On His Knees

Chapter 8

I wanted to know where Caden was, but I had no idea. The Vaccarinos had several hideouts located in the city but how the hell should I know where Caden took Kelly and the others? I gripped the steering wheel, turning it to where the Vaccarino mansion was. If there’s one person who knew where Caden was, it’d be Ronan.

It took me twenty minutes before I could reach Caden’s house. Upon recognizing who I was, the guards let me pass the main gate, driving through the long pathway surrounded by tall and thick trees that hides the house. I quickly got out of my car, hurrying up the stairs. As soon as I touched the doorknob, it swung open revealing Ronan. He was a tall man dressed in a grey dress shirt and black trousers. Seeing me in front of him, there’s not a trace of bewilderment on his usually aloof face.

“It’s late for you to be here, Livio.” Ronan’s voice was deep and hoarse, probably from the years of smoking tobacco like uncle Milo. He always had a sense of danger looming on him, reminding me of how a person in the Mafia should be like.

“I-I’m looking for Caden,” I said breathlessly. I should start working out. Running and climbing up a few stairs already made me heave.

Ronan raised a brow. “He’s not here.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m hoping you know where he went. I really need to talk to him,” I explained, despair etched in my voice.

With narrowed eyes, he said, “he’s at Long Street,” he said. I perked up, glad that I knew where that was.

“Okay, thanks!”

I was about to leave but Ronan speaking stopped me from bolting. “What are you going to do once you find him?”

I was taken aback by his question. “I’m going to…” I froze, thinking about what I should say next. Am I going to stop Caden from punishing those guys? He’s obviously determined to teach them a lesson and even I would say there’s nothing strange about that. If they’re in his gang, it’s normal to get punished for breaking the rules, getting involved with civilians or anything else stupid but they didn’t. They just…beat me up. I wasn’t a civilian, I’m a part of the Mafia no matter how much I deny it.

Ronan neared me and I could smell the scent of freshly smoked tobacco in him. “Little kids like you should stay out of the way.”

I gulped. He wasn’t always the nicest guy and I’m not blind not to notice the hostility he had for me. And I get it. He adored Caden and he wanted what’s best for him. And apparently, I’m not. “I’m sorry. I need to go,” I nervously said.

Quickly turning around, I hurried back to my car and drove out of the Vaccarino mansion. I could still feel Ronan’s gaze lingering on me as I exit the gate. He’s one hundred percent right though. I should stay out of Caden’s business if I wanted a peaceful life. But unfortunately, I just couldn’t do that. I loved him for so long and wishes nothing but to be with him.

And if I wanted to be with him, I have to delve into his world. It’d be incredible if I could just pull him out of the mob and live with him somewhere far away. But it’s not possible. Caden’s the only son of the Vaccarino group. He’s expected to lead their family after uncle Dom retires.

I bit my lip. I’m stupid for even thinking I could have an ordinary life with Caden. First of all, he’s not in love with me. Yes, he said those…things as if it had meaning behind it but I knew there’s nothing. It’s probably not the same love as mine. I’m one of his good friends, maybe even the only genuine friend. We had been together since kids, our bond wasn’t like the rest of his friends that he only met during high school.

I’m…different. But it didn’t mean I’m special.

I drove the car to the side of the road and heaved a sigh. I couldn’t just barge in their hideout in Long Street and beg him to stop, that’s just not happening. I’m asking for trouble and even if I was Caden’s friend, I’m sure he wouldn’t appreciate me interfering with his business.

What should I do?

Turning my head, I stared at my phone lying on the dashboard.

“Everyone should know what the consequences are for touching you. And I’ll show them that you belong to me. Remember that, Livi.”

Closing my hands into a fist, I reached out for my phone and called him for the second time.

If I couldn’t come to him, maybe I could make him come to me.

It didn’t take Caden an hour to arrive at where I was. He clumsily parked his car on the side of the road, hopping out and running to where I was. He opened the door where I was seated, his face warped in worry. “Livi!”

I looked at him, shyly smiling. “Hey.”

He blinked at me, his brows furrowed in confusion. “What happened? Why’d you call?”

Never have I seen him look in panic. Caden was always laidback and I loved him for it. But now, he was looking at me as if I just got into a car accident.

