THE GHOST IN A WEDDING GROWN.

My name is Yushira Lin. This is where everything started. Before the wedding gown. Before the rain. Before I died. I was 16 years old when I became Li Wei's girlfriend. It was at Shanghai No. 3 High School. Everyone knew that school. It was on Nanjing West Road in Jing'an District, near the big Jing'an Temple. The school gate was big and white with gold letters. Inside, the basketball court was always noisy and the old banyan trees were tall. I was not popular. I was quiet. I liked to draw dresses in my small notebook during lunch break while other girls talked about boys. My family was super rich. My father, Mr. Lin Dawei, was a well known man in China. My mother, Mrs. Lin Fang, was a senior nurse at Shanghai Ruijin Hospital in Huangpu District. We lived in a big old mansion inherited by my father from my grandpa along Wukang Road in Xuhui District, Shanghai. The building was oddly, built in 1930, but full of trees and French style and other attractive accessories. Our family mansion was super huge so it was easily spotted, even in a far distance. My sister was Nita Lin. She was my everything. She was 20 years old when I was 16. She was beautiful. She had long black hair and a soft smile like moonlight. She wanted to be a fashion designer meanwhile I just loved drawing her dresses for fun. She was the reason I started to draw. She taught me how to hold a pencil when I was 6. She taught me how to make a dress from old curtains. She taught me how to sew a button even though I never loved it. But Nita was sick from birth. She had a rare heart disease. The doctors at Ruijin Hospital called it "Idiopathic Restrictive Cardiomyopathy with Cardiac Amyloidosis" - a very rare and dangerous disease where the heart muscle becomes stiff and cannot pump blood well, and protein builds up in the heart. The doctor in charge, Dr. Chen Xueli, head of Cardiology Department, said only 1 in 100,000 people have it in China, and most die before 25. Nita could not run. She could not dance too long. She got tired very fast. Her lips would turn blue. She was on the waiting list for a heart transplant at Shanghai Zhongshan Hospital for three years. No heart came. Even though she was sick, she was the happiest person I knew. She always said, "Yushira, when I die, don't cry. Wear a beautiful dress for me. Live for both of us." Then Li Wei came into my life. Li Wei's full name is Li Wei. His family name is Li. The Li family. In Shanghai, everyone knows the Li Group. His father is Li Chenglong, the CEO of Li International Trading Company that owns 4 buildings in Lujiazui Financial District and one mall in Nanjing Road. He was also the head gangster of a popular gang society. His mother is Wang Lihua, a famous socialite who appears on TV. They live in a huge villa with a swimming pool in Sheshan, Songjiang District. They have two drivers, three bodyguards, and five cars including a Bentley and a Ferrari. Li Wei was the only son. He was 17 years old when I met him. He dyed his hair red. Bright red, like fire, not natural. The principal, Principal Zhang Minghua, a strict man with glasses who was principal for 15 years at Shanghai No. 3 High School, he told him many times to dye it back to black. He never listened. He rode a black Yamaha R1 sports motorbike to school. It was very loud, vroom vroom. Girls screamed when they saw him at the front gate on Wukang Road. Boys wanted to be his friend because he had money and he could buy them lunch at KFC. But he was also a bad boy. He smoked behind the library building. He fought with boys from Shanghai High School near People's Square. He skipped classes to go to Xintiandi and Tianzifang to race bikes with his friends from the racing club. Why would a bad boy like him like a quiet girl like me? It happened on March 12, 2019. It was Sports Day at Shanghai No. 3 High School. The whole school was on the playground. I was sitting alone under the big banyan tree near the art building, drawing a twedding gown. I was drawing it for Nita. Nita always wanted to design her own wedding gown. She drew one for herself when she was 18, in her sketchbook. It was white, with long lace sleeves and small pearls on the chest and a long tail. She never got to wear it because no man wanted to marry a sick girl who could die anytime. She kept the grown in a beautiful box and she looked at it every night. Li Wei was playing basketball on court number 2. He was winning. He saw me alone. He came over. He was sweating and his red hair was wet. He said, "Hey, what are you drawing? Don't hide." I was scared. I closed my small pink notebook quickly. I said, "Nothing, nothing." He sat next to me on the grass, very close. He smelled like smoke and expensive cologne from Chanel. He said, "Show me. I saw it. It's a wedding dress. You draw wedding dresses?" I opened it slowly, my hands shaking. He looked at it for a long time. He said, "Wow. Yushira, you draw so well. Better than my sister's designer from Milan. This is beautiful." No boy ever talked to me like that before. I blushed. My face became red like his hair. From that day, he started to come to me every day after his basketball game. He would bring me milk tea from HEYTEA in IAPM Mall in Huaihai Road. He would bring me strawberry cake from LeTAO. He would sit and watch me draw for one hour. He would ask about my family. I told him about Nita, about her disease, about her dream. He listened. Really listened. He didn't laugh. That was different from other rich boys who only talked about money and cars. One week later, on March 20, 2019, he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was after school, at 5:30 PM, at the back gate near Huaihai Middle Road where no teachers go. He was on his bike, wearing his black and gold racing jacket. His red hair