Crossing Over

Within the Trees

The days pass us like a blurry recollection with no significant change. The only noteworthy event that happened was when Walla got reprimanded because of her incorrect reaping of her peanuts. I only watch as Walla and her Farming Companion take a loud verbal insult from the Farming Professor. It’s nearly the end of the reaping period (for the vegetables and plants to be reaped) and the Farm Department can’t spare a pair of hands for Detention because they need to finish the process on schedule. I just breathe easier when I see them continuing their reaping after the slashing.

Hans and I are in deep silence. I just finish my weeding while he continues to do his. I really don’t feel too good about sneaking up to the perimeter on Sunday but I can’t bring myself to tell him that. I know I’m a very adventurous girl and that’s what he knows about me. But I don’t want to be caught because that will mean he will be caught as well. I know he doesn’t mind that. But I mind it too much.

On Saturday, our schedule for the whole day is Recreational Sports. I’m not in the mood of playing any games since I keep on thinking about Sunday but I can’t just discard my schedule. Besides, Walla needs me now more than anything because I know she does poorly on sports. I know I won’t be able to change anything about it but at least I can give her moral support.

We are in the middle of one of our games when I notice Walla heaving frantically beside me. She’s been on bench for two hours already and I just got exchanged because of an ankle injury. I touch her arm gently.

“Anything wrong, Walla?”

She shakes her head but then I can hear her stomach grumble. She must be hungry. I know Walla can get real hungry when she’s apprehensive about something. However I can’t just walk in the kitchens and find food for her. Its hours before dinner and I’m not sure if Walla can reach that time without fainting or anything.

“Kitchen,” she whispers hoarsely. “Backdoor”

“I know what you need but we can’t just barge in the kitchen like that,” I hiss.

“I know someone. Just cover for me, okay?”

I watch Walla walk gingerly away from me to the direction of the Dining Hall. I’m not sure what she’s talking about but I know I should cover for her. It’s just a simple request anyway. So I just sit down on the bench and watch my team playing the game called Volleyball.

After ten minutes, I can see Walla walking towards me and I can see she’s a bit livelier now. She sits beside me and then she rubs her stomach slowly.

“You got food?” I ask curiously.

She nods. “But I can’t tell you how. Sorry.”

I nod as well. I understand. She has secrets and I do not want to dwell on them. We all have secrets here anyway. I mean, I do have a secret in meeting Hans tomorrow in the Perimeter and I don’t intend to tell it to anybody. I just wish Walla knows what she’s doing. Or that she trusts that person who helps her.

The morning of Sunday is very bleak. I can see thick, black clouds hovering in the sky like some ominous sign. I haven’t seen Hans since Friday when we were in our Vegetable Patch. We are not allowed to meet any boys on Saturdays. I’m not sure if I still should go on with the plan but if it’s still a go I really don’t want to disappoint him.

While in the Dining Hall we are informed (from the Institution speakers) that they postpone the Washing hours in the morning because of the weather. We will start the Washing after lunch. I groan. That will only mean meeting Hans on a later time. I know there should be no problem with his time since he told me that they are allowed roaming period up until Curfew however, us girls, have our Five PM recollection period. I need to be there in that time or Walla and I’ll be dead meat. I’m thinking about postponing the perimeter trip when I see Walla sliding beside me and handing me a paper napkin.

“Er…” I don’t know what to say. “Do I have dirt on my face or something?”

Walla shakes her head and then leans close to me to whisper in my ear. “It’s from your Farm Companion.”

“Farm Companion…?” I look wildly around half hoping to see Hans in the Dining Hall which I’m sure is a big feat since they’re not allowed in our Area. “Where the hell did you get this?”

“I can’t tell. Just the same helping hand. Don’t worry I didn’t read it.”

Walla reading my personal note is really not a problem of mine. She’s my friend and I know I can trust her. But an alarm keeps on ringing in my head. Passing notes is forbidden in Institution much more if that note is from a boy. I don’t know what kind of ‘Helping Hand’ Walla is referring to but I’m sure that if she’s not careful she can find herself in trouble.

I’m already preparing my clothes for Washing when I read the note.

Panya,

Same as usual. Please come. Won’t take long. Take east road and I’ll be waiting.

