On His Knees

Chapter 5

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” I asked as soon as Caden released my hand. He brought me in the bathroom where it was fairly empty. The bell already rang, and every student was inside their respective classrooms. “Are you out of your mind, Caden?!”

Caden heaved a loud sigh. “f**k,” he cursed under his breath. “I should have killed those guys.”

“W-what?” His back was facing me, prohibiting me from seeing his face. I didn’t understand why he’s agitated with the situation. It’s not like those guys hurt me. He appeared before they could do anything to me. “Caden, what are you—?”

He released his clenched fists, his shoulders dropping. “Sorry,” he said, his head shaking. “I’m fine now.” Turning around to face me, there was a fake smile plastered on his face. “Let’s go to class. We’re going to be late.”

Caden walked past me. I stayed standing in the middle of the bathroom, confused and lost. What the hell just happened? Did he say he wanted to kill those guys back there? I knew Caden, at least I thought I did. He’s not someone who could say something as scary and dangerous as murdering people like that. It might not be a big deal to other people but we’re not exactly normal. Hurting and killing people weren’t just jokes to us. And for Caden, he’s not someone who would simply say things like that. “Caden, wait!”

He stopped before he could leave the bathroom. Facing me for the second time, one of his brows was raised. “What is it?” he asked, waiting patiently for what I’m about to say.

What was I going to say? Should I ask what was that about? Why was he angry with those guys? Was he always that protective of me? He was back when we were kids, but we’re not kids anymore. And going as far as threatening innocent lives—lives who didn’t belong to the Mafia—it scared me. Caden’s changed too drastically. “I’m sorry,” was the only thing I could say.

“What are you apologizing for, Livi?” Caden closed the door behind him. He walked back to where I was, stopping a couple of inches away from me.

I cowered under his gaze. No, this wasn’t the same Caden I knew. This was the Caden that uncle Dom trained, the same person who would take over his family. He’s going to be a mob leader. He’s…becoming different right in front of my eyes and I couldn’t even do anything about it. “It’s my fault if those people get angry with you,” I said, my voice quivering. “They’re your friends, right?”

Caden stared at me. “Friends?”

I looked up, perturbed with his bored reaction. “Aren’t they your friends?” I asked.

“Right, they’re my friends.” I flinched. The way he said it felt like he’s mocking those guys. I saw him hang out with those guys a couple of times before. I even came to a realization that he’d rather spend more time with them than with me. Why wouldn’t he? They’re more entertaining. I’m boring. I liked boring stuff; books, videogames, rom-com movies, and painting. Kelly and his friends knew how to have fun; parties, girl, s*x—I ignored the pain in my chest. I didn’t want to think about Caden having s*x with girls. “You don’t kill your friends, right?”

“I-I don’t think so,” I replied dumbly.

Caden grinned at me. “Okay, I won’t.” Ruffling my hair, his hand went downwards to cup my cheeks in his hands. I felt how rough his palms were. The callouses caressed my cheek and it almost hurt. I wondered how many times he needed to hold a gun to get those marks on his hands. Was his training painful? I had no idea. “As long as they didn’t hurt you, then it’s fine. I won’t hurt them back.” I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He just an inch away but it felt like he’s oceans apart from me. I wanted to touch him, to run my hand across his face, to feel how smooth his skin was, to kiss it and— “Let’s get back to class,” Caden said, retrieving his hand away from me. Smiling the usual smile he always had, he added, “uncle Saverio won’t be happy if you miss one subject.”

Going back to class was difficult. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. Caden’s touch lingered on my face. It was as if he’s still touching me, it’s insane. Was my desire for him growing steadily fast that it’s becoming hard to suppress? No. I’d lose everything if I let my emotions get the better of me. I had been hiding my feelings for Caden for a very long time. I shouldn’t give up now.

“As long as they didn’t hurt you, then it’s fine. I won’t hurt them back.”

Caden’s words kept ringing in my ears. He was always protective of me even when we were still kids. I reckoned it’s because he treated me as his brother. Caden’s an only child. Uncle Dom had been strict on him since we were kids. He wouldn’t allow him to get out if there were no bodyguards surrounding him like he’s the Queen. Uncle Dom’s people would always report things about Caden after the day was done. The only time he let Caden off his radar was whenever he’s at our house. It proved how uncle Dom trusted us with his beloved son. Everyone knew Caden was uncle Dom’s adopted child but with the way he’s treating him, it showed how much he loved and cared for him.

Caden’s protectiveness surfaced when he witnessed how my older brothers bully me. I remembered when they locked me in the storage room while playing hide and seek. They forced me inside that dark and cramped room, and I stayed there for hours, begging for someone to come get me out. They asked every men and maid working for us to ignore my pleads. I was so scared, I thought I’d stay there forever until I lose my breath and die. I developed a fear of closed spaces because of the prank my brothers did. I didn’t stop crying, praying and hoping someone would find me and released me from that room.