was shining in the sun. He said, "Yushira Lin, be my girlfriend. I like quiet girls. You are not boring. You are special. You are different from all the loud girls in Shanghai No. 3." My heart was beating very fast, like a drum. I said yes. I said yes without thinking. For one year, from March 2019 to July 2020, we were happy. He would pick me up on his bike every morning at 6:45 AM from Wukang Road, in front of the old bakery, and take me to school fast. I would hold his black and gold jacket tightly because I was scared of falling. He would take me to The Bund at night to see the lights. He would buy me small silver rings from a shop in Tianzifang. He said every time, I was his only love. My mother hated it. She said at dinner, "That Li Wei boy, son of Li Chenglong, will break your heart. Rich boys from Sheshan don't stay with quite innocent girls from Wukang Road. They play and leave once their bored." But I didn't listen. I loved him. I thought love could win everything. Nita loved him too. When he came to our mansion, he was polite to Nita. He brought her medicine from Hong Kong. He called her Sister Nita. She said to me at night, "He makes you smile, Yushira. That smile is real. That is enough for me. Keep him." Then came Nita's last wish. This is the part I never want to write but I must write, because it is the reason I wore the wedding gown. It was December 2020. I was 18. Nita was 22. Her disease, Restrictive Cardiomyopathy, became much worse. Her heart was failing. She could not get out of bed back at home. Her legs were very swollen with water. She could not breathe well at night and needed an oxygen machine from Ruijin Hospital. Dr. Chen Xueli said her heart ejection fraction was only 20 percent now, very low. She might not live to New Year. We were at home. It was winter. Shanghai was very cold, 2 degrees. It was snowing a little, which is rare in Shanghai. Nita called me to her small room where she had many fashion magazines from Vogue. She held my hand. Her hand was very cold, like ice. She said, "Yushira, my darling little sister, I have three wishes?. Promise me you will do them for me?. Promise me as Lin family." I cried. Tears fell on her blanket. I said, "I promise, sister. I will promise anything." She coughed and said, "First wish. My wedding gown. I drew it when I was 18 but I never wore it because I am sick. No one wants to marry a girl who will die. You will wear it for me one day. Not just any day. On your real wedding day. Wear Nita's gown. Let me be a bride through you. Let my soul wear it." She took out the drawing from under her pillow and the beautiful box underneath her bed. The paper was old, but the box was beautiful. The white gown with long lace sleeves and pearls on the chest and a 2-meter tail. She said, "I made this design for myself. Now I give it to you. You will be a fashion designer, so you can call it your first creation" Second wish: "Be a fashion designer. For both of us. Go to the best university in China for fashion. Make our name famous. Let people know Lin sisters can make the most beautiful dresses in Shanghai." Third wish: She didn't say. She smiled weakly and said, "I will tell you later when you get married. It's a secret wish." One week later, on December 28, 2020, Nita Lin died. At 3:14 AM in the ICU of Shanghai Ruijin Hospital, Building 10, Room 301. I was holding her left hand. My father was holding her right hand. My mother was crying loudly. The machine made a long beep. Dr. Chen Xueli said, "Time of death, 3:14 AM." She smiled before she closed her eyes. Her last words were, "Wear white for me, Yushira. Be beautiful." We buried her at Shanghai Fushouyuan Cemetery in Qingpu District, near Dianshan Lake. It rained that day too, heavy rain. I wore a white dress for her, not black, because she wanted white. Many people came. After Nita died, I became obsessed. I wanted to fulfill her wishes to make her soul happy. I studied day and night for Gaokao, the Chinese college entrance exam. I stopped going out with Li Wei too much. I drew every day in my room until 2 AM. I made 100 dress designs. Li Wei didn't understand, but he was really supportive. He said, "Yushira, you changed. You don't have time for me. Anyways hungry?." I nodded and said, "Am sorry!..I must do this for Nita, but I promise after this we can go watch a movie." He smiled and walked away. Then came my 19th birthday. July 15, 2021. This was the worst day of my life before my death. Li Wei promised he would come to my birthday party at my place on Wukang Road. My mother made noodles. I made a small strawberry cake and I put 19 candles. I wore the blue dress he liked. I waited from 6 PM to 10 PM. He did not come. He did not call. His phone was off. At 9 PM, my best friend Xiao Mei from Shanghai No. 3 High School, Class 2, called me. She was crying. She said, "Yushira, come to the back of Shanghai No. 3 High School now. Near the old art storage room behind the gymnasium. You need to see this. Li Wei..." I ran. I took a taxi from Wukang Road to Nanjing West Road. It was raining a little that night, light rain. Behind the school, near the old art storage room where we keep old paintings, I saw Li Wei. He was under the small roof, kissing another girl. A girl from Class 5, Liu Yifei. She had dyed blonde hair and wore a short red skirt. She was known as a party girl in Xintiandi. My heart broke into 1000 pieces. I shouted in the rain, "Li Wei! How could you?!" He turned. He looked shocked for one second, then his face became cold like stone. He pushed the girl away. He walked to me. He said, "Yushira, listen to me." I said, "You promised my birthday! I waited! But you are kissing her?!" He looked at me with no love. He said, "You are too boring for me now, Yushira Lin. All you do is draw and talk about your dead