The tomb of loss

The forest

I felt my heart. Just the first time I felt it. It was beating strong and a wave of heat just embraced my whole body. I didn’t know if it was this stranger hugging me or the lights that surrounded us now, but something awakened in me. Something that was long gone, dead and forgotten. 

I got used to the idea that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. Some people are scared of that. I wasn’t, I just took things the way they were and there was nothing more to do for me. I felt rather numb with every day that passed. Andrew was trying to get to me, but I felt and truly was untouchable even if sometimes I would let him hold my hand, maybe even kiss me. 

I was thinking a lot about the way I was, this numbness was quite unsettling for me. Was it bad? Was it good? The thing is it spared me of a lot of drama. People think that being alone is dramatic, but the truth is we’re all alone, there can’t be anybody else walking in our shoes or solving our problems and when you realize that, there’s a peace that comes along. But it wasn’t peace I felt, it was just a daunting silence. The one that makes you wonder what’s going to happen next, that makes you doubt things, the one that doesn’t really let you take deep breaths. 

I opened my eyes without even realizing I closed them in the first place and his arms were letting me go slowly. My legs felt like they haven’t been used for years and I was just starting to walk again.

What is this place?

I smelled fresh cut grass and jasmine. Around us there were purple plants and purple trees. The ground was covered in light blue sand and the flowers were translucent like glass. This weird forest would’ve been dark as the sky was covered in millions of red stars, but on the tree branches stood some weird fluffy creatures that would pulsate warm light. 

- Eken. That’s how they are called… The man said noticing my fascinated look. 

- And what are you called?

- I’m Gus. Nice to meet you. 

- Oh, OK… Nice to meet you too. So where are we? I thought the darkness is actually dark, but this is just amazing and beautiful…

- Well we’re not really there yet, now we have to walk a bit. 

- Oh, OK, where to?

He smirked instead of answering and touched my jawline with his fingers. My heart started to race and blood was going right up my cheeks. I made a step back turning my head, embarrassed of my reaction. 

I just met him… Jesus Christ, calm down...

I wasn’t a shy person, but this just felt rushed and I couldn’t figure out if this guy was for real or not. I didn’t know why I was feeling so much love in me, but I took off my shoes and started walking behind him. After a few steps, he stopped and told me to hold on to his hand as it wasn’t really safe in the forest. 

Pf, nonsense, I thought… Are these fluffy chandeliers going to turn into monsters or what? Haha.

He had a firm grip that somehow made me feel so safe around him. His hand was warm, soft and I just wondered how many women had he touched with those exact hands.Why is this so nice? God damn it, if I’m dreaming again…

I felt a strong wind and the trees started moving in an ordered way. It was clear to me then that the forest was actually a maze that was always changing. It was just like in life, when you have to adapt quickly to new situations, only this time I had a guide. We took a few steps back and a few to the right and dodged some trees. I realized that the flowers were actually glass, not only translucent because some of them broke in the process and became the sand that we were stepping on. They made a beautiful sound that reminded me of butterfly wings, such a strange noise for glass.

Gus turned and his lips were just inches away from my ear, making my skin react instantly.

- I have to go now, but we’ll see each other again. 

His hands grabbed my shoulders, he kissed me on the lips like he missed me for years and then vanished into thin air. The feeling of safety and warmth vanished leaving something else behind.

I can’t believe this… I’ve fallen for some guy I just met.

I was facepalm-ing my own self in my mind and then I just realized I was all alone here. In this weird, unknown land fear just started to grow in me like a dangerous disease.