North Star

Chapter 10: The Magical Powers of Rooibos Tea

Heloise is fuming as we walk down the mossy cobblestone path back to Marie-Adélaïde House. She’s biting her lower lip as she strides along quickly, her dark brown eyes gleaming with tears, as she mutters something under her breath about “the clueless neanderthal manwhore.”

I’m pretty sure I know exactly who the “clueless neanderthal manwhore” in question is.

“So… you and Lukas…” I say carefully, studying her face. “Is there-”

“No!” She snaps, then balls up her fists, stomping along the path ahead of me. Then she abruptly stops walking, and turns around, her face softening. She brushes aside a lock of her curly brown hair, and lets out a heavy sigh.

“Meg… sorry,” she says. “I shouldn’t take it out on you. The truth is…” she stumbles over her words now, and even through her golden tan I can see a blush forming on her cheeks. “The truth is… I guess I’m sort of… sort of totally… in love with him. I’m in love with Lukas. And it’s like he can’t even see me.”

At this admission her emotional dam walls break, and the floodgates open - tears roll down her cheeks, and she covers her face in her hands, muttering something between the sobs that sounds like “SO STUPID… PATHETIC…”

Even though I’ve known Heloise barely two hours, her pain cuts me as deeply as if it were my own. There’s nothing worse than feeling unwanted.

So as she stands staking with sobs in the middle of the garden path, I wrap my arms around her in a comforting hug, and say as gently as I can, “C’mon. Let’s go back to our room and you can tell me all about it over a cup of rooibos.”

“Rooibos?” she asks quizzically, rolling the words over her tongue like a brand new unfamiliar flavour. “What’s that?”

“You’re about to find out,” I say with a smirk, and I take her hand, giving it a little squeeze as we head back to the residence dorm.

*****

For the rest of the afternoon, Heloise and I hang out in our room, drinking tea while she confides in me, telling me all about how long she’s pined for Lukas. Maybe it’s the sweet caramel flavour of the rooibos tea calming her (I explain to her that the flavour is totally natural, and made from the dried leaves of a native South African plant, packed with tannins and antioxidants and known for its almost magical soothing and comforting properties) - or maybe it’s just the relief of finally opening up to someone about her unfortunate one-sided crush on Luxembourg’s worst manslut (her words, not mine).

Whatever it is, as the afternoon goes on she brightens up, and it seems like a giant weight has been lifted off her chest.

“It was pretty much love at first sight,” she says, cradling the cup of hot tea in her hands. “As lame as that sounds, that’s exactly how it was. And today, believe it or not, is actually a bitter one year anniversary of sorts.”

“An anniversary?” I ask. “Of what?”

“Of the date I first saw Lukas, and fell into stupid doomed instalove with him,” she says, biting her lip, her voice quavering slightly. “One year since the day that I lost my heart. The first time I saw Lukas was literally the same day I arrived here in Luxembourg, at the start of term, before I even stepped foot inside the Marie-Adélaïde House. I’d just gotten off the train from Colmar, and I hailed a taxi to get me from the train station to the University. I guess he must have just gotten off the train from Triberg, and he saw my bags and guessed we might be going the same way…” her eyes water slightly, but she smiles, as if remembering fondly. “Anyway, long story short, he asked if I wanted to share a ride and split the fare, and that ten minute drive to the University, Meg, it felt like forever, but in the best way. We just talked and talked and talked. When I found out that he was from Triberg in Germany, and would be staying right near me, in the boys res at the international students’ dorms - I just felt like I’d won the lottery. Everything was just right. You know that feeling of, well… when you just know it in your bones? Like, this person is the ONE. The only, forever, absolute ONE? That one special person you’ve been looking for? Even if you’ve only known them for like five minutes?”

She pauses, waiting for me to say something, but I don’t.

I can’t.

The truth is, I don’t know how it feels to find “the one”, or even how it feels to fall in love. As far as I know, I’ve never really been in love or had those feelings about another person. It’s not that I’m disinterested in s*x - on the contrary, I have deep desires, but it’s almost like there’s this blockage, or a barrier - something buried. I don’t know if it’s a case of me being unable to fall in love - it’s more like, I won’t let myself fall in love.

I wish I knew why.

So I just shake my head, and Heloise gives me a quick curious glance, but before she can dig any deeper I say, “And what happened then?”

“Nothing,” she says, throwing back her head in frustration. “That’s the whole problem. Nothing’s ever happened. We saw each other every day in the dining hall, he’s had a million opportunities, but he’s never once seen me as anything more than a friend. He gets to live his best life, while I get to sit on the sidelines watching an endless parade of hoes and hussies fall into his bed, wondering why I’m so goddamn invisible. All I wish is that he’d just see me. I mean, am I really that ugly?”

I scoff at the question; it’s a ridiculous thing to ask. Nobody would ever deny that Heloise is pretty - and the fact that she can’t see it herself is insane. 

“Have you told him how you feel?” I ask, and Heloise looks at me with a horrified expression.

“Of course not!” She says. “You’ve seen for yourself what an insensitive jackass he is. If I actually told him, I’d never hear the end of it; it would all just be one big joke to him. And besides, it’s pointless. He must already know how I feel for him. It’s pretty obvious. Why would he need me to tell him? Just to make my agonising humiliation utterly complete?”

“I’m not sure if you’re right about him knowing how you feel,” I say. “I think maybe boys can be sort of stupid about these things.”

Not that I’d know anything on the subject.

“You should tell him how you feel,” I say certain now that I’m on the right track. “And do it properly. In person, not just on text or a message or something. If you think about it, there’s nothing to lose, right? And wait until the right moment, when you two are alone, not at the dining hall. Just the two of you. Maybe somewhere pretty and romantic, like… I don’t know… a park, or like, a forest?”

Heloise looks thoughtful for a moment, then her big brown eyes suddenly light up with a flash of inspiration. 

“I think I know what I’ve got to do,” she says. “But I’m going to need your help. Meg, do you want to join the hiking club with me?”

Ummmm… say what?!