The Oath

“Father, forgive me for I have sinned” My confessions were never precise or clear, my intention was to repent not to incriminate myself. I choke on my own saliva at the sound of his voice. I did not know there was a male in these premises. “Beautiful garden…” he said with a long sigh. I was scared to respond; I am not supposed to be out of my dormitory after 7pm. I look away. “You don’t have to be shy. I won’t kiss and tell.” He said with a slight giggle at the end. I turned abruptly in confusion. ‘kiss and tell’ I kept on asking myself. Just when I was about to take my greens and go, he says “unless if you want me to”. I hardly see his face, but he is obviously Caucasian and 6’’ tall; and you know what they say about tall men… I didn’t sleep that night, not because I discovered a man in this feminine world; there are faint footsteps and maybe voices if not hallucinations. It worries me. Prayer, Breakfast, class, lunch, prayer, class, dinner, prayer, sleep. My whole life is pre-planned, and I have no say. I share my dormitory with two ladies in their early twenties just like me. Asian and Mexican. They don’t talk nor smile, so its just me and the voices in my head. I visit the garden again. A very peaceful place. Not that the college is not peaceful, its peaceful but like a grave! I love the weeds because they defy nature, growing even after being pitilessly removed from the sand. On my way back to the dormitory I hear two of the Sisters having a heated argument. I couldn’t tell what they were exchanging words about, but I did hear one of them say something around the lines of ‘you will regret this’ and walk away. “Today you will be visited by your families. Behave accordingly” She says and tip toes away. You can hardly even hear her feet hitting the floor. She is a highly disciplined and probably the strictest Sister in this college. 4 o’clock and we are all waiting for our names to be called out so we may go to the visiting area and meet our loved ones. Maybe I haven’t told you, but I attend an independent institution of education with the best teachers, best facilities and well known for the discipline amongst students. It is evident in all testimonies of previous students. They are now doctors, big investors, entrepreneurs. Do not get me wrong, the last thing I wanted was to go away from my friends into a remote area where friendship is forbidden yet sisterhood is forced. “These are your sisters” said Sister Mary when I was only a day old in the college. The open day was just as I expected. Well organised, quiet and nothing like normal colleges open days. Anyway, there is only one thing I can do about being here, pretend to enjoy every moment of it because its about to be a long 4 years. “Mother,” I almost run to hug her, but I remember we are supposed to behave in a “civil” manner. We hang out and a single hour feels like nothing. She came with my brother, Peter, and I only realise now how much I have missed them. We only get the opportunity to meet our families once in three months, so when we are together, we treasure every moment. I get a glimpse of the male passing by, but I don’t turn around to look at him. “I see there are no fresh scars,” says mom holding my wrist. I back away and hide my wrists. “I’m proud of you Bella.’’ She smiles. Feels good to see her smile, its been long. I sleep peacefully tonight. The bell rings. Again: Prayer, breakfast, class, lunch, prayer, class, dinner, prayer, sleep. “Sister Macho” I call out in fear when I realise that I am walking down a corridor I am not familiar with. I chew my greens to calm myself. I call out once again, “Sister Macho…” She is our Dean, but she would understand how I got here more that Sister Mary would ever. She feels like a safe place. My heart starts to beat so fast like its ready to escape out of my chest. My face is hot and sweat cuts straight lines down my skin. I call out again with hope to be heard, “Sister Macho,” but all I hear is my echo. Then I see him, the male. Deep down I am thanking God for bringing someone to my rescue, but I put on a straight face and try so hard to act as if I am not lost. “Hi” I say first to seem calm as possible. “Hi, and what are you doing on this side of the college?” he asks. Not sounding as friendly as he did when we first met. “I thought I was lost.’’ I say putting up a smile. “You are.” I look at him, holding my heart outside my chest. He is so tall he makes my eyes tired from looking up at him. “You are not supposed to be here.” He says. He suddenly pushes me into a room, a dark room and hold my mouth so that I don’t scream. He begs me to not scream but I am in the middle of being lost and maybe getting attacked by the college male, so I have absolutely no idea how to react. Then I hear someone calling for him. The male. “Sean…” the voice says while walking away. “That was Sister Mary, and if she saw you on this side, with me; I don’t know what she would have done, but it was going to be bad.” He says. I calm down and the sweating decreases. I don’t even know what he looks like, but now I know his name. “Are you going to show me the way back or not?” I ask. “Oh, you didn’t ask me to.” He says arrogantly holding out his arms and slightly smiling. I walk away. He stops me. “You’re heading to the cemetery” he says. I make a sudden stop. I turn around and roll my eyes. “This way” he leads me back to the side of my dome. “Thank you” I say softly. “Hey, I didn’t get your name.” I walk away. I skipped dinner so prayer and get ready to sleep. As I walk into the dormitory, I find my two roommates talking about ‘the oath’. Fuck, f**k, f**k!!! If I get as much as one word wrong, I will be ‘dealt with accordingly’. Bell rings! I got this. “I now in the presence of the Almighty God, the blessed virgin Mary, the blessed Michael the Archangel, the blessed St. John the Baptist and my ghostly father; the superior