Just A Dream : Fall for You

Chapter 11

IT’S BEEN a month since nalaman ni Sean, na gising na si Justine. At halos dalawang linggo na rin mula ng magsimula si Sean, na bisitahin muli ang dalaga araw-araw. Everyday after his class he makes sure to visit her. Kahit pa na sariwa pa sa kaniyang alaala ang lahat ng alaalang mayroon siya sa ospital. Mga alaala ng pagiging miserable niya at kung paano niya sinisi nang husto ang sarili sa nangyari, maging hanggang sa kasalukuyan. Dahil hanggang ngayon para kay Sean, ay siya ang may kasalanan kung bakit nasa ospital ngayon si Justine. 

Maski ang naging paguusap niya at ng ama ni Justine, ay nanumbalik sa kaniya na tila ba ang lahat ng ‘yon ay nangyari kahapon lamang. 

And while he was by her side, they would either talk and reminisce about their past for him, while it was just yesterday for her. And as he continued visiting Justine, he saw how much she worked hard on her therapy. He could see her eagerness to get better faster. Sean could see the brave and strong Justine that he once knew when they were still in high school. 

Before and after he visits Justine, he will always make sure to give Jean a phone call. He talks to her and asks about some kinds of stuff they always talk about. In that way, even though they didn’t see each other often, they still had their communication. He was glad that Jean understood their current situation. On the other hand, he felt guilty for lying to Justine and putting her as his priority rather than Jean, his girlfriend.

 “Hi!” Sean greeted cheerfully as he entered Justine’s private room. As soon as he stepped inside her room he began acting like everything was alright. That there is nothing wrong, and everything was in it’s place.

“Sean!” masiglang bati ni Justine, nang  lingunin siya nito.

“Medyo mabilis ang progress mo Justine. Just like what I expected,” masaya at nakangiting puri ni Dra. Maggie, na naabutan ni Sean, sa kuwarto ng dalaga.

Hindi na nag-abala ang doktora na pagtuunan siya ng pansin dahil abala ito sa pagbabasa sa medical chart na hawak.

“Base on my calculation and estimation, it will took you more than a year, or less. Bago namin tuluyang masabing okay ka na. Lalo na itong mga binti mo,” pagpapatuloy ni Dra. Maggie, kasabay ng marahan niyang pagtapik sa binti ni Justine.

“But, you need to stay here for the time being. Don’t worry, I am assuring you that you will get better. So we must maintain and keep up the good work,” Dra. Maggie continued.

“Thank you, Dra. Maggie. Okay lang po sa akin ‘yon. Ang mahalaga ay gumaling ako nang tuluyan at makalakad muli,” puno ng posibilidad na sambit ni Justine.

“Walang anuman. Sige mauna na ako,” Dra. Maggie said before she left, right after giving Sean, a short glance.

“Justine, here. Dinalhan kita ng paborito mong bulaklak,” may tipid na ngiti sa labing sambit ni Sean, nang iabot niya sa dalaga ang bulaklak na dala. “Carnations at iba’t-ibang kulay ‘yan ha. At saka dinalhan din kita ng novel ng paborito mong author, ito oh.”

“Thanks, Sean!” tili ni Justine, nang makita ang dala ng binata para sa kaniya. “Uhm. . . I’m sorry, but, Sean. Can you help me get on my wheelchair?” she asks shyly as she slowly moved her body towards the edge of her bed.

Thus, Sean lifted Justine in a bridal style and made her sit in her wheelchair.

“Thanks,” bulong ni Justine, habang itinatago ang namumula niyang pisngi sa binata gamit ang libro na dala nito.

“Walang anuman,” sagot ni Sean, matapos magkunwaring inuubo at saka siya umiwas ng tingin. “Pero bakit gusto mong sumakay sa wheelchair mo? Gusto mo bang lumabas?” he asks curiously.

“Oo. Okay lang ba sa ‘yo?” nagtataka at nagugulumihanang tanong naman ni Justine. Napapansin na kasi niya ang kakaibang kilos at pakikitungo nito sa kaniya. Pakiramdam niya ay tila may pader sa pagitan nilang dalawa.

“Oo naman. Halika doon tayo sa garden nitong ospital,” sagot ni Sean, na hindi pa rin makatingin ng diretso sa mukha ng dalaga. “I’m sure you’ll enjoy it there.”

“Thanks, Sean,” Justine whispered while Sean was pushing her wheelchair, but, it’s still enough for him to hear. “Thank you, for staying despite my condition.”

“Thanks? Para saan?” Sean asks because he didn’t hear it all.

