The coach potato king and the ticking time-bandits

​Once upon a time, in a noisy, crowded town called Hustle-Bustle, everyone was always in a terrible hurry. People ran down the streets clutching hot coffees, alarm clocks rang at four o'clock in the morning, and the town motto was written on a massive stone wall: "If You Are Not Working, You Are Wasting Time!" Everyone believed this motto. Well, everyone except for a ten-year-old boy named Bob. ​Bob was a professional loafer. A world-champion relaxing expert. While other kids were practicing math flashcards or running around soccer fields until their shoes wore out, Bob was usually found under a giant, shady oak tree, testing out the fluffiness of different patches of grass. His desk at school looked more like a tiny bedroom than a place for learning. It was decorated with a soft, plush cushion shaped like a giant glazed donut, a pair of fuzzy slippers, and a wooden sign he had carved himself that read: "Shh... Genius at Rest." ​Bob's teacher, Mr. Grump, was a man who hated sitting still. His face was always as red as a ripe tomato, his mustache twitched like a pair of angry caterpillars, and his necktie was tied so tight it made his eyes pop out. Mr. Grump spent his days stomping around the classroom, slamming textbooks onto desks, and demanding that everyone finish their worksheets in record time. On a warm Tuesday afternoon, Mr. Grump marched over to Bob’s desk. Bob was currently using a dictionary as a mattress for his chin. ​"BOB!" Mr. Grump roared, his voice shaking the windows so hard the glass rattled. "You have been staring at that blank piece of paper for three hours! Everyone else has finished their math, written a three-page essay on the history of geometry, and cleaned the chalkboard eraser thrice! You have written exactly one sentence!" ​Bob opened one sleepy eye and looked up at the angry teacher. "Actually, Mr. Grump," Bob said with a gentle yawn, "it is not a sentence. It is a haiku about the beauty of doing absolutely nothing. Would you like to hear it? It goes: Clouds float in the sky... work is very hard to do... let us take a nap." ​"A HAIKU?!" Mr. Grump shrieked, his tie tightening even further until he squeaked like a rubber duck. "You cannot pass school with a haiku about sleeping! If you do not finish this stack of twenty math worksheets before the bell rings, I am going to make you clean the school cafeteria with a tiny toothbrush! No recesses, no fun, and absolutely no napping!" ​Bob sighed a very long, dramatic sigh. It was the kind of sigh that carried the weight of the entire universe. As Mr. Grump stomped away, muttering about schedules and deadlines, Bob felt very sad. He looked at the mountain of math problems. The numbers seemed to jump around on the page, mocking him. He leaned his head down, hoping the math would solve itself if he ignored it long enough. As his cheek hit the floor under his desk, his hand bumped against something hard and metallic hidden in a pile of forgotten potato chip crumbs. ​Curious, Bob crawled under the desk. He pulled out a strange, heavy pocket watch. It did not look like a normal watch. It was made of dull gold, and instead of normal numbers, it had funny little symbols that looked like sleeping cats, hammocks, and fluffy pillows. In the center of the watch, a tiny light pulsed with a slow, soothing rhythm—thump... thump... thump—like a very lazy heartbeat. "Ooh, a shiny treasure," Bob whispered to himself, completely forgetting about the fractions he was supposed to be adding. ​Bob crawled back onto his chair, held the mysterious watch in his palm, and rubbed his thumb across the glass face. "I wish all this boring homework and all these loud alarm clocks would just vanish into thin air," he muttered softly. ​He picked at the tiny golden knob on top of the watch and gave it a gentle click. CLICK! Suddenly, a loud POOF! Echoed through the classroom. A giant, swirling cloud of bright pink, sparkling mist erupted directly out of the watch! The mist smelled exactly like warm cinnamon rolls and freshly washed blankets. Before Bob could even blink, his school chair began to spin. It spun around and around like a wild amusement park ride, going faster and faster until the classroom, the math sheets, and even Mr. Grump’s bright red face blurred into a smudge of colors. ​When the spinning finally stopped, Bob did not hear the ticking of the school clock anymore. Instead, he felt something incredibly soft beneath him. He opened his eyes and gasped. He was no longer sitting in a hard wooden school chair. He was lounging on a magnificent, giant throne made entirely out of fluffy, white clouds! The sky above him was not blue; it was a beautiful shade of pastel pink, and the air was filled with floating bubbles that popped with a soft fizzing sound. ​Flying through the pink sky were dozens of tiny birds. But they weren't normal birds—they had giant, googly eyes, and they were all wearing tiny, colorful feather bow-ties. As they flew in circles around Bob, they began to sing in perfect harmony: "All hail the Lazy Lord! All hail the great king of the couch! The peaceful prince of pillows has arrived!" ​Bob blinked, rubbing his eyes. "Uh... what?" he muttered, sinking deeper into the cloud throne, which automatically molded itself to fit his back perfectly, giving him a nice, gentle massage. ​Suddenly, a tiny puff of blue smoke appeared on the armrest of the throne. From the smoke stepped a tiny wizard. He was no taller than a juice box! He wore a brilliant blue robe covered in embroidered patches of napping kittens, and his wizard hat was so long and