I’m…different. But it didn’t mean I’m special.

Maybe…I am?

“Caden,” I called his name, my smile getting bigger. “You came.”

“Of course, I’ll come, you said you were in trouble.”

“I am in trouble,” I said, my gaze shifting away from his. I had been in trouble for years. Falling in love with your best friend should be illegal.

“What happened? Did someone attack you? Did your car break?” he asked, barraging me with questions.

“Nothing happened,” I said, stopping him from getting his phone and calling someone to help. “I just want you to be with me.”

Caden stared at me, long and hard. “Are you drunk?”

I giggled. No, but I am elated. I didn’t think he’d come. If it’d only take one simple phone call from me to make Caden come for my rescue, then I am…special.

I stared back, admiring his handsome face, his jewel-like eyes, the shape of his jaw—sharp and strong, and god, those lips. I didn’t know what came to me, but I found myself moving, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. The simple peck I gave him instantly warmed my whole body. Pulling back, I saw the bewilderment in his eyes.

I froze. s**t. I’m really in trouble.

“I-I’m sorry,” I said, clasping my hand on my mouth. f**k! What the hell did I just do?! I’m screwed! “I-I must be drunk, I’m sorry.” With trembling fingers, I began to pull my seatbelt but Caden didn’t let me. He dragged me out of the car, his vice grip hurting my hand. Slamming my car door close, he carried me off my feet. “What are you doing?!” I exclaimed, thrashing against his hold.

Caden glared at me. “You think I’m going to let you go after that?” he asked through gritted teeth.

I gulped, my heart beating fast. “Y-yes?”

“You must be out of your mind,” Caden grunted, and for a second, I was turned on.

He went back to his car with me in his arms. Throwing me inside, I hit head on the roof. “What the hell?! Caden, what are you doing?!”

He closed the door and went around the vehicle, climbing in. I thought he’d drive away, but I was surprised when Caden pushed me down on the seat, kissing me on the lips. I felt everything stopped, my breathing, my heartbeat, even time. I didn’t know what to do. I was confused. Why do we keep kissing? I wanted to believe Caden had no feelings for me. It’d hurt so much more if I try to convince myself that he had some sort of love for me, the same kind of love I had for him.

If only I could push him away and demand answers from him, to make him explain why he keeps doing these things to me. Kissing, saying those possessive words that kept me hoping—it’s baffling!

And yet even if I had the strength to push him off, I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. Because I knew I was enjoying the kiss. Once I permitted him to play with my lips, I knew I was a goner. His tongue entered my mouth, dancing with mine and it felt so good. I lost the ability to think as he continued, claiming my mouth as his.

“C-Caden,” I managed to say his name amidst the intense kiss we were sharing.

“Shut up,” he snapped, tilting his head to gain more access to my lips. The way he was kissing me—forceful and greedy, it’s as if he’s been restraining himself for a long time and his control finally cracked. He bit my lip, and I reckoned it bled from how his teeth sunk deep. It hurt but—I want more.

Caden’s hand snaked on my back, slipping inside my shirt.

I jolted when his warm hand caressed my ice-cold skin. “W-wait!” I shrieked, finally gathering the strength to push him back. I was catching my breath, my lips stinging.

“What?” Caden asked, his voice laced with annoyance.

“I-I have been asking you…what the hell are you doing?!” I asked, glaring hard at him. I tried to hide my erection by pulling my shirt down, but it was futile.

“I want to f**k you.” He said it so nonchalantly, I was speechless for a minute.

My face was flushed and yet my glare remained. “Are you out of your god damn mind?!” I yelled.

Caden leaned in for the second time, his head angled to get another kiss from me. When I shoved him back, he growled. “What the f**k is wrong with you?”

“What the f**k is wrong with you?!” I asked, returning his question to him.

“I told you I want to f**k you.”

“Do you even hear yourself, Caden?!” I asked, ignoring the fact that he said he wanted to f**k me twice. “Do you even like me?!”

Fuck, why did I ask that? I should have just kept my mouth shut.

Don’t let him know or else everything will be ruined.

