Ways to Say Love

Chapter Thirteen

Maylie came down to eat and say goodnight, but besides that she didn’t talk to me. Even when I offered to play with her and her dolls, she didn’t want to be around me. She and Charlotte had always gotten along really well, so I thought it may be a good idea for them to hang out for an hour or two. Maybe it would be better for her to have another girl around.

The next morning I called Reese, and I hadn’t even finished half of the story before he hung up and told me he was coming over. I figured that I would have a lot time before he got here, since his Dad’s house wasn’t too close to mine, but within an hour him and Charlotte were at my front door knocking.

Instantly when Charlotte saw me she pulled me in for a big hug, and I let her. I needed someone to talk to, and they were the only people I had right now. Although I wish none of this ever happened, I was glad it happened at a time when they were down visiting. There was no way I could survive without them.

Charlotte went upstairs to talk to Maylie, since she wouldn’t talk to me, but Reese stayed downstairs and sat with me. “So they’re really not going to be back for Christmas?”

I shook my head no.

“Wow, Aaron, I’m sorry. You and Maylie can come and stay at my Dad’s house with Charlotte and me; you know he wouldn’t mind.”

And I knew that was true, but I couldn’t accept his offer. We had to do this on our own, just like I always did.

I could see that Reese didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t either. I couldn’t explain to him how I was feeling, or how this was my fault, because I knew that he’d tell me I was being dumb. Reese never pitied me, and he didn’t take my bullshit. I think that’s why we got along so well and why we’re still friends even after the move.

“What did Aspen say about all of this?” I felt myself wince at his question. I really didn’t want to talk about her, and I hated hearing her name now. It was such a beautiful name.

“I haven’t talked to her about it. We broke up.” The way that Reese stared at me didn’t make any of this easier. I wished he would just say okay and move on, but that obviously wouldn’t be the case. “I broke up with her.”

Having to say it aloud was like a punch to the stomach. It was no longer a secret. Now it was something true that had been spoken into the air. I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore and pretend it wasn’t true. Now I had to face it, and I was terrified. I wasn’t sure how okay I was to have a life without her in it.

He stood up from the couch so that he was towering over me, and I stood up too. “Why the hell would you break up with her? Did she cheat on you or something?”

I thought that this all could have been a lot easier if she had cheated on me. “No, of course she didn’t cheat on me. I just don’t want to date her, okay?”

Charlotte came walking down the stairs with an accomplished smile on her face, but it went away when she heard the way Reese was yelling at me. “That’s a load of bullshit, Aaron. You were completely into her, I saw it. What the hell would make you want to break up with her? You can’t just break up with her without giving her an explanation.”

“You broke up with Aspen?” Charlotte’s face was shocked, and it annoyed me the way no one would stop talking to me. Suddenly I was thankful Maylie was ignoring me.

“Oh my god, yes I broke up with Aspen. Her and I can’t work right now, okay? For starters, her grandmother was killed by a drunk driver and now my mom is off getting wasted in my living room. And her loser of a cousin isn’t going to leave me alone no matter what I do. And to top it all off, I was out partying while Mom was struggling with her drinking and stuck in the hospital with my jackass grandfather.”

And in a second, I lost it. I couldn’t hold back my anger, or my fears, or my sadness. Everything that I had been bottling inside me for the past seven years came flooding out, and I collapsed to the couch behind me.

Charlotte rushed over and sat beside me, with Reese on the other side. Neither of them said anything, they just let me sit there and cry, which I was thankful for. I knew that they weren’t judging me right now, and it made it easy for me to just be myself and vent about it all. I couldn’t understand how it had possibly gotten so bad in such little time. We always moved around to make things easier for Mom, but now they were so much worse.

After a little while, when I was feeling exhausted from crying so much, Charlotte got up and grabbed me a bottle of water; I chugged it all within seconds.

“Your sister is upstairs watching cartoons on your parents TV.” I was glad Charlotte had taken care of her; I had been such a mess that I completely forgot about what Maylie was doing.

