old self but just when I thought I was better it hit me and that is where I am now. the thing is I don't think that people really notice but I could be really wrong you know how many times of dying has crossed my mind and I was willing to do it but I didn't want to move and that's when I started to think about what I would do to my friends and family but i guess if you count not eating killing yourself then I am slowly killing myself do i want to no but when I have some voice in my head telling me that no one loves me, that I am not wanted, that I should just die it will be easier for you friends and family, they don't actually like you, they only act like they do, they won't miss you if you die, look in the mirror your fat you need to lose weight. or having to know how many calories you are eating if you do eat, if you eat that you will get fat, do you see how pretty they are just be like them and then you will be expected.

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two more months have passed for one month I was fine then at the begging of this week I don't know what really happened I just fell in the dark whole again right now I am blaring the music in my ears right now you know I feel like since I am so lost I lost most of my friends I really want to see if people care so I grab my phone turn it on and go to the missed calls I have 10 from my Dad, 17  Zack, 80 from Liz, 83 from Lily, 93 from liv wow I am surprised at that 137 from my b***h (Tony) I go to my voice mail and go to my dads first 

"Hey sweety its dad I miss you I will be home in a couple of weeks and mom tells me you are doing really good in school and" my dad takes a break and when he talks again his voice is more serious than before "and that you haven't been eating that much Alex please start to eat better we can't go through you not eating again but I love you see you when you get home and next time actually answer the first time I call you" my dad said in a loving tone at the end next I go and see 1 from Zack so I open it I wish I turned the volume down on y headset 

"ALEXANDRIA FAITH MILLER ANSWER YOU GOD DAME PHONE RIGHT NOW OR I WILL COME AND FIND YOU AND YOU KNOW WHAT I WILL JUST COME TO YOU SO YOU DONT HAVE TO CALL ME BACK WHICH YOU PROBABLY NOT EVEN DO ALex oh sorry I didn't know you were asleep well you don't need to worry about this message love you little sis and start to eat please oh and I told mom and dad that you are not eating your welcome bye call me soon pain in the ass" 

Liz and Lily just left me simple little messages saying call me and if I need to talk to them I could that kind of stuff now Livs 

"Alex please answer the phone you never miss a call I am starting to get worried about you please call me i need to know if you are ok" the next one she sent "Alex did I don't something wrong did I mess up again if I did something wrong please tell me I am getting really worried about you please call me back" the next one "Alex, I would come over to your house but I don't know if I am welcome" there are more than that from Liv but they are mostly the same 

now, my b***h, there is 136 of them I am scared for all of them I listened to all of them but I am so scared of the 100th one here is 

"ALEXANDRIA ANSWER YOUR PHONE AND TELL ME WHAT THE f**k IS WRONG I need to so I can help you I feel so helpless in helping you i feel like I am watching my best friend slip down a hole or fading and I can't do anything but watch it is like it is one of the best dreams that turn into a nightmare but in this nightmare you can't wake up from like my life is a nightmare because I can't help one of the best things in my life. it is like I am watching you die every day and I can't watch it anymore I need to that you are ok so please call me back" Tony said crying towards the end and what he said to me was enough to make me want to snap out f this and maybe if I talk to someone it will help so I get up and go to my closet 

I grab black leggings and a crop top and an oversized jean jacket and grabbed a hoody that was also oversized just in case I am could i grab my keys and phone but then i forgot something so I turned around and head back into my closet to grab my rings and my necklace one is from Liv she gave it to me way before are friendship ended and the other ring Xavier gt for me and the necklace is from my dad when all that is on I actually go to my car and stop at Starbucks and get two drinks and head of to my destination when I got there I walked right in and straight to their room and opened the door he was laying on his bed looking at the tv completely zoned out so I decide t startle him 

"b***h get the f**k up," I said and Tony jumped I handed him his drink and sat down and told him everything and I mean everything.