opia [h.s au]

Chapter 15

I don't wanna be in a relationship, relax dude, it's just s*x.

If I remember correctly, those were the words that fell out of my mouth only two days ago when Harry tried to warn me we should keep our "relationship" platonic.

Not only I did say that to him, I also convinced myself that it was ok having s*x with no strings attached. I told myself that I was totally able to have an one night stand, I actually insisted that it was just a simple matter of carnal need and managed to convince myself that having s*x with Harry shouldn't be complicated and that I'm more than capable of coexisting with him on a friendly matter after that.

But dude, waking up to an empty bed actually sucked.

I mean, it's not that I was waiting to have breakfast in bed, flowers and a proposal but f**k, thought that I was worth of at least a proper goodbye.

I should've known better than that.

Harry told me more than once he wouldn't get attached and that he couldn't give me what I need but f**k, I didn't thought he would be this disrespectful to me. f*****g me and then sneaking out in the middle of the night was a low move, specially when we will most likely see each other again sooner than later.

It's not like I'm feeling used or something like that, it was a consensual thing and I was willing to do it as much as he was. The only problem is that he acted as if I'm some stranger he just met at a bar, with whom he will never have to talk again.

What is the point of cooking me dinner, then taking me out in the very next day, just to bail in the middle of the night after getting what he wanted? I'm not saying I expected him to change his idea and wanting to stick around or maybe spend the day with me, of course not, I know this is not his style but f**k, I think I deserve more than that.

The worst part of everything is that last night was f*****g amazing. Never in my life I thought s*x could be that good. Of course I've had orgasms before and I still think s*x with meaning is a lot better than just the physical act, but damn, that fucker really knows what he is doing.

As much as I'm pissed at him right now, I have to admit our chemistry is amazing. It's almost unbelievable how good it was. The way he touched and manhandled me was great yet not even close to the incredible feeling of how perfect our bodies fitted together.

The first time between two people can easily turn into something awkward with nervous hands and unfitting desires, but with Harry everything was easy, it all felt so right. It was the most amazing experience I'd ever had in my life, and it's kinda sad to think that it will never happen again.

Because it won't.

Even though I may have thought we could turn into some kind of f**k buddies or friends with benefits, it all went down the drain at the minute I woke up to an empty bed this morning.

What Harry didn't understand is that although I don't want a relationship, I still need to be respected.

~*~

It's Monday morning and for the first time in ages today we don't have a photoshoot in our daily schedule. That's so rare to happen that even Robin, my boss, seems more relaxed that I'd ever seen her since we started working together five years ago.

Of course that not having a photoshoot doesn't mean I have nothing to do. I actually have a lot to make it happen today, needing to organize things for the next campaigns and videos we will be shooting next days. We will have a huge video to record next week, with a famous Victoria Secrets model and YSL and preparing everything for that is making me kinda insane.

However, that's what I usually do after the shootings or really early in the morning and it's very hard to cope with keep the order of the day strolling with one side of my brain while the other half is anticipating and producing everything needed for the next day. It's like gymnastics for the brain, really, that's why I usually get so worn out during the weekends.

Having an entire day to just worry about what will happen next, not having to add the concern about the day going, it's a blessing really. The only problem today is that it's already past 10 am and Gem still haven't arrived work.

That's so strange, I'm the one who is usually late, she is very restrict with her routine and time table, and I swear she never been this late before - specially without any warnings whatsoever. What if something happened to her during the weekend? She would have called me, wouldn't she?

Well I don't know that anymore. I mean, Gem usually shares almost everything with me but I only know she went to Canada this weekend because of Harry.

Ugh. Motherfucker.

I'm still very pissed at him for bailing me in the middle of the night. Actually I don't think I'll ever get over this, it was such a d**k move! And what I hate the most about it is that the sly son of a b***h seems to have a permanent spot in my brain, no matter how much I try to distract myself, he is still the first thing I think about when I open my eyes in the morning.

I hate myself for that, for being so soft, so weak. Being pissed at him should help me get over whatever happened between us but it seems to make me think even more about him. Another thing that made me really f*****g mad was Dom taking Harry's side when I told him what happened.