floppy that the tip of it dragged on the ground like a deflated balloon. "Welcome, Great Slumberer!" the tiny wizard cried out in a high-pitched, excited voice. "I am Pip, your Royal Nap Advisor! The ancient prophecy has finally come true! The legendary Nap-o-Matic Watch has brought us our new ruler!" ​Bob scratched his nose. "Ruler? Prophecy? Mister, I think your watch made a mistake. I was just trying to avoid doing my long-division homework." ​Pip waved a tiny wooden wand that shot out a shower of sparkling confetti shaped like little sheep. "Nay! There are no mistakes in the Cloud Kingdom of Lazaria! For hundreds of years, our people have lived in perfect peace, mastering the fine art of doing absolutely nothing. Our previous king was a disaster—he had way too much energy. He kept trying to make us do mandatory morning jogs and organize our closets! It was exhausting! We ran him out of town, and we have been waiting for the chosen slacker to take the throne. Look, your subjects are arriving!" ​From behind the cloud structures, a parade of very unusual characters began to march into the courtyard. First came Sir Sam, a knight wearing bright polka-dot pajamas instead of armor. His mighty weapon was not a sharp metal sword, but a giant, yellow stuffed banana. Next was Barnaby, a grumbling dwarf with a beard so long he kept tripping over it. He was carrying a pickaxe made of soft rubber. "I was out in the mines looking for the rarest, softest feathers," Barnaby grumbled, "and all this noise is ruining my afternoon daze!" Finally, there was Bella, a beautiful fairy with wings shaped like cozy hammocks, who was using a fluffy pink feather boa to dust the clouds. ​They all dropped to their knees and bowed before Bob. "Lazy Lord Bob!" they shouted together. "Please save us from the terrifying Busy Buzz!" ​Bob leaned forward, taking a sip from a floating glass of sparkling apple juice that had magically appeared next to his hand. "The Busy Buzz? What is that? Is it a type of annoying mosquito?" ​Pip’s face grew very serious, and he used his wand to project a moving hologram into the air. "Worse than mosquitoes, Your Majesty! The Busy Buzz is an army of hyperactive, superfast ants from the neighboring realm of Hustleburg! They are led by Queen Zoom, a tiny tyrant who wears a business suit and flies around on mechanical wings fueled by pure espresso! They hate fun, they hate rest, and they want to turn our beautiful kingdom into a giant office full of deadlines, alarm clocks, and endless chores!" ​Bob laughed, waving his hand dismissively. "Ants? Back at home, I ignore things much bigger than ants. Don't worry about it." ​But before Bob could finish his sentence, the ground beneath the cloud castle began to shake. The pink sky suddenly grew dark as a massive shadow rolled over the horizon. Through the fluffy cloud gates, thousands of dog-sized ants came marching in perfect, terrifying synchronization! They were stamping their little feet, blowing loud metal whistles, and carrying giant clipboards. At the front of the army flew Queen Zoom, buzzing through the air like a very angry hornet. "Productivity Patrol, ATTACK!" she squeaked through a megaphone. "Cover this castle with to-do lists! Make them do math! Make them wash dishes! Clear out the hammocks!" ​The clouds, people began to scream and run in circles. Sir Sam dropped his stuffed banana sword and hid behind a cloud pillar. "We are doomed!" he wept. "They are going to make us fill out spreadsheets!" ​Bob, however, did not move from his throne. He took a slow bite of a floating cookie, looked at the charging ant army, and lifted the magic pocket watch. "Hey, Queen Zoom," Bob called out over the noise. "You look like you need a vacation. Lazaria Law Number One: Why rush when you can lounge?" ​Bob jammed his thumb down on the golden button of the watch and turned the dial to a setting that read: "Hammock Havoc." ​POOF! Instantly, a massive, web-like hammock woven from the softest silk imaginable unfurled across the entire castle courtyard. It stretched out like a giant trampoline, blocking the path of the invading army. The eager ants charged forward at full speed—and SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! One by one, they slammed headfirst into the giant, cozy hammock. Because the hammock was so soft and snug, the ants didn't bounce off. Instead, they got stuck in the comfy fabric. The magical fibers of the hammock began to gently rock them back and forth. ​Within seconds, the fierce marching ants stopped stamping their feet. Their eyes grew heavy. Their clipboards slipped from their claws. "Must... finish... chores..." Queen Zoom buzzed, dangling upside down from the edge of the hammock, but her wings were moving slower and slower. "So... comfortable... just... five... more... minutes..." and with a final twitch of her antennae, she fell fast asleep, snoring softly along with her entire army. ​The courtyard fell completely silent, except for the collective sound of thousands of tiny ant snores. The cloud peeked out from behind their hiding places, their eyes wide with amazement. Then, a massive cheer erupted! ​"The prophecy is true! Bob is our savior!" Pip shouted, dancing a joyful jig on the armrest until he tripped over his own oversized hat and fell into Bob's lap. ​Bob smiled, leaning back into his cloud throne as a shooting star zipped across the pink sky, leaving a trail of glitter. He knew that Queen Zoom would wake up eventually, and he knew his angry teacher, Mr. Grump, was still out there somewhere, but for right now? It was definitely time for a royal nap. ​To be continued...