On His Knees

Chapter 14

I coughed, horrified to see blood on the palm of my hand. I quickly tried to wipe it off with the tissue only to realize there’s none left. It’s been…no, wait, I couldn’t remember how many days had passed since dad beat me up. Two…three? Maybe. My body still hurts and I’m coughing up blood, I reckoned not a day had passed. I couldn’t tell. The windows were boarded, the doors were locked with chains and heavy padlocks, any sort of access to the outside was sealed. I hadn’t seen or felt the sun for so long, I’m beginning to forget what it looked like.

“Don’t worry, kid. They’ll be coming for you.”

I didn’t know uncle Milo was a liar. Maybe, he had always been one. I thought I could trust him, he’s like a father to me. He was the one who took care of me when dad or my brothers couldn’t. I regarded him as my dad, thinking he sees me as his son. But sadly, it wasn’t the case.

I knew it was my fault. I trusted people so easily. I’m an i***t.

I buried my face on the pillow, groaning. I hadn’t eaten anything yet. The maid would only bring me water and even if I beg for food, she would only ignore me. She said it was dad’s order not to let me eat, as it was some sort of punishment for sneaking out of my room and defying his orders. I was being starved to death, and if it wasn’t for the ration of water, I would have died.

I could feel my stomach grumbling, screaming for food. I rubbed my belly and heaved a sigh. I wanted to get out. I wanted to read books, I wanted to attend classes, I wanted to talk to people—I wanted to see Caden.

I don’t want to be here.

“Caden,” I mumbled his name, feeling as if I hadn’t called it for eternity. I wasn’t sure if it was the hunger talking but I could hear his voice in my ears, cheering me up. Everything will be okay, Livi.

Would it really be okay?

Would I ever get out of this hell?

Maybe…I should just die.

Should I? What’s the point of living if I couldn’t even get out of this room? I’m aware of how much I hated interacting with people, how I’d get intimidated by them but…I still had a lot of things I wanted to do, places I wanted to explore, books I wanted to finish.

I should just die.

I gripped the sheets and grunted, hating how I’m slowly sinking deeper and deeper. All I think about was death and Caden and it’s not a great combination. I had been in love with him for so long that I just couldn’t give up now. Not when we finally confessed our feelings to each other, damn it!

If I wanted to see Caden, I shouldn’t think about dying and any morbid stuff just because I’m locked up. Getting up from the bed, I looked around the room to find any possible paths to get outside.

“Listen carefully, Livio. If you want to live, you’ll do whatever I ask you to do. Or else, I’ll give you the Vaccarinos. They won’t show you the same mercy I did.”

My shoulders dropped in defeat. If I try to escape again, dad wouldn’t be so kind to be anymore. He’d really beat me up to a pulp and it’d be the end of me. I didn’t want to disappoint him again, not after what happened.

“Dom is the man you should be scared of, Livio. Because you’re the reason why he’s in deep s**t. And he’ll do anything to f**k you up.”

What did I do the Vaccarinos…to uncle Dom? Why was I the reason why he’s in deep s**t? For all I know, he’s been nothing but nice to me. He’d even give me gifts every time he comes and visit us. Never had he shown any sort of hostility towards me. Although he was a man with an intimidating personality, thanks to how big and muscular he was, and how cold and lifeless his eyes were, he was still kind to me.

My stomach grumbled again and it’s really demanding to be filled up. Taking the glass of water that’s almost half-empty, I contemplated if I should finish it. Based on observing the interval of the maid’s ration, it’d still take another hour and a half before she comes and gives me the next glass of water.

Who would have known that it’d be a problem for me to drink water?

It’s really like I’m in prison…no, I really am in prison.

I collapsed back on the bed, suppressing the urge to cry out of frustration. I kept wondering what I would do once I get out of this place. Maybe I could go and visit countries I never thought I’d be going to. Like India, or Germany…Korea even. Anywhere that’s rich with history and culture—things I’d be interested with. I would spend my time searching for ancient libraries, reading varieties of books, learning new languages or even meeting people would be amazing no matter how much I get anxious by them.

Why am I only realizing now how much I’m missing? I stayed in this house, cooped up with piles of books I could never own, afraid to venture the world when there’s so much to explore.

Caden would take me to these places and we would enjoy each other’s company, staying by the beach, admiring the stars in the sky…

Tears finally fell from my eyes as I imagined how wonderful my life could be if I could spend it with Caden. To build a family with him, somewhere far away from the Mafia…I would kill just to have that.

Unfortunately, it’s too late now. There’s no way out of this place. I’d be locked in my room, just like what dad wanted. Whatever his reasons were, I chose to think that he’s doing this for my good. I was already betrayed by uncle Milo who seemed like a good person only to hurt me by setting me up…if uncle Dom was the same, then there’s no reason for me to trust him.

He’s only acting nice because he wanted to earn my trust. Just like what uncle Milo did. If dad tells me he’s the enemy, then I’d believe him.

He’s the one protecting me from the Vaccarinos.

If they were to get me, I’d be f****d.

