Painfully Yours (ENG-FIL)

Kabanata 4

I was sitting at the edge of my bed whilst staring at Oliver who was now wearing his collared dress shirt, face wasn't making any emotion as well as his blank eyes.

"Why don't you stay for a while and go home later?" I suggested and took a glance at my digital clock on the bedside table. Its hands were telling that it was now almost 4 AM.

Napatigil si Oliver sa aking sinabi at tinapunan ako ng tingin. His eyes were screaming nothing but perplexity. Sa mga mata niya pa lang na iyon ay alam ko na ang sagot na maririnig ko mula sa kan'ya.

He never stayed longer with me than five hours. Or if he did, that's all because we did so many rounds in bed, pleasuring ourselves—him trying to forget his problems while me cherishing every moment I spent with him, 'til we lost count and forgot about the time. But he never stayed 'til 6 AM. He always makes sure na nakakaalis na siya sa condo ko pagsapit ng 5 AM.

"You know I don't do that, Valerie," he spat with a matter-of-fact tone.

I bit my lip and slowly nod my head, reminding myself not to suggest such a thing again.

Isinuot niya muli ang kan'yang suit. He usually doesn't wear the same suit again, but sometimes he'd forgot to bring some extra so he had no choice but to wear it again.

I suggested na maglagay na lang siya ng suits niya rito sa condo ko, but he didn't like the idea. It's a foolish idea, that was what he said.

He is here to f**k me and not to live with me. I know he'd rather wear the same suit over and over again than do the thing I suggested.

That's how clear he was that he had no intention of living with someone like me. Sinabi niya ring ayaw niyang magtanim ng idea sa aking isipan na uuwi siya sa akin, because he never does. Dadaan lamang siya upang pansamantalang bigyang-aliw ang sarili, and when he's finished, he'd leave as if nothing happened while I was left here hoping for his return.

He couldn't see a future with me. Maybe as her f**k buddy, yes. But a wife material? He already had someone in his mind and heart, and that wasn't me.

I gawked at him as he tied her necktie in front of my full-length mirror, his broad back was facing me. Gusto ko sanang ako ang gumawa no'n para sa kan'ya, pero alam ko ring ayaw niya. It's like stepping on the line.

Kitang-kita ko sa espasyo ng salamin ang aking repleksyon na walang kahit anumang suot na makeup. A bare face that I'm proud of. With or without makeup, I could slay at any stage you'd put me. But the fact that I couldn't own Oliver and his heart, these were all useless.

I stared at his back and Selene's message earlier crowded my brain once again. I knew he already read it. That's why nagmamadali siya ngayong umalis at puntahan si Selene bago pa ito makaalis papunta sa trabaho nito.

Selene's a primary teacher. So for sure, she loves kids. And base sa mga nababasa ko sa social media, comments, feedback, she's a kind woman—a drop-dead gorgeous primary teacher. A one of a kind, I heard.

I took a deep breath and played with my fingers, trying to get strength there.

"Nag-away kayo?" lakas-loob kong tanong at bahagyang binaba ang tingin.

I don't want to see his reaction again when I'm asking about some things na pakiramdam niya ay masiyadong personal. I just wanted to know. I just wanted to feel that aside from being his f**k buddy, I'm his... friend, too. Someone he can talk to.

"Ba't mo natanong?"

Umangat ang aking tingin sa tanong niya, hindi iyon inasahan. I thought he'd change the topic just like he always does.

I lightly shrugged my right shoulder. "Nothing, just curious why you're here all of a sudden," natatawa kong sabi, trying to hide the pain and nervousness I was feeling.

"Mind your own business, Valerie," he uttered and looked at me through my reflection in the mirror.

Oh.

Bumagsak ang balikat ko sa kan'yang sinabi. Dinaramdam ang libo-libong kutsilyong sabay-sabay na tumarak sa aking dibdib.

Tahimik akong tumango sa kan'yang tinuran, nanatili na ang tingin sa baba hanggang sa tuluyan na siyang nagpaalam at umalis na para bang isang bula.

Naiwan ako roong nanatiling nakaupo sa dulo ng kama, ang mga traydor na luha ay nag-uunahan nang magsi-bagsakan na para bang nasa isang karera ng pabilisan ng pagbagsak.

