opia [h.s au]

Chapter 16

Almost a month has passed since the night Gemma left my apartment in a hurry to help Harry with whatever the f**k he needed.

I expected Gemma to give me some kind of hint about what the hell is happening to Harry, but it didn't happen. All she said is that it's not her place to tell what the f**k is going on in his life and that she couldn't betray his trust that way.

Fuck, did she had to be so f*****g loyal?

Over the past month we've been working our asses off at the producer and I could tell Gemma was drowning at work in order to keep her mind occupied. Hate to see my friend struggling with so much worries all at once - her relationship with Adam continue to be her main concern, for what she said to me they're still being awkward to each other and fighting over nothing day after day.

I don't want to say that to her, don't want to be the pessimistic b***h who is always filling her head with bad thoughts but I really think their relationship is just waiting to be over. I've never seen Gemma so unhappy, she usually is a ray of sunshine in my life, she is like my daily dose of vitamin D but lately is like she became a shell of herself.

Whatever is going on with Harry is also making her always be worried sick with him, calling him many times a day and I can't help but think something terrible is happening, which is so damn awkward if I think about the way Harry always acted around me.

He was always so confident and carefree, it's like he has not one thing to worry about. He is so young and yet so experienced, literally living the kind of life people would die for, travelling a lot, working with something he actually love and getting to know all kinds of people all around the world. It gets me tripping to think about what may have happen to him.

I discarded the possibility of him being sick with some kind of incurable disease, if that was the case he would probably be hospitalized and Gemma wouldn't have to keep that a secret, would she? The second theory I came up with is that he might be a criminal or something like that and he is staying at Gemma's to hide from the police or another criminal, but I'm pretty sure he would never put his sister through something like that, jeopardizing her safety just to save his own ass.

The worst part is that even though it's been a month since he bailed from my bed, I still haven't been able to take the motherfucker out of my mind. Not only because of the amazing s*x that still has my mind spinning every time I think about it, but mainly because I miss him.

I know we only saw each other a few times, but every time we just sat and talked about anything in particular, I felt a little spark of happiness bubbling inside of my chest. His presence is overwhelming and exhilarating but at the same time it's soothing and our conversation ever felt so damn natural and easy, that's the kind of connection I only have with Dom and Gemma.

Sometimes I caught myself thinking that I shouldn't have had s*x with Harry, maybe if we kept things friendly I wouldn't be missing him so badly now, but deep down I know it would be impossible. The spark between us was too strong to be ignored and honestly we weren't even friends, all of our previous interactions always had some kind of second intentions.

Maybe I'm too blunt for only realizing this now, but seems like I'd imagined the bond I thought Harry and I was sharing. At the end of the day he only wanted to get into my pants and once he got what he wanted, he lost all interest in maintaining some kind of friendship with me. And I shouldn't even mourne this, I mean, I'm the one he left in the middle of the night so I should actually be thankful for never seeing him again.

This was the last week before Gemma's two week vacations and by the time weekend arrive, I'm feeling as tired as ever but in addition to that my anxiety is going through the roof and I know this will sound impossible, but I'm actually having a really hard time in keeping still, I feel like I need to move, can't rest my mind.

I hate to be thinking about work during the weekend so I decide to go out and try to distract my rushing mind from all the stress that I haven't been able to shake off. Sorting out my favorite book from the bookshelf in my living room, I put it inside an eco bag before going to my room to change from my pajamas. I choose to wear a pair of leggings, black boots and a black tank top, wrapping my favorite oversized sweatshirt on my waist. It's middle September and the weather is still warm enough to leave the house with short sleeves but I usually get cold very easily so it's better be safe than sorry.

Normally I would call Gemma or Dom to have some company but today I'll have to go on my own. Gemma decided to take the bus to Toronto so she could be with Adam during the first days of her vacations and Dom is modeling for some alternative underground brand of clothes, something that he complained about the entire week - How could they want to shoot during the f*****g weekend?

Stopping at a Starbucks on my way to the park, I ask for the biggest sized cup of frappuccino they have and walk happily drinking through the straw towards the nearest park, enjoying the way the sun is pickling over my exposed skin. I should really leave my apartment more often during the weekends, it's nice to walk around the streets with no timesheet to accomplish.

