Middle Child

It was when I decided to agree with moving in with my mother and little did I know I am about to experience the worst pain in my life.My grandmother was my pillow of strength in fact everyone’s pillow of strength,it was time for me to go to high school,the elderly had decided that it’s best that my bigger sister stays with my grandmother as her place was nearer to the university and I go stay with my mother and attend that side. My mother was staying with her Zulu husband and they had a daughter together,meanwhile me and my bigger sister were sharing the same father who disowned us ,so I was basically a step daughter were I had moved in ,everything was okay until my grandmother died ,this was the most painful thing that had ever happened to me. So after the funeral ,the secrets of the family started coming out ,my mother was told how she was adopted,and now that her adopted parents had died she had no place to call home,that’s when things started to change,it was not so long my mother’s husband started to get sick as well ,he didn’t survive Covid-19 and therefore we lost him as well,this was another painful thing that ever happened to my mom ,before even the funeral the husband’s family came to fetch their sons belongings as he was originally from kzn and had left a wife back at home. The funerals passed and now it was just me and my small family ,my bigger sister had moved in with her boyfriend,it was now me and my little sister and mommy,I saw this as an opportunity to build a mother and a daughter relationship as we never had that,well it was all beautiful,one thing about my mother she is a very strong woman in prayer ,we used to go to church all together on Sundays ,even though we didn’t have everything,my mother was able to make us happy with the little that she earned. I faced some difficulties at my new school,back in my previous school I used to be one of those top students,those students that are loved my teachers and given the opportunity to shine but here it was all different,the teachers disliked me,the principal had favourites but I continued with the good work and passed but still they had their favourites.Little by little I was starting to lose my confidence,I was always shattered,never given a chance to speak,I was always misunderstood but my mother’s love kept me going. Time went by and I passed the grade when I was doing grade11 my mother got a new boyfriend ,she went on dates after dates but none of the man really made an impact on the heart .It was a regular day when my mother got money from her late husband work,we were so excited but we didn’t know what the future’s held for us ,I remember it like it was yesterday,it was at night,my mother suggested that we should sleep and tomorrow morning we going for shopping we even called my bigger sister to come home.The following morning,we all woke up and went to the mall,my mother bough us all new phones we were so excited,new clothes and everything,but she then told us she is going somewhere and we obviously didn’t mind beca we had everything we ever wanted. Out of all my 3 sisters ,it’s safe to say I’m a lot friendlier than they are,I can easily talk to new people,so my mother came back the following morning with a new car and a guy we didn’t know.She introduced him as her new boyfriend and at that time we really didn’t mind because we had money ,I was even welcoming him and being kind to him but he was very rude to me and I should’ve noted the red flag from then because I didn’t understand why he had to be rude like that.So life continued my mother renovated the house,this guy was always in the picture,mind you he was from another city so why was he not leaving. Time went by and the money started running out,so my mom had rented this guy a nearby room so they could see each other more often as he was from another city .So she got me and my little sister used to the fact that sometimes we’d sleep alone and she’d come back in the morning in which we didn’t mind.One night she left as normal and we locked the gate and she left.It was around midnight when we heard her car and she was screaming that we open the gate,when I got out of the house what I saw I will never forget. My mother’s car was ruined so bad,he had broken the windscreen with a rock ,I don’t know why would he do that to my mother but she managed to run away ,she also had bruises,our lives were about to change for the worst.Before the incident my mother had came back one morning with bruises and I asked her what happened to her face and she lied and said that she had fallen,but I saw that the bruises were not from that ,I didn’t know she was in an abusive relationship.The following morning after the car incident we went to the police station but my mom did not file a case ,I wondered why until on our way back home we met the guy ,and I saw how much she was scared of him ,she made me catch a taxi and left with the guy .When I got him I was so scared for her life ,my life began to change,I started having this unknown fear. My mother would tell me everything the guy does to her and when she forgives she expected us to forgive.Things escalated quickly and my mom allowed her abusive boyfriend to move in with us ,my life started changing for the worser,my mother feared him so as we only girls in the house and the only pers we look up to is our mother we were bound to be scared of him as well .He started off showing us who he really is ,my mother started looking after him more than she takes care of us ,he would lie and make our mother shout at us for nothing,he would look straight into my eyes and tell me “I see you want me and your mother to separate and it will never happen “(in a threatening voice)and my mother would sit there and say nothing ,sometimes you would swear that he had a spell on her ,because ain’t no way a loving mother would allow any man to do that to their children. My mother was pushing me away little by little,she failed to protect me,even when I voiced out my feelings everytime,she never tried to rectify her mistakes.Things changed even more this man was insecure now we’re not supposed to great any male in our neighbourhood,he’s controlling everything and he even wants to control us,my mother allowed him to do all of that to us,I started looking for comfort outside,this man would literally beat my mom up everytime,we knew there is a monster that we must be scared of everytime it get late at night. He would come back drunk and decide to cause a havoc in the house. I got very depressed,sometimes I would go to school and while we learning in class I would wipe my tears to a point where even my teachers recognised that there was something wrong with me.I started loosing my confidence,my spark because of the hurtful things I was told by my mom and her boyfriend,everything started making sense that she doesn’t really loved us from the beginning.