“Thank you,” my voice was strained, and I didn’t even care.

Reese and Charlotte started getting ready to go back to his Dad’s place. It was nice having them around, but I also wanted time to be alone.

“Hey Aaron,” Charlotte stopped in the doorway to look at me, “I’ve seen the way you look at Aspen. It’s the same way Reese looks at me. When a guy looks at a girl like that, there’s no way they can stay broken up. Everything is going to work out soon, just don’t lose hope.” She quickly kissed my cheek before leaving with Reese, their hands intertwined.

I knew the way I looked at Aspen. It was the same way I would always look at her, like she was the most beautiful girl out there; because she is.

The next few days were pretty mellow around the house. Maylie stayed upstairs in her room as much as she could, no matter what I said or did to try and get her to come down. Reese and Charlotte called at least once a day to check up on us and make sure everything was okay. Maylie wanted to call Mom and Dad a lot, but I told her we should give them a few days to settle in. Really I just think I wouldn’t be able to handle hearing their voice. I wasn’t sure if I was madder at them or myself.

By the third day, Maylie wasn’t even saying ten words to me. I think that she believed somehow Mom and Dad would be back for Christmas, but once it got really close she realized they wouldn’t. I couldn’t think of how I was supposed to make this Christmas good for May, and I figured we’d have to settle for an okay Christmas.

There was only one day left until Christmas Eve when I finally decided to pick up the phone and call Dad. It rang four times and then went to voicemail, so I tried calling a second time but then it went straight to voicemail. I didn’t get why Dad would be ignoring my calls, especially when he knew Maylie would be at home waiting to hear from them.

A little while later the phone rang, and I raced to the phone hoping it would be Mom and Dad calling. When I picked it up, I was a little disappointed to hear Charlotte’s voice asking if she and Reese could come over.

They showed up about two hours later with the idea to go to the mall. I still hadn’t gotten any food for Christmas Eve or day, so I was all for it. Maylie got really mad and said that she didn’t want to go, until Charlotte promised to take her to the toy store.

I used to be the best when it came to taking care of Maylie but ever since Mom started drinking and went into rehab, I haven’t had a clue about what to say to her.

Reese decided to drive us in his Dad’s car, and it didn’t go unnoticed when he took the long way around to avoid Aspen’s street. I sort of wanted to pass by her house though; just to make sure I didn’t imagine it all. It felt weird going so long without seeing or talking to her. I thought it was impossible to miss someone so much.

The mall was filled with last-minute shoppers, and every store had a huge lineup. We went our separate ways, with Reese and me going into the grocery store and Charlotte and Maylie going to the toy store. Every isle had at least five people in them, and people’s carts were filled to the rim. Mom always went shopping two weeks before Christmas, and I wasn’t even giving myself two full days.

We picked up sausage rolls, cheese, meatballs, and crackers. Reese went to get a turkey, and I went to pick up cinnamon buns. When I was pulling them out of the freezer, I accidentally hit someone. I turned to see who it was, and Eliza from next door stood smiling at me.

“Haven’t seen much of you around,” her sweet voice echoed through the halls. “I still owe you a batch of cookies, don’t I? My memory isn’t as good as it once was. How are you, Aaron?”

“I’m doing alright, how have you been? How is George?” I was lying right through my teeth.

“Oh, he’s lovely! That’s so sweet of you to ask. Are you here with your girlfriend? I always see her across the court when I sit out front and have my morning coffee. She’s a pretty lady, she is.” I didn’t need her to tell me that she was pretty, and there was a sour taste in my mouth when she asked about her.

“I’m not too sure how she’s doing, actually. We kind of broke up.” Having to say it aloud to someone I barely knew made it horrid, and I felt like I was going to throw up right in the isle.

Eliza’s lips formed a tight o, and she pressed her hand on my shoulder. “Sometimes the best of us make mistakes, my dear boy. I’m sure she’ll be back.”