The clocks are marking 9:30 am, which is really early in the morning for my liking, but I'm glad I decided go out like this, is such newsflash for me. As soon as I finally arrive the park I put my sunglasses on and search for an empty bench so I can sit up and start reading "Pet Sematary", by Stephen King, for what must be the hundredth time and b***h, I'm not even sorry. This book is freaking amazing.

There's no empty bench, but I manage to find a nice vacant space right under an ancient tree, with a nice shadow to keep my from the unhealthy sun rays. It sit down, plugging my earphones to my phone and putting my favorite playlist on, nothing in the world capable of bugging me.

Spoke too soon.

I've been so focused on reading my book that I completely ignored the movements happening right in front of me, but my peace ends when a strong female voice broke the silence, so loud I can hear it through my earphones.

"Good morning, class! Let's start with the basics, shall we?"

I look up in time to see a group of people sitting on multi-colored matches in a circle, while the woman with the strong voice is sitting in the middle and already starting to stretch her body. Everybody in the circle starts mimicking her movements.

It's a f*****g yoga class right in the middle of the park.

Jeeh, I'm too old for that s**t. I would hate to be exercising - specially yoga with all the awkward positions - on a public space like that. Imagine how many people would stop to watch and judge you, exactly like I'm doing right now.

I mean, I'm trying to be a better person and all that s**t but there's actually a group of at least fifteen adults right in front of me bending over in all fours, grunting loudly and I just can't take it.

I may be almost thirty but I not that mature, as you can see.

What can I do, I try to search for the fun side of life and if that means having the sense of humours of a teenager, so be it. At least I'm laughing.

Considering that I'm not emotionally strong enough to keep watching this class without cracking up every now and then, I turn my attention back to my book and even though I can almost recite and predict every single one of the next paragraphs, it quickly holds my attention again.

That is until half an hour later when the yoga teacher starts yelling again and I can't resist the urge to watch the end of the class. People were literally just laying there and while the teacher is thanking their presence and saying something about next week, they start to stand up, all of them with a serene expression in their faces, talking slow and laughing happily.

They all seem so relaxed I almost envy them. While I watch them intently, my eyes lays on the only guy who seems kinda pissed off and my heart literally skips a beat, my stomach fluttering so damn hard I almost throw up the frappuccino I had earlier.

Wearing basketball trousers and a white t-shirt, the curly hair all messed up around his head and that freakingly sharp jawline all tensed up, is Harry.

I watch almost in slow motion while he rolls the pink yoga mattress he is using, placing it under his right arm and standing up again just to start talking to a tiny brunette and even with the distance between us, I can tell she is being very flirty, all batting eyelashes and little touches.

My stomach turns into a knot and suddenly I feel the fight or flight instinct kicking in, naturally deciding for the flight option. I stand up, shoving my book inside of the eco bag and steal a little glance at Harry's direction while leaving and in this exact moment he moves his head towards me, but I look away before our eyes meet.

I have to get out of here, this is just too f*****g awkward.

Harry has been deliberated avoiding me and now I must look like some kind of stalker, I mean, who the hell would think I'm reading at the park at ten in the f*****g morning by choice? That's just not who I am and even though Harry doesn't know a lot about me, he knows that much.

I may have taken four or five steps in the opposite direction when I feel a sudden grab on my arm and the way my skin tingles under the touch tells me who it is before I turn my head to face him.

"Sneaking out on me, love?" Damn, I forgot how deep his voice is. It sends goosebumps all over my damn heart, that's how startled I get just by the sound of his voice. It's like I'm shivering from the inside out.

Damn I'm so screwed. I should never had s*x with him, he is just too intoxicating. But I'd rather die than having him know the effect he has on me, so I clear my throat, looking at him as coldly as I can manage.

"I'm not the one who sneaks out on people, love" I can't resist the slightly mocking inflection in my voice when I mimic his use of pet name.

"Ouch. Ok, I deserved that" Harry smile doesn't faint and his expression remains as relaxed as it was before, but I could swear I saw something in his eyes... It almost looked like guilt.

As it happens every damn time I'm near Harry, my eyes locks on his and I can't seem to have enough willpower to look away. It's like his gaze is magnetic to mine and it's such a powerful connection there's nothing I can do to avoid it.