general of the society of Jesus, founded by St. Ignatius Loyola do by the womb of the virgin swear that His Holiness the Pope is Christ’s vice-regent and is the true and only head of the Catholic or Universal church. I do now renounce and disown any allegiance due to any heretical King, Prince or State, names protestant or Liberal, or obedience to any of their laws or magistrate or officers. I do further declare the doctrine of the church of England, and Scotland and of Calvinist Huguenots, and others of the name of protestant or Liberal to be damnable and themselves be damned, who will nor forsake the same – I do further promise and declare that, notwithstanding I am dispensed with, to assume my religion heretical for the propagation of Mother Church’s interest, to keep secret and private all her agents, counsel, from time to time, as they interest me, and not divulge directly or indirectly by word, writing or circumstances whatever. I do further promise and declare that I will when opportunity presents, make and wage relentless war secretly or openly against all heretics, protestants and liberals. As I am directed to, extirpate them from the face of the earth, and that I will spare neither age, s*x or condition and that I will hang, burn, waste, boil, flay, strangle and bury alive those heretics, rip up the stomachs and wombs of the women and crush their infants head against the walls in order to annihilate their inexorable race. That when the same cannot be done openly I will secretly use the poisonous cup, the strangulation cords, the steel of the poniard, or the leaden bullets regardless of the honour, rank, dignity or authority of the persons , whatever may be their condition in life, either public or private as I at any time may be directed to by any agent of the pope, or the superior of the Holy Father of the society of Jesus. In confirmation of which I hereby dedicate my life, my soul, my corporeal powers, and with this dagger which I now receive, I will subscribe my name written with my blood in testimony thereof, and should I prove false or weaken in my determination may my brethren an and fellow soldiers of the military of the Pope cut off my hand and my feet and my throat from ear to ear, rip my belly open and sulphur burn therein. And all punishment that can be inflicted on me on earth and my soul be tortured by demons in an eternal hell forever. In testimony I thereof take this most holy and blessed sacrament of the Eucharists and witness the same further with my name written with the point of this dagger, dipped in my own blood and sealed in the face of the holy covenant.” Holy Mary mother of Jesus, that was one hell of an oath. Forget the length, the things I just tied myself to; what in the f*****g s**t. Killing and bashing heads against walls. What? Thereafter we all stand in line and receive the holy sacrament and anointing. Prayer, lunch… I see Sean at lunch, so I go to him to say thanks properly. The moment he sees me approaching he walks away. Like he was running away from me or avoiding me. I catch Sister Mary looking at me, and she is not the type to care and look away if she realises you’ve caught her staring. She’s a savage b***h but with morals, so its kind of funny. Nobody dead or alive can ever understand her. Dinner, prayer, sleep. Just when I was in my PJs, a sister comes in the dorm holding a lamp light and asks us all to follow her. My room mates look at me in question. I also don’t know what is going on here but if we are not going to do one of those things from the oath, I’m good. So, we put on our shoes and follow her light. While walking down the corridor I ask out of curiosity where is she taking us? “It’s going to be fun, don’t worry, it’s nothing dangerous. I am Sister Agnes.” She says. She has the most welcoming voice. “…and probably the best thing to happen to you in your days here.” She adds laughingly. We finally walk out a door which leads us to an open space where we find all the sisters wearing their onesies and night gowns, dancing to music that I do not expect to be playing in a Catholic college and drinking beer. Wait, where did they get all this? “Where is Sister Macho?” I ask in fear. I see that my room mates have blended in with everyone else, am I the only one here who doesn’t know what is going on? “Where is the dean?” I ask once again. I am pretty sure that wherever she is, she would never approve of this bash going on here. “Sister Agnes, we will be in trouble if she walks through that door.” “Do you know who is in charge of the kitchen around here?” she asks me while holding a beer in one had and my shoulder on the other. “You. But what does have to do with this party and Sister Macho?” “Do you know who gives order to serve food?” she asks me again. “Oh my God get to the point.” She laughs. “That is the point Isabelle. I drugged your beloved dean and everyone else who was going to stop this from happening” she laughs and walks away and starts dancing to this very wild music. I am left stunned and shocked. So, we can break the rules around here. I think is going to be fun. Hi, my name is Isabelle Kane. 19 and suicidal. My mother enrolled me at St. Kizito Marydale College for girls so I may find “Inner peace.” Somehow it has worked because I don’t have access to razors and pills. So as much as I may feel like dying there is just no way. Unless if… No! I am fine. I feel better. The death of my father tarnished me to the core. Made me feel like an orphan considering that my biological mother died years ago. There is more to life, and whatever is it, I will find it. The sisters who are my fellow students, are not very social. The rules at this college are maddening, we don’t know if its legal to make friends. “Okay ladies, have all the fun you want tonight, just don’t leave the room before I permit you to.” Sister Agnes announces and everyone is happy to stay here