Caden blinked. “Do I need to like you?” My mouth dropped open in sheer disbelief. I threw a punch to his face, but he was quick to evade it. “Woah, Livi! Calm down!”

“You asshole!” I screamed at his face, tears streaming down my cheeks. Opening the door and kicking it open, I got out and ran back to my car. Caden tried to follow me but I was already pulling out of the curb.

“Livi!” I could hear him calling me. “Wait!”

Ignoring him, I stepped on the gas and drove away as fast as I could, never giving him another glance.

I returned to my house, crying. I felt so miserable. How many times do I have to tell myself that I shouldn’t cross that line and here I am, breaking down like a pathetic little s**t because of what he said.

“Do I need to like you?”

It reminded me of how naïve and dense that motherfucker was. He was like this ever since we were kids. He was indifferent, unable to empathize with people. I couldn’t blame him. He was saved by uncle Dom from his abusive parents. He never felt love from those people.

To Caden, I’m probably one of the many people he could invite and f**k—just a one-night stand where he could release his pent-up stress. Unlike me, he doesn’t value our friendship, the bond we made ever since we were kids. I already knew that, but I refused to believe he didn’t care.

It’s one of the reasons why I didn’t want him to know. His apathy over things and how he disregards emotions was frightening. It might be a good trait if working for the Mafia, but it’s definitely not something you wanted from your lover.

But I still like him. No matter how disturbing those attributes were, I still like him

I’m so stupid. I was ready to bring my feelings for him to the grave. But just because of that one simple kiss, everything had gone to s**t.

I climbed up the stairs and went straight to my bedroom. It was already twelve in the morning and I was beyond exhausted. After locking my door, I threw myself on the bed and cried until the sun rises.

“Do I need to like you?”

Of course, you big i***t.

I heard a knock on the door. “Livio, it’s time to wake up.”

I groaned. It’s Evelynn. She’s dad’s assistant and had been working for us for almost five years. She was introduced by uncle Dom and Evelynn proved to be useful. Not only did she work as one of dad’s assistant, but she also took care of us, often acting as a nanny to me and my brothers.

Although I suspected she and Hugo had something going on. He loved flirting with her, often sexually harassing her whenever they’re together. Evelynn looked like she didn’t mind but oftentimes, she’d reprimand Hugo to stop his…unpleasant antics. She was attractive, with her long blonde hair tied in a high ponytail. The black suit she always wears couldn’t hide her voluptuous figure—any man would find him alluring.

I think even dad had some kind of attraction for her but that was just straight-up disgusting. He’s twice her age for goodness sake.

“Livio?”

“I’m up,” I said, getting up from my bed and looking at her.

She gasped as soon as she saw my swollen and red eyes.

“What happened to you?”

“Nothing,” I muttered. I stood up and begrudgingly walked to the bathroom. “I’m going to take a bath. I’ll go down soon.”

“Please don’t skip breakfast again,” Evelynn said while fixing my bed. “It’s not healthy.”

I smiled at her. At least someone here cares for me. “Thanks, I won’t.”

Before I enter the bathroom, Evelynn said, “oh, by the way, Caden’s waiting for you downstairs.”

“…what?”

It didn’t take me a long time to bathe. I hurried downstairs, my shirt crumpled. I dreaded to see Caden but at the same time, I’m yearning for him. I’m aware what happened last night turned into a massive misunderstanding and I wanted to mend things up before it gets worst. But I also wanted space, afraid of what Caden might have to say—hurting me even more.

I caught glimpse of him in the living room. He was still wearing the same clothes he had last night. I waited a minute before I walk to where he was. My heart was beating out of my chest, and it hurt. If only I could run away and never see him again, but I knew full well I couldn’t live without him.

He had me wrapped around his finger, god damn it.

Caden perked, seeing me walking to him. “Livi.” His face lit up.

I could smell the stench of alcohol and cigarette smoke on him. “W-what are you doing here?” I asked, afraid to look at those beautiful eyes.

He twiddled with his thumbs and it was the first time I saw him acting like this—shy and reserved. He’s really difficult to understand. “I want to apologize for my behavior last night.” I was frozen, waiting for him to continue. “I wasn’t thinking right. I’m sorry.”