I mean, he didn't take Harry's side entirely, Dom agrees with me it was a cheap shot and that Harry should have shown a little more of respect for me, but he also said it is kind of common with one night stands - leaving in the middle of the night so people won't need to deal with the awkwardness of the next morning.

Don't get me wrong, I completely understand the concept and I know everybody does that, but s**t, I'm not some stranger Harry just picked up at a bar and f****d, I thought we had some kind of connection. Guess it's my own fault though, being so f*****g naïve - even worse, for pretending I knew what I was doing with the one night stand thing.

I need to stop thinking about him. This is not healthy.

Sighing, I turn my attention back to my inbox - I still have like fifteen emails that aren't going to read themselves so I better start moving my lazy ass and working.

However, as soon as I open the first unread message, I hear rushed stomps and lift my head up to see who the hell is interrupting me now. I jolt from my seat as soon as my eyes lay on Gemma entering our shared office, her eyes bloodshot red and a little swollen and the expression in her face is of pure despair.

I run towards her, not saying a word before passing my arms around her and squeezing her against my chest. She hugs me back, her body starting to tremble slightly and I feel as fresh tears starts to damp my t-shirt.

We stay like that, hugging in silence until Gemma's body stop trembling and she breaks from the hug, looking at me with doe eyes and giving me a sad smile "I'm sorry".

"What happened?" I ask, a knot forming in my throat "Is everything ok with Adam?"

"No, it's not" Gemma sits at her desk and I pull my chair to seat right next to her, taking her hand between mine. "I think he is cheating on me".

"Motherfuc-" I cuss, already feeling my blood boil "Did you see something?"

"I went to Canada this weekend" She explains, obviously completely unaware that I was with Harry when she called him Friday night "Adam and I have been fighting over the most ludicrous things for the past few weeks and first I thought it was just because of the distance you know? We haven't seen each other with as much frequency as before and I thought that was the reason for us to be a little distant from each other."

"I think this is very reasonable, it's hard to maintain a long distance relationship, specially the way things are between the two of you, living together before" I mumble, trying to offer Gem some comfort even though I don't know a first thing about long distance relationship.

"Yeah but I went there Friday to try and make things go back to normal, and it totally backfired. We ended up having a huge DTR about us and the distance and our plans for the future and it was so freaking hard" Gem mumbles, picking her bottom lip between her thumb and index finger in a way that reminds me a lot of Harry.

Oh f**k you brain, not this s**t again.

"But why do you think he is cheating on you?" I frown.

"He is so different! Seems like he closed up, you know? And his mannerisms kept changing from not caring at all to despair all the time, it was like he didn't care but felt guilty about it." Gem sighs "Can I ask you a question?"

I nod, gulping as I wait for her to make the comparison I know she is going to.

"Did that happened with Sam too? I mean... Before you two broke up... Did you find him different?" She stutters and I have to hold a sigh.

I knew she was going to ask me that, it is the natural thing to do. I'm her friend and I do have experience on the being betrayed field but f**k, I hate it so much.

Thinking about Sam and reviving the terrible moment I realized I was being double cheated it's exhausting and so damn hurtful. It still hurts badly and this enerves me deeply. Although I managed to move on with my life, deep down I'm still so f*****g hurt it drives me crazy. I wish I was stronger.

Sam and Annabelle don't deserve any more of my tears and I haven't shed them for months but my heart still aches over the terrible choices they made and how it impacted in my life so badly.

"Actually, no" I shrug, hating to see the hurt on Gem's eyes "I don't think Sam loved me enough to feel guilty about it, you know? Or maybe I'm just too f*****g blunt, but it all took me by surprise when Sam decided to tell me everything that was happening right under my nose"

"You're not blunt, love, you trusted him." Gem sniffles, trying to calm down her own breath. Seems like she is starting to feel better, at least she stopped crying a bit "And I used to trust Adam too, damn, he is living in another country for at least a year and I swear to God I was ok with that... But I don't know, lately seems like everything is a reason for us to fight, and it was never like that before".

"Maybe it's nothing like that, Gem... Maybe it's just the distance, Adam is a guy and guys are f*****g stupid at dealing with emotions. He may be missing you so much that when he sees you he gets angry for knowing it will be for a short period and ends up letting it out in you"

Gem giggles, her eyes still sad but not was sad as they were when she arrived "You know that doesn't make any sense, right?" She asks.

