No Redemption (Completed book 6 of the Atonement Saga)

11

“I think it’s better if I stay away tonight”

He whispers, I feel tears sting the back of my eyes as I refuse to cry, I refuse to make this any harder for him then what it was.

“Come for my birthday breakfast?”

I ask him, Hope peers out of my eyes, making sure he was being honest. He nods

“Promise?”

I ask again, this time he manages a smile and he signs back

“I promise”

At that I let hope forward, shifting and letting the world and the sounds that come with it in, I hear as Desmond shifts behind me, hope looks back at gavin one last time before taking off

“I don’t want to leave him”

She tells me, I nod in agreement but then Desmond nudges me pushing me to leave. We regretfully look away and take off towards home.

When we are about a mile out I stop hearing a soft sob, turning back I close my eyes and zero in on the sound, my heart shatters when I realise it’s gavin.

“We need to go back”

I tell hope, she shakes her head, it was clearer now that we were away from him, easier to talk ourselves out of something when it’s not shoved in our face

“We can’t, we have a mate, what would he think”

“But he is hurting”

“And one day he will find his mate and they will hate us because we like him. Not only are we cheating on Desmond even thinking this stuff but if we go back he will be cheating on his future mate”

Hopes words were sharp, I could feel that it wasn’t me she was trying to convince, it was actually herself. She wanted him, she just didn’t know how to say it or deal with it.

Dropping my head we continue on the path back to the house, Desmond and deek were watching us debate and I instantly felt guilty for even thinking about him in this way. It hurt but I knew what she was saying was true and I had to face that.

We race back to the house, faster this time and honestly I felt awful, by the time I got home I felt like s**t, all I wanted to do was cry alone.

As I reach the front door I shift, immediately running inside as tears pool in the corner of my eyes. My heart hurt, it felt heavy and sore at the thought of losing him even though he wasn’t mine. The pull in my chest was like a constant knife twisting in my back, making it hard for our body to catch up with the logic in our mind.

I don’t wait for Desmond, instead I race down the hall to his room and I go straight to the shower, turning it on I turn landing on my backside on the floor and I cry.

It wasn’t meant to feel like this, I was meant to move here and have my happy ending but now I have to feel whatever it is I feel for gavin, I have to watch him in pain, I have to stand back and let his heart be broken. I could deal with it, I could get over this but he had nobody to get it over with.

That thought irked hope, lunging forward she growls

“No! I don’t want him to get over us! What is wrong with me!”

She cries, holding onto my spirit as I sob into my knees. I didn’t know what to do, who to talk to or what to say. I had nobody but Desmond yet every thought I was having would most likely crush him. That thought alone made me not want to be honest with him.

I feel his presence as he walks into the room, sitting on the floor beside me. He looked sad.

“Looks like he figured it out already”

Hope whimpers

“What’s wrong”

He asks, I shake my head lifting my hands

“Nothing, I’m just being stupid”

He shakes his head

“Your feelings are not stupid and right now you feel sad and I want to know why”

I chew on my lip nervously, not sure how I’m meant to say it.

“I don’t know what it means”

“With gavin?”

He asks, I nod sadly, honestly I was afraid to say it.

“Tell me heartly. I won’t be mad I promise”

His words make me cry, sob actually, using my hands I sign back

“I feel something and I don’t know why, he smells so nice, he looks so good and touching him I feel something. I don’t know what it is, but I know he’s hurting. He loves you, he wants me, you want him”

His face falls, guilt on his face like he felt bad for having those feelings

“It’s ok if you want him, we are not jealous. We know you love us, we know you don’t want to hurt us but we also know you love him”

I add, he reaches over taking my hand

“I do, but he has a mate out there somewhere. He has someone that will love him like I love you and like you love him”

I shake my head jumping onto his knee

“We don’t want him to! We want him as ours, I want it to be the 3 of us”

I tell him, his eyes widen in shock as he stares at me. Most likely speechless. Being who I am, being deaf makes it easy for me to see the truth, I don’t talk s**t or beat around the bush, even when it’s hard I need to tell the truth even if it hurts us in the long run.

“Please”

I ask out loud, my eyes watering as I speak to him. He closes his eyes, resting his head on mine before wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Let me think about it, but I want to be enough for you heartly”

He looks upset, I shake my head

“You are enough but I have this pull in my chest. You are everything to me, you always have been. But when you opened that door something for us both changed and I know you feel it too, I may feel it stronger because I have heightened senses but I know you feel it too”

He closes his eyes, then he leans in kissing my lips softly, his hands run down my back to my ass, squeezing it, he lifts me up so he can get off the floor. As he moves I wrap my legs around his waist kissing him back as he steps under the steady stream of water

His tongue softly prods at my lips, opening my mouth I let his tongue meet mine, breathing through my nose I moan feeling his hardened c**k under my ass.

My fingers tangle in his thick curly hair, his hands tighten on my ass as our tongues move against each other, my n*****s pebble as they skim across his chest, my back arches as arousel floods through my body.

Suddenly I’m thrust back against a wall, Desmond pulls back gasping, his plump pink lips swollen from our kiss

“I don’t want to rush you, make you do something your not ready for”

I swallow the lump in my throat, nervous to say yes. But dreading the thought of saying no.

“I want you”

I say out loud, his eyes light up and suddenly he turns the shower off and he carries me into his room

“We can’t go all the way, I promised your parents”

Hope growls pushing forward!

”you did what? Are you f*****g crazy?”

He laughs kissing down my jaw before he pulls back so we can see his face