It was Caden who found me. I thought he was a part of the game, but it turned out he had been searching for me all over the house; the same big house that ignored my frenzied cries. He pulled me out of that dark place and hugged me until I stopped crying. When he confronted my brothers, Hugo and Louis only laughed like there’s nothing wrong with what they did to me. They went as far as teasing me for being a crybaby, a sissy was what they called me.

Memories of Caden tacking Hugo, pinning him to the ground and punching him like he was a wild animal that got loose was still clear as a day in my mind. A fight broke out that night and it took two men to get Caden off my brother. In the end, uncle Dom apologized for what Caden did to Hugo. He didn’t come back after that but when he did, Caden’s face was filled with bruises. He told me his father punished him from attacking my brother.

“Do you regret doing it?” I asked, checking out the wounds on Caden’s face. It wasn’t only on his face, he also had it on his arms and legs. Did he get whipped? Or did uncle Dom used a cane to hit him? Sometimes, dad would do it to Hugo and Louis who didn’t know when to behave.

Caden’s grin was the brightest. “No, of course not. If I have to do it again to protect you from those nasty people, I won’t think twice.”

I couldn’t hide the blush forming in my cheeks. “Why would you do that for someone like me?”

“Because you’re very important to me, Livi. You’re my—”

“—ton. Clayton!”

I woke up from my daydream, standing up as soon as I heard the surname I used whenever I’m in public. “Y-yes, sir?!”

All eyes were on me as my teacher in History class glared at me. He closed the book he was holding, halting from writing on the screen. “Are you that confident that you begin to daydream in my class, Clayton?”

I lowered my head from shame. I’m still not accustomed to hearing that pseudo name dad got for me to attend school. “I-I’m sorry, sir.” I had been apologizing since this morning, it’s irritating me.

Mr. Holt rolled his eyes at me. Out of all the teachers, he was the scariest. He even beat Mr. Takeda who taught Gym class. His muscled body was nothing compared to the intimidation I felt for Mr. Holt. He was a balding man with a tall and slender figure. The deep and piercing eyes of his just scared the crap out of me. It’s as if he had seen the depths of hell. “Next time I catch you dreaming again, I’ll let you teach History.”

I heard the others stifled their laughs. Sitting down, I sighed inwardly.

I sat alone at the table in the cafeteria. Everyone had their own group of friends, happily talking about random stuff teenagers talked about. I, on the other hand, was busy watching a YouTube video about cats and painting. It’s the only thing that could take my mind out of the reality I’m living.

I was interrupted from my peaceful bubble when five guys sat around the table I was at. I immediately recognized who they were. Kelly and his friends. Seeing the menacing smiles on their faces, I gulped. Don’t tell me they came back to get revenge for what happened this morning? “Can I help you, guys?” I courageously asked.

The person who I bumped onto smirked at me. “I heard your friends with Caden, huh? I remember seeing you at the party.”

“It’s hard to remember you exist. You’re just so…little,” one of them added, insulting my height and figure.

I wasn’t bothered by what they said. It’s not like it’s the first time someone told me that. My brothers used to call me gay and sissy because of how small I was compared to their buff bodies. They had been training and I wasn’t. “You think you’re so tough because Caden’s your friend, don’t you, boy?”

Did he just call me boy? We’re all the same age. “I don’t think that,” I said, looking at them with a wavering gaze. I didn’t want to appear weak in front of these people.

“Caden’s just a two-faced b***h,” Kelly said while the others agreed with him. “He’s not the boss of us. He’s just—”

“Take that back,” I said, stopping him from whatever he’s going to say. They all looked at me, surprised I talked back to them.

“What did you say, b***h?”

Standing up, I shot Kelly a deadly glare. They could insult me for as long as they wanted but don’t ever talk negatively about the person I loved in front of me. “I said take that back, bitch.”

Kelly and his friends were stupefied. They’re probably not expecting someone as weak and small as me could ever talk back to them. They’re varsity players, the popular group who everyone at school looked up to. But I know what kind of people they were. They’re nothing but losers. I regret even calling them Caden’s friends. They’re obviously not.

“You f*****g b***h!”

Yassy’s eyes widened in horror as soon as she saw me. “What the f**k happened to you, Livi?!”

I walked towards her, leaning against the counter. I went straight to the library after I was done with class. I told dad I’m going to come home late today. I didn’t want him to see the huge bruise on my face. “Just a little fight,” I replied.

“A little fight? You can fight?” she asked.

I rolled my eyes at her. “Obviously, I didn’t. They beat me up good.”

“They?! You got beat up by a group of guys?” she asked in pure shock.

“Yes, I did.” I handed her my pass. “Can I go now? I want to bury myself in books.”

I could feel Yassy’s eyes following me as I walked to a random aisle to pick a random book. This was the only place I knew I could relax. If the people at the house see my face, they’d either laugh or feel sorry for me. I didn’t want that. I had been humiliated far enough this day.

