The things we never say.

Have you ever had a thought so disturbing that you immediately pretended it never happened? Don't answer. Most of us don't. We bury those thoughts deep within ourselves and convince ourselves they were never real. We blame them on stress, lack of sleep, or simply having a bad day. Then we move on. At least... that's what we're supposed to do. But mine never left. It started as something so small that I almost laughed. I was standing in a long queue at a grocery store behind an old woman. She smiled at me, and I smiled back. She looked kind—the type of person who would apologize even if someone bumped into her. Then, without warning, a thought crossed my mind. What would happen if I pushed her? The thought lasted only a second. I felt sick immediately. What was wrong with me? I quickly stepped back and looked around to make sure no one had noticed. The old woman turned around and smiled at me again. If only she knew what had just happened inside my head. That night, I couldn't sleep. Not because I wanted to hurt her. But because I couldn't understand why my own mind would think something like that. I spent hours searching the internet, asking the same question over and over again. "Why do I have disturbing thoughts?" Every website seemed to give the same answer. They're normal. Everyone has them. They don't mean you want to act on them. Reading those words brought me a strange sense of peace. I closed my phone and convinced myself to forget about it. For a while... I believed I had. Until another thought appeared. Then another. And another. Each one worse than the last. People always say, "You're not your thoughts." A part of me wanted to believe that. A part of me still does. But tell me... If an intrusive thought never leaves... At what point does it become a part of you?