“Sa lahat. Sa lahat-lahat. At saka kasi nandiyan ka palagi, kahit na busy ka dahil malapit ka ng maging college. You are still here visiting me, instead of preparing for the incoming school year,” may bahid ng lungkot na sambit ni Justine.

“Kung alam mo lang ang totoo, Justine. I’m sure na kamumuhian mo na ako. And for sure, isusumpa mo pa ako,” Sean thought while gritting his teeth and his grip on Justine’s wheelchair tightens.

“Wala kang dapat na ipagpasalamat sa akin, Justine. Dahil balewala lang naman ang lahat ng ito. After all, I love you,” pikit-mata niyang pagsisinungaling sa dalaga.

“I love you. Jeez! What am I saying?. . . I’m sorry, Justine. That’s what I want to say the most,” Sean fumed at the back of his mind.

“I love you too, Sean,” Justine replied as she reached for his hand. She gently rubs her thumb against Sean’s hand.

“Sean, nasaan na ang mga classmates ko? At saka ‘yong iba ko pang kaibigan. Ang teachers natin? Hindi ko pa kasi sila nakikita, hindi rin sila dumadalaw. O, nagti-text sa akin,” Justine asks, wondering where their batch mates and teacher’s are.

“Ah, s-sila ba? A-ano kasi-” nauutal na tugon ni Sean, habang pilit na humahagilap ng tamang salita na isasagot niya sa tanong ni Justine. “K-kasi. . . Hindi nila alam kung nasaang ospital ka. At saka gustuhin ko mang sabihin sa kanila, I think it’s better kung hindi na. Para mas makapag-focus ka sa recovery at therapies mo. Tapos kaya naman ‘di ka nila mai-text is. . . ‘di ba nga nasira ‘yong phone mo sa aksidente,” he lied. 

“Everything turns into a big lie now,” he thought.

“Ganoon ba? Kung sabagay, lahat naman kayo ay busy na ngayon dahil graduation na sa isang araw. Siya nga pala, Sean. Kumusta ang entrance exam mo, pasado ka ba?” Justine cheerfully asks while she tries to hide the disappointment in her voice.

“Ako? Siyempre pasado ako. Ako pa ba,” naiilang na tugon ni Sean, kasunod ng kaniyang pekeng pagtawa.

“Ikaw pa ba?” mapang-asar na tanong namin ni Justine. She lift and turn her face towards him with a grin on her face. “Oo, ikaw pa. Eh, halos lagi ka kayang pasang-awa sa mga exams natin, hindi ba?” Justine teases him.

“Ako! Pasang-awa?” pikon namang tanong ni Sean, kasunod ng marahas nitong pagbuga ng hangin. “At kailan naman po ‘yon nangyari, Miss Top Student?” Sean teased her back.

“Kailan nga ba?” nakangiting tugon ni Justine. More likely, she was smirking at him. “Sa tingin ko, always! Every time we had mock and quarter examinations.” 

“Hay naku! Suko na nga ako. Oo na, palagi na akong pasang-awa,” Sean surrendered. “Eh, Ano naman ang magagawa ko? Iyon lang talaga ang kaya ng utak ko.”

“Parang napakatagal at napakahabang panahon na ang lumipas. Siguro dahil isang linggo mahigit akong walang malay,” malumanay na sabi ni Justine. “Ano sa tingin mo, Sean?” tanong niya sa binata.

“Siguro nga,” tipid naman na sagot ni Sean.

“Kung alam mo lang. Hindi lang isang linggo ang lumipas, Justine,” bulong ng isang bahagi ng utak at konsensya ni Sean.

They stayed in the garden for an hour just talking about random kinds of stuff. After more than two hours, they returned to her hospital room, and there he finally said his goodbye before leaving her there with the nurse assigned to her.

Time flies by quickly, it's been more than a month since Sean started visiting Justine once again, and started pretending that they are still high school students, even though they weren’t anymore. At first, Jean wants to oppose Sean’s decision. But, she chose to remain silent instead of saying that she doesn’t want that kind of setup. And what Jean hates was that she and Sean are rarely seeing each other now, rarely than they did before. Kahit sa tawag o text bihira na lang rin silang magka-usap. Even though she knew that she should understand the situation. Dahil para sa kaniya isa siya sa mga dahilan kung bakit naaksidente si Justine. 

She still can’t help but blame herself for having insecurities. After all, Justine was Sean’s first girlfriend and first love. Justine was his ex-girlfriend, and she even saw how happy and in love they were before. That’s why she was scared that Sean might fall for her again, which wasn’t impossible to happen. And if that happens, she doesn’t know kung kakayanin ba niyang panoorin at makitang maging masaya ang dalawa, na tulad ng dati.