Tumingala ako at pinikit nang mariin ang mga mata, imprisoning the sobs that wanted to come out from my mouth.

The tears were enough evidence that I was truly hurting of the love that I thought I could own. Ayokong mas maging kaawa-awa pa ang sarili sa isang bagay na ako lang din naman ang gumawa.

"WHERE DID YOU GO LAST NIGHT, VAL?" bungad ni Leo mula sa kabilang linya.

I silently greeted the staffs that were bowing their heads on me and greeting me a fine morning when I stepped inside my building.

Wearing a plain black shirt tucked in faded high-waist jeans, and black sandals that matched my black blazer, I walked inside the building with a Gentle Monster sunglasses covering my puffy eyes.

"Umuwi ako," simpleng sagot ko kay Leo at tinapunan ng ngiti ang mga empleyadong nakasama ko sa pagsakay ng elevator.

Mabilis silang pumunta sa likod at hinayaan akong mag-isang nakatayo sa harap.

"Wow, you're unbelievable," Leo stated with sarcasm in his tone. I couldn't help but laugh. "Kailan ka ba matatapos sa pagpapa-impress sa akin?" dagdag niya sa kabilang linya.

Otomatikong tumaas ang isang kilay ko sa kan'yang sinabi. "Excuse me?"

He laughed from the other line. "You know I'm just kidding," natatawa nitong wika.

"I know, kahit kailan naman 'di ka nagseryoso." Umiling ako.

Nakarating ako sa office ko at inilagay ang dalang handbag sa ibabaw ng table ko pati na rin ang suot na sunglasses. Pagkatapos ay tiningnan ang mga papel na nakalapag doon gamit ang malayang kamay.

Nanatili si Leo sa kabilang linya, ayaw ibaba ang tawag kanina pa.

"Let me treat you lunch later," aniya, ayaw tumahimik.

I wonder kung wala bang ibang gustong gawin ang lalaking 'to kun'di tawagan o bwisitin ako araw-araw.

Dalawa lang naman ang palaging nangyayari, either pupuntahan niya ako rito o tatawagan ako. Sometimes sarap i-block sa phone ang lalaking 'to nang tumahimik naman ang buhay ko.

Kung hindi ko lang alam na wala na siyang feelings sa akin ay iisipin ko na talagang he's still into me.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance, praying silently Leo saw that. "I can't, marami akong gagawin. Sana ikaw rin."

"I have time exclusively for you, Val," banat nito na kinasira ng ekspresyon ko.

"Oh, shut up, Leo Villamor, kadiri ka!" humahalakhak kong sambit at umupo sa upuan, nakasandal ang likod sa backrest.

Kung umakto ang lalaking 'to ay parang nagbi-binatang manliligaw.

"The man you're calling 'kadiri' has many girls trying to get his attention. You should be flattered na sa dinami-rami nila, ikaw ang binibigyan niya ng atensyon niya."

Muling umikot ang mga mata ko, ang isang ngiti ay pilit kuma-kawala sa aking labi.

Ang hangin, grabe.

"L, please, I'm not even begging for your attention, so, feel free to give it to someone else," I admitted while slightly shaking my head.

"Gusto ko sa 'yo."

I scoffed. "I don't want it, and I don't need it."

"Ah, that's too much Valerie Miñoza, masiyado mo nang dinu-durog ang puso ko," maarte nitong wika na kinairap ko.

Goodness gracious. Ano ba'ng nakain o nainom ng lalaking 'to kagabi at nagiging ganito siya?

Leo's not usually like this. I don't know if he knew about my situation—which is impossible dahil tanging si Piper lang ang sinabihan ko tungkol sa amin ni Oliver—and just want to cheer me up.

Wait, speaking of Piper. That b***h didn't reply to my messages! Simula ng nag-walk out siya sa office ko kahapon ay hindi na ko siya nakausap ulit. Ang babaeng 'yon talaga!

I wonder kung pumunta siya sa party ni Denise kagabi.

"Just kidding, Val," Leo said from the other line, taking back his words that I know weren't serious. "Truth is I called you because it's Mama's birthday, she wants me to invite you to come to our house, she'll throw a party."

