Why I Will Never Blind Date Again

The Hat

“This.” He added a hand flourish presenting the hat on his palm, “Is one of a kind worth 2 million dollars.”

I opened my mouth about to form a word but he shook his head “Save questions for the end mylady.”

I quickly clamped my lips together and he took a dramatic inhale.

“For centuries no one could find it, they searched far and wide but all in vain. Why did they look so far? Why did they look so hard? you ask. It is because this very hat is made from pure rubies, studded with diamonds and that's not all, it helps you find your true love. I don't believe in such superstitions but people with money do.”

My jaw dropped 2 million dollars, diamonds, rubies and love. I actually wore that thing?

Ace pushed my jaw closed.

“It was created as a gift to Teddy Roosevelt from the king of Thailand but it never made it across the sea. The ship carrying it was hijacked and no one knows what happened next.

Except me of course. Sapera Mie from Japan hired the pirates to steal it for him but they double crossed him and instead took it to Spain where they hid it deep inside the Cave of Altamira. That Spanish pirate was Brock Cazador, my great great great great grandfather.

He left a map for me, I found it when I was 16 and turned it in to Le Monterey where they displayed it for millions getting money and credit but didn't give my starving family a dime.

That day changed my life forever. I decided then and there that people have too much money and it was my duty to take some. I traveled the world taking from the people that have too much and giving it to my family. But one day they discovered what I was doing and stopped accepting my gifts. In fact they shunned me from their house saying that they don't associate with thieves.

Oh well, more money for me I guess. What do you do when you have way too much money? You build things, so I built this impenetrable hide out deep down in the sewers and I built several more all around the world. I also built some gadgets that help me steal better like these,” He pushed a button on his gloves and boots then jumped up to the ceiling. They stuck and he crawled around up there like a spider. He front flipped down and bowed.

“Now I accept questions.”