Hans

I drop the paper napkin in the toilet and I flush it. Then I continue my way towards the West River with the other girls, all of us carrying loads of our clothes for washing. I decided to forget the letter in the meantime. I need to focus on finishing my laundry. I can see that the sky is still dark and we can all feel the slight drizzle of the rain. As much as we want to postpone Washing altogether we can’t just avoid it or we won’t be using any clean clothes next week.

I am able to finish my laundry in record time. I can see Walla still washing hers while humming a tune. I look around and I can see the girls very busy with their own washings. From the each end of the river I can see some of our Professors monitoring us. I can’t just leave without them noticing. The only way is to pass straight in the river. But first I must create a diversion.

“Walla, I need your help,” I whisper to Walla. She looks at me with apprehensive eyes but she nods.

In the next moment she dumps half of her clothes in the river and I quickly drop on my knees then I plunge on the cool waters. I first made sure that the clothes are going downstream before I hold my breath and submerge my whole body in the water. I can hear Walla shouting then and then when I try to peek I am sure everybody’s attention, including our Professors’, are on the clothes going downstream. I smile and then continue my swimming upstream, to the opposite direction of the commotion.

I think I’ve been swimming for the good ten minutes before I find my courage to go up land and seek the road towards the perimeter. I am shivering with cold. I know swimming is not a good idea but there’s no other option. I just hope they get all of Walla’s clothes on time. I owe her.

I know I’m walking the right way because after long minutes of walking I can see a dense cluster of trees in the distance – the end of the perimeter. I know the fences that the boys must be working on are just behind those trees.

When I reach the vegetation I stop and slowly look around. I don’t see anybody.

“Hans,” I whisper frantically. I can hear loud thunders booming in the sky. I hiss. If I don’t get out of here in time I can as well be caught up in a murderous rain.

“Panya?”

I look ahead and I can see Hans walking fast towards me. I can see he’s also dripping wet, probably both from the drizzle and perspiration. Well, I’m not in my best condition either since my teeth is chattering like hell.

“What happened?” he asks.

“Long story,” I answer. “What is it that you want to show me?”

He motions me to follow him near the fence and I can see that he has a good spot there behind the hedges. It must have been his secret spot when he’s taking a break or something. I can see his gray jacket on one of the tree branches and he quickly gives it to me. I thankfully wear it and then we sit on the damp grass, just behind the hedges.

He doesn’t speak for a while and I know that he’s thinking. He looks like serious and I don’t want to disturb his meditation.

“I’m really not sure if it’s good to give this to you,” he says. “I mean it can change a lot of things if you get picked in your Annual Selection.”

“Then don’t give it,” I answer. I am trying not to think about what he’s going to give.

He shakes his head and then he smiles at me. I just glare at him.

“Maybe if I haven’t laid my eyes on you it will be simpler,” he whispers almost to himself. “But everything is still going according to what I want it to be. Here I just want to give you this.”

He holds my hand open and then drops something like a gold pin on it. I stare at the trinket. It’s rectangular, slim and smooth, the same length as my pinkie. As I look at it closely I can see that there are carvings on its surface, like a bird. I bring it closer to my eyes and I can see some initials carved on it: H.K.W.

“Hans,” I whisper as realization suddenly dawns on me. “It’s a Military Tag.”

He nods. “Yes. I want to give it to you. It’s my father’s.”

“Your father’s ….?”

I shake my head. It can’t be. Military Tags are only given to Military Personnel and a Military Personnel can’t marry so they can’t have children. It’s all so wrong.

“My father is a Captain during his Military Service,” Hans says in answer to my questioning eyes. “He met my mother, who was a servant of one of the Advance Citizens, when he was still in duty. They fell in love with each other and ---“

“Love? What do you mean love? What’s that?”

Hans looks at me as though I’ve gone crazy. I really don’t know what he’s talking about. It’s the first time I’ve heard that word.

“Have you ever heard of the word luck? Compassion? Peace?  Romance? Freedom?”

“Freedom!” I gasp. Of all the things he had had that’s the only word that rings a bell. I’ve heard it from a girl somewhere in the Institution, and after that I’ve never seen her at all. Walla told me that she’s just ‘gone forever’. “But that’s a forbidden word.”

Hans shakes his head in exasperation. “Then let’s just say that ‘love’ is also a forbidden word. So don’t go running around this place screaming that, okay?”

I nod.

