Imaginary Boyfriend

9

After getting her project graded, she hugged her project file close while walking to her locker. She was still not sure how the rough sheet Jacob had written on disappeared overnight, it was with her when he left but not when she woke up the next day.

Even though Jacob had helped her, she herself had put in a lot of efforts and hours and was very proud with what it had turned out to be, mentally taking a note to thank the boy when she sees him next, if she sees him next.

Soomin walks through the hallway of her university with her head down. She wasn’t a very social outgoing people, especially in the university. People there mocked her for her disability, bullied her because she couldn’t fight back, so she ended up hating most of them.

Well she practically hates everyone except her parents and Haeun.

Haeun, her best friend, her only friend, waved at her but quickly frowned when she saw that Soomin wasn't even looking at her.

"Yah Somoo! What if something happens while you're looking down. You're always looking down, " Haeun's tone saddened, "you're never confident."

"I'm sorry. I was just thinking." Soomin replied in a small voice.

"Did you do the project?" Haeun asked to which Soomin nodded, a strange feeling of seeing her friend proud of her work gushed over her as she pushed it over for her to see it.

Haeun flipped the pages and was amazed and confused.

"You did this all by yourself?" Haeun asked and raised a brow. Well she already knew that Jacob had helped her but still asked her in order to check if there has been any progress with Soomin.

"No. I-"

"You think she can do this all by herself?" A girl snatched the project file and flipped through the pages and started laughing maniacally gathering attention. Soon there were two and by the time Soomin could blink, most of her batchmates gathered around and there were multiple hands on her project .

"Oh God! This is the most hilarious thing ever!" She pointed at the description written by Soomin with her broken memories.

“Wait let me see too.” Another girl tried snatching but the pages came off the file and most of them ended up on the floor. A few of them lost interest and walked away, stepping on the pages in the process.

"Why would you do that?" Soomin asked with tear in her eyes.

"It is a lesson for you. Why don't you leave grammar class if can't even describe? Why don't you leave this university if you can't even learn?" She said and smirked. She dropped the file that was resting on her hand and turned to leave.

“I’m sure your parents think you’re a burden too and want to get rid of you as soon as possible.” She added with a sly smirk.

Haeun looked at Soomin who was looking down, hoping she would speak up for herself but sighed knowing Soomin was too broken to do that.

"Watch your language! She's better than you." Haeun defended Soomin and picked the many pieces of the project that was lying on the floor.

She turned around to find Soomin but she was not there anymore.

Soomin ran to the rooftop of the building and opened the tight door with great strength.

She felt terrible for leaving Haeun behind but she felt like she would break down in front of everyone if she stood there for a minute longer.

She sat on the floor wishing nothing but all the negativities around her to disappear. She wanted to be strong, to fight back, to show everyone that it’s not easy to pick on her but she couldn’t.

She tried standing up for herself in middle school, she was immediately reminded of how useless she was as a person.

She gained confidence and stood herself up again in high school but it just wasn’t enough.

Even the people who stuck around with her only pitied her. To help the unfortunate girl, to be there for the disabled girl, it was all out of pity.

Her family members would look down on her and put up their sympathetic face around her parents. Always giving her the feeling that she was good for nothing.

Haeun being the only one she could rely on when not around her family, she felt as if she was holding her friend back, from making new friends, experiencing college life as one should.

‘I’m just making things hard for everyone around me, maybe I should disappear. Everyone will be happier and burden-free.’

Soomin started waling near the edge of the roof, her pace was slow but her thinking process was even slower.

‘Am I really going to jump? Is this the end? Should I end it all?’

Upon reaching the edge of the roof, she took a deep breath and looked at the sky as if asking her God to send someone to stop her, anyone who was human enough to tell her she isn’t worthless.

Hearing the bells ring, she lost all hope. Her best friend was probably in her class now, her only light seemed to get blur and she took a big sigh.

She closed her eyes and opened them again to see the height of the building she was standing on top of.

Her teary eyes blocked the vision but she felt shivers run down her spine and the hair on her body stood up as if someone walked on her grave.

She gulped and took a step back. She continued walking back until her back collided with the wall and her knees gave up.

She sat on the ground and hugged her knees.

Million thoughts were invading her head.

Why am I so weak?

I can't even kill myself.

I'm useless.

I'm unwanted.

I'm a burden.

I'm a liability.

I'm disabled.

I hate myself.

I hate everyone.

I am so weak.

I'm sorry.

I can't do this anymore.

I need you Jacob.

Please.

I'm calling you Jacob.