“Jean!” sigaw ni Sean sa pangalan niya nang makita nitong palabas na siya sa hotel kung saan siya kasalukuyang nagtatrabaho.

“Anong ginagawa mo rito? Gabi na, ah,” walang emosyon niyang tanong sa nobyo.

“Ano pa ba? Para sunduin ko ang napakaganda kong grirlfriend,” Sean said as he flashes his bright smile, and hold her hands tightly. Jean missed that, she missed his large but warm palm of Sean. Na-miss niya rin ang napakaganda nitong mga mata at labi.

A few minutes later, they arrived at their favorite restaurant, the restaurant where they celebrated their first anniversary. They sat at the usual spot, ordered their favorite food, and while waiting for their food they just talk about what happened for the past month while holding each other’s hand. And when the food came they continued talking while eating, when Jean suddenly thought that she should tell him what she truly feel. About her feelings and opinion about him visiting Justine, and pretending that he was still her boyfriend.

“Sean, I think you should now stop visiting, Justine. After all, sabi mo naman ‘di ba na maganda na ang progress niya,” Jean blurted out without looking at him.

“Pero, Jean. Alam mo naman ang sitwasyon, ‘di ba?” nakukonsensiyang tanong ni Sean sa nobya.

“Oo, alam ko. Pero Sean, what can you expect from me? Ano sa tingin mo ang iniisip at nararamdaman ko sa tuwing nandoon ka sa tabi ni Justine, tell me?” hindi mapagilang sumbat at tanong ni Jean sa kaniya.

“But, she’s your best friend, right?”

“Bestfriend? Were not!” Jean shouted out at him out of frustration. “I’m not even her friend. I don’t have any right to be called her friend. Our friendship ends since the day I told you that I love you, and since the day we started going out. After all, I steal her boyfriend from her. And to make it worst, you were with me that day, the day when she ran into that accident. So we’re not friends anymore. Kaya naman Sean, please lang huwag mo na siyang puntahan,” Jean pleaded while looking straight into his eyes and holding his hands tightly, as her tears keep on flowing.

Alam ni Jean, na nagiging selfish at madamot na siya sa dating kaibigan. Pero, wala siyang magagawa dahil handa siyang gawin ang lahat mapanatili lamang si Sean sa kaniyang tabi. Hindi alam ni Jean kung kakayanin ba niyang mawala si Sean sa kaniya, dahil sa oras na mawala ang binata sa kaniya ay alam niyang mababaliw siya nang husto.

Sean heaved a sigh while he stared at her. 

“Okay. If that’s what you want,” he surrendered. “I won’t visit her anymore. So, please don’t cry. Alam mo naman na ayaw ko na makitang umiiyak ka ‘di ba?” he said while he wipes her tears away.

THREE WEEKS have passed by quickly since Sean last came and visited Justine. She now began to wonder and worry why he wasn’t visiting her anymore.

“Is he that busy? But, even though he is, he still makes a way to visit me,” Justine argued with her mind.

Nasa sariling hospital room siya sa kasalukuyan, dahil kakatapos lamang ng kaniyang physical therapy. Even though sinasabi nila na may progress na ang dalaga, Justine can’t still feel that she has made any progress. Dahil magpahanggang sa kasalukuyan ay hindi niya pa rin magawang makalakad. And what was more into it, is that she kept on thinking about how did she lose so much weight if she was just asleep for more than a week. She also keeps on thinking if her current physical appearance is the same as how she looks from before, although her hair was a bit longer than she remembered.

“Parang may mali sa itsura ko at para bang may malaking gap sa memory ko. I understand that my memories are distorted right now due to the effects of my surgery. Idagdag pa ang lakas ng impact ng pagtama ng ulo ko sa pader. Pati ang mga gamot na nireseta ng mga doktor sa akin at ang limang taon na pag-asa ng katawan ko sa nutrients mula sa intraveneous drip. Maybe, because I was asleep for a week and I’m not consumming real food?” Justine thought as she look at her reflection in front of the mirror. 

“Talaga bang mahigit isang linggo lang akong na-comatose, o mas higit pa? Na maaaring mas matagal pa ang panahon na lumipas habang wala akong malay. I think it’s better to ask Simone if they were hiding something from me. But, will she honestly answer me?. . . I don’t know. Naguguluhan na ako. What should I do?” Justine argued again with herself as she notices that her siblings looks like hiding something from her. 

Naputol lamang ang malalim na aagam-agam at pagmumuni-muni niya nang bumukas ang pinto ng kaniyang kuwarto.

