Dear Kate

Chapter 2

Summer, June 12th.

Dear Kate,

There's something different about him big sister. I never thought the day would come where I'd find someone like him. Tyson. I'm smiling just thinking of our date last night. I won't lie to you Kate, it was strange for me. You know better than anyone how little experience I have in the dating world... well none until now. I didn't want to give him a chance, much like I never gave others but, saying no felt like failing you. You were always brave and confident. You walked into a room and demanded attention. I never could despite how much you tried to teach me your ways. I've always admired you and wanted to be like you. Dating Tyson feels like I'm one step closer to achieving that.

It was an interesting experience. He's new to the town but Peter has convinced me that he's a man worth getting to know. He's a bit older than me, ten years despite his youthful look. I would say he's much like a diamond under construction but I feel as though his final look won't be quite as refined and sparkling. He is rough around the edges, a strong Brooklyn accident that seems out of place in our small Texas town.

He asked me to meet him at the old fish stall. You would have laughed, reminding me that he was already off to a bad start. The place is still as smelly and dirty as it's always been but it was cheap. I've never been one who cared about the size of someones bank account and I wasn't this time; though, I could have done without the potent air.

He paid for the small dinner which I was pleased with. He was awkward at first, fidgeting with anything he could find on the creaking wooden table. He hardly looked at me but when he did, a strange look would appear on his face. It were almost like he lost all feeling in his face. His eyes would close slightly as a soft, dazed look clouded him. His mouth would stop moving, even midway a sentence. All he would do is stare at me, as though lost in what he saw.

My heart still struggles to control itself at the thought of that look.

I'm not you Kate. I don't own a supermodel body; though I'm sure you'd strongly disagree you did too. My hair is more dry and stringy than it is voluptuous and my introverted personality places me in the shadow rather than being center of attention. And yet, with Tyson I feel I am all those things.

We spoke a lot, about everything. Our date wasn't short and extended well into the night. We were both honest and open and it surprised me. I never opened up but somehow hearing him willingly tell me his story, gave me a confidence I've never possessed.

He's orphaned, has been since he was fourteen. Peter's mom helped raise him until the age of eighteen where he chose to move out and fend for himself. Shortly after, Peter and his family had moved here but Peter had tried to stay in contact with Tyson. Ten years on his own had changed him, made him see and feel things he'd never thought would happen. It's also hardened him against life, placed challenges of an education, a loving home and reliable friends in his way. Yet, when I look at him and hear of his hardship, I see a strength in him that inspires and amazes me. I've only once seen that strength before, in you.

He was a gentleman, opening doors, paying, leading the way and being sure to stand in the line of traffic while I stood in safety. He made me feel precious, throwing compliments my way. He says I'm beautiful, an angel sent his way. My stomach clenches when I'm near him and my heart beats.

We speak a lot, another thing that surprises me. Since you've left, I've lost my desire to be vocal but Tyson's appearance demands I speak up. He knows of my life here in Texas and of you. I never thought to tell him but he's getting around town. Soon someone would mention you and I'd rather he hear my side of the story rather than a fabricated one for hot town gossip.

He understands. Your leaving and his mothers' joined us last night. We share a connection made by understanding sorrow and pain. I'm not sure yet how I feel about a romantic relationship with him but I've found a sense of freedom in knowing that I've found someone new who I'm comfortable around.

Despite the wonderful evening we had, I still find myself doubting him, doubting what I'm doing. I know you'd be ecstatic with the news that after eighteen years, I've finally decided to date but, I still wonder if you'd have liked him. He can be annoying at times, laughing inappropriately with a humor only a preteen would have but, I like it. I like that he isn't serious all the time. I've been too serious too long. I like that I feel a reprieve with him.

I'm new to dating though and I'm not sure how it all works. Tyson knows. We've chosen to be honest at all times and I really want to be sure I am. He knows how little experience I've had and I've explained how my shyness and lack of desire were the reasons. It's different with him. I feel brave around him. Perhaps it's due to the childlike vulnerability he exudes or perhaps because he's obvious attraction to me is an ego boost I've since lacked.

He's been messaging me all day, asking how my day has been. He works hard for Old Timmy, moving stock around and helping sell the goods in the front store. It's a lot of work for little pay but it's enough that for the first time in ten years, he's able to afford living near his best friend Peter.

I don't know much about Peter and his family but I have a feeling that if things progress with Tyson, I'll need to overcome my irritation of his arrogance and become friendly with Peter. I haven't let Tyson know what I think of his best friend. He sees the man as a brother and I think it would hurt him if he knew I couldn't stand the man.

We've made plans to go out again tomorrow after church. I haven't been to the old building since you left but Tyson wants to go. He's never been to a church or been in a town as small and close as ours. Pastor Liam has been asking for me since the funeral but I've always been haunted by too many memories in the building. I'm still scared to go but if Tyson is near, I think I'll be okay.

Dating is new and scary for me but I want to try it. I wish you were here to give me guidance.

I miss you Kate. I miss your smile and your laugh but, I'm also missing it less and less each day. I'll never forget you, I don't think it's possible to miss someone as magnetic as you and to ever truly forget them but, I'm healing.

I think Tyson has a lot to do with it too.

Wish me luck Kate.