Her lost baby

Chapter five - Doubts and lies

Nia's POV:

Something is going on with Kevin. I can feel it. He is not telling me everything. I don't know why he started hiding things from me. We used to be so close to each other. Now I feel like I'm talking with another person. He told me that he needed some time for himself. I get that, but my boyfriend could've texted me. I wasn't going to bother him if I knew what was happening. This wasn't a valid excuse. Mostly, that is because he couldn't look me in the eyes and say it. This means he has lied to me before. That's why the question is why. I don't understand why he is doing this to me. It was his idea for us to share everything. I guess he doesn't want to do it anymore. I can spy on him, but I don't want to. This is not a solution. He should be the one who will tell me the truth. If he doesn't do it, I will figure it out myself. I talked with my parents about that. Mom said I was worrying too much. Tell me why I shouldn't do it. Look at what he is doing. If something happens to him, I will never forgive myself. Kevin doesn't want to understand this. I care about him a lot. He is the first boyfriend I have ever had. I don't want to lose him. It looks like he doesn't think the same. I can't change his mind. I hope that nothing will happen to him.

I woke up and went to get ready for the day. Today, I am free. I don't have to babysit anyone. I plan to surprise Kevin at his university. He probably won't like it, but I want to spend time with him. Lately, he is busy. I don't know what he is doing all the time. I'm sure he is not studying. There is something else. I have no idea what I can do to make him trust me. This is like mission impossible. Maybe he is doing this to keep me safe. If he is with me, I know I won't get hurt.

When I was ready, I went to eat breakfast. Mom has left me some food on the table. I washed my dishes and walked out. Kevin's university is forty minutes from my house. He should have a class now. Well, when I arrive, he will finish. I walked there and saw some girls coming out. I used to be like them. I talked with some people while I was still at university. Then, everything changed. I saw my boyfriend coming. I waited here to see if he would notice me.

- Nia? What are you doing here?

- I came to see you.

- Couldn't you call me?

- I was sure you wouldn't be happy.

- No, I am. The thing is that you never do this. I thought you were babysitting today.

- No, I have a free day. What are your plans?

- I have some work to do for my classes.

- Does this mean you will have some free time for me?

- Maybe. It depends on what you want from me.

- Many things. One of them is you.

- How about I take you for dinner? I'll let you decide what we'll do later.

- I like the plan, mister.

- Great. I plan to go home now. You can still come with me, but I won't pay attention. I want to finish my work.

- Can I help you?

- I wish you could. That would've been great.

- I think I can.

- Fine. You can come with me. Please, don't distract me.

- I promise to try.

- It's better than nothing.

Kevin and I walked to his house. I only wanted to spend time with him no matter what we were doing. I tried to help him with his work. It's not like I did much. He received a message but hid it from me. That was from his group chat. I'm sure that was a lie. After my boyfriend finished everything, he went for a shower. Another message arrived.

When will you come back? We need you.

It was from an unknown number. I saw him coming out and quickly left his phone where it was. I don't want him to think I am going through his phone. No matter that I was doing it. I don't know his password.

- Do you want us to order lunch? I'm getting hungry.

- Yes, sure. By the way, take your phone.

- What?

- I was almost asleep when it rang.

- Thanks. I got a message. Did you read it?

- No.

- Nia.

- I'm sorry.

- It's ok. I know you are curious.

- Can I know what this is about?

- One classmate plans to have a party. He wanted me to go and help him. I'll tell him that I'm spending the day with you.

- You can go if you want.

- I know, but you won't be free tomorrow.

- No, I have a kid to watch.

- See? What food do you want to eat?

- Pizza and fries.

- You know me so well.

- I'm your girlfriend. I should know you.

- True. Do you want drinks?

- No, thanks.

- I think I know what you want. - he said and came closer

- Isn't it obvious?

- Later. Naughty girl. - he said, chuckling

- What do you expect?

- Nothing.

- Sure.

Kevin and I laid in bed while waiting for the food. I don't think I'll get what I want soon. I kissed him, but he pulled away. It was visible that he wanted this. I don't understand why he won't admit it. After half an hour, the food was here. We ate in the living room. I wanted us to watch something. Both of us were too busy with the food to talk about something. Kevin is supposed to have a class in the afternoon. He said he wouldn't go. I don't know what is going on with him. I'm glad that he wants to be with me.

