The Girl I shouldn't Like

Alexei??

~Clara~

The sound of the gates opening pulled me from my restless sleep.

At first, I thought it was part of a dream. My mind was still somewhere between reality and unconsciousness, refusing to fully wake up. But slowly, the sound became clearer.

The movement outside. The voices. The familiar noise of someone arriving at the house.

I tried to ignore it.

I turned beneath the covers, hoping that whoever it was would leave me alone and allow me to disappear back into the little world where I didn't have to think about anything.

But I couldn't.

The noise only became more noticeable.

With a tired sigh, I slowly sat up.

I had no idea what time it was. The room was still dim, and my body felt heavier than it should have. I felt as though I hadn't slept at all.

Maybe because I hadn't.

My mind had refused to rest.

The events of the previous night kept replaying over and over again. Every conversation. Every look. Every moment I wished I could take back.

My stomach suddenly reminded me of something I had completely ignored.

Food.

I barely ate anything the previous evening. I had been surrounded by people, surrounded by celebration, but I couldn't bring myself to enjoy any of it.

There had been too much happening inside my head.

Even when I tried to eat, I couldn't.

My thoughts had been louder than my hunger.

I was still sitting there, lost in my own thoughts, when my bedroom door suddenly opened.

My eyes immediately moved toward the entrance.

And then......

I froze.

My mouth slightly opened, but no words came out.

For a moment, I honestly couldn't believe what I was seeing.

Alexei stood there.

Right in front of me.

Concern was written clearly across his face.

Before I could even process why he was there, he crossed the room and was beside me.

His hands gently held my face, one hand resting against each cheek.

“Are you okay, honey?”

The worry in his voice was impossible to miss.

“I was so worried,” he continued softly. “I tried calling you, but you didn't answer. Then your phone was switched off.”

His eyes searched my face.

“What happened? Are you alright?”

The way he looked at me made me feel even worse.

Like he was looking at someone fragile.

Someone he needed to protect.

And the painful truth was that I didn't know how to receive that kind of love anymore.

“Don’t worry,” I answered quickly. “I’m completely alright.”

The response came too fast.

Almost desperate.

I immediately felt uncomfortable with how quickly I had said it because even I knew it wasn't true.

I hated that I was pushing him away when all he was doing was caring about me.

I hated that his kindness made me feel more guilty instead of comforted.

This wasn't how it was supposed to feel.

Alexei was the person who had always made me feel safe.

The person who had always been my home.

So why did I feel like I needed to escape this moment?

I knew I was being unfair.

I knew I was hurting someone who had done nothing wrong.

But the worst part was that I didn't know how to stop it.

I didn't know how to control feelings that had appeared without permission.

And that terrified me more than anything.