Under the bright light of the sun his eyes gets impossibly green, reminding me of a forest on a sunny day. Every time I look on his eyes it feels like I'm drowning and breathing at the same time, it's mesmerizing and yet so real it scares me.

"So, how are you doing?" Harry asks, smiling faintly at me and Joey from Friends immediately pops up in my mind.

For f***s sake Billie, now it's not the time!

"What?" He questions when I obviously can't keep my damn mind shut and let a little giggle escape.

"S-Sorry" I mumble, trying to brush off the nonsense thoughts from my head "I'm okay. How are you?"

Harry frowns a little but seems to decide to let go. Looks like he is sorta uncomfortable around me, and even though I feel the same way, it bothers me that he would feel like that. "M'fine. Actually feeling better now."

"I never took you for a yoga guy" I comment nonchalantly, trying to lighten the mood before it gets too heavy and Harry decides to bail on me again.

Whoa, I'm even pettier about it than I had realized.

"f*****g hate it" He cuss under his breath "I feel so f*****g dumb while doing it and it makes no sense at all to be laying on the ground and imagining the bad energies leaving my body."

"They say it's really good for your body and mind" I comment, forcing my eyes to stay pinned to his instead of looking down to his body "It's a good way to maintain a healthy lifestyle".

"I don't give a f**k about being healthy" Harry rolls his eyes.

"You don't? This is very awkward coming from a guy that just stepped out of a yoga class".

"Not doing that because I enjoy it" Harry mumbles under his breath, shifting on his feet and looking even more uncomfortable than before.

"Then why you do it?" As soon as the words fall from my mouth I want to bite my tongue for letting curiosity win over my common sense.

Harry is visibly uncomfortable about whatever is the reason of him practicing yoga and I can't help but think that he is nervous because of me. Maybe he is doing this class because of a woman? Maybe he is trying to win her and that's why he is taking class? Is she the teacher? Or the tiny brunette with whom he was talking to earlier?

I can't stop my rushing mind and my heart shrinks with the possibility of Harry trying this hard to be with another woman and suddenly I'm questioning everything about myself. Did I go too straight forward with him, that's why he lost his interest as soon as he saw what is underneath my clothes?

It doesn't make sense, Harry is the most straight forward person I've ever met in my life, but what if he likes the chase so much that after conquering he just moves on and forgets everything about the person? Should've I resisted him for longer? Maybe if I was still playing the chase game he would still be interested in me? Or at least he wouldn't have bailed from my bed as soon as he reached his high with me?

"Have my reasons" Harry mumbles in response and I feel my stomach dropping. His evasive and actually kinda rude answer just confirms my fears and suddenly I feel the need to go away, as far as possible.

"Oh, I see" I try to give him a smile but all I can manage is an awkward mouth closed grin "Well, it was good seeing you, gotta go, good bye now" I awkwardly reach for his hand with mine, giving it a shake that feels so damn inappropriate but I don't want to get any closer to him.

Harry watch me dumbfounded as I let go of his hand and turn on my heels, ready to run away from him so I can lick my wounded ego.

"Oi oi! Billie, hey" Harry suddenly exclaims, his hand wrapping around my wrist again and god dammit why my skin shivers every time he f*****g touches me? It's hard to keep up with that. "Why are you already leaving? I thought we could have a coffee or something, there's a Starbucks nearby..." His voice trails off when I turn to face him again.

"I actually..." My voice faints as I try to quickly think of any excuse but nothing comes to my mind "Yeah, sure."

Harry frowns with my hesitation but seems to be cool with it, presenting me with a close mouthed smile that pops out that f*****g cute dimple on his cheek and f**k, the way he looks it's almost unkind, it should be illegal for someone to look good all the damn time.

We leave the park, walking beside each other in silence, and oh God, this feels awkward. Harry tied up his hair into a bun and put on Wayfarer Ray Bans, looking like a damn model even though he was laying on the ground all sweaty till like ten minutes ago.

It baffles me that even though Harry was just stretching under the sun he still smells amazing, the intoxicating scent of his cologne taking me down memory lane when I not only nuzzled my nose to his neck but actually had his lingering faint smell in my bed for days.

