Sarang

Chapter 23

I remained in the living room after Asher went out. Someone called him at sigurado akong problema nanaman 'yon sa Restaurant niya. Binalik ko ang atensyon na pinapanood namin nang marinig kong bahagyang tumawa si Rose pero wala na akong maintindihan.

I have no choice but to just look at the TV, reading na subtitles. Pinilit kong intindihin kung anong nangyayari sa movie but I gave up noong wala talaga akong maintindihan. I just waited for the movie to end.

"Do you want to watch another movie?" she asked me. I shook my head before sighing. "Problem?" she asked me again.

"Nothing. I'm just... tired," I told her honestly. I sighed again before talking. "I think you're right, my end is coming. I might die now... later, tomorrow. I don't know. Who knows, right? That I am about to disappear from this world."

"Aren't you happy? This is what you have long wanted to happen." The deity asked her.

"You're right," I agreed. "But I don't know why I don't feel happy at all. Now that I'm already with my siblings, it feels like I want to live long. I want to spend more time with them... with you and with Asher."

"Do you love him?" she asked.

"Of all the words I just said, that's really what you noticed? Didn't you feel butterflies because I included you in the people I want to be with for a long time?"

"Alam ko namang kasama ako lagi sa listahan mo," she joked. I didn't object though. She's right. Dahil kahit na anong mangyari, siya at siya pa rin ang magiging takbuhan ko sa tuwing may problema ako. "Mahal mo nga?"

"How do you know if you love someone na nga ba? And one more thing, love agad? Crush and like isn't trendy for you?"

"Ano ka? Sabay sa uso?" she teased her.

"How do you know when you already love someone?" I asked her. It's not like I'm admitting that I'm starting to develop some feelings towards him. I'm just curious... about how does love works.

Growing up I've only seen my parents on how much they love each other. They are my definition of love back then. I've never got the chance to love or like someone in the past because my love is too chaotic for that.

"You know love works in mysterious ways. Love, according to the movies, is supposed to feel like fireworks and butterflies. You're supposed to hear music and "see the light," but falling in love isn't always so dramatic. Do you really want us to talk about this one?"

I blinked twice before nodding. It's been a long time since we talked like this, random things and I just always listen to what she says.

"When you're in love, you're genuinely happier. It's almost as if you're on a natural high. Spending time with your partner excites you, and just looking at the dozens of selfies you've taken together is enough to put a cheesy smile on your face. Being in love, on the other hand, makes you a little nervous. You're worried about what the future holds. Because you know how important it is for your relationship to last."

"You're looking forward to doing things you've done a million times before because you'll be doing them with your partner this time. They're the first ones that come to mind when you see a romantic movie trailer or decide to make a quick trip to the nearest restaurant. You'd even sit through four hours of a sporting event if it meant spending time with them."

"When your someone begins to take up major real estate in your thoughts, you know you're falling in love. You may find yourself rehashing conversations in the middle of the day, planning your next date days, or even imagining your future together."

"And lastly, you're dying to know if that person loves you, too."

That when I looked at her. Sa dami ng sinabi niya, iyon lang ang nakakuha ng atensyon niya.

"Is that even possible?" I asked her.

"It is. It's always the so-called 'one-sided love'. And I don't want you to experience that."

"Why would I?" I laughed a little. That's funny.

Third Person's POV

Habang nag-uusap ang dalawa sa sala ay hindi nila alam na may isang tao ang nakikinig sa kaniya. Wala naman talagang balak makinig sa usapan si Aeris ngunit nang bahagya niyang marinig ang sinasabi ng kapatid ay hindi niya napigilan ang sariling magtago at makinig.

She felt the guilt again pagkatapos niyang malaman na gusto pa rin niya itong makasama kahit na hindi maganda ang pakikitungo niya sa panganay na kapatid. When she heard someone's footstepts, dali-dali siyang tumakbo patungo sa kusina at nagkunwaring abala sa paghahanap ng makakain. Mukhang hindi naman siya napansin ng kapatid dahil dere-deretso lang ang lakad niya.

Kumuha na lamang siya ng isang chips bago bumalik sa kwarto niya. Papasok na sana siya ron nang mapansin niyang bahagyang nakabukas ang pintuan patungo sa rooftop ng bahay kaya tahimik siyang nagtungo ron.

Ipinagpapasalamat niya nang hindi gumawan ng tunog ang pintuan nang pasimple niya itong buksan para sumilip. Sa gilid ay doon niya nakita ang kaaptid na nakaupo habang nakatingala sa langit. Mas lalong lumukob ang guilt sa kalooban niya.

Kung may nakakakilala man sa kapatid niya ay walang ibang kung hindi siya. At alam niya na sa mga ganitong pagkakataon ay kailangan ng kapatid niya ng masasandalan. Gustuhin man lang lumapit sa kapatid ngunit alam niyang hindi pa iyon pwede dahil hindi pa maganda ang relasyon nila.

Sa huli ay sinarado niya ang pinto bago nilabas ang kaniyang cellphone para i-text ang taong alam niyang makakapagpagaan sa nararamdaman ng kapatid niya. And that is Asher.

Sia's POV

Cold air, full moon and a sky full of starts. These three always gives me comfort just like now. Tahimik lang ko habang nakatingin sa taas, minamasdan ng mabuti ang mga bituin sa langit.

She was busy trying to form something using the stars when she felt someone sit beside her. Her eyes quickly widened when she saw who it was.