I woke up feeling tired and sore as ever. I got up from the bed and smiled a little after seeing a new glass of water on the night table. I dragged myself to the bathroom and stared at the boarded-up vent that I used to get out. After dad discovered that, he had his men check every nook and cranny of my room to check if there’s still a hole I could squeeze myself into. Though I promised him I wouldn’t think of escaping again, dad didn’t listen and kept ignoring me.

I stared at myself in the mirror, mourning about how tragic I looked like. My hair was a mess, my face was swollen, there were dark bags under my eyes, my cheeks were pale, and my lips were chapped. The darkening bruises of dad’s brutality were still evident not only on my face but on my body as well.

It still hurts when moving but I forced myself to get out of my clothes. I had to take a hot bath. I couldn’t remember when was the last time I did but it didn’t matter. After filling up the tub with warm water, I dipped my foot first, sighing in relief. The temperature was just right, and I couldn’t wait to get in. When I did, my body was engulfed with warm water and it felt as if I was in heaven.

I stayed in the bath for almost an hour before getting out and dressing myself to resume feeling sorry about everything that happened in my life. I walked to the night table, drank the glass of water and sat on the edge of the bed, pondering about things.

If only I could have a book, even just one, I would survive being locked in this room. I wouldn’t get tired of reading it over and over again. It’d helped me get out of my depressing thoughts and would entertain me.

I smiled a little.

I should have hidden the books I bought before Hugo and Louis could find out and burn it just to bully me. I was so afraid bending the rules, so afraid that I’d disappoint dad even further. Only when Caden’s involve could I gather the courage to go against his words. Regrettably, the result was devastating, and I wouldn’t do it again. Even if Caden’s involved.

“Don’t worry, kid. They’ll be coming for you.”

Who’s exactly coming for me, uncle? The Vaccarinos? What do they want from me? I’m afraid the time would come, and they’d really attack the Saverios and…get me.

Based on what dad said, uncle Dom hated me. Whatever I did, he despised me. And dad was the only one protecting me from his wrath.

But I don’t understand. What did I do to him?

I sighed once again. Caden had the answers to my questions. Ah, Caden. I wondered what he’s doing. He’s probably attending his classes, having fun with his friends, getting invited to parties and hanging out with…girls. He did confess to me but I’m unable to become his lover due to my circumstance.

Was it okay for me to believe that he’d wait for me? That he’d do something about my imprisonment? That he’d actually come and take me away?

He’s still uncle Dom’s son and he’s a Vaccarino. Would he hurt me too?

I bit my lips. These thoughts were getting out of control and things don’t make sense anymore. The only man I could believe was dad. He’s doing this for my sake. He wouldn’t have hurt me if it wasn’t for my stupidity. He’s only teaching me a lesson.

Right?

The conversation I overheard between uncle Milo and dad was confusing. Was that the truth uncle Milo was saying? Or was he really just setting me up because he wanted to see dad hurt me…like what he had done to him.

Agh, I don’t know anymore!

I was snapped out of my thoughts when the door opened, revealing Hugo and Louis. Both of them wore that annoying smirk—the smirk they always had when they’re about to bother me.

“Aw, baby brother is crying,” Hugo teased, walking up to me. Louis closed the door behind him and followed his brother.

I stared at them, pouting. What were they doing? Did dad allow them to see me? Or were they kind enough to actually bail me out? I doubt the latter.

“What do you want?”

“Hey, we just want to see you miserable,” Louis said, snickering. “You look like s**t, bitch.”

I rolled my eyes at them. I wasn’t in the mood to listen to their insults. Ever since we were kids, Hugo and Louis had done nothing but annoy me. I get why they hated me. I’m not a part of the Mafia even if I was born in it. They see it as dad playing favorites because I wasn’t a part of their horrid world. But was it my fault that I’m weak and pathetic? It’s not like dad didn’t want me to join the Mafia because he wanted to protect me. He decided that I wasn’t strong enough to be a part of the Saverios and I’d only give him trouble than help.

“We asked dad if we could see you and he said yes,” Hugo informed.

“Go away,” I said.

All of a sudden, Louis grabbed me by the hair, forcing me to get up from the bed. I was stunned by what he did, and they both saw how my eyes widened in fear. My body hadn’t recovered from dad’s cruelty. “W-what are you doing?!”

“Now that you’re kicked out of the Saverios, we can finally do this to you,” Hugo said, his smirk getting big.

I trembled. Kick…out? “W-what?”

“We heard what you did the other night. You tried to escape, huh?” Louis laughed and it sounded so sinister, so heartless. They were never like this before. What…happened? “You’re so stupid, Livi! You’re never going to get out of this place!”

“Yeah!” Hugo chimed in, slapping me on the face. It hurt but I was too confused about what was going on to react. “It sucked that we didn’t see you get beaten up by dad. But, hey, we can do it again, right?!”

I held Louis’ arm to stop him from yanking my hair, but he wasn’t budging. “L-let go!”

“You have been nothing but a sight for sore eyes, faggot,” Hugo hissed, his eyes flashing in pure fury. “Taking care of you…acting like you’re one of us…it’s sickening!”

I gulped, utterly disoriented. “I-I don’t…I don’t understand,” I stammered.