“Well, I really can’t describe it to you in complete detail but it’s something that has to do with feelings. Love is a feeling you have for someone – or something – that surpasses all your other feelings, in a positive way. It’s like a huge attraction.”

“You must be talking about ‘like’,” I say. “You mean, your father likes your mother very much and vice versa.”

“No. It’s much greater than that. So much greater than ‘like’ that my father and mother run away with each other.”

“To the provinces?” My eyes are huge balls of wonderment.

“No, silly,” he laughs. “I wouldn’t be here if they run as far and as vague as that. They just hid here in the Ordinary Society. I’m not sure how they managed to build new identities, but they did. And then they had me. But my father died before I got shipped here in the Institution. That’s when my mother gave me the tag. She said my father gave it to her and then now that he’s gone she thought it’s just proper to give it to me for keeping.”

“But how do you know that they fell in…” I lean closer to him to whisper. “…love?”

“They told me about it when I was just a small kid. I don’t understand much of it until I get here in the Institution. I get punished a lot of times saying that my parents ‘love’ each other on my first years here. That’s why you get to meet me in Detention.”

“But I heard a girl say the same thing and then she suddenly disappeared.”

“Oh you must talking about a Senior talking about it. Well, I’m just a kid back then so they believe I just heard the word somewhere and I just kept on repeating it to annoy people,” he explains.

I stare at the Military Tag on my hand. It’s really pretty in a way. I feel elated that Hans chose me to have it.

“So this is all you want to show me then?” I ask him. “You could have just handed it to me during Farming.”

“That’s illegal property so you should hide it. People might think I stole it or something,” he says. Then he goes quiet and so serious the next moment. “My mother told me that I should give that Tag to someone I ‘love’”

I look at him. I don’t understand ‘love’ yet but if it’s something to do with ‘like’ and he said that it’s bigger than that then I guess I should feel flattered. But my mind is wheeling so much that I can’t give or express the proper emotion.

“Well, you don’t understand much, I know,” Hans says. “But I just want to tell you that if ever both of us get approved in Marriage Selection, I’ll definitely choose you to marry.”

“But you’re not going to marry any one at all forever,” I say sadly. I feel glad for a moment that Hans considers choosing me for marriage if ever we are both in that scenario. I know he feels comfortable with me since he’s my best friend. In fact, I feel glad too, because I don’t want to be left alone in the selection without anyone picking me. I know I’ll feel bad about myself.

He sighs. “Right. That’s the reason why I’m giving it to you. I know you don’t understand half of what I’m trying to tell you. No, don’t argue, okay? You just don’t. But in time I know you’ll understand it and it makes me sad that I won’t be anywhere near you when that time comes. I’ll be long gone and I’ll be in Advance Society without any hope of reaching you.”

“Not if I get selected in Annual Selection,” I say matter-of-factly.

Hans mouth drops open and he stares at me like he’s trying to understand something. Oh, yes, Hans can be so smart and know-it-all but when it comes to what I’m saying I know he comes dumb half of the time.

“If I get selected then I get to go to Advance Society as well. Maybe we can meet there,” I say. “We can just suddenly bump with each other on the street or something. Or better yet once I understand what you are trying to say I’ll go find you and then I’ll give you a piece of my mind about it.”

Hans laughs so hard that I’m half afraid that they can hear us all the way in the Institution. He suddenly drapes his arm around me and crushes me on his huge, wet chest.

“Now I feel bad about leaving you,” he mutters as his laugh subsided.

I blush. Physical contact with a person from a different s*x is highly punishable. I quickly tried to pry his hands off me but he’s much stronger than I am. I let him do what he likes for a moment. Once he releases me I’ll go punch him in the nose.

We both jump when the rain started to fall in huge buckets. I try to give him back his jacket but he insists on me wearing it. We both know we can’t just march back to the Institution together so he just accompanies me to the edge of the river where we part.

When I’m already near our Building I suddenly remembered his jacket still on me. Hastily, I take it off and I roll it into a ball so that I can toss it away if I see someone approaching me. It’s a good thing that everybody appears to be inside because I don’t see a single soul loitering around. I quickly change into dry, clean clothes when I’m inside my room and I dump Hans’ jacket under my bed. I’ll just have to deal with it later. I have exactly five minutes before Recollection and I know Walla must be wondering where I am.