The Art of Abstraction

"Bullshit" I said, leaning back against the wall and taking another sip from my can of cider. "You call it bullshit, I call it..." She trailed off. "See! You know it's bullshit." I turned my head to look at her. "Come on Kay, you've got to try." Maisy was, yet again, attempting to make me 'have a little bit of fun' which translates in Katherine language to 'get very very drunk, meet someone, hook-up in some way which excludes s*x, and hope it doesn't horrifically crush my heart'. "By try do you mean get very very drunk, meet someone, hook-up in some-" "Yes. I do. You gotta start living your life again and it's not gonna happen sitting on this bathroom floor." She said, shifting her position so that her arm was no longer pressed against the painted white piping that was connected to the sink. "By live my life do you mean get very very drunk, meet-" "Yes. But also...Kay you gotta stop hiding away." She sighed and looked at me. She gave me The Maisy Look. The Maisy Look is one I get a lot these days and still have not gotten used to. It's as though she's taken old cartoon puppy-dog eyes, added a pinch of desperation, a medium sized carton of concern, some crushed sympathy and a pound of 'I know best'. It's a recipe for persuasion using emotional black-mail. The Maisy Look used to work on me when I had a normal human being's emotional intake, capacity and competency. Now I just feel a hollow obligation to do what she was asking me to do. Best friends do that. Apparently. I've got to keep up with friendship and all that exhausting crap. "Give me a break." I replied as I finished off my cider. She said nothing as I crushed the can, threw it expertly into the bin and opened another of the six-pack beside me. "I am. This is why we're in the bathroom." She shook her head before getting up and looking in the little mirror over the sink in order to re-arrange her hair and check her make-up. Maisy could re-arrange her hair for Britain. It was a hobby of hers, and she had been an expert in it since I'd met her. "No, my innocent friend, we are in the bathroom so that when I've finished these babies," I gestured to the cans beside me, "and this bad boy," I pulled out a bottle of rum from inside my jacket and shook it at her, "we shall be in the prime place for me to throw up and for you to hold my hair back." "Firstly," She glanced at my reflection in the mirror as she pulled on her ponytail, "I am in no way innocent." "You're innocent compared to me." I snorted. There was silence. "You are not gonna drink all of those." She said, shrugging, as though I hadn't said anything. "Oh I am, just you watch me." There was a pause in which I burped. "Okay that's it." She turned around and in one fell swoop picked up my ciders. "Noooooooo." I moaned. "Oh hell yes. Where did you get these anyway?" "Fromtshea dongje sontiwqnf." I mumbled. "From the where?" She asked, her tone sharp. I groaned. She raised a single eyebrow. "Fine! I got them from under the food table where Harry Cobble left them for me." I sighed. "And why did he leave them for you?" She asked. She was onto me. Oh dear god. "I may have poandusdhd wjrcnsitn-" "Tell me or I'm binning them." "I may have sort of...done a favour for him." I shifted my weight uncomfortably. "Was this favour..." Neither of us needed her to finish the sentence. "Yes. I get free booze. I'm not romantic. I give them what they want they give me what I want." She gave me The Maisy Look. "I know I said I would stop..." "Yes so do I. You promised me. You're worth more than that and you know it. This isn't how you should be living your life, one little thing happened and now you're further off the rails than Lindsey Lohan ever was-" "I don't think that's true." I pointed out. "Okay possibly but...Kay...it was one little thing and now you're doing this?" She sighed. The Maisy Look was back. "You know that I'm not worth more than that. You know, I know, they all know." I gestured bitterly to the party behind the door. "I know you want me to move on, find someone, even for a non-profit one-night stand." I shook my head. "Look Kay, it's New Years Eve, it's a new year ahead of us. You'll find someone. This party is insane, so there are plenty of people here." I sighed and got up, pulling the four cans Maisy had in her grasp our of her hands and put my hand on the door-handle. "Alright. Fine. I'll go and get very very drunk, meet someone, hook-up in some way which-" "You'll have some fun. Come on. Your life awaits." She grinned. I smiled and shook my head. I took one last breath before opening the door. Music and flashing lights spilled into my little sanctuary, breaking the spell that had made me feel so safe.