The Enemy in Love

And at the sight of you My body shivers in blue Nobody can see me through Like how you do ... Love is a game. It can bring you fame, or it can bring you shame. For me, it brought pain. An impeccable amount of pain settled in me for a while, after whom I was sure the love of my life gave up on me, only for it further turn into fear of relationships and heavy judgement of potential partners. My standards were fairly high. A fundamentally sweet and sensitive guy with a power and authoritative persona was what I looked for. A guy who knew all the right things to say to a woman and simultaneously possessed the quality of a well evolved person that believed in a philosophy that terminates racism, sexism and pride, and lays its foundation on love and empathy. Most guys either had ideals that I didn't favor or were less flirty. I needed someone who could do both. And he could mostly do both. I was looking for someone better than him and that someone never showed up. We had great chemistry in high school, infamous for how cute we were. We weren't the typical cheesy pair, but the rendition of Tom and Jerry. Our love language was envied by a lot. But what that lot didn't realize was he always left me confused. And despite our feelings, we never dated. I presumed that he had some personal issues. But after a huge deal of a fight and long term ghosting, I learnt that he began dating his best friend. My thoughts then became clear and the reality hit me like a storm. Since then, I never looked for love. First reason was the amount of focus my career and goals needed. And second reason was the fear of complications. I gained nothing out of it and found no one I could risk it all for. My standards were high but fair, and no one ever crossed them or at least my ex-love's mark. I was happier than ever when I worked and was being productive. In a way it felt peaceful, though I least occasionally felt lonely. I graduated from college in four years after my love tragedy and worked my dream job under NASA as an astrophysicist and systems engineer. Already three years into the job and a significant amount of achievements, the last thing I could think of was him. He wasn't lingering in my mind because I loved him or whatever. It was only because he was the last person that I romantically had feelings for. And after all these years and changes in my life, I nearly forgot him, until now again.