sister Nita. You cry every day. You want a quiet life. I want fun. I want a hot girl, not a sad girl. You are too innocent and too boring for the Li family." Those words. Too boring. Too innocent. They stabbed my heart. He left on his black Yamaha bike, vroom, with the other girl. He did not look back. I stood in the rain alone, my birthday dress wet. I walked home from Nanjing West Road to Wukang Road, 40 minutes walk, in the rain. I cried all night until my eyes were swollen. I tore all his photos and letters and threw them in the trash bin on Wukang Road. I told myself that night, I will never, ever love a bad boy again. Bad boys are liars. But there was something I didn't know. Something Li Wei never told me until it was too late. Later, two months later in September 2021, I found out the truth from his best friend, Zhao Qiang, who was also from Fudan University High School. Li Wei was deceived and forced by his parents, Li Chenglong and Wang Lihua. His parents hated me from the start. They checked my family. They thought I was too proud and innocent, not good enough for the Li family from Sheshan villa. They wanted him to marry a confidential and lively girl from Beijing, daughter of a government official, named Chen Jiaqi. They found our WeChat messages. They were very angry. They told Li Wei on July 10, 2021, in their villa living room, "If you don't leave Yushira Lin, that girl from Shanghai No. 3, we will make sure they live not to see another day. We will also stop paying for your Yamaha bike, stop your credit cards, and send you to study in England, far away. You will never see her again." Li Wei was only 19. He was scared. He loved his freedom. But he was also scared for my family. He knew his parent and what they could do. So his parents gave him a cruel plan to make me hate him forever, so I would leave him willingly. They told him to pretend to kiss another girl where I could see, on my birthday, to break my heart completely. They paid Liu Yifei, the blonde girl, 5000 yuan and a new iPhone to act as his lover for 10 minutes behind Shanghai No. 3 High School. Li Wei did it to protect my family. But he did it in the most stupid and cruel way. He broke my heart to save my family. He never explained. He let me hate him for one whole year. He thought if I hated him, I would be safe. I only knew this later. At that time, on my 19th birthday, I just thought he was a bad boy, a spoiled rich boy who played with my feelings. After the breakup, I focused only on school and my Gaokao. I studied 16 hours a day at Shanghai Library on Huaihai Road. Then came the graduation proposal. June 18, 2022. Graduation Day at Shanghai No. 3 High School, in the big auditorium on Nanjing West Road. Principal Zhang Minghua was on stage, wearing his black suit. He called my name loudly with the microphone. "Yushira Lin from Class 3-2, come forward to the stage!" Everyone clapped, 500 students. I was wearing my school uniform, blue and white. Principal Zhang said with a smile, "I have very good news. Yushira Lin has been given a full scholarship plus living allowance to study at Donghua University. Donghua University is the number one fashion design university in all of China, located on West Yan'an Road in Changning District, Shanghai, near the fashion park. This is a very big honor. Only two students in all Shanghai got this scholarship this year from Donghua. Her design portfolio about her sister's wedding gown moved all the judges." I cried loudly on stage. I remembered Nita's second wish. Sister's wish number one is completed - I will become a fashion designer. I did it. I got into Donghua University for Nita. For the Lin sisters. I held the red scholarship letter tightly. It was for Nita. I whispered, "Sister, I did it." That day, I saw Li Wei in the crowd. He was standing far, near the basketball court where we first met. He still had his red hair, but longer now. He was wearing a Fudan University T-shirt because his parents forced him to study Business Management and martial arts at Fudan University in Yangpu District, not because he wanted to be a businessman, but because they wanted him to take over Li International Trading Company and become the next gangster leader of the gangster society in China. He clapped for me when my name was called. He smiled but his eyes were sad. He didn't come close. He knew I hated him. We didn't talk that day. I went to Donghua University in September 2022. I worked very hard, harder than anyone. I learned how to sew, how to cut fabric, how to make patterns from Professor Liu Meihua, the famous fashion professor who taught at Donghua for 20 years and studied in Paris. In my second year, in the sewing lab at Donghua University, Room 302 on the third floor, I finally made Nita's gowns a popular shocase. I sewed every single gown with my own hands for 3 months, every day until midnight. When I finished, I cried and hugged each. It smelled like Nita. My teacher, Professor Liu Meihua, saw the wedding gown and said, "Yushira Lin, this is the most beautiful and the most impressive gown I have ever seen in 20 years of teaching. It has soul." I kept the wedding gown in a big white box with Nita's name on it, in my dorm room at Donghua University Dorm Building 5, Room 401. I thought I would wear it one day for a good man who truly loves me. A good man, not a bad boy. I didn't know I would die in it on a rainy night on Wukang Road, the street where I lived. My sister's third wish? She never told me that night. But I think I know now what it was. She wanted me to be happy and truly loved, not used. But happiness did not come. Because soon after graduation from Donghua University in June 2024, at a fashion show event at Shanghai Fashion Week in Xintiandi, I met Chen Hao. The Mafia who would become my husband.