ON THE EDGE

CHAPTER 16

THE ECHOES OF THE PAST **

It had been 2weeks since Jane died, but the pain hadn't faded.

If anything, it had begun to rot—seeping deeper, poisoning every inch of Amara's spirit. She was a shell of herself now. Silent most days, irritable the rest. She barely ate. Slept too much or not at all. When she did sleep, it was a battlefield of twisted memories and shadows.

Kai noticed first. In the early morning, when she screamed so loudly, it shattered his breath.

He rushed to her room, heart pounding. Ethan stumbled out too, confused, hair tousled, alarmed. The moment Kai pushed open her door, she was thrashing in bed, drenched in sweat, murmuring incoherent words.

"No… no…" Please stop... Jane... I didn't mean to... I didn't... Mama, I'm sorry..."

Kai grabbed her by the shoulders. "Ama. Ama. Wake up!"

Her eyes flew open. Wild. Red. Unfocused.

She looked at him like he was a ghost. And then—she hit him. Shoved his hand off, scrambled to the edge of the bed.

"Don't touch me!" she screamed.

"Hey, hey," Kai said softly, hands raised, but her panic had already spiralled.

Ethan stood frozen in the doorway. "Maybe she needs space," he whispered.

She buried her face in her knees, hugging herself tightly. "It's all my fault," she muttered over and over again, like a broken prayer. "I ruin everything I touch."

Those words. Kai had heard them before. In anger. From her. From himself.

But this time—they were drenched in pain.

Later that day, she wouldn't leave her room. Kai cooked her favourite noodles. She didn't touch it. Ethan tried to lighten the mood with a joke. She didn't smile.

One day, she finally stepped out—but she wasn't the Amara they knew. She hadn't been sleeping well, and she needed extra pills.

She was cold. Sharp-tongued. Her eyes were empty.

"Morning," Ethan tried.

She didn't answer.

"Want to talk?"

She scoffed. "Why? So I can ruin your day too?"

Kai came out of his room, hearing that. "Ama, no one's blaming you."

"I blame myself," she snapped, then looked down at her trembling fingers. "You should too."

She walked out to the balcony, where she stood for nearly an hour, just staring into space.

---

Flashback

She was eleven.

Sitting in a corner while her mother paced back and forth, the phone clutched tight in her hand.

"I should've aborted you when I had the chance," her mother spat, voice like acid. "If it wasn't for you, he would've stayed. He left because of you."

Amara had heard it before.

But this time... it stuck.

"You ruin everything, Amara. You ruin everything."

She remembered her small hands squeezing her ears. Her back against the wall. Her silent tears. That day became a scar etched into her soul.

And now… now the wound was bleeding again.

---

Kai watched her from the kitchen, fingers tightening around the mug in his hand.

He had never seen her like this. Not even in high school, not even when she used to push him away or mock him. Back then, her hurt wore a mask. Now—it had no disguise.

He stepped toward her.

She didn't move.

"Ama…"

She flinched.

"Leave me alone."

"I can't Ama" he said calmly. " I don't like seeing you like this, it makes me see how I've failed in keeping you safe. I lost a friend too you know, in a gang robbery. Damilola, I had advised him then to come to China to start up his business. And he died in my hands, I lost him Ama I can't lose you too.

So I know what it means to lose a friend."

Her gaze was steady on him this thing looking for what to say. " Sorry, sorry for your loss. "

" Sorry for yours too, you'd be fine, don't worry. He said eyes on her. Finally realising the depth of what he feels for her, He loves her so much that he just wants to share every pain, hurt, and laughter with her. He just wanted to hold her and promise to keep her safe, but he had failed and he might fail again.

Amara let out a hollow laugh. "Funny. The only person who ever protected me… and I got her killed."

Her voice shifted—low, sharp. "Now you want to protect me too? Don't. You'll just end up broken like her."

Kai stepped closer, undeterred. "Then let me break."

That stopped her. Her eyes widened. She looked at him like he was out of his mind.

"I mean it," he whispered. "Let me break if it means I can carry some of this pain with you Ama. You don't have to do this alone."

But Amara turned away. Her silence sliced deeper than any words.

The next day

Amara sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the blank wall. Her eyes were swollen, bloodshot, and dry. She hadn't slept. Not really. Every time her eyes shut, she saw it again. Jane's body jerked from the gunshot, her blood warm on Amara's hands, the stench of gunpowder thick in her lungs. Her ears rang with the echo of that single shot.

She clutched the hem of her nightshirt tightly, fingers trembling. Her body hadn't stopped shaking since the night before. Her limbs felt like they weighed a thousand pounds. But her heart—her heart was weightless, like it had been torn out completely. She needed the sleeping pills Ethan secretly gave her.

Outside the room, the muffled sounds of the television played. Kai was home, and so was Ethan. They had given her space. She felt like she was floating, like she wasn't entirely in her body.

Every part of her ached.

She finally stood, dragging herself to the bathroom. The mirror showed someone she didn't recognise. Pale. Dark circles. The eyes are too hollow. She splashed cold water on her face, hoping it would wash.

Nothing about her was together.

She went to the balcony. It's been her safe spot for now.

Then her phone rang.

She wasn't ready to talk to anyone, but somehow, she picked up the call.

She heard a voice on the other end.

"Hello." It was her mum.

They hadn't talked since she arrived in China, so why could she be calling her now of all times?

She answered.

" Veronica say you travel go china."

You left Vero in Lagos, go China go dey do ashewo na wetin everybody dey talk." She said, her voice angry.

("Veronica said you travelled to China.

You left Vero in Lagos and went to do prostitution in China. That's what everyone is saying here.)

You've brought pain and shame to me, Amara, I cursed the day I birthed you, I curse it. " ... She went on ranting.

Amara, on the other end, tries to explain.

"Mummy I couldn’t keep staying with Veronica, I couldn't handle the kind of work, she remembered how different guys would come to see Veronica and she'd have to wait outside all the time for them to finish, Veronica was a prostitute and she loved doing it. I have a friend in China here, he helped me secure a scholarship that after my studies here I would get a Job and start working. I had to go for the offer it was better than prostitution or any pay jobs I could get in Nigeria with my degree.

And besides, I kept calling you, but you wouldn't return my calls, so I left.

I'm sorry. she sobbed, shaking. Kai was there, he heard everything.

Her mum, on the other end, kept raining curses on her, not caring to listen and then she hung up.

Amara burst into fresh tears, walking past Kai and Ethan, rushing to her room.

This was so heavy for her to bear. She had lost her closest friend, and now her mums was raining fresh curses on her accusing her of being a prostitute. She had called her a prostitute several times when she was growing up. But this time, it hurts so bad because that is what her mum thinks she's doing in China.

Did she make a mistake by coming to China?

Was it all a mistake?