“Yeah, I doubt it.” I scoffed at her. I wanted to be polite, but I couldn’t keep the annoyance from my voice. “Aspen and I are done now. She seriously hates me.”

She looked at me and her eyes her wise. I couldn’t understand why she was so cheery about us breaking up. “That girl does not hate you. She looks at you with passion in her eyes, and happiness in her dimples. Sometimes, we say things we don’t really mean. Sometimes we don’t hate the person but instead we hate the way they made us feel, because we love them.”

I found it difficult to believe what she was saying, but I wanted to so badly. There was a fire in my stomach, and I was angry at my mother. I didn’t hate her, but I hated the situation we’ve all been put in. Maybe that was what Eliza was saying. Maybe that was what Aspen was saying.

Reese and I picked up all of the food, and we all met up in the food court. Maylie showed up with a brand new baby doll, and she didn’t look as mad at me anymore. I wasn’t sure what Charlotte had said to her, but I knew I owed her.

The car ride home was a lot happier than it had been on the way to the mall. Reese put on some Christmas music, and we were all singing the songs horribly. I felt guilty for laughing and enjoying myself; like I shouldn’t be having fun when Mom and Dad are away at a centre. I tried to push the thought out of my head, and just enjoy the music and laughter. Just because Mom relapsed doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy my Christmas.

Maylie and I deserve to have a fun Christmas, and it felt good to think that.

As Reese drove the car into the driveway, I realized how boring our house was. All of the other houses in the street had Christmas lights hung and candy canes strewn about. Our house just looked depressing, and I decided that was one of the reason’s we were so miserable.

When I said my idea about decorating the house Maylie screamed so loudly I thought we were all going to go deaf. Reese and I brought up all of the decorations from the basement, and Maylie and Charlotte directed us on where to put everything.

We never had the chance to buy a tree, and it was too late now, so we decided to improvise. Reese and I set up one of our coat racks in the living room corner, and we all taped decorations to its post. It was an absolute mess, but I loved it anyways. I liked that we were still able to have something to put the presents under, even if it was horribly homemade.

Reese pulled out mistletoe that he found, and hung it above where Charlotte was standing. She gave him a playful smirk, but then his hands slid around her waist and they were embracing right in front of me. I had to turn away; it made me sick to watch. They were so obviously in love, and I was so obviously not. I had been excited to spend my holidays with Aspen, but now I was spending them third-wheeling with Charlotte and Reese.

By the time we finished, the house looked more festive than it ever had. There were Christmas plushies sitting on each step of the stairway, and red and green snowflakes hung from the ceiling, and we hung candy canes from the curtains. We even wrapped Christmas lights around the stair posts. We used double the decorations that we normally use.

“It looks like Christmas threw up in here, Aaron.” Reese patted me on the back and gave Maylie a high-five. Her smile was brighter than the Christmas lights.

Charlotte threw a pizza in the oven for us, and she and Maylie sat down watching Christmas specials. I pulled Reese into the other room to talk, with the girls completely oblivious that we had left.

“Do you mind babysitting Maylie? My mom left a big wad of cash, so I have more than enough to pay you, and you two can rent a movie when she goes to bed. Mom asked me to go visit my grandfather, and I have to do right by her while she’s gone.” I would rather rip out my teeth than go see him again, but it was the one thing Mom asked me to do. I couldn’t leave him alone during the holidays, no matter how big of a jerk he was.

“I’m your best friend, you don’t need to pay me, moron.” Reese gave me a little shove, and I shoved him back in his shoulder. He was like a brother to me, and I really needed him.

I said my goodbyes to Maylie and Charlotte, and started driving to the hospital. I was about to go by Aspen’s street, but then I couldn’t. If she was there when I passed by, I would hate that she wasn’t out having fun. But if she wasn’t there, then I would hate that she was having fun without me. I couldn’t win. I knew that I was being an i***t, that it no longer mattered to me what she was doing, but letting her go felt like a defeat.