I'm not Her

Chapter 5

Eventually, Amira's breathing evened out, and I realized she'd drifted off. I kept staring at the ceiling, her words replaying in my mind.

The next morning, I woke up to the ache of my numb arm. Amira had made it her pillow at some point, still fast asleep and clutching onto me like a kid. I carefully slid my arm out, wincing at the pins and needles as I shook it awake. The i***t didn't even stir.

After stretching out my sore muscles, I headed to the bathroom, splashing cold water on my face to shake off the drowsiness. I went through my usual morning routine—brushing, fixing my hair, and pulling on a hoodie. Now, it's dark blue hoodie.

When I walked downstairs, the smell of freshly baked cookies hit me. I spotted Dad in the kitchen, busy setting up breakfast. He had flour on his shirt and looked like he'd been up for hours.

"Morning," I muttered, heading to the fridge and grabbing a cold glass of milk.

"Morning, princess," he replied, grinning as he looked over his shoulder.

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, Dad? Can you stop calling me that? Kadiri."

He just laughed, unbothered, and I took a seat at the counter, sipping my milk.

"Where's your sister? Still asleep?" he asked as he turned back to the stove, flipping a pancake.

I smirked, leaning back in the chair. "She's off in dreamland. Probably not dreaming of paperworks, for once." I lied as a joke. My sister didn't even like paper works.

Dad chuckled as he stacked the pancakes onto a plate. Then, his face lit up, like he'd remembered something important.

"Oh, hey! Almost forgot. You're gonna like this," he said, walking over to the counter with a folded piece of paper in his hand.

He placed it right in front of me, and I nearly choked on my milk when I saw the words printed across the top. It was my acceptance letter to....Oxford University.

The bold letters made my heart skip. Oxford. I'd been dreaming of this for years. And after three months... three short months, I'd actually be starting.

Dad gave my head a soft pat. "This was your mom's dream for you, you know."

I managed a smile, even though my chest felt tight. The memory of Mom's encouragement, her reminders to aim and dream high, came flooding back. It felt like she was right here, looking over my shoulder at the letter.

"How about Mira?" I asked, snapping out of it. I glanced back up at Dad, hopeful. "Did she get in too?"

Dad's smile faded a little, and he sighed. "No... she didn't. Maybe it's just not her path."

My shoulders dropped. As much as we joked and got on each other's nerves, Amari had been chasing this dream as much as I had. We'd studied together, pushed each other to work harder. I knew she'd be disappointed, and I didn't want her to feel left behind.

Just then, Amira's voice broke through the silence.

"What a nice morning, isn't it?" she said, stepping into the kitchen, forcing a smile on her face. She looked tired, but there was something else there—a hint of something vulnerable that she was trying to hide.

Dad turned, surprise flickering in his eyes. "Amira..." he started gently.

She held up a hand, waving him off. "No, Dad. Really, it's fine. Maybe it's not for me."

I swallowed, glancing between the two of them. "Mira..." I began, not even sure what I wanted to say.

Amira shrugged, crossing her arms. "Hey, look. It's not the end of the world, okay? Maybe there's another path for me." She forced a smile, trying to play it cool. "Besides, now I don't have to worry about you hogging all the attention at Oxford. You'll be all on your own."

She chuckled, but I could tell the laughter didn't reach her eyes. She glanced down at her bare feet, her fingers twisting together nervously. Dad stepped closer to her, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Sweety, this doesn't mean you're any less. Okay? You're talented, and you have so much to offer. You'll find your place. Maybe someday," He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze, his eyes softening. "You both mean the world to me, you know that? I don't care where you end up, as long as you're happy."

Amira blinked, looking down as her cheeks flushed a little. "Thanks, Dad,"

She finally turned to me, smirking just a little. "Guess I'll have to be the cool twin, holding down the back while you're off studying in fancy Oxford."

I rolled my eyes, trying to hide the mix of emotions swirling in me. "Yeah, right. We both know you'll be hitting up every party while I'm buried in books."

She laughed, and this time, it sounded more real. "Gotta keep the balance, right?"

Dad smiled, watching us both with this proud, almost sad look, like he couldn't believe we were growing up so fast. I knew he missed Mom, and moments like this probably brought back all those memories for him too.

Amira caught his expression and gently punched my arm. "Hey, let's eat before Dad gets too emotional and burns the pancakes, yeah?"

I smirked, "You're just hungry."

Today I was the one who lead the prayer. We grew up having this kind of culture. Mom teach us being y'know religious. But as we all sat down to eat together, I felt this weird excitement and guilt, knowing I'd be going off on this journey without her. Amira seemed fine for now, but I could tell she was still struggling. I just hoped, deep down, that she'd find something she was passionate about, something that would make her as proud as Oxford made me feel.

After breakfast, Dad grabbed his briefcase, patting us each on the shoulder before heading out the door.

"I'll be at a seminar over at Oxford, girls," he said, buttoning his jacket. "Remember to behave and keep each other out of trouble." He chuckled, glancing over his shoulder before closing the door.

There went our English professor dad, my one and only.

As soon as he left, I decided to go hunt for the sequel of the book I'd been reading, hoping to get lost in its story. Matapos kong masuot ang blue rugby shirt at black converse ay dumeretso na ako sa hagdan. I brushed off my denim baggy pants to get rid a scrumble parts. As I head out from the house I grabbed my bike, heading toward Daunt Books, one of my favorite spots in Marylebone.