Broken

Usually in movies, couples laying in be together can never keep their hands off each over. Maybe the movies aren't showing the relationships that last more then a year, and I am definitely way over that stage in my relationship. 3 years ago I met Scott Decker at a bar, out of all places a bar, however the moment I laid my eyes on him we knew, it wasn't a nodd or a smile, we just met eyes and we knew! As he walked up to me I felt butterflies in my stomach "Hey!" he yelled trying to be louder then the music, he reached his hand out for a handshake I shook his hand "Hi!" I yell back smirking "I'm sure we have never met before, but is it just me or...!!" I nodded yes Thank goodness! I thought I was going crazy, how could I have possibly known him by just one look?! He smiled, I could tell he was nervous. "Do you want to go somewhere where I won't have to yell!? I feel disrespectful." He chuckled nervously "Yeah that's fine with me!" He grabbed my hand and lead me out to the patio. It was quite, but it was nice not having to scream at each other. We stayed up all night without having to be drunk, talking, laughing, joking. As if we had known each other for years. Being in his presence was enchanting, I really loved seeing the glow in his face when he would talk about his dream to open up his restaurant. That was the first night of many, we were inseparable from the moment we met. We hiked, went out on dates, we did absolutely everything together. We have lasted 3 beautiful years together just me and him... or so I thought. One night while he was watching the game in the living room, I noticed he was cheesing at his phone, I walked by him "Whats so funny?" I asked smiling "Nah, it's nothing you wouldn't get it." He says putting his phone down "Uhhh... okay?" I say with attitude "Can you not f*****g start Lilith?!" He snapped "What is your problem? And since when have you called me by my name?" I said staring blankly "You're the one coming into my bubble breathing down my f*****g neck! CAN I NOT JUST HAVE A MOMENT TO MY DAMN SELF!!" He got off the couch and stood up. He stompped all the way to our bedroom. For the next few months he continued to act that way, we would have fights about nothing or everything. The way I would talk, eat, my meer existence bothered Scott and I could not figure out what I did to have him so upset all the time. I was having to walk on eggshells around him, having to act this way really made me upset. How could the man that I have given my life to be so mad at me? I started to question myself. Did I say something to make him upset with me? Was I actually smothering him? I decided that I needed to talk to him about these issues. As I made my way down the hallway, I heard Scott giggling "What? And exactly what makes you say that hmm?" he said tauntingly "Bahaha! Oh really? Well, let's see about that tomorrow then!" Who is he talking to? "Listen I'll come up with something, I'll see tomorrow crazy." He laughed I heard him walking towards I door, I turned around and scurried back into the living, grabbing a magazine on the coffee table trying to act natural on the couch. He walked right passed the living room straight into the kitchen and grabbed a water. "Babe?" He says standing over me "Yes boo?" I say as I look up trying to control my breathing "Tavis and the boys want to have a bar crawl, you cool with me going?" he smiles "You're grown Scott, I trust you." I choke back, those words felt wrong coming out of my mouth. "Are you sure?" he questioned "Yes, Scott I'm sure you're grown." I say being a smart ass "Okay, you said it." He kisses me and goes back to our room almost skipping I was not able to get any sleep, my mind was racing while Scott slept soundly next to me. Who the f**k was he talking to? Why is he lying to me?! "Wait," I tell myself "Take a breath you have no evidence of anything." I take a deep breath *Buzz Buzz* Like a sign from the universe, Scott's phone starts to buzz. I tried to ignore it but it was 11:47pm who in the hell is texting him this late. I grab his phone from his night stand and make my way to the bathroom. In the bathroom I start to pace back and forth. Do I really want to be this type of girlfriend? Do I really want to invade his privacy? Just as I was talking myself out of not looking. *Buzz Buzz* His screen lights up, I read "Well f**k me then.. duh!" from Vanessa. Fuck this I open the phone, as I scroll through their messages I see Vanessa's t**s. I try to take a deep breath but