The demon within us

hello my name is Jenna and I am 40 years old this is my story of being on the streets and homeless and using d**g since a young age. first always say no to drugs because if I would have said no at 15 I would have had a better life. one cold night Iwent up to my mom and asked her if I could stay the night at my best friends Jessica house, told her that her mom was home and her brothers where at a friend's house so she had nothing to worry about. you see I have two older sister one is 4 years older and the other was 8 years older, my oldest sister got married at the age of 18, her first and only boyfriend, they were so good together at first then when something didn't go his way the first time he started to hit her and still has been till this day, my other sister had a few boyfriends and they weren't the best either because she started drinking at a young age( thank God she is doing so much better today hasn't used in a very long time) okay back to my story, so she of course said yes like she always does, (for some reason she can't say no to me) what I didn't tell her is that her mom wasn't really going to be there and they were going to throw a party at the house. so I was so excited I called my friend and told her that I could go and told her to pick me up down the street. yes told me to be ready in 15 mins because they were on there way to come get me. I got my jacket on and ran outside I was so excited my first real party I would be going to and I know that everything was going to be okay because I was going to be around people I could trust with my life (well so I thought) so I jump in the car and my friend has been already been drinking she tells me take a shot with me that is when I found my love, 1800. I take one and then four more by the time I got to the house I was already drunk and my friend seen it so she asked her brother to take me to go lay down so I could stop being so dizzy, he said no problem ( you see I have known this family since the age of 10 so I didn't think I couldnt trust him so I went with him) he was joking around with me on the way to the room and he sees his friend he calls him over and says can he help take me to the room and his friend says yes, then I started to get the feeling, you see ever since I can remember I would get these feelings and most the time they are right and I am a in path so I can feeling people's feelings and right with his friend said yes I know that it wasn't going to turn out right so I sobered myself up real quick, I told him that I was feeling better now and I can go back to the party, my friend's brother said okay but his friend had other plans, he said o no you don't pretty lady you had us walk you here now you owe us. I just looked lost and scared and looked and my friend's brother and he looked alittle lost to but looked at his friend and said what do mean she owe us ya something anything , I start to cry and said I don't know why you are doing this but this is not okay, then the friend looked and said well a 15 year old that is drunk isn't okay and getting drunk and dressing that way just means one thing, then the worse thing happen he grabbed my arms thru me on the bed and covered my mouth because I was tryin to yell for help all I do is cry and ask God for help and if he couldn't stop it make it stop hurting ( what I didnt tell you is that I am virgin till then) so the friend tells my friend's brother you go first so he starts and I just looked at hi with water going down my face asking why to myself but I think he know what I was saying because he had this look like I'm sorry he ended up stopping and his friend said okay it is my turn now so he got off of me and grabbed my arms and then his friend started but he was alot worse the my friend's brother so again I prayed, please god just take the pain away, and I right when I said that I couldn't feel a thing I just felt nothing, I didn't cry anymore and I couldn't do anything but just look at the guy he finished and said you were no fun at least you could of fought back and laughed and walked out the room but friend's brother looked and said if I told anyone they wouldn't believe me and I would lose my best friend and the he turned and shut the door. I went out to the party with tears rolling down my face and told my friend I need her , she was so drunk she thought she seen three of my, so I know I wasn't going to get anything from telling her so I just go out the house running and crying, it was raining and I didn't care I just wanted to go home and go take a shower.