After the movie, we went back to his room. He is thinking about something. We laid down, and I snuggled. I want to help him, but I don't know how. I don't think he will tell me anything.

- Hey, are you ok? You can tell me if something is bothering you.

- I'm fine. Kind of.

- What do you mean?

- I have too many things in my head. Don't worry about me.

- What if I want to do it?

- It's better if you don't. What do you want us to do now?

- I don't know.

- Do you still want this?

- Maybe. Do you want to give it to me?

- I do, but I'm afraid that something might happen.

- Do you care?

- No, but you do.

- I never said that.

- In that case, I can't do anything.

- I will never do something you don't like.

- The thing is that I want to spend more time with you, but I'm always busy with something.

- Your priorities should be first.

- I know, but I have other urgent things.

- The problem is not mine.

- I never said it was.

- Then?

- Alright. What have you planned for us? Except for the kid.

- Nothing. That was the only thing on my list.

- Are you sure?

- Yes. Maybe it's too early. Can we take a nap?

- Sure. I would love one.

- Thanks.

Nothing else was said. I don't know how to tell him. I want us to do it, but not because of a kid. I have never done this before. Let's say that I kept denying it. I didn't feel ready. I was lost in my thoughts when I felt a kiss. Of course, I deepened it. I feel like we haven't done this in ages. No matter that he kissed me today. Things quickly got heated. I will never miss my chance. Also, I don't see him that often. I am busy with my job, and he is with his classes. I felt where this was about to go.

- Are you sure about this?

- I am.

- Hundred percent? The last thing I want is for you to regret it.

- I won't. I promise. After all, it's you.

- Yes, but still.

- Hey, I trust you. I know you will never hurt me.

- That is true. I won't let anything happen to you.

- Then why are you asking?

- To make sure that you haven't changed your mind. It took me patience to be where I am now.

- I'm sorry. I needed some time.

- I don't mind.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

I don't need to explain what happened next. Well, Kevin was safe. He didn't want anything to happen. I know what he means. At least I enjoyed it. He offered me a shower, which ended with another round. Later, he gave me his clothes. Soon, I fell asleep. I woke up after two hours. My boyfriend was still sleeping. I had a message from my mom. I told her where I was. Otherwise, she will get worried for me. I left my phone and kissed him. I wish I could stay like that all day. This will be a dream. I started playing with his hair, and soon, he woke up.

- Hey, did I wake you up?

- No, don't worry. I dreamed about a kiss.

- A kiss? From who?

- You.

- Me? Dream again.

- Do you have something to do with this?

- No, why?

- Because there is no one else in the room.

- So?

- You are a terrible liar, but that's ok.

- Like you.

- What?

- You can't lie either.

- Are you sure?

- Are you telling me that you have lied to me?

- What? No, I don't.

- Sure.

- It's the truth. I have never lied to you.

- You said it, not me.

- Don't you trust me?

- There is no party, is there?

- Fine. It's something else.

- What?

- I can't tell you. I promised not to talk about it.

- I am your girlfriend. You can trust me.

- Please, don't insist. I can't do it. Round three?

- Really? You expect me to do it after this.

- What do you mean?

- My boyfriend doesn't trust me.

- That is not true. I trust you.

- Then tell me.

- I can't.

- Why?

- Because I love you, and I want to keep you safe.

- What does this have to do with your secret?

- A lot.

- Really?

- Yes. I'm sorry that I have to hide this from you. If I want to keep you safe, I have to do it.

- Is it that bad?

- It depends on.

- It depends on what?

- Nothing. - he said and kissed me

- This is not an excuse.

- I'm sorry. You know that I love you.

- Are you sure?

- Yes, I am.

- But I'm not.

- What?

- I will go home. Thanks for spending some time with me today. I appreciate it.

- You can't leave now.

- I'm sorry.

- Nia!

I went to change in the bathroom and later walked home. Everything started so well. Why did it have to end like that? He keeps lying to me. I don't know why he can't tell me. Who forbade him to do it? I'm not a stranger. He is dating me. I guess I have to find out this by myself. I didn't want to do it, but I had no choice. Otherwise, he will never tell me. Whatever happened today was only a one-time thing. I don't think we'll ever repeat it. Kevin doesn't want to have anything with me. He loves me, but I started doubting this. His love is not the same. I hope that the truth won't hurt me.