My shoulders dropped in defeat. “It’s fine,” I said, flashing him a somber smile.

“Good.” Caden smiled a little. He put his hands inside his jean pockets. “Then…I’ll see you at school.”

He walked past me. I could only watch him as he leaves the house without saying another word. I could feel the sincerity in his voice, it’s not hard to forgive him.

I gritted my teeth. I didn’t want things to get awkward between us. If I wanted to keep my friendship with him, I had to swallow my pride. He’s just too important to me. “Caden!” He stopped and looked back at me. “Let’s go to school together!”

Evelynn blocked the door before I could get out with Caden. “And where do you think you’re going, huh?” she asked with narrowed eyes.

I backed away, intimidated. “Uh…to school?”

“You haven’t had breakfast yet,” she said, her hands on each side of her waist while glaring at me. She could be nice and gentle but sometimes, she couldn’t control her temper. “I told you to eat your breakfast first before you go.”

Caden waited for me outside. I forced a smile at Evelynn. “I can eat breakfast with Caden outside.”

“And how will I know if you’ve really eaten, huh?”

Why was she acting like my mother?! “We can take pictures,” Caden suggested, walking back to me to throw his arms around my shoulders. He grinned at Evelynn. “To prove you that Livi here is eating properly.”

“I am eating properly,” I said under my breath. I could smell Caden and it was exhilarating. Even if he stinks like alcohol and cigarette, his cologne and raw scent mixed with was such…a turn on.

“Fine,” Evelynn said. I sighed in relief. “Just make sure he eats properly, Caden.”

“Of course,” he said, his grin never dropping from his face. “I’ll take care of Livi. Promise.”

“Evelynn’s really worried about you, huh?” Caden said while driving to McDonald’s for breakfast.

I laughed nervously. “Yeah, she’s like my mother.”

Caden wore a melancholic smile after hearing the mention of my mother. Feeling the awkwardness between us, I quickly said. “H-how’s Kelly?”

I’m stupid for even asking that. His smile disappeared and it was replaced by a smirk. “Missing a limb but he’s alive. He can still make me some money.”

I gulped, my skin shuddering from what he just said. “What…do you mean by that?” I carefully asked.

“I think you know what exactly I meant by that, Livi.” I didn’t like his smile. It’s so…sinister.

McDonald’s drive-thru wasn’t that full when we arrived. After two cars, Livi ordered our food. And when I say ordered, he didn’t let me choose what I wanted, as always. His dominance over me was getting annoying but I couldn’t do anything. I’m weak against him.

Caden gave me the Sausage McMuffin and like a stalker, he ordered me the one that didn’t have eggs. He parked the car in front of the store and began unwrapping our food. He handed me mine and when I was about to take the coffee from him, he didn’t let me. I watched him make my drink, putting the cream and sugar for me.

Trust me, I appreciate how he takes care of me but damn, this was just too much. It’s like I’m not capable of doing anything.

Caden smiled before giving me my coffee. “Here,” he said. “Don’t drink it yet, it’s still hot.”

“I know that,” I retorted, rolling my eyes at him.

We started eating silently but Caden broke it. “Do you want to hang out later, after school?”

I blinked, surprised by his sudden invitation. “Hang out where?”

“There’s a party I need to attend.”

“What party?” I asked, squinting my eyes at him. If it’s another damn party with his friends, I swear to God I’m going to—

“It’s a formal party,” he said, interrupting my thoughts. Finishing the burger he ordered, he threw the wrapper back in the paper bag before sipping his iced coffee. “Dad’s still not home and I have to attend it for him.”

“So it’s a party for the mob,” I said.

“Yes.”

I scoffed. “Why should I come?”

“Because I want you to come,” Caden said, looking straight into my eyes. I flinched. Damn it, don’t look at me like that, you i***t! I’m weak to your gazes! “I want you to be there for me.”

I stared at him. Was he afraid of going alone at this party? Was it his first time attending something like that? It’d be the first for me too, I needed dad’s consent before I could say yes. “I’ll try to ask dad,” I said.

Caden smiled in relief. “Thanks, man.” He gently pinched me on the cheek. “You’re the greatest.”

I inwardly sighed.

It’s really so hard saying no to Caden, damn it.

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