forever. Deep down I am having the time of my life I swear. “Hi roots.” Says a voice from behind me. “Hi Sean…and my name is not Root.” “You never told me your name.” “Isabelle.” I say and let my hand out to shake, but he looks at it, grabs and kissed the back of my palm. “Why do you call me Root?” “Because I caught you eating them at the garden.” Oh my God that is so embarrassing. I thought I hid them. “It wasn’t the roots it was the weeds.” “Wow, even better. You want to smoke some real weed?” I look at him. He looks at me. And I look at him and look at the door. Next minute we are rolling a joint at the roof top. I cannot believe I have already broken 4 rules in just one night. Looking at him closely I notice his tawny blonde hair, eyes dark green like the ocean on a high tide. His skin. God, I have never seen a man with such flawless skin, I mean I have blackheads and pimples and I am a goddamn girl. His beard matches the colour of his hair, running swiftly along his four cornered jawlines. His lips look more burned than normal. Bell Rings… “Tomorrow at the garden after dinner…” I don’t even get the chance to say ill be there or not. We all run to our dormitories to change and meet whoever rang the bell at the assembly area. Sister Mary walks in front of us as we all assemble in straight lines, exhausted as ever, our eyes swollen from not sleeping. “It has come to my attention that none of you…” she points at us and adds, “were at your respected dorm last night until this morning”. She walks around looking at us straight in the eye as if peeping through our soul. I pray with all my might that she does not come anywhere near me because I reek of m*******a. “I am disgusted by your behaviour, and no amount of punishment will ever be enough.” She says and turns around to face us all, we all try to look serious and stern when she looks at us. “Unless if one of you tell me what happened last night…” Suddenly one of the sister students breaks the silence with a very loud uncivil laugh and probably sends us all to our early graves. “Shh Amber, quiet…” everyone tries to get her to keep quiet and save themselves from the punishment, but she laughs on. Before Sister Mary could reach Amber to reprimand her, I stop her. I raise my hand to respond to what my explanation of what happened last night may be. She comes to me. “Is there something you would like to say Isabelle?” I start to sweat. “Last night…” I look at Sister Agnes and swallow hard. She bows her head in utmost fear. “Well?” “We…I…I heard the bells ring last night.’’ I say counting my words. Then I see Sean passing by with a bucket. I realise that I must come up with something real fast. If I don’t, I might never see him again, or worse I might find myself getting shipped to yet another college in a remote area. Sister Mary looks at me in question and says, “you heard the bells ring?” she looks confused, but we all know it’s just pretence. “I heard the bells ring and I opened that door. The door we were instructed to never open under any circumstances.” I say shaking. I see Sister Agnes sigh a sigh of relief. “So, how do you explain everyone else being out of their rooms?” she asks trying her best to intimidate me, and it works. “We followed her.” Says my Asian roommate. “We also heard the bells ring and found the door opened and we followed her lead.” Another student sister says. Everyone creates a story to match mine so that everything adds up. Seeing that’s she has failed to get the truth out of us students, she turns to the most vulnerable of all. Sister Agnes. “And you, Sister Agnes, where were you?” she asks. Trembling on her own tongue and word stunned she stutters and fails to answer correctly. So, I try to talk on her behalf, but before I could say anything Amber says that she saw us moments later and came to us to reprimand us for being out of our rooms. Pretty much close to what I was going to say. We all look at her from across and silently pray that she plays along. Not just for our sake, but for her sake. “Is that true Sister Agnes?” “Yes,” she says sounding calm. “It is indeed true, and I swear in the divinity of the Pope that what the young ladies have confessed is indeed true.” I sigh a sigh of relief. “Well if that is true, then it is only oner sister who is eligible for the divine punishment.” She says, and as expected she says, “these are not my rules, but the rules of the holy book” and walks away. “I accept any punishment due Sister Mary.” When I remember what I swore on the oath my hair stands because punishment could go as far as being fatal. Pope sets the rules around here, not Obama. “What did you see?” “Nothing!” She looks at me from under her glasses. “Did anyone call you there?” “No, just the bells.” She hands me a paper and says my punishment is stated there. I will be weeding out the weeds from the garden. I don’t think it gets better than this. But what’s confusing is that it says ‘gardens.’ I thought there was only one garden in the whole college. I see my way out and I stop at the door, “was I supposed to see something sister?” “Goodbye Isabelle” she says. Dinner, prayer, repent, sleep. “Father forgive me; for I have sinned” I arrive at the dorm after dinner and I can’t believe my eyes. A shock wave hits my face when I find my roommates happily giggling and they jump to hug me when I enter the room. And for the first time I hear them talk, I hear their voices in action. “You are our here, you take fall for us.’’ Says the Asian. Now I understand why she hardly speaks, because she can’t. “Cindy” says the Mexican “Ha…Ha…Hanna” says the Asian stumbling on her tongue. “Team?” says the Asian laughingly, I mean Hanna. “Yes team…?” Cindy replies. “Yeah sure, we’re a team” “Oath? Friendship oath”. I don’t think I have ever come across people who can’t speak English so much. Its traumatizing. “No woah, no oath. But we are a team I swear.”