Getting over the heartbreak of you.

I remember meeting you on that dating app, I didn’t think anything would come of it, you were the only person I really spoke to on it, the only person who could hold a conversation and who didn’t just want to know about the intimate parts of my body. We added each other onto a different app to talk on, from there we spoke every day, as the days turned into weeks our conversation was never ending. Always in communication. We had a whole ocean between us but it didn’t really keep us apart emotionally. You asked me to be yours but I refused, I told you I had a daughter and had to take things slow, I had to guard her heart and my own, I thought you might leave, but you didn’t, nothing changed. Soon I realised I was in love with you. I couldn’t fight that anymore. I remember telling you I loved you and throwing my phone down on the bed, scared for your reaction, scared of your rejection, but that never came, you loved me too. Soon enough I was yours, you made me yours and I loved it. You knew just what to say or do to make my mind and body react to you, you made me blush and smile multiple times every day. You didn’t put in minimum effort, you put in maximum effort. You made me feel special, like a true princess, like your priority. We spent so many nights over the next few months video calling, watching movies together, building Lego together, playing video games and just hanging out, you phoned me every night to sleep with me, even with 8 hours difference between us. You’d be there when I woke up and I’d stay with you until I had to take my little girl to school, even after that you’d phone me back when I was home and we’d stay together until you got up for work. You went out of your way to make me feel special, you sent me clothes with your aftershave on, you sent me your dog tag, that made me feel like I was on top of the world, you got me my most special teddy bear, sent me money to get fast food delivered so I wouldn’t have to cook after a long day, rented movies for us both as you wouldn’t allow me to pay to spend time with you, anytime I tried to pay for something for you, you sent it back and refused. You dominated my life, you made me feel safe and secure, special and loved. You made me feel so feminine and submissive to you, you helped me discover things about myself I didn’t already know, explore myself and feel safe in doing so, because I had you with me. We made so many plans, so so many, for each other, for our future. That last week that I had you was bliss, we spent so much time together, even though you had taken leave to see your family after a year away from them, you made sure to be there, to sleep on the phone with me, to video call while we ate and watched a ridiculous amount of movies. You told me you were going to spend the last week of your leave with your family camping, you told me where you were all going and it looked beautiful from what I could see online, your signal was going to be sketchy, but you’d message if/when you could. Still I messaged you every day telling you how my day was going and sending you pictures, because you liked it so much when I did that, you liked knowing how I was, what i had been doing, what I had eaten. No reply. I decided to text you on your phone number instead of using the app we used, maybe that would go through if your internet was sketchy. Delivered. Delivered. Delivered. Each message was being delivered but you weren’t responding, I wasn’t sure how to feel, what to think, why would this man, my man, the one whose spent so much time and effort being there for me, giving me more love and affection then I’d ever felt before for months and months on end, ignore me? *DING* You tell me you have something to tell me, it’s going to be devastating and upsetting, my stomach drops, I ask you, my love what could it possibly be? *DING* “I’m married and I’ve been lying to you about it”