memories past

the story.

Chapter 3.

The story.

“its getting a tad bit cold. Would you like to come to my house for some hot coffee or tea?” she asked a bit shyly.

He looked at her. Not sure if he should.

“sure, I have this scooter though.” He looked at the scooter. judging its appearance.

“its fine, I have a lift on the back of my car.”

In a few minuets they were by her car and deciding how to put the scooter on the lift. They made it happen, and shortly they were on the road. A short while later they were at her stone like home. It was a cute. Flowers were growing out of every where. Her garden looked wild but manicured as well, it was like organized chaos. There were stones leading up to her front door.

From the outside it looked terribly small. But cozy. From the inside it was just huge. Cherry wood interior. She gave him the $5 tour and ended up in the dining room table. This is where Andrew sat down exhausted. Needing to catch his breath, he welcomed her going into the kitchen to make coffee. That way she wasn’t staring at him and making him feel like she was judging him.

“cream and sugar, right ?” she called to him.

“yes, please, and thank you.”

He looked all around himself, there were pictures all around. China cabinets all around holding some sore of picture. There was a dusty piano in the far right corner of the room, again holding pictures her home was dusty but well preserved of love that she felt from all these people that she held dear. A pang of jealousy hit him and he checked himself. As he was reprimanding himself, marg walked in the door holding a trey for the coffees. He stood up, she told him to please sit down. That she got it.

She sat down and smiled, bringing forth the tin of chocolate chip cookies to set in front of them both, so they can leisurely snack on them as they talked.

“so, tell me your story. I know that there is one, obviously, something is pestering you more then the diagnosis. I am not saying that, that isn’t enough to be upset about, but I have a feeling that there is more to your sadness.”

It happened a long time ago. You see, I was born of wealth, and my parents had only the best for me and my siblings. I had an ego that could have cut glass. Back then it was customary to marry a local girl of my parents liking. I had nothing to do with those arrangements. I wanted nothing to do with any of it. I did what was expected of me, not only because of my parents, but society expectations called for it. I never asked any questions. I just accepted it.

Before I was of age a young girl would show up to my home. But I never gave her any attention. I ignored her. I was embarrassed by her. To me at the time she was frumpy. She didn’t look at all pleasing to me. It was cruel. When I saw her in my home I felt like she was stalking me, and when my friends would come over they would relentlessly make fun of her. She would cry, and I would beg my mother to send her home.

My feelings hadn’t changed much when I was of age. I was outside helping bring in the wood for the stove, it was raining pretty hard. The girl showed up, and she was truly wet from head to toe. She had tears in her eyes. She was now trying to gain my attention as I walked right past her. She had never really said anything to me before.

As I kept walking, she screamed at me to stop. I stopped. I looked at her shocked. She was really upset now. She was trying to calm herself before she said anything else to me.

“yes”, I questioned

“I never thought she was beautiful. I thought mostly that she was just a bother. She was shaking all over and trying to gain some composure. She was still breathing heavy, and she nervously darted her eyes at me over and over again.

“please, talk to me. If you are to be my husband, I need to know you.” She had spit out at me.

“I have to finish this, please go inside to dry off, by the time you do, I should be done.” I had said to her.  

We talked. I calmed her down for the time being. That may, we were married. My family made sure that she was well cared for. We had separate bedrooms. At first ,I tried to be sensitive to her, took her on a honeymoon, I made sure she had shopping money, I made sure to take her out on outings together. I really tried to get to know her. I really tried to be who she wanted me to be.

Her aloofness and shyness towards me through me off, through my family off. Her own family once she was married to me, wanted nothing to do with her. She was really alone. I tried to talk to her, have simple conversations with her, I got nothing in return. On our honeymoon, I thought I would do as all married couples do, she locked me out of the inn room, and I had to sleep in their waiting area.

She wouldn’t have anything to do with me. The more I tried with her, the more she tried to hide away. It was infuriating. Soon I found other things to occupy my time. No I don’t believe what I was doing was right, but, at those times it was acceptable, and not talked about. This went on for years.

She soon talked of going to church. So I had a friend pick her up and drop her off. I was out galivanting and thinking I was the master of the universe.  I soon fell in love with a lady I had met while galivanting.

The hunt was the thrill, the sneaking around, the secret letters, the secret meetings, it was so much fun. This lady while thrilled with my attention, didn’t love me. Grew angry with me because we couldn’t be as public as she wanted. She wanted to be married to me so she can have babies. Nothing more. My family soon started trying to get me to spend time with my wife, saying that she wasn’t alright. Something really deep was wrong with her.

