Curtained World Unfolds

I was born in the city of Wuhan, mainland China in year 1988. I think I don't have to introduce my hometown anymore after the occurrence of the COVID-19 pandemic. It is in Central China, the third largest city in China with a 12 million population. Wuhan is divided into 3 mini cities/sections, the section which I was born in is famous for its industrial growth, and members of my extended family all work for different companies under the same big corporation named "Wugang". I was born to a family that lives in that residential area. I am the only child of the family because of the "One Child" policy that was implemented by the Chinese government. My mom is a professor at a vocational school, teaching technical drawing in mechanical engineering. And my dad was a blue-collar worker works at the assembly line. According to my mom, our family was living under tight budget all the time when I was just born, because my dad disliked his job, and soon after, he quit his job without telling my mom, and with the good amount of money given by his parents, he started working as a business owner in the furniture business. He had zero knowledge of furniture industry, so no surprise that he lost all of his money and soon he started borrowing money from his friends. In the beginning, it was a small amount, but as time passed by, the small amounts that he got from here and there all added up. Soon he was in debt and was in trouble. At first, his parents were okay to helping him out and paying off the debts for him, but again and again for too many times, his parents denied to helping him out again. And I remember one incident from when I was still in kindergarten. One afternoon, my teacher called me out and said to me that my dad is here and I could go out early today. I was so happy because I was always one of the last ones that left the kindergarten because of the busyness of my mom's daily teachings. I simply packed up and walked out of the classroom. And there he is. I saw my dad at the front entrance of the kindergarten. He said if he could just stay with him for just awhile, so we sat down on the streets and he said nothing. It was all silence back then. About half an hour later, he took me to lunch. It was a super sultry afternoon, I remember, I sweat; that was all the memories I had of my dad and that day. And one day my mom told me that my dad drowned in the Yangzi River swimming after drinking. He could not swim out of the waves. So I forever lost my dad. And, when my mom was in her late 40s, she was sometimes yelling, and as far as I remember, every time when she yelled, she was always saying that my dad was irresponsible; it was overall good that my dad was not there. And sometimes, she says that I am sometime so much alike my dad; she hates my dad and me. I still remember that when that came out of her mouth, it hurt me and I felt blood rushing through my veins and felt genuine sadness. To me, as it is, my dad is always my dad. No matter how irresponsible he is, I felt that at least if he was still there, our family was still in its entirety at last. Of course, I was young when I had this thought, I am not going into the discussion of "If it is actually good to have an irresponsible dad than living with only mom and have nothing to worry about" today. I did not have too many other memories of my early childhood besides that incident which my dad came to see me at kindergarten. Other than that, I have a picture of him and me, we took it at the "China Association of Youth and Children", a place where youngsters learn about arts, writing, chess, etc. There was a beautiful and big pond near the entrance, and there were a few lotus leaf-shaped stones in the middle of the pond. My dad was squatting there and hugging me. That picture til today is still in my photo album, I kept it as a memory of me and my dad. And then my dad was completely out of my life, with only a few instances when I thought about him. I remember one time was that my neighbor's dad took his daughter and me to playing table tennis, during that time, we went together very often, I truly enjoyed those times, it almost seems like that it was an outstanding family time, but sadly it was not my family. My dad was out of my life, my mom took over the responsibility and raised me like she was being the both mom and dad. She registered for Go lessons at "Child Association of Youth and Children" when she discovered I had a genuine passion for playing Go. How did she discover? Back then I was taking a writing class aimed at sharpening my writing skills so I can score higher on my language exams, one day the teacher did not show up on time, so I left and went straight up to the Go classroom on the second floor of the same building. Back then I haven't signed up for the class, but I still wanted to go just to audit. And about an hour later my mom came, according to her, she went to look for me at writing classroom, but I wasn't there, she just knew that I escaped and went to auditing the Go class, eventually she found me upstairs. She actually bought me KFC, and it was my lunch. I was super excited because back then both KFC and McDonalds were very expensive, they can't be consumed very often. My mom asked me while I was joyfully enjoying my fried chickens, "Do you really want to sign up for the Go class and learn?" I nodded seriously as I was eating the chickens. So there it is, and I signed up for the Go class. I then took the time and learnt to play Go for four years under the teaching of the coach, who is a 4th stage ranked amateur Go player. There were many incidents regarding me learning to play Go. The one that I remember vividly til today is when I registered to play in a local Go tournament. It was a summer, and summer in Wuhan is very high temperature, my mom actually rode a bicycle and took me to the tournament site. And there she sat on a stone outside of the facility for a half day along with other parents, just to wait for me to finish competing and coming out. I finished 5th place among my group and I was the only girl that finished on the top. As I raise up the certificate to take a picture along with other top finishers, a professional coach approached my mom. According to my mom, he wanted to draft me into his team comprising ready-to-be professional Go players, and he told my mom that learning Go and playing Go would be the daily routine then. Mom asked for my opinion. If I wanted to go, I was very young but I don't know how I got the idea that if I went, I would play Go my entire life, life would then become very boring. So I respectfully declined. And then that was the end of the story. As I turned 12, the school work became very heavy, so I quit learning Go, which is still a regret for me til nowadays.