Plain Jane

Gestures Part III

The air around me was tense and Ryan grabbed my arm before I ran out of the room. He held me close to him, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I buried my face into his chest, willing the tears not to come.

And they didn't.

It was as if his presence and his arms around me made the hurt I felt disappear.

And it scared me.

“You brought me here because you're him, right?” I asked, looking up in to his face.

“I thought it would be something good since you said to take her to meet someone important to me, and that is my sister. Well was my sister.” He glared at her.

“Look Ryan, it wasn't anything-” She starts but Ryan’s angry voice cuts her off.

“You know how I feel about cheaters.” Ryan spits.

“I do. But that doesn't mean I did this on purpose, it just happened!” She exclaimed. I whirled around to face her taking a step away from Ryan before his arms encircled my waist again pulling my back to his chest.

“Oh it just happened? You just so happened to sleep with my fiance? And just so happened to get pregnant? I’m sorry, I didn't know things like that ‘just happened’.”

“Jane, it wasn't anything like that. We were in love.” She says quietly.

“You were in love? So what were we Max?” I turn to him.

“Jane, you know it was complicated. We were dating just to date, I felt the pressure to propose to you but Lindsay is the love of my life.” He says, avoiding my eyes.

My angry response is cut off by a woman in the background. “That’s not what you told me yesterday.”

Max froze as his eyes looked past me and we all turned around to see an angry curly haired girl with her hands on her hips.

“Baby-” He started, putting his hands up.

“Baby? Did you just call her baby?” Lindsay snapped, standing up. She grabbed her daughter and handed him to Ryan, motioning for him to leave the room with her. I could tell Ryan was angry with his sister but he wasn't going to take it out on his niece. His arms left my waist, and I pouted for a second before realizing what I was doing. Ryan caught my pout and smirked a little before putting his niece in another room.

“You son of a bi-” Lindsay ran towards him but I made a split second decision to grab her hand before she could hurt him.

“It’s not worth it. Trust me.” I whispered to her. Her eyes filled with tears but her face softened.

She turned back towards him, this time with her hands clenched at her waist. “Get. Out.”

“Honey-” He said, his eyes looking between the three angry women in the room.

“Get out!” She screamed, picking up her plate and smashing it on the floor. “Get your s**t and get the f**k out of my house.”

“Come Max, you can come with me.” The curly haired girl chimed in with a smirk.

Lindsay and I stared at her in disgust but Max ran out of the dining room with his tail between his legs, the front door slam closed seconds later.

“He’s going to be back. He’s going to come get his clothes and beg for your forgiveness. Don’t give it to him. He will just cheat again.” I say softly, my anger vanished replaced with pity for the sad now single mother.

“I just didn't think he would do the same thing we did to you, to me! I’m so sorry. I really am. I never met to hurt you. I thought I loved him.” Her voice broke. I slowly made my way over to her, hugging her tightly. My red hair made a curtain around us and I heard Ryan’s heavy footsteps round the corner.

“Well I’m surprised, Jane is not a very forgiving person sometimes.” He teased.

We let go of each other and looked up at Ryan. “Please don’t be mad.” Lindsay pleaded.

“I’m not mad at you Lin, I just, I don’t know, I’m disappointed.” He confessed walking closer and embracing her in a tight hug. I stepped back letting the two siblings embrace and longed for my own.

They talked in low voices for a while, Ryan comforting her and Lindsay realizing she was in the wrong. She apologized several more times to me before she finally accepted that I had accepted her apology.

We said goodbye to Lia and I felt no emotion as I looked into the eyes of the perfect split of Lindsay and Max. She was a gorgeous, bright, young girl and I would never hate hr for being their creation. I can’t wait till I had a mini version of my husband and I, and I would never hate a child.

We climbed into Ryan's car silently riding out of the neighborhood. His hand resumed its place on my thigh and I pushed it away softly.

“What’s the matter?” He asked, placing his hand back on my thigh. I let it stay there, knowing he was stubborn.

“Nothing, I just don’t understand why you did all this. Went through all this trouble for me.”

He was silent for a few moments before answering. “I don’t know either, I've never felt this way about anyone before.”

“Felt what way?” I turn towards him.

Once again he was silent before answering. “Felt like I only wanted to lay by you every night, and wanted you in my arms, like I need to protect you, like I don’t want any other man to ever look at you or touch you or be near you like I want to. I feel like I want to do the dirtiest things to you and hear you say things to me you would never say to anyone else. But I can’t put any of that into words because the feelings are just so great.”

I didn't say anything. Instead I processed his words, my heart was beating fast and my hands were shaking. This is exactly what I wanted. I wanted Ryan so bad, my heart was screaming out for him to do everything he just said.

But my mind was telling me something different.

It was louder than my heart, telling me not to fall. Not to get hurt again. Not to let him in.

“Jane?” The worry in his voice was evident, he sounded sad, almost desperate.

“Ryan, that was, I just. Ryan I’m so sorry.” I said. He stopped the car and I looked out, realizing we were outside of my building.

“What is it?” He said.

“I think- I think.” I kept repeating myself, avoiding any eye contact with him. “I think we should just be friends.” I darted out of the car, running as fast as I could to the safety of my apartment.

Darren wasn't home so I was left by myself, the option I didn't want. I didn't want to be left alone with my thoughts.

So I called Lacy. Even though we hadn't talked since the night of Blackout she was over to my house within the hour, towing junk food and gossip magazines.