I was shaking. I kept scrolling and I find out that for months they have been meeting up behind my back. I felt a lump in my throat and my tears were just flowing out from my eyes. I couldn't just stop there, I moved onto his socialmedia's. Scott had been sexting alot of women, meeting up with them as well. The evidence was right in front of me and I could not believe it. I didn't want to believe it. I took screen shots of these conversations and sent it all to my phone. I deleted the screen shots and messages to make sure I didnt leave anything behind to indicate that I knew. I laid down on the floor and cried for hours. My entire heart had been torn out of my body. The only man I ever really loved had cheated on me. What's wrong with me? What did I do wrong? I continued to sob. After what felt like hours of me balled up on my bathroom floor, I get up, wet my face and walked back into the room. I gently placed the phone back on this night stand, and make my way back to my side of the bed. As I laid down it dawned on me I'm laying next to a stranger The tears come back, and I try to contain myself. The next morning, I wake up to the smell of food. I walk to the kitchen and I see Scott cooking. "Goodmorning beautiful." He smiled "Morning." I kept a straight face "Whats wrong?" he asked I take a deep breath "Nothing boo." I say sounding cheerful enough to convince him. "I made your favorite!" he says and kisses me on the cheek My skin crawled, who the f**k is this guy? I felt myself breathing hard. I try to calm myself, I didn't want him asking anything. "Thank you," I cough "Sorry, boo I'm just not feeling to well." He walks over and touches my forehead. "Hmmm... you are a little warm." He gave me a worried look "I'm sure its nothing," I smile to give him reassurance "I'll just eat and nap." "Are you sure?" he questioned "Of course." keeping it short and sweet so he could f**k off. Once he left for his "boys night out" I look around at our apartment we shared. The pictures we had of us as a couple and with our families. This man had been part of every big moment in my life, and just like that it was all over. I begin to cry again, I was utterly destroyed by who he came out to be. I couldn't believe it. *RING RING* My phone caught me by surprise, I was getting a call from my mom. She always managed to call at times when I needed someone. I took a deep breath "Hello?" I answered "Hey Lil! What are you doing!" she said My moms always so cheerful when she calls "Mom... I'm not okay." my voice cracks Immediately shes worried "What happened? Where are you?" After about an hour of talking to her, running her through the details she asks "Are you okay?" "No... Yes? Mom I don't even know." I say trying not to cry "Listen," she said sternly "I know okay, I know exactly how you feel. Right now, you need to know that this next step you take will be your OWN decision Lilith. Either you stay and attempt to make things work with him.. OR you pack your s**t up and leave." We both stayed silent for a moment "Mom. It's alot easier said then done." I whine "Do you trust that he's out with his "boys" right now?" she asked "No." I say choking back more tears "Then there's your answer babe." she sighed then said "Lilith you are a very capable and smart woman and I'm not just saying that cause your my daughter, trust me I call your brothers out all the time, but you have the answer right in front of you, along with confirmation of your doubts. Cut the s**t, and make a decision for you." she followed up with "I love you, and I will always be here if you need it." I couldn't help but smile my mom always knew what to say to keep me grounded "Okay, I'm going to pack my s**t. I'm moving out." I tell her "See you later then." she said Once we hung up I changed out of my PJs and into some leggings and a comfortable shirt. I went to Walmart to find big containers for all of stuff. I get home and Scott thankfully isn't there. I begin to grab my clothes from my closet. Filled up about 3 and a half of the containers in just clothes. About 2 hours later my car was filled with my things. I go back into the apartment to make sure I wasn't leaving anything behind. A part of me want to stay and yell at him, "How dare he... blah blah blah.." But he didn't deserve that. He didn't need to see me one last time. He made his choice. Now I have made mine. I left a note on the dinner table along with my apartment key and left. Note: "Scott, I know. I hope she was worthy of you. -Lilith"