"Jeeh, probably not" I roll my eyes "M'not good in giving advice about relationships and human behavior... But if you need a new movie or TV show indication I'm your guy".

~*~

Although Monday was kind of peaceful, the rest of the week passed in a flash with so much to do I didn't have much time to think about anything else than work and I'm grateful for that.

Day by day, during the week, I worked my ass off, waking up way too soon and going to bed completely worn out after arriving late at home. I survived basically on ramen noddles, diet coke, Chinese take outs and fast food. Thank f**k I'm blessed with the fast metabolism from my dad's side of the family and that combined to my intense routine at work keeps me from gaining weight. Well, I do believe that people should feel comfortable inside their skin no matter how they appearances might be, but besides running around the set at work I never exercise and my eating habits are nasty, so I guess it would be even worse for my already f****d up health.

Or maybe not - I don't f*****g know what I'm talking about anymore.

To add to the already stressful week, Gem announced she is thinking about taking a few days off to have some kind of vacation at the beginning of the next month. Don't get me wrong, I know she deserves a break from work and all I want is to see my Gem smiling again, but damn, not having her around is going to f*****g suck.

Robin said it is okay and she is going to help me, filling in for Gemma while she is out, but I'm sure I'll grow a second head before Robin actually get her hands dirty. I'm not proud of myself for scheduling a big ass production the week before Gem's leave for vacations - but this is an act of self-preservation really.

Best part of working so hard is that I was too busy or too tired to think about Harry and his lack of contact with me. I'll have to admit, deep down I was hoping he would call me or show up at the studio in some point during the week, to talk to me and maybe giving me some kind of explanation, but things usually don't happen the way I expect them to.

But that's okay. It is easy to forget about something you don't have any kind of contact anymore, and that's the case here. Maybe Harry will go away sooner than later and what happened between us is going to be just a good memory.

A good, steamy memory that I'll probably get off to more times than I care to admit.

Oh don't look at me like that, we all like to practice some self-love every once in a while, I'm not even a bit ashamed of that.

The weekend finally arrived and although I swore to myself I wouldn't leave the bed for two days straight, Gem changed my mind about that. She said something about not wanting to stay at home thinking about Adam and what he should be doing so I invited her to join me on a How I Met Your Mother marathon and she agreed to it almost immediately.

I'm a Friends girl at heart but sometimes I need to watch something I don't know all the lines and How I Met Your Mother is actually a pretty decent comedy. Chandler will always have my heart but there's a bit of space for Marshall too.

Of course, the moment I told Dom about my plans with Gem he invited himself to participating of our little slumber party, cancelling his own plans and literally arriving my place three hours before the allotted time.

It didn't bothered me, though. He helped me organizing my apartment and even ran some errands for me, refilling my fridge and bringing in five bottles of wine. I know he is only doing that because of Gemma and his obsession with her but hey, never look a gift horse in the mouth. 

My phone buzzes, taking me out of my mind and I take it from the table, Gem's name flashing up the screen.

Gemma Styles

Received 8:07 pm

Just jumped out of the taxi and realised I don't remember which one is your apartment. But I'm here!

I giggle lowly, quickly typing a message back to her and going to my living room. Dom is seating on the couch and seemingly to be way too distracted. Before I could open my mouth and tell him about Gem's message, my intercom buzzes and Dom jolts his head towards me, mouthing "She's here!" 

Rolling my eyes with his excitement, I go to the intercom to buzz Gem in.

"I brought cookies!" She announces as soon she steps inside of the apartment, the big grin on her face making her look young and careless.

"Oh, thank you so much, you're so kind" I praise her, smiling "I didn't cook but brought Dom, he can order pizza for us later" I wink and watch as Gemma's cheeks turn into a deep shade of crimson.

Say what you want, Gemma, I know you have a crush on him too.

"Hey" Dom says nonchalantly, leaning over Gem to give her a gentle kiss in the cheek and a quick hug "How are you, darling?"

"M'fine, how are you?" She asks politely, her British accent making the words sound even more elegant.

