THE MATING STRUGGLE

INSECURITIES!

CHAPTER 4

That night after that long conversation I had with “Toby” I returned home and wanted to take a shower I got to the bathroom and got my toothbrush as I walked past, I noticed the large mirror in the room and I stood in front of it. “Even I am beautiful” I said. Spanking my hips and rubbing my thighs. I admired myself and my feminine structure. It’s not like it was the first time I was seeing my long curly brunette hair and my grey eyes.

My height, I wasn’t to tall but I had a good height for a female. “Five feet and eight inches” was a standard, I said erotically while caressing my thick skin. “ Anyone who was going to come along will have to earn it” I said,

Yes, lest I forgot I need to brush my teeth and take a shower, I needed to take one every time I get a chance to.

I went to bed after feeding Daniel, I hadn’t had a mother son time with him since I arrived, I couldn’t let him feel abandoned. I sang him a lullaby that put him to sleep as it did me also.

I woke up the next morning on time and took a shower again and gave little Daniel to my mother and hurried up to the bath house at the river bank, it wasn’t really a river bank but they all just called it that “a bunch of bozo “ I said.

Hi jasper, he stared at me with disgust for he thought I was trying to be nice, he thought wrong though. “I was only trying to be civilized”.

Jasper halted me and asked if I knew how to clean, which I answered, yes, I do. “good” he said. “Do you like music” jasper asked, “I haven’t really gotten into that kind of stuff but it wouldn’t hurt to say yes” yes. I love music, I said, “grab the mop and clean, I’ll pay you by the hour” He said, oh my, this bath house was huge, I wondered how he got such a place. “Don't lie to me” he said. “okay”

“but I already did lie to him, well it was before he told me not to” I said, saying that to defend myself, not aloud though!

I got in the rooms and used every equipment in arms reach to finish up as quickly as I could, my hands were quite useful in each of the bathrooms, and the floors. Not my actual hands but with the mop and the sponge , I scrubbed till it was sparkling clean and white and had a fragrance of petals, I marveled at the job I had just done. Only a second had just gone by when “bumy” one of the pack members jumped in the pool and all the water in it turned black, my eyes were devastated, tears rolled down my eyes, he was a “Beta” so he had that stance and aura, you could tell he was going to be arrogant to.

“hmm, jasper has gotten someone to finally clean up this place “Bumy said, I looked at him “loathefully” like he had just not messes up the floors.

“Today was a crazy and harsh day, chasing those suckers out of the territory was fun, I think I even got to taste a bit of flesh from that slow poke. Oh yeah! I love being a wolf” he said.

…and for some reason I was feeling a tad uncomfortable. It didn’t even have to take werewolf instincts to know that something was about to happen. Jasper walked in and ignored Bumy, but not Bumy. he had something to say.

“Why don’t you get in the shower with me Jasper? Are you afraid that I may bite or you may drown?” Bumy said,

Jasper still ignored him and continued taking out the towels he had just bought, he was happily engrossed in it. He even put some music on. I admired his concentration.

“Aww, little one, are you afraid of a little water? I’m giving you a chance to talk to the dead” Bumy said, I couldn’t understand what was going on or what he was talking about, the next thing I saw was jasper heading to the electronics area and he grabbed one of the hair driers, plugged it into a socket and launched it into the air. “Someone is going to die “ I said, Bumy had felt this too, he quickly ran out of the water and was panting.

“Look at you now, a scared little dog, who’s afraid now? Who’s afraid of a little water” jasper said, mockingly, he walked out feeling satisfied.

Honestly, even though Bumy was being an absolute prick , I was scared to death for his life and was worried about jasper for some reason. I only had two more hours before my shift was over. Which came quickly, I got paid and I left for home as I was missing Daniel.

I got home and once again dinner was prepared and Daniel was already asleep. My mother had helped me out a lot. Feeling exhausted I took a shower and passed the mirror in the room again, only this time. I stood there and felt lost and it was as if I was having a conversation with myself but I there wasn’t any voice.

“My eyes felt heavy and my chin dropped, I had a frown on, like I was disappointed, I was worried about the neighbors my mother talked about, I was worried about me being a mother with no husband or mate, I felt eyes hovering over my head, the hairs on my body sang the tenacity of gossip, like I was going in circles, for some reason I was being an obstacle to myself and in the mirror I had let a bit of my rottenness leak. Internally I reassured myself that everything was going to be just fine. I mustered up.

I went to bed immediately as I had lost appetite to even eat now, I laid in my bed and it felt like I was sinking in it. The words, the fingers, the stares all made up an idea of me. “an idea that I wasn’t enough” the hefty presence of doubt sent chills down my body, it was ruthless, I couldn’t breathe. Amidst it I fell asleep, a slight escape.

In my dream, “the smell of Christmas drew closer and in this dream, there was a rainbow and I felt basic! I was running after something. I couldn’t tell what it was, while running I smashed my feet against a Stone buried in the ground. The memory of that pain lasted. A blurry face held my hand saying, let us be sad and happy together”.

I woke up the next morning feeling like a new person, with courage and hope. Every time I remembered that dream I felt relief. I got up from bed and did the usual, I was up early so I had enough time to help mother in the kitchen and to feed Daniel, which also added to the happiness I felt.

Well, apparently, the happiness will only last long up until Toby returned and called for a meeting, something needed to be addressed, I wonder what it could be, it was a matter of urgency.

Could it be about what happened at the bath house between Bumy and jasper? I hope not.