As we are walking, his hand brushes over mine a few times and I actually can't tell if it was on purpose or by mistake. The dumb high schooler who lives inside of me and seems to emerge every time I'm around Harry wants to believe it was on purpose, but I'm trying to be rational here. It was totally by mistake and the way my skin gets hotter instantly with his touch is total bullshit.

I can sense Harry stealing a few glances of my while walking by my side and this silence between us is getting too f*****g awkward to bare. It's frustrating as f**k, I mean, conversation was always something so easy for us to do, the subjects always rolled off easily and there was no silences to fill. Now it's like we're complete strangers with absolutely nothing in common.

"So what have you been doing?" I ask, trying to make conversation as we enter the same Starbucks I bought my frappuccino earlier today.

"Nothing even remotely interesting" Harry answers, not looking at me. "What do you usually have here? Tell me so I'll order it and you can go catch us a table" Although his words are kind of commanding, his tone of voice is gentle and I find myself nodding at him.

"I actually had a frappuccino earlier today so guess just a small cold brew, no sugar, please." I reach for my wallet inside of the eco bag, giving him twenty bucks and Harry rolls his eyes, not even bothering in trying to catch the money I'm handling him.

"I'm paying." He says dismissively.

"You don't need to" I mumble, trying to shove the money on his hand.

"I know I don't need, but I want to. I'm the one who invited you anyway" Harry inserts both of his hands on the trousers pockets.

"Ugh, as you wish" I roll my eyes and Harry chuckles "M'Going to arrange us a table then."

As probably happens every Saturday morning, the place is crowded but luckily I manage to find an empty table at one of the corners, almost running over it to make sure it will be ours. I sit in one of the chairs, looking towards Harry.

He is now making our order and his charming smile to the cashier is so damn warm I can almost feel it from here. Even from the distance I can see the teenager cashier getting all blushed and I wonder if Harry is aware of the effect he has on people. I know he is a confident fella but he is also a very mumble, down to Earth kind of guy.

Besides the obvious British charm, he has great manners, is so well-educated, gentle and captivating, just like Gemma is. Their mother did a superb job at raising them, that's for sure.

Realizing I've been staring at him for the past five minutes or so, I reach for my phone in my back pocket so I can at least pretend my attention is elsewhere and I sigh in relief when I see there's three new messages - I'm terrible at fake-phoning so it's good that I actually have something to do while Harry is waiting for our coffees. Opening the messages app, I get a glimpse over the content.

Dominic Moore

Received 10:18am

Yesterday was crazy, you lost one hell of a party, as per usual.

Peter pretended he was a Scottish celebrity and took a VIP room at Sinner. Things are crazy up there, but you already know that.

Gemma Styles

Received 9:35am

I decided to surprise Adam and took the early bus to Toronto but now I'm kinda insecure, do you think I should warn him I'm coming?

Mom

Received 8:15am

Dad and I miss you. Call us when you can.

I sigh, deciding to ignore Dom's implication about me knowing Sinner's VIP lounge and the cold message from my mother. I don't know about you but when I miss someone I grab the damn phone and call them instead of sending a random message practically demanding attention.

Opening Gemma's message, I type a quick answer encouraging her to keep the secret and actually surprise Adam and the moment I press send, Harry puts a cup of cold brew in front of me.

"Here ya go" He smiles, sitting on the chair across the tiny table.

"Thank you" I take a sip from the cold coffee, the bitter liquid washing over my throat.

Harry is drinking what looks like a matcha frappuccino, the green color pairing perfect with his eyes... s**t, I'm really obsessed with his eyes today.

Speaking of, he pins his glare on me, maintaining eye contact while he sips the straw lowly, still quiet as I've never seen him before.

Why the hell did he wanted to have coffee with me is he is going to be silent as f**k?

"So..." I clean my throat, desperately trying to break the silence "What have you been up to? Are you working on some project?"

Harry's eyes lingers on mine for a few seconds before he parts his lips to answer me, that deep and raspy voice immediately hypnotizing me.

I wasn't that lame around him before, what the f**k happened to me?

"Not much, really." It's his evasive answer and I fight the urge to sigh, it's not like he is even trying to maintain a f*****g conversation, it doesn't make any sense to invite me to coffee and refuse to talk!