I sat at a table far away from everyone else. They were a couple of people busy with their laptops, iPads or books. I opened the book I pulled out of the shelf. It was a Russian one and I couldn’t understand a word, but I still browsed through it. There were pictures of what seemed like an explanation about the country and its people.

I couldn’t put my mind into what I’m reading. The pain on my face was bothering me. They beat me up really good. It caused a huge scene in the cafeteria, but I managed to get away before someone could report us to the teachers. Kelly and his friends tried to chase me but fortunately, they couldn’t get to me as I already left school.

Though I did escape them, I fear what would happen tomorrow. I cried a little inside. I didn’t want to go to school anymore.

My phone suddenly vibrated causing me to jolt. I quickly took it out of my phone. I was expecting it was dad contacting me but instead, Caden’s name flashed on the screen.

I was frozen for a second. Should I answer his call? He wasn’t at school when the incident with Kelly happened. I guessed he left during the afternoon for some unknown reason. He didn’t get to bring me to the library today too.

I also didn’t want Caden to know what Kelly did to me. I feared something bad would happen to those guys if I tell Caden. Let’s just avoid him for now.

Ignoring the call, I put my phone in silent mode. I forced myself to read the book I couldn’t understand. I didn’t notice time passed by quickly as it was already dark outside. Only a few people were left in the library. Yassy was busy rearranging the books back to its shelves.

I turned another page. I thought I wouldn’t be absorbed in the book. It’s funny how I got interested after seeing the pictures depicting the writings on the pages. It made me want to study Russian a little bit. Come to think of it, did we have Russian Mafia partners? I think we do.

I was so into what I was doing that I didn’t even see Caden entering the library. Only when he pulled a chair in front of me did I realize it was him. My eyes widened in utter shock. “W-what…what are you doing here?” I nervously asked.

Caden smirked at me. “It’s not important how I know where you are, Livi.” His voice wasn’t normal. It’s octaves lower than it usually was. “Do you mind if I ask how you got those bruises?”

I couldn’t look him in the eye. Should I lie? No, he’d know if I did. He’s too smart and observant not to know. But if I did tell him, would it be alright? He wouldn’t do anything to Kelly and his friends, right? He knew not to cross the line, right? It’s Caden after all.

Wait, why am I so scared? Was it because he had been acting weird ever since? “I—”

“Don’t try to lie, Livi.” His eyes narrowed but the sinister smile on his face remained. “Tell me the truth. Who did that to you?”

“I-it’s…” I swallowed the hard lump forming in my throat. “It’s no one,” I finally said, smiling at him. It hurt to do it, but I ignored the pain.

Caden finally dropped the smile. His eyes looked straight into mine and for a second, I saw a gleam of danger in those green orbs of his. “You suck at lying, Livi.” Standing up, he began to walk away.

I panicked. “W-wait! Where are you going?”

“Didn’t I tell you?” He stopped and turned around to look at me. “It’d be fine if they didn’t hurt you. But they did. And I’m not happy with that, Livi.”

I struggled to stop Caden from going back to his car. I didn’t even properly bid farewell to Yassy. I’m scared of what he might do to those people. “Stop, Caden!” I screamed, pulling his arm to forbid him from going anywhere. “Please…just listen to me!”

All of a sudden, Caden grabbed my hand. He dragged me back to his car, pushing me against it. It hurt my back when he shoved me, but I didn’t dare complain. “Why are you stopping me?” he asked. He’s not faking it anymore. I could see the anger flashing on his face.

“Because I don’t want you to hurt them! You’re not supposed to!” I gasped when he raised his arm. I thought he’d punch me in the face to shut me up, but he didn’t. Instead, he poured his rage on the car, punching it so hard that it made a dent. I heard the crack of the window and it scared me how much strength he put into that punch. If that was a person, he’d definitely break a bone or two.

“Don’t piss me off, Livi.” Caden’s glare was as scary as a demon. I couldn’t say anything. I was just staring at him in despair. “You think I won’t do anything to those fuckers who did that to you?”

“W-why…why are you so concerned about it?” I asked, gathering all the courage I had in my life. I’m just a childhood friend to Livi. I’m not his brother nor his lover. Why was he this protective of me that he’s willing to break the code just to get revenge to the people who hurt me?

Caden smirked. “Because you’re very important to me, Livi. I want to lock you away, somewhere far away so those people can’t hurt you anymore.” Gripping my chin with the hand he used to punch his car, I moaned from the pain. It hurts! “I’m the only allowed to put a bruise on that pretty face, Livi.”

I wanted to drop my jaw in disbelief, but he was holding me as if he wouldn’t let me go anywhere. “I-it…it hurts, Caden…please…!”

The gleam in his eyes doubled and it was as if he liked what he’s hearing. “More, Livi.” His grip tightened on my chin and I’m beginning to blackout. I couldn’t breathe. The tears in my eyes blurred my sight. “Beg for more.”

All I could remember before passing out was Caden’s lips against mine—how soft it was when it grazed me and how much I was willing to beg for another one.

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