North Star

Chapter 11: The Plan

The next morning, we get going bright and early to sign up for clubs. It’s the official start of Orientation Week (or “O Week”, as Heloise calls it), and the opening event is always the big clubs fair on the grand lawns in front of the University’s administration building.

Despite the beautiful spring sunshine, there’s still a slight chill in the air, so I dress in layers.

A pair of faded skinny jeans, my trusty blue converse sneakers, a cami and a breezy pale blue sweater with a white cotton scarf - and I tie my shoulder length up in a messy bun. The ensemble is light and airy enough in case the weather warms up - but still warm enough for the nippy February weather.

Heloise and I walk down together from Marie-Adélaïde House to the clubs fair. It’s an easy ten minute walk through the campus grounds, and Heloise points out the various faculty buildings and lecture halls as we pass, giving me an impromptu campus tour as we go. When we get to the grand lawns and I see a massive crowd of students going between sign up tables for all the various university clubs, I have to take a few deep breaths and remind myself that there’s nothing to be afraid of. 

It’s not just small groups of people that make me feel shy and nervous. Even in big crowds - actually, especially in big crowds - I feel anxious and out of place. I feel like everyone’s watching me the whole time, judging me, silently labelling me a freak even as I pass by in silence. I know that it’s a ridiculous thing to think, and there’s nothing outwardly that would mark me as a weirdo or someone to avoid - but my childhood experiences of being mercilessly bullied have basically decimated my self-esteem. No amount of time or distance or positive self-affirmations has cured that deep seated fear - the fear that I am different, I am other, and others can see it - and they HATE me for it.

And so I sheepishly follow close behind Heloise as she cheerfully barges through the crowd, stopping every few minutes to greet people. Everyone seems to know Heloise - she must have a million friends. 

It’s unbelievable just how many clubs there are on offer - there are all the usual cultural and sports related clubs, but some more niche ones too, even a “Kpop Appreciation Club”.  Some clubs are putting on displays - a group of couples from the University Dance Association are doing the samba on a makeshift dance floor, while a quartet sings an acapella version of “Over the Rainbow” (the Glee club, Heloise tells me), and there’s even an archery club firing arrows at a range on the edge of the fair.

As we walk by, I notice the representatives at the tables of The Indian Students Association and the Filipino Students' Association eyeing me out, trying to place me, maybe on the verge of approaching me to ask if I want to join. 

We stop for a short while to chat with the students at the drama club’s table - Heloise is in the drama club and I get the impression that’s she’s super involved - before we make a beeline for a trestle table near the centre of the lawns, with a large sign in front of it that says “University of Luxembourg Hiking Club.”

Lukas is standing a few feet away, pointing out something in a pamphlet to two youngish guys, clearly first year students.

He waves a quick hello as we approach the sign up table, giving me a flirtatious wink before resuming his conversation with the first year boys.

An enthusiastic girl with long black hair tied in a high ponytail steps forward and greets us. She’s wearing a hiking club t-shirt and a name tag that says “Sabine - Hiking Club President”, and I remember Heloise mentioning something last night about Lukas having briefly dated a girl called Sabine. 

Is this the same girl?

My suspicions are confirmed when Sabine introduces herself and asks us if we want to know more about the club, and instead of replying, Heloise just looks her up and down haughtily, before grabbing my hand and frostily brushing past her, dragging me over to the sign up table. She writes down both of our names on the sign up sheet, muttering something under her breath about Sabine being a sneaky b***h trying to steal Lukas. 

After our long heartfelt conversation last night, I think I understand a little more what it is that Heloise sees in him.

While Heloise was explaining her plan to win Lukas over, she told me that he’s the Vice President of the university’s hiking club - something I would never have guessed. Sure, he looks really sporty and athletic, and I took him for a jock immediately on first impression - not the sort who’d appreciate spending time in the beauty of nature. But the more Heloise told me about him though, the more I realised I might have been too harsh in my initial judgement of him. 

She told me that Lukas, despite all his bravado, is actually a deeply kind and thoughtful person, who hides his real self behind a ‘class clown’ personality. His home town of Triberg, a quaint little village in the heart of the Black Forest in Germany, is deeply conservative. His parents weren’t pleased when he announced he wanted to be a nutritionist or a wellness coach - women’s work, in their eyes - and were baffled when he won a scholarship to study a Bachelor of Sport & Fitness Education in neighbouring Luxembourg.

Heloise thinks that maybe if she can spend more time with Lukas away from their group of friends, at the hiking club for example, perhaps she’ll have the chance to finally confess to him how she feels.

When she asked if I’d consider signing up along with her, as her ‘wingman’ of sorts, I had no objection - it’s something I probably would have done anyway. I’ve always loved hiking back in Cape Town, and I read online that there are some amazing walks to do here in Luxembourg. From the steep rocky gorges and winding mountain paths of the Mullerthal region, to the dense ancient Ardennes forest and nature parks in the north and the lush Moselle river valley in the southeast - it’s literally a wonderland for hiking enthusiasts. 

After hanging around the sign up table for a few minutes (I’m guessing Heloise was hoping Lukas would come over to us and chat once was done with the new recruits), we give up, and start the walk across the lawns to the administration building - where I have a morning appointment with Theresa and another liaison officer. There they’ll take photos for my student ID Card, and will give me my official student pack including my class timetables.

As we walk along the edge of the grand lawns, we pass beneath a row of bare-branched apple trees studded with tightly-closed leaf buds, their silvery green tips holding the promise of spring blossom and sweet sunshine fruits in the near future, everything so fresh and new and bright and hopeful.

This is it. The start of my new life, the new me. 

It’s all really happening.