"Now do you realize this view is much better than earlier?" he asked.

I immediately composed myself. I tried to hide the emotions I've been always hiding whenever I'm with someone. "What are you saying? nothing has changed."

He heard him laugh a little. "Kanina, mag-isa ka. Ngayon, kasama mo na ako. 'Yon ang nagbago."

"And?" I asked even though I understood what he said.

"Wala. Anong ginagawa mo rito?"

"Nothing," I told him. "Kakatapos lang namin mag-usap ni Rose and I'm trying to recall everything she told me."

"Ano bang pinag-usapan niyo?" he ask again.

"Just things... about love."

He didn't answer me right away so I thought of asking him too. "Ikaw? How do you know if you're already falling in love?"

He looked surprised at my sudden question but I just ignored it. Nakakagulat naman talagang nagtanong ako sa kaniya out of the blue about that. "How nga?"

"Falling in love?" tanong niya. "It's when I start seeing that person as an extension of myself, and when she's hurt, nervous, or overjoyed about something, like getting something they really wanted, I experience the same feelings as her."

"That's it?" I asked. I doubt that.

"When being with your second half makes you want to improve yourself in some way, whether it's setting new goals or having a more positive attitude."

"What else? How about when you knew you truly love that person?"

Saglit siyang nag-isip bago sinagot ang tanong ko. "When you truly love someone, you know that you don't have plans to let them go any time soon, if ever. So, you start to include them in all your plans. You begin to consider your partner when making major decisions because you want them to be present for everything," he paused a little before looking at me. "When you're in love, your partner becomes your permanent plus one."

"You sound expert. Have you already tried... loving someone?" I asked him again.

It took him so long before answering. "My mom... was my first love," he said. I suddenly regret asking that lalo na at hindi ko ine-expect na 'yon ang isasagot niya. "And if you're asking if I loved someone aside from my mom then the answer is yes. It's my sister."

I didn't answer and just kept staring at him while waiting for what he would say next.

"Weird ba? Maniniwala ka ba kapag sinabi kong I've never been in a relationship since then."

"I was thinking that you have a lot of experience when it comes to love. Na you already felt the pain and such," I said honestly.

"Dami na rin nagsabi sa akin niyan. You know I tried talking and entertaining girls pero wala, sa huli mas nagiging priority ko ang pamilya ko at nakakalimutan kong may taong naghihintay pala sa aking bigyan ko rin sila ng oras. Lagi ako may oras pero lagi ko ring sa kanila binubuhos 'yon."

I bit my lower lip as I try to go near him. I want to stop him from talking but I want to know him more.

"My dad cheated on my mom," he said. I was shocked when I heard that. That's unbelievable. "The reason why I'm afraid to commit with someone is because I don't want to hurt them just like how my dad hurt my mom. Kasi nakita ko eh, nakita ko kung gaano kahirap kay mommy. But she have to deal it with her own dahil ayaw niyang ipakita ang lagay niya at maapektuhan kami ng kapatid ko."

"But they we're together when..." I couldn't continue my words. Mas lalo lang akong na-guilty dahil nagtanong pa ako!

"They get back together after months of not talking to each other. My dad asked for forgiveness, he knew his mistake and he promised him he won't do it again. At eto naman si Mommy na kami nanaman ang iniisip, she forgive him. For the sake of our family, she doesn't want us to have a broken family."

"Please tell me your dad didn't do it again," I told him. I'm begging. Dahil mas ma-guguilty ako kapag nagkataon! I'm just opening his wound!

"Hindi nga. My dad changed a lot after that," he answered. I breathed a sigh of relief because of that. "But my sister experienced it later on."

"Huh?"

"There was this one guy which she always tells me about. Hindi ko naman siya pinigilan kasi alam kong ganoong edad diyan na nagsisimula lahat. But one time she came to me, crying. Sabi niya wala pa raw silang isang linggo nagloko na 'yong lalaki. Gusto kong magalit. I want to confront that kid. Gusto ko ring sabihin na masyado pa siyang bata pero hindi eh, halos isang taon niya ring bukambibig sa akin 'yong lalaking 'yon."

Oh my God. That's my real reaction. At the age of 16, she got hurt by love. Is it that hard to love someone?

"Ba't ka umiiyak?" he suddenly asked me when he met my eyes. I pouted before looking away, trying to wipe my tears. Masama ba? Naiyak ako sa sister niya, eh. "Baliw," natatawang sabi niya bago sunubukang abunutin ang mukha ko para siya na mismo ang magpunas no'n. "Tungkol palang sa pamilya ko naku-kwento ko, umiiyak ka na. Paano naman na kapag tungkol na sa akin?"

"Why?" I asked him. "What are your struggles?"

He laugh a bit. "Wala, that's all for today," he said. "From now, stop keeping your problems in yourself. I'm here now, you can tell me everything."

My brows furrowed. "Why are you suddenly being kind?" I asked, planning to tease him when I remember what I told him earlier. "Is it because I told you that I might die now? That my end is coming?"

He didn't bother to answer me. He just averted his eyes on me. "I guess your silence means yes?"

"I will protect you. Let's protect each other."

I don't know if I'll laugh or stay serious when I hear that. In the end, tumawa na lamang ako because I don't want to keep the serious atmosphere we're having.

"How would you protect me? Do you have some powers? Can you jump here and land without getting hurt?" I started to tease him.

"Tumigil ka nga," suway niya sa akin before giving me his jacket. "I will protect you so the world can't hurt you."