"Better now" Dom winks and I smirk to myself. Way to be subtle, Dominic. Proud of you bro.

"I didn't cook either" Gem shrugs "Harry offered to make the cookies when I said I was coming here tonight. I did invite him, but he is not in the mood of socializing today."

My heart flutters by the mention of his name and I fight the urge to roll my eyes at myself for how pathetic I am.

"That's very kind of him, please tell him I said thank you for the cookies" Even though I tried to be casual and nonchalant about it, my voice sounds a little robotic and I see with the corner of my eye that Dom is chuckling silently.

The son of a b***h knows me damn too well to pretend he didn't notice how nervous I just sounded.

Thankfully, it goes unnoticed by Gem.

"Will do" She nods, smiling "He is in a terrible mood for the past week so I was actually surprised when he offered to bake the cookies but that's just how my brother is, I gave up trying to understand him a long time ago."

You and I both, sis.

"Gimme those cookies, I'm going to put them on the kitchen so we can eat them later" I take the eco bag from Gems hands and stepping to the kitchen. However, Gemma follows me closely, leaving Dom by himself in the living room.

"Why didn't you tell me Dom would be here?" She whisper-yells in the moment we are alone.

"Sorry, I didn't think it would be a problem..." I shrug, already starting to feel bad for Dom, he is so damn happy for having the opportunity to spend a little time with his crush.

"No, there's no problem at all" Gem giggles "The only problem is I'm pretty much wearing my pajamas here! If I knew he was here I would have put on a little makeup or something."

Interesting.

"Why is that? It's just Dom." I say nonchalantly, purposefully making it sound like it's nothing while I'm screaming inside of my head, Dom will f*****g explode when I tell him this.

"It's just Dom my ass" Gemma whispers "I know you see him like a brother so you probably is completely blunt to his appearance, but Billie he looks like a bloody Greek God."

I raise my eyebrows, putting the cookies Harry baked inside the microwave to keep them warm and going to the cupboard to grab glasses for the wine.

"I didn't know you think about him like that..." I have to concentrate to sound neutral.

"It's not like anything could happen, I mean, I'm have Adam and even though we are having a bit of a crisis currently I still love him but... I don't know, Dom is too handsome to be ignored and I do have the right to look, right?" Gem stutters, rushing the words out while her cheeks turn to a deep shade of red that I find appealing.

"Oh my f**k you have a crush on him, don't you?"

"Of course I have, anyone would, have you seen him? He is like the epitome of a badboy fantasy" Gem giggles "Please don't tell him I said that. He would laugh that Billie's nerd friend has a crush on him" She roll her eyes and I can't help but giggle.

Little did she know.

"I won't say anything" I wink at her.

A couple of hours later and the three of us are laughing so hard Dom actually choked a little on his wine and I almost had a heart attack when he spat the crimson liquid on my bed.

We are all crowded up in my bed, drinking wine and talking nonsense, the How I Met Your Mother marathon completely forgotten but still streaming on the TV. Dom entertained us with the craziest stories about his night outs, most of them starring Peter and his ludicrous experiences with all kinds of drugs.

At first I saw how Gemma was startled with the subject but Dom managed to make everything sounds like fun and not at all illegal. He is great in convincing people and charming his way out of trouble, and it seems to work just fine with Gem.

We also had a heart-to-heart moment where Gemma complained about Adam and how unhappy she currently is in her relationship and Dom took the opportunity to plant some ideas on her mind, but Gem is very stubborn. She said she is still not ready to break things up and that she is willing to do whatever it takes to make things work.

I don't think she noticed but when I saw the hurt on Dom's eyes I decided to change the subject, telling them the tale of when I traveled twelve hours to see my parents and they completely forgot about my visit so when I arrived their home they were actually in a little travel of their own.

For years I mourned the cold relationship I have with my parents. It's not like something happened between us, that's just the way it always has been. It is expected that me being an only child would make our relationship be closer, but I guess that's just not the kind of people they are. My father always traveled a lot because of his work and my mother coped with his absence by going out with her friends a lot, returning to college and working her ass off, leaving almost all the care for me in the hands of my grandmother.