Acting as one of them? What did he mean by that?

“Do you really think you’re a Saverio?” Louis asked, smirking at me. He punched me on the face, and it hurt like hell! I sagged against his grip, but he didn’t let me go. “That felt good, bro,” he said, turning to Hugo with a huge, animalistic grin on his face.

“Hey, savor the moment,” he said, pulling out his phone and pointing it at me. “We can send this to those shitheads before we hide this motherfucker.”

“S-stop,” I begged, struggling to get away from Louis’ grasp. But it’s hopeless. He was too strong. All of them…are too strong.

“Stop?” Hugo asked before laughing as if what I said was something to laugh about. “You must be out of your mind, Livio,” he said, muttering my name in disgust. “After everything you and those motherfuckers did, you really think we’re going to stop?!”

“They’ve been acting like they’re ahead of us,” Louis commented. “It’s time to put their back to their places.”

Hugo chortled. “True. And we’re going to start with you.”

Hugo and Louis dragged me out of my room, through the corridor and down the stairs. I kept hitting the furniture and it hurt even more. I was thrashing against them, hoping it’d save me. When I successfully kicked one of them on the foot, they loosened their hold on me. I was about to bolt, running to where the door was but they were quick to get me back, delivering a heavy punch on my stomach to immobilize me. Before I knew it, I was inside a dark and dingy room, and it smelled like metal and rust. The putrid smell was enough to make me throw up.

Hugo went around me, tying my hands and feet on the chair they forced me to sit. Men were assisting them, watching me as the two began beating me up. One of them was recording while I was being punched, over and over again, on the face, on my torso, making me bleed all over the face. I could hear their laughter amidst the ringing of my ears.

Was this…just a dream?

Not only dad…but Hugo and Louis too?

Just what did I do?

I was aware my brothers never liked me but to the point of torturing me, saying all those things like I deserved it for ruining their family…their family…?

Wasn’t I a part of that family too?

I’m a Saverio.

I’m Livio Saverio.

Was this the truth you’re trying to say, uncle Milo? That my dad, my brothers and even you just acted like I’m a part of your family. When I really wasn’t?

Then…who am I?

My head dropped in defeat, my sight blurry and dazed. Thick blood dripping from my mouth, my nose, and my eyes pooled on the floor. They kept going on, yanking my hair up to punch me on the face, again…and again…and again…

My body was getting numb as I trembled in fear and confusion.

Please, someone…tell me this was just a dream.

Hugo and Louis would only bully me but not to this extent…not in real life.

This was just a dream.

A…really horrible…dream.

“What are you doing?”

My whole body was throbbing, aching…screaming in mercy. I tried to look at the person who spoke. It sounded familiar…but I couldn’t remember who it belonged to.

Wait…who…am I again?

Livio…Saverio, right?

“Hey, uncle! We’re just having fun with this s**t. Do you want to join in?”

“Are you two of your mind?”

“Why?! What’s wrong?! Oh, come on, it’s not like dad will get angry. We’re just having fun with Livi!”

“Did you record that?”

“Give that back, uncle!”

Oh no, I’m losing consciousness…their voices were getting farther and farther…

“You two are really stupid, aren’t you? Just like your god damn father.”

“Hey!”

“Do you really want to start a f*****g war?!”

“What can those fuckers even do, huh?”

“We have what they want. And as long as we have Livio, they can never touch us, right?!”

“Yeah, because Livio’s—”

I couldn’t remember much about what happened after Hugo and Louis brought me to that room. I never even know that kind of room here in the house. Though it wasn’t surprising such a place exists. There’s a lot of secrets hidden inside this mansion and it revolves around me.

If there were two things I understand from this whole ordeal…it’s that the Vaccarinos hated me and I’m not a Saverio.

I’m not…a Saverio.

I wanted to cry but my face was swelling. My eyes were busted…everything was actually. I wanted the pain to go so bad that I was willing to jump off the roof or shoot myself with a gun just to make it stop.

I could feel someone caressing my hair and it was comforting…as if I’m being touched by someone who truly loved and cared for me. Right now, no one in the world does but just for a second, I wanted to be…loved…and taken care of.

Everything just hurt.

“Don’t worry, I let you drink pain reliever. I also cleaned your wounds. You’ll be okay.”

The voice was soothing…and it felt so good.

“Uncle,” I called and upon hearing how small and weak my voice was, I could feel the sudden urge to sob in misery, “do you…hate me too?”

I heard him chuckle. “And what makes you think that?”

I kept my eyes closed. “Because…everyone…seems to…hate me.”

I didn’t even know what I did to deserve this. Was I some sort of criminal back in the days? Did I just have amnesia and forgot everything I did before? Honestly, no matter how ridiculous the ideas were in my head, it all made sense somehow.

Maybe…I really am a bad person.

“No one hates you, Livi.” He put a chaste kiss on my forehead and even if I wanted to see uncle Milo’s face, even for a second just to convince me that what he’s saying was true, I couldn’t. “They’re taking their time, but I assure you, they’ll be coming for you. And when they do, the Saverios will be ruined.”