I stayed home one night, she was sitting in the living room as I walked in, she was muttering to herself. She was rocking back and forth. She was swaying and holding herself. Tears streaked her cheeks. I didn’t know what to do for her. I called on a doctor to show up at the house. He inspected her, prescribed a medicine for her to sleep. That she wasn’t well and needed to rest as much as her body would let her.

I stayed and tried to help her out. I tried to feed her and she would knock the food out of my hands. I tried to help her to her bed, she would scream and say that I was trying to r**e her. I was totally exhausted and frustrated by her behavior. Tears streaked down her cheeks.

“has something happened?” I asked. Knowing that I might not get an answer.

She grabbed my arm to guide me to sit down. I sat down and tried to be patient with her.

“I was going to church. Repenting for my sins. And a patron soon became what I thought was my friend. He would soon sit with me at church. Hold my hand. Hand me letters of his feelings. Join me in the activities in the church. All things I have invited. Soon I was leaving early to meet up with him. He would kiss me. It felt nice. I wanted it more and more. Then other things were going on, some I prefer not to say in front of you. My parents never talked to me about what was right or wrong being married. I didn’t really care until your mother came over and caught me in the act. Screaming at me about betraying you.”

“I loved you when we were children, I thought that we would have a great life together. You blew me off, had your friends make fun of me, you were cruel with me at every turn.  You broke my heart. You still married me. I know you tried in the beginning, and I blew you off. Now this.” She trailed off looking into my eyes for what I thought for the real first time.

“your mother hates me now, as so should you.” She cried. I tried to comfort her. I wasn’t upset that she had a trist, hell, I was having them, every night. Why shouldn’t she?

“I doubt that my mother hates you. I don’t hate you.” I looked at her then. She looked at me shocked.

“you don’t hate me? But all this time, we have nothing to do with each other. You have your trists that is talked about all over town. When I was younger my father used to beat the hell out of me, until I hit womanhood, then he showed me what a man is supposed to do to me on my honeymoon. He made me touch him every where. He would guide my hand. I was so scared then. He entered me and was entirely too rough and too quick. “

I sat and listened quietly. Not entirely shocked by any of this news. The towns people talked. Whether or not it was rumors or truth, they still talked. She continued…

“if I tried to avoid my father, my father would beat the hell out of me. I just couldn’t do anything right for him. I stood up to dad in front of my mother. Hence the reason they don’t want anything to do with me. I miss my mother. But I hate her for not protecting me from my father. Or from you. She never talked to me or explain what I should expect from you as my husband. “

She sat there for a minuet looking at me and began again…

“I am pregnant. I am so ashamed.” Tears fell from her cheeks again. I pulled her in. I was going to kill myself to rid you of me. So you don’t have to deal with any of this. I started going to the church. The things that they would say drove me nuts. These same people telling all of us how to live our life are out doing depraved things hours after screaming on the pulpit.

Why am I supposed to listen to these people? Why should I even tell you how f****d up I am? You don’t need this. You have your own problems. You don’t need me or this baby ruining your life. I should just run away and let you be. I am so stupid.”

I interrupted her then, “ you are not stupid. You are not f****d up. Misguided maybe. I cant believe your father would hurt you this way. I am so sorry that I never treated you right. I am sorry a patron of the church took advantage of you. Let me make it up to you. Let me try to love you. Let me love this child your bringing into the world. Let me make this right for you.” I pleaded.

“let me show you how love is supposed to be between a husband and wife. Let me be there for you.” I trailed off.

“ I cant ask you to do that for me. You are sweet. Don’t you listen, I cheated on you. Your mother caught me. I am pregnant with my fathers baby. I’m done for. We are done for. The people in town know that we aren’t sleeping together. To make matters worse is the that the guy who took advantage of me is a married man. I cant ruin him. Maybe I should just leave.” She got up then started pulling things off of the dresser and shelves and threw them in the bag she had at the end of the bed.

I tried to calm her then. I grabbed her by the arms. Held her as long as I could. She pulled away from me. I grabbed her guided her to laydown. I layed behind her. “ you need your rest, now.” I gently played with her hair to calm her. I held her close and tried to comfort her. She lay there crying. “thank you Andrew.”

I looked at marg in that moment. She was intrigued. But sad. I think then she knew what happened next.