Although it was very hard for me to understand that, currently I don't hold grudges against my parents. When I was younger it was quite a rebel, specially when my grandmother passed fifteen years ago. As soon as I completed 18 years old, I left my parents house and moved to New York to study. Of course that only was possible because my grandmother left all her belongings to me and my father paid for my studies.

I'm taken out of my mind when Gem's phone starts buzzing and she jolts out of the bed to take it from my nightstand. I watch when her eyebrows knits together while she reads whatever message she just received and I see all the color draining from her face.

Dom looks at me with concern in his eyes, mouthing "Is it Adam?" and I shrug, incapable of reading whatever is on display in Gemma's phone.

"s**t" She hisses under her breath, pressing the phone against her ear "I'm sorry, guys, it's Harry... I need to talk to him." Gem steps inside of the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

My stomach flutters at the mention of his name and I hate myself for that. Dom raises his eyebrows at me when I press pause on the TV remote control, tip-toeing my way to the bathroom door and pressing my ear against it.

"What are you-" Dom starts and I shush him, nodding towards the door and he cracks up a smile while joining me in my curious stunt.

"Harry... What happened?" I can hear Gem's fading voice through the door, but the sound is muffled and I can't figure a lot of what she is saying. "Yes... I'm.. Billie's... Sure, I'll text you... Fine. Hold on, I'm coming."

It takes a split second for us to realize Gem just hang out, Dom jolting from the door and grabbing my wrist to pull me away before Gem opens it, concern displayed on her face. She frowns when she sees Dom and I kind of jumping back to my bed but she looks so concerned our strange behavior seems to not dazzle her.

"Guys, I'm so sorry... I have to go" She says quietly, already looking at the ground in search for her shoes.

"What happened?" Dom asks at the same time I say "Is everything okay?"

She stays silent for a couple of seconds, seeming to debate internally whether she should tell us or not and I feel when my stomach turns into a knot of worry. What the hell happened?

"My brother needs me" Gem finally say "He is going to a really hard time right now... That's why he is staying with me."

"What's wrong with him?" I don't care if I'm being too nosy right now, I'm actually really concerned about Harry and how Gemma seems to be taken aback by whatever Harry just told her on the phone.

"It's not really my place to tell" Gem dismisses my question "I trust you, Billie, but this is something personal for Harry and he is the only one who can talk about that." Her eyes are sad and curiosity is killing me but not as much as the concern that seems to be eating me alive.

"That's okay" I murmur, because I don't have other option right now "Just know that I'm here if you need me... It doesn't matter what, I'm here for you."

"Thank you so much" Gem hugs me, her tall frame engulfing me but at the same time she feels so f*****g delicate right now, it's like a squeeze harder could broke her in two. "and thank you for the lovely night, we should do this more often" She turns her smile to Dom, who is standing by my side seeming completely lost on what to do next.

Men. They never know how to act over the smallest of emotional troubles.

"I'm sorry for leaving like this... I'm going to call an Uber now" Gem stutters, grabbing the phone from her back pocket and I elbow Dom's ribs with so much force he whimpers a little behind me but seems to understand what I meant.

"I'll take you home" He mumbles, looking at me as if for looking for my approval and I nod discreetly. "You don't need to call anything. Let's go".

"Thank you, Dom" She smiles sweetly at him and he places his large hand on the small of Gemma's back, gently guiding her out of my room.

I follow them to the living room, sinking my teeth on my bottom lip as I watch them stepping out of my apartment and closing the door behind them. As soon as I'm alone, my mind starts spinning and I get a little dizzy with concern.

Ever since Dom's party I started to suspect Harry being at Gemma's were more than he let it look like, specially after she got so startled after seeing him drink that night. I'm dying to know what is going on, and the worst part is that I'm not feeling like that just out of curiosity... I'm really concerned about what may be happening on the Styles family.

I hate to see Gemma struggling with so much and being all alone. Her relationship with Adam going through the drain and the responsibility she seems to have towards her brother, for whatever reason I can't figure out.

Coming back to my room, I take out the glasses and empty bottles of wine before sneaking under my comforter and hitting play on the TV. However, my mind is completely elsewhere and I don't even know what is happening on the screen.

What is going on with Harry?