Second chance at Love

Roslin’s POV The moment my mother died was the moment I began to see things. Differently, I was hurting. My entire world had left me. All I could think of was how I could make someone hurt as much as I was hurting. I didn’t want to hurt my husband or children, so I contacted an ex because I wanted him to break. That was my first mistake; I took things too far and got caught. No, I didn't sleep with my ex, but I did lead him on, ultimately hurting him. Getting caught was the worst day of my life. My seventeen-year-old daughter caught me, and I begged my husband for forgiveness. He said he could forgive me, and I worked hard for eight months to earn his trust back, buying him new phones and never doing anything for myself. I was miserable, and he made me see I was never happy. I spent years being put down for my weight, my appearance, for everything I did. My husband used me to get what he wanted while spending years lying to me, and I always forgave him. I made one mistake, and he pulled me through the hot coals, so the day I found out he was cheating on me was the day his true colours came out to my children and me; one minute, we were happy, and the next, we were on the street. Homeless, I call my dad, hoping he has a room for my children and me. “Hey, Dad, can the kids and I stay with you?” I ask as I hold my breath, waiting for his reply. “For how long? What happened? You sound upset.” That's when the tears came. I had been trying to be strong. Vital for my children: what will I tell them when I pick them up from school? My eldest son comes over and helps me pack the car. I don't want to be here when my husband comes home from work. I don't like to see him. The messages I found to the other woman made my stomach turn. His words to her made me question everything! He called me a w***e, a lazy b***h, and the thing that hurt the most was a freeloader! Reading the fat part was nothing new there were always jabs to my weight or my appearance, but to call me a w***e and a freeloader cut deep, especially when I was buying him phones and tablets plus paying for all the bills, plus my children's education I gave up everything to be sure he had money to do what he wanted I never wanted to ask for help as I knew he didn't like paying for bills or the essentials, I wipe my eyes and help my son pack the car making sure I took enough to get by on. Go to my father's house to lick my wounds and figure out what to do next. I close the door to my house and take one last look around. I know that nothing will ever be the same again. But why does a part of me want to keep working on the marriage? I understand if he looks deep inside, he can move past this, and maybe we can work it all out, but my stupid side sends messages begging for him to stay with me. I let it all out, and he can't answer me, saying he needs time to think about it, and that is where I stupidly hold on to hope. I settle into my dad's house and try to make things seem normal for my children, but I can't hide from my feelings, and every day, my heart seems like it is being ripped out from my chest. I hear my phone chime, and I get excited by his message. “Hey, do you want to come home and work things out?” I reply immediately, “Yes, when can we come home.” I am waiting for his reply. “Tomorrow?” I tell the kids we can go back home and get their hopes up, and we begin packing our things, ready to go home in the morning. The following day, I sent him a text. “Hey, we will be home soon.” I begin to load my car, and I hear my phone chime. “Don't come home. I need another week to decide who I want.” It was that moment that I shut down, the moment he made me a choice, the moment he made it abundantly clear that I was a choice, never his priority. That's when the floodgates opened, and I decided to move on. I deserve to be more than a choice and someone's priority. I set my phone down and went to tell my children that daddy didn't want us home and that mummy and daddy would no longer live together. Watching their hearts break was the worst moment of my life up until that point. I spent the week he needed to choose between her and me. I was planning for my and the children's future. I began planning my take back of the house because my children deserved to be home in their beds. When that week was over, I knew deep down he had chosen her. I understood that I never stood a chance. So I unblocked my ex, told him what had happened, and apologised for hurting him. I figured I should at least say sorry for my wrongdoings. I fully expected him never to want to talk to me again, but to my surprise, his message left me dumbfounded. “Maybe we could give ourselves a try?” I sat in shock, re-reading the message and asking myself if I wanted that. I took a moment and then replied “I need time.” His response shocked me even more. “I will be here when you are ready. I know you are hurting, but I want to be here.” I put my phone down and then went outside and thought about what I should do. My situation just got interesting.