"Are you bored? Thinking about leaving New York?" I insist, feeling like I'm on a talking show.

"Bored as f**k but no, I won't leave so soon" He darts his eyes from mine, taking a big sip from his frappuccino "How about you? What you've been up to lately?"

"Working a lot, as always... Things are very stormy back at the producer, specially now the Gemma is out" I sigh "But that's ok, she deserves the break."

"When was the last time you took a few days off?" Harry asks, raising his eyebrows.

"Maybe two or three years" I shrug "Can't remember the last time I had vacations, but it doesn't matter, I don't feel like I need it."

"You're crazy" Harry chuckles "Everybody needs a little break from work, otherwise you'll get insane... "

Well, mate, I'm sure I would be even more insane if I had absolutely nothing to do, as I know it would happen in case I take a little vacation.

"Maybe this year..." I brush off his remark, drinking more of my cold brew and looking around us - the place seems to be getting even more crowded now.

One of my hands is resting over the table while I use the other to keep my straw straight and I almost choke with the coffee when I feel Harry's warm hand suddenly resting over my own hand. I look back at him and the intensity of his glare takes me off guard, my heart suddenly racing.

"Look, Billie... I feel like I owe you an explanation about that morning..." He says, his voice gentle and even slower than usually. I watch as the words falls from his lips, the perfect heart shaped mouth wrapping around the words as he over pronunciates it "I'm sorry for bailing on you."

Oh no, no no no he did not just said that!

I feel the skin of my face burning with shame and for a split second I seriously consider sneaking under the table to hide myself from him.

Shit, f**k, hell.

Why would he say something like that???

I mean, it's lovely to know he is sorry about sneaking out of my bed but, f**k, why would he mention that at the middle of Starbucks after almost a month passed since we saw each other for the last time?

"Billie?" Harry sounds concerned with my reaction and I know I must look like I just had a stroke with my mental meltdown. I look at him and my right eye f*****g twitches. Perfect.

"What? No, Harry, you... You don't need to apologize" My voice sounds high-pitched and I wish to God for the ground to split up under me and engulfs me right now. I would happily give up of watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend forever if I could just go back in time and, don't know, throw myself in front of a bus before getting to the park this morning.

"It was very rude and-" Harry starts again but this time I cut him off, my voice still so f*****g high pitched I'm afraid only bats and dogs would be able to hear me.

"Harry, shut up, this is awkward as f**k. It's ok, really, totally fine, let's just get over it ok? It happened, is in the past and I'm not like upset or whatever. Meant nothing. It's ok. Stop talking" I rush over the words and Harry's facial expression changes from concerned to amused and he chuckles lightly.

"Jesus, I love that nervous mouth of yours" He rolls his eyes "So are we cool?"

"Totally cool, shut up" I say it again, sipping almost all the content from my cup, still feeling uncomfortable.

I mean it's nice that Harry felt the need to apologize for bailing on me and guess I kinda was hoping for that to happen someday but not this way, so out of the blue, catching me completely off guard like that.

"Can I ask you something?" Harry questions, his hand finally letting go of mine and I feel a mix of relief and loneliness as soon as our skins are not touching anymore.

I nod, fearing what he will speak next. Today has been to damn awkward between us, who would've thought such great s*x could lead to this bullshit behavior? Now I kinda miss when we were all just s****l tension and wants.

"Do you think Gemma is happy with Adam?" Harry finally blurts out and I feel relief washing all over me with the neutral subject.

Talking about something that doesn't involve us, not as individuals or pair, it's easy and the subject naturally evolves as we share our concerns and suspicions about Adam. I know it isn't fair to be talking behind Gemma's back, but we both care very deeply about her and although it began being awkward, seems like the mood between Harry and I finally is back to what it was before - light, carefree and somehow connected.

"Gemma said she decided to make a surprise arriving at Toronto earlier today..." I comment, shaking my head "I'm just so scared it will backfire."

"s**t, not even mention that" Harry sighs "I tried convincing her not to do that, but the insisted. I kinda have this feeling in my gut that things will get very messy if she just show up there"

"What do you think it will happen?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Don't know... I've never had a serious relationship like that but I don't think is natural to have so much fights over nothing, and Adam is a guy who is living in another country... I don't know, maybe I'm a jerk for even bringing this up, but sometimes I think he is not taking their relationship as serious as Gemma is..." Harry shrugs, drinking more of his frappuccino until the cup is empty.

