The Only One for Me

Life is hard. Everything is hard. There is no other way to describe it. Some days I have longed to forget all the crazy things I have seen and all the bad things I have done. I have let myself get into situations that should be impossible, but if I hadn’t been in them my story would really suck. Let’s talk about the men. It always comes down to them. But it wouldn't make a good story without a little tension now would it. I can remember having “boyfriends” in high school. My dad was a very strict man. I was literally only allowed to go to school, church and occasionally to the public library in town. He had my whole family watching my every move because he was afraid I was out doing something I shouldn’t. I remember he barged into my room at 2 am on a school night, turned my lights on and ripped back my covers. Startled awake, I was confused so I asked him what was wrong and he just replied “Nothing. Go back to sleep.” Well going back to sleep was hard to do. Maybe I was talking in my sleep and he thought I was on the phone with a boy or something? To put it into perspective for you I was 16 almost 17 when this happened. Come to find out a few days later, my uncle came to the house and told my dad he had seen me walking the streets with a group of kids. Granted, one of the girls in the group was one I was prone to hang out with. But I was at home, sleeping, instead of sneaking out with friends. With my family watching my every move like a hawk, you could see my social life was definitely dull. Hell, my dating life was completely non-existent. If I ever did date a boy we would hold hands, maybe sneak a kiss here or there. But the majority of my time “dating” would consist of us passing notes in the hallways at school and the occasional phone call made from the landline. I know, real spicy, but the goods are coming, I promise. I had a huge crush on a friend from school, he was tall, had sandy blonde hair that would hang down and cover his breathtaking blue eyes I wanted to melt into. His name was Sean and he was my best friend at the time. I met him through a friend of his I had dated the previous year, Dalton. There sadly isn’t much to say on that relationship, like most of the ones I had before I met Sean. We dated briefly. Spending every second we could together. I even had a friend who would volunteer to drive us both home so we could stay after school and have the excuse to be with each other. One of my favorite memories was the open house our ATC (Area Technology Center) had. After showing new students around, we were alone. Sean had quickly backed me up against a wall that was a blind spot to the cameras. I don't think anyone had ever had so much passion in a kiss. His hands were all over my body, he had already picked me up and had me pressed against the wall. Feeling his hands on my ass as he easily held me up, never once stopped kissing my lips unless it was to move them to other parts of my body. I swear he could have taken me right then and there, and I would not have cared. He slid a ha under my shirt and got himself a handful of my breast. We were both breathing heavy, but neither one of us wanted to stop for air. My lungs could burn out for all I cared in that moment. Our bodies stayed like that, intertwined together, lips so hungry for each other. His lips were on my neck, my jaw, moving back up to my lips when we heard someone clear their throat. Thankfully my friend had come in before a teacher could have. She just giggled and walked away. I hated the interruption, but it was better than getting caught by a teacher and potentially having our parents hear about what we were caught doing. Unfortunately Sean’s dad did not approve of our two year age gap (I was older). We were both very upset about it, but there wasn't much we could do since neither of us could legally drive at the time. Sean found a way that we could still talk to each other, he set me up with his half brother, James. James wasn’t particularly as cute as Sean. He was a few inches shorter and had short dark brown hair and dark eyes. He seemed really nice, explaining that Sean had told him to reach out to me. I was a bit upset that Sean had just passed me along, but James seemed to be interested in me so I was game. James liked to touch. Every time we were together he would like to make out and grope me. His hands were always on my body. I had no clue what to do for a while to reciprocate, but I was what to learn. I didn't mind so much that he was handsy, as I was loving the attention. Even went as far as to make the move to third base on my own. I got introduced to a text service called “Cha Cha”, where you could text any question and you would get a text response back. I used it ALL THE TIME. I would ask it questions about s****l positions, how to give head, even the best positions to lose your virginity in. And Cha Cha happily responded, giving my adolescent mind all kinds of things to think about. Once I had the rough knowledge of how to give head, I made the move on James. He seemed a bit surprised at first, but was all too happy to oblige. I think he assumed I was just going to play with it, maybe jerk him off, but the moment my lips touched the tip, there was no going back. I can still remember the feeling of his hard shaft being shoved down my throat that very first time. It was hard to experience, to know it was supposed to feel that way. But hearing his moans of pleasure, and feeing his hands in my hair, was the best feeling ever. I knew I wwas making him feel that way, that this experience was real and couldn’t be taken away from me. And when he came, he told me he was baffled that I swallowed. I thought that was what you were supposed to do, so I didn’t say anything. I had lied to him and told him I had experience, and I guess I fooled him well. Now at this point I should tell you that I was a bit gawky. I wasn’t pretty like the other girls. I was about 5’4 and weighed about 120-130. Typical size for a teenage girl. But add to the fact that I had glasses, didn’t have the faintest idea how to wear makeup, practically non existent boobs, and a touch of an overbite. Needless to say, I was picked on relentlessly. I lied to a lot of my classmates in high school, saying I was experienced in all kinds of things, when in reality I was a scared virgin. It always seemed like the popular boys were flirting with me, but I could never tell if they were serious or if they were just messing with me. Even the boys I might have actually had a chance with in school, I could never tell if they were seriously into me, or if I was being set up to be the butt of a joke. I hated the fact that I was 18 and still a virgin. I was under the impression that no one wanted to have s*x with a virgin, and if I could have s*x just once, my social life would improve. So, I was determined to lose my v card before I graduated. It had to happen, under whatever circumstances I could make it work. And James was all too happy to help.