“Hi! Ate. Good morning!” Simone cheerfully greeted her with a wide smile raging from ear to ear.

Mapakla naman siyang ngumiti nang lingunin ang nakababatang kapatid.

“Bakit ang aga mo naman yatang bumisita ngayon?” walang buhay niyang tanong.

“Kasi miss na miss na po kita. At saka bakasyon naman na namin. Kaya okay lang kung maaga na po akong bibisita,” paliwanag ni Simone, bago ito umupo sa tabi niya.

“Simone, tell me. Anong taon na ngayon?” walang emosyon pa rin at walang buhay niyang tanong sa nakababatang kapatid. 

Dahil sa bawat araw na lumilipas ay lalo lamang lumalakas ang kaniyang kutob at hinala na nagsisinungaling at umaarte lamang ang mga ito sa tuwing kaharap siya. Isa pa hindi siya manhid, bulag at bingi para hindi mapansin ang mga bagay-bagay sa paligid.

“A-ano ka ba naman, Ate Justine. Twenty-ten ngayon ‘di ba? B-bakit mo naman natanong?” nauutal at hindi makatingin nang diretso sa kay Justine na sagot ni Simone.

“Wala lang,” Justine replied, still emotionless. 

She didn’t ask her sister further, instead, she averts her attention to the book beside her and starts reading it while she dismisses all of her thoughts and doubts. 

Napapagod na siyang alalahanin ang kung ano-anong bagay. Sumasakit lamang ang ulo niya. Ngunit kahit na anong pilit niyang alisin sa isipan ang mga haka-hakang nabubuo sa isipan ay hindi pa rin ito mawala, kahit na ibaling na niya ang atensyon sa ibang bagay. She knew and strongly believes that her family will never lie to her. But, there is still a small part of her brain that was contradicting her beliefs and trust in them. Lalo lamang lumalakas ang kaniyang hinala sa bawat araw na lumilipas. Dahil sa tuwing may itinatanong naman siya sa mga kapatid at magulang na may kinalaman kay Sean, o, sa panahong wala siyang malay ay hindi ang mga ito makasagot at makatingin sa kaniya ng diretso. Na mas lalo niyang ipinagtataka. Idagdag pa na sa kabila ng pagiging pribado ng kaniyang silid ay wala siyang makita na maski isang kalendaryo, o, kahit na telebisyon lamang. 

Itanggi man niya, o, hindi ay kitang-kita ng kaniyang dalawang mata na may ipinagbago na ang kaniyang mga kapatid. Ang dating katamamang laki ng katawan ng kaniyang kakambal na si Keith ay naging maskulado na ngayon. Mas naging depina rin ang kaguwapuhan nito, tumangkad din ito kumpara sa huling naalaala at natatandaan niya. Maging si Arlene, at ang nakababatang kapatid na si Simone, ay parehong may ipinagbago sa pisikal na aspeto. Pati ang kanilang mga magulang. Hindi malaman ni Justine, kung nagkakamali lamang ba siya, o, hindi. Dahil kahit halos dalawang buwan na ang lumipas simula ng magkamalay siya ay hindi pa rin malinaw ang kaniyang alaala.Maaaring bumalik ang mga ito kinabukasan, o, sa paglipas ng panahon. Ngunit maaari rin naman na hindi na, sang-ayon na rin sa sinabi ng kaniyang doktor. 

Patuloy naman niyang inoobserbahan ang paligid at sarili kung patuloy ba siyang magtitiwala sa kaniyang sariling pamilya, o, dapat ba na paniniwalaan niya ang kaniyang kutob at haka-haka.

Samatala, si Simone naman ay hindi mapakali matapos siyang tanungin ni Justine. Nag-aalala siyang baka ano mang oras ay malaman na ni Justine, ang totoo na kaniyang ikinababahala at ikinakatakot. Natatakot si Simone, na malaman ng kaniyang Ate Justine ang totoo. She’s scared to see how Justine, would react and take all of their lies. The lies that they feed to her, and the lies they sew for her sake. She was scared at every possibility that may come once Justine, learned and found out the truth. 

Kung kaya lamang nilang panghabang buhay na magsinungaling kay Justine, ay gagawin nila. Ngunit alam ni Simone, na walang lihim ang hindi nabubunyag. Kaya naman piping humihiling siya na sana ay matanggap at maintindihan sila ni Justine. Because, Justine was just an unwilling victim of fate. At kung nagkatawang tao lamang ang tadhana ay baka matagal na niya itong nasuntok dahil sa pagiging mapaglaro nito. Ang kaniyang nakakatandang kapatid pa ang napili nitong pahirapan nang husto.