Club Bosa

Confessions

Maddies pov

    As I woke the next morning I realized it was late in the morning. "Damn it!" I cry out suddenly Rowland is in front of me, with a tray of breakfast. I barely remember coming home last night, I see his concerned hear that he and Bosa have decided I would be taking the day off. I was still trying to get up when I finally registered the words day off. I calmed a bit knowing i didn't have to get up and run right then. I had been avoiding coming home because my heart was shattering again. I usually didn't allow myself to think much during this time of year. nor did i answer my phone unless it is Bosa and I knew he wasn't to be ignored. He was the kind that would bust down the door just to make sure all was okay... well use the key... Its the time of year I lost my husband, through all the ups and downs, we were good together... there were a lot of things that could have been better, or done better on both of our parts. However no matter what happened I loved him dearly, to me he was my whole world....

    I didn't think it was fair to Rowland to have to be around me when I cry at a drop of a hat, nor that I am not past my past all the way. Jo my husbands cousin had called and though I knew better I answered her this year. She accused me of being her cousins demise, I knew she was drunk off her as a skunk, but I also blamed myself. So my mind went to a dark place and for days now Jo has called everyday though I haven't answered again. Suddenly I realized I was lost in thought, as Rowland took my hand while he had been calling my name. Jumping I focus on Rowland, then i cant control my tears, I start to cry. I feel him squeeze my hand gently. His eyes are showing concern, though I am worried soon it will turn into disappointment. he is sitting next to me I see him move the tray to the dresser, swiftly he pulls me into his lap. I feel him holding me and I cant help but break all the way down, as I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his shoulder. After time I feel myself relax as he rubs his hands up and down my back. I listen to him talk to me softly till I can bring myself back to a calm state and breathing less harsh. I ended up telling Rowland everything, things I had held in for many years and eventually i feel myself laughing at some of the memories.

Gently I feel Rowland kiss my forehead, for the first time in years I no longer feel held down with the past. I see a range of emotions go through his eyes. I fear the worst, that after all this Rowland will walk away...I feel him put me back on the bed, as he softly says, "love please eat.." His phone rings as he hands me the tray, I'm not very hungry but I try to eat. I had not really ate anything in days and even now I barely take a few bites before I am done. Rowland steps out to answer the phone... I worry a little though I know I have my work if this proves to be too much for him.