"Yeah... I've been thinking about it too" I confess "But I kind of don't trust people in general, specially men, so I thought it was just my twisted mind working, it is actually a relief to know you think that too."

The conversation continues for about ten to fifteen minutes, Harry and I sharing our concerns over Gemma but at the same time hoping for the best, hoping we are wrong and her travel to Toronto will just be great and she will come back to New York feeling happy and fulfilled.

When I drink the last sip of my Cold Brew, Harry's alarm goes off on his phone and he sighs, frowning while he disables the alarm and then looks at me "I gotta go."

"Yeah, me too" I nod, standing up and stretching my back, yawning loudly "Gotta run some errands" My voice sound muffled and I open my eyes, catching the exact moment when Harry's eyes darts from my chest area.

Oh, you sly little thing.

We step out of Starbucks, walking on the sideways in silence, but now it doesn't feels so awkward and out of place as before. I'm lost in my own thoughts, trying to find an explanation for how evasive Harry is being about his life and what he has been up to. I remember the way Gemma rushed out of my apartment the other day, saying her brother needed her and that it was not her place to tell me why.

To be honest, Gemma seems to always be worried about Harry, calling him a few times a day during work, always frowning when she gets a message from him. At this point I know for a fact something is happening to Harry but I have no idea why, which is very frustrating. Not only because I'm curious about it but actually because I do care.

I care because before I even get to know him, before we kissed, talked and had s*x, he is still Gemma's brother. He is important for her, therefore his well being is important to me as well. I hate to see her so concerned all the damn time and I would love to be able to do something to help.

"Billie?" A gentle, different voice calls my and I'm pulled out of my thoughts. I look at Harry by instinct but I know it wasn't his voice.

It is actually a voice I don't hear for ages.

"Callum?" I squeak as soon as my eyes lays on the guy in front of me, who was walking across me and suddenly stopped on his feet.

The smile that slowly crosses his face is really endearing and before I even think about it, I'm jumping to his arms, giving him a tight hug while actually squealing like an over excited school girl. "Oh my god I can't believe it's actually you! When did you come back?"

Breaking from the hug, I take a step forwards, looking to the tall figure in front of me. Callum is a friend of Dom who I actually adore, he is also a model and used to be represented by the same agency Dom does, but over a year ago he had some family trouble and had to flight back to his home country to help his mother.

"You look amazing" Callum praises, the British accent he always had sounding even thicker after he spending over a year back in England "How are you?"

"I'm fine! And you? God we have so much to catch up!"

I hear when Harry cleans his throat at my side and my cheeks gets even redder. f**k, I'm so terrible at these kind of social interactions, I totally forgot to introduce them.

"Callum, this is Harry! He is from England just like you, he is the brother of one of my friends!" I introduce them smiling warmly "Harry, Callum is a friend of mine and Dom's..."

Callum's warm smile doesn't match to the faint mouth closed grin on Harry's face, that looks as cold as his green eyes. He shakes Callum's hand quickly, barely spitting a "Nice to meet you" in a low voice, his shoulders tensioning up.

Callum frowns at Harry's cold approach and I quickly start to feel tense.

"What happened to you, dude?" I squeal, trying to change the subject, pointing to Callum's neck, which is covered in tattoos, as well as his arms and basically every inch of skin that it's not his face "Since when do you have that many tattoos?"

"Oh Ginger so much has happened during the past year. We really need to talk. How's Sam?" Callum asks, completely ignoring Harry who is stiff as a f*****g statue at my side.

"Sam is over" I tell him with a bitter smile "For a year now."

"s**t! What happened?" Callum raises his eyebrows but the smile that cracks up his lips is genuine.

I shrug "It's a long story."

"Really? f**k, we really need to t-" Callum puts his large hand on my shoulder but before he could end his sentence, Harry's raspy voice cuts in.

"Guess I'm going, then. See ya, Billie. Callum." He nods and before any of us could say something, Harry is already taking large steps in the opposite direction, his back rigid and his shoulders tense.

What the f**k?