Umawang ang bibig ko sa narinig mula kay Leo at dagling napatingin sa mini calendar na nakapatong sa table.

"Gosh, birthday pala ngayon ni Tita Beth, I forgot. I don't even have a gift for her!" I frustratedly said and slapped my forehead.

"Hey..." Leo called while laughing. "you know Mama doesn't like the idea of receiving gifts for her birthday. So don't bother, Val, your presence is enough."

Para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa dibdib sa kan'yang sinabi. Kung ngayon din kasi ako bibili ay for sure wala na rin akong time para do'n. I don't even know what to buy in the first place.

Tita Beth already has all the things she needs. Sa yaman ba naman ng pamilya niya ay imposibleng hindi nito mabibili ang nais nitong bilhin. And Leo, I heard, spoils his family. Hindi siya madamot sa bagay na mayroon siya ngayon.

Still, I want to buy Tita Beth a present. Maybe a cake will do from the favorite bake shop she loves? Alright. A cake.

"You still there, Val?"

"Yep!"

"Alright, I'll fetch you in your condo, and this time, ako ang maghahatid sa 'yo pauwi," said Leo, a final tone can be heard as if demanding for something.

I let out a soft chuckle and nodded my head. "Fine, fine, fine, Mr. Demanding." I placed my elbows on the table. "How about Piper?" tanong ko nang maalala ang kaibigan kong naging kaibigan na rin niya.

"I called her earlier, but she's not answering my calls. Busy yata sa shop niya."

Marahan akong tumango at napaisip. Maybe pupuntahan ko siya mamaya sa shop niya. Gusto yata talagang magpasuyo ang babaeng 'yon.

"Alright, then, ako na ang magsasabi sa kan'ya," utas ko at muling sinandal ang sarili sa upuan, eyeing the laptop that shows some information of my clothing line.

"Good, I'll pick you up at 6 PM," Leo replied.

I was about to end the call when he stopped me from doing so.

"Ano na naman?" kunwari'y naiinis kong wika.

He let out a soft chuckle from the other line that made me drew a smile on my lips, too.

"Don't be stubborn, Valerie. If I said I'll drive you home, I'll drive you home."

Kagat-labi akong napahalakhak at tumango, as if he'd see that. "Oo nga! Para ka namang nakakatandang kapatid ko kung umasta," umiiling kong wika.

"Actually, I'm your long-lost brother, so it's my duty to take care of you," bato naman nito gamit ang seryoso niyang tono.

"As if!" I hissed and laughed again.

Nagpaalam na ako sa kan'ya at sinabing magkikita na lang kami mamaya. Ayaw pa ngang ibaba no'ng una kaya't binabaan ko na.

Natatawa kong nilapag ang cellphone sa ibabaw ng lamesa, couldn't stop my lips from stretching from side to side.

That man never failed to make me smile.

Somehow, I forgot about what happened sa condo, and that was a good thing. I don't want to keep crying while working. That isn't a good idea for a businesswoman like me. Business over anything else aside from my family.

I was busy checking for the new materials that were bought for the new fashion collection that we're gonna make and that are to be released next year—hope so.

I am certain naman that it will still be in vague in that time, I believe in my designer's creativity. She knows our target market very well, that's why I love her.

And yep, I'm paying my employees very well so they'll stay with me. They never gave me a problem sa business ko, and I guess they deserve a payment that totally equals their hard work.

The door in my office opened suddenly without my secretary informing me. At kapag nangyayari 'yon ay sina Piper at Leo lamang ang kaagad na papasok sa aking isipan. Because when my mom and dad will visit me, they always let me know that they'll come and see me. At dahil kakatapos ko lang kausapin si Leo sa kabilang linya kani-kanila lang, I already know who was the b***h that just entered my office without me lifting my gaze just to see the person standing in front of me.

"I thought wala kang planong kausapin ako, I was about to go to your place pagkatapos ko rito," I spoke with my eyes still on my laptop.

"You're seeing someone other than me?"

Mabilis na umangat ang aking tingin nang marinig ang pamilyar na boses. Tila nahagip ko ang hininga ko nang makita siyang nakatayo sa harap ng aking table, wearing his tailor-made suit.