Unexpected (MxM)

Chapter Three- Cool Big Brother

Chapter Three-

Frankie

“How was the practice? Did they play anything you like?” Sawyer asks when he comes inside.

I flop down on the couch, and smile at him. “I like a lot of their songs. Moth wrote one about me, but he said the rest of the band won’t want him to play it because it’s a solo and it’s not punk rock enough for them.”

“That’s sweet.” He sits next to me and smiles. “What else have you been up to? I feel like we don’t talk anymore.”

I blush and sigh softly. “Well, it’s just that a lot of my life involves Moth now and you usually look grumpy when I talk about him.”

Sawyer’s eyes widen, but after a moment he wipes the shock off of his face and shakes his head. “Sorry, I’ve been a pain in the ass recently. I’m not used to this whole parenting thing and I always figured it was too late to be a parent to Noel, Candace, and Will, but I wanted to be there for you. I guess I came off as a little neurotic.”

“Yeah, maybe a little. I know you and Teagan are legally my parents now, but I’ll always see you like my brother. I just miss being able to talk to you like a friend.” I confess, fiddling with my fingers slightly as Sawyer leans on me and puts his arm over my shoulder.

“Alright. We can get back to that then. What kind of stuff do you talk to your friends about?”

I take a breath and decide to open up more. I hope he’s serious about wanting to talk freely. “Mason and his goons don’t pick on me as much anymore. I guess Moth got into a fight with some of them and now they don’t even speak to me if he’s around. Corduroy joined the book club. I haven’t been able to read the one we’re on yet because Moth always distracts me.”

“I thought you had better focus than that. You’re used to noise, right?”

I blush. It’s not exactly the noise that distracts me. “He’s uh… hard to ignore.”

Sawyer cringes, but is quick to force a smile. “You guys are using protection, right?”

“No dad talk.” I insist, covering my face for a moment before huffing. “But yeah, we do.”

“Good. He seems like he cares about you. You don’t skip school with him, do you?”

“Of course not. I want to keep my GPA, and Moth stopped skipping as much too. He’s a junior now. I’ve been helping him look at colleges.”

Sawyer pulls back a little and meets my eyes. “It isn’t his fault I don’t like him. That’s why I’m trying to be lenient instead of just grounding you until you’re 50 like I want to.”

I sigh. I know Moth hasn’t done anything to deserve the judgment Sawyer gives him. I know that he’s trying to be my dad and that he cares about me, but he doesn’t act this way toward Theo or Dax. He doesn’t even act like this to the girl Julian has been hanging out with and he’s only twelve. I’m fifteen now. When will he let me grow up?

“Why are you like this with me and not anyone else? It’s not fair.”

“You remind me of myself. I love the person you are and I wish I could still be that way. I wish I could’ve stayed optimistic, pure, and naïve. I know how these things go because it’s happened a million times. I think it’s sweet that you’re starting to like people and fall in love, but I don’t want you to get hurt.” Sawyer takes a little breath and reaches his hand out to brush my hair behind my ear and stare at me. “You’re the first one I saw as mine, you know? Our dad wasn’t there when you were born and mom was exhausted so I was the first person to hold you. I hate the thought of you being hurt.”

I feel myself start to tear up, but I blink quickly and smile at him. “I know you don’t mean any harm, Sawyer. I know that you raised me for most of my life, but I’m not a baby anymore.”

“I know you’re not a baby, but you’re my baby no matter how old you get. I know I’m hard to deal with when I’m overbearing like this, but I don’t know how to keep myself from feeling so sad the more you grow. You were so little and now you’re a teenager. You’re a genius and you’re in academic decathlon. You’re the president of the book club, and you’re dating a boy who skips class and rides a motorcycle. It’s scary watching you grow up because you don’t need me anymore.” He takes a deep breath and wipes his eyes before standing up. “I’m not trying to get all sappy.”

“I know.” I stand up too and wrap my arms around him, letting him hug me back. “You’re my big brother, Sawyer. I’ll always need you. It’s just in a different way now. I don’t need you to feed me and help me walk anymore. I just need advice sometimes and someone to talk to. Okay?”

“Yeah, I get it. I’ll try to back off.”

“Great. Well, in the spirit of backing off, Moth and his band are playing at a cool place called Venice and Verona this Saturday. Can I go?”

“Isn’t that a bar?”

I falter for a minute, struggling to get a response out. “Uh, y-yeah it’s more of a bar and grill kind of place-”

“You’re fifteen. I don’t care how cool I am, you can’t go to a bar.”

“Noel can come with me.”

“He’s not twenty-one either, and if anything, Noel will be the one getting drinks for you.”

“I don’t even like alcohol. You don’t trust me?”

“I trust you, Frankie. I just don’t trust anyone else. You can go to whatever show they do that isn’t a bar or a club.” Sawyer answers, pulling back to kiss my head.

“Okay.” I agree, pouting slightly as I make my way to my bedroom. I flop down on my bed, cuddling up to the pillow Moth got me. He kept it in his room for a few nights so it still smells like him. It’s so comforting when I’m anxious or stressed.

I smile and take out my phone to text Moth, letting him know that I won’t be able to go on Saturday. I linger on my messages when I see my moms again. ‘Are you doing okay? I miss you.’

I open it and think for a moment before responding. ‘I’m okay.’

I turn my phone off as soon as the door opens and whip around quickly. “Can you knock?”

My eyes widen when Noel rolls his eyes and shuts the door behind him. “You want me to knock? You mean the guy who took my room after I moved out doesn’t want me in here?”

“I thought you were Will. Sorry.”

Noel sits on my bed next to me and looks around my room. I got shelves that we painted to look like real wood and made one of my walls into a bookshelf. I have another wall that I put pages of books on. Moth went through the recycling bins at school with me to get some old torn-up books so I wouldn’t have to ruin any of my nice ones. I have a desk now with a drawer for each of my subjects so I can keep track of my studying.

“New addition?” Noel comments, gesturing to the collage I put on my wall. It’s a collection of pictures of Moth and me along with some that he took of me. He always says that I’m even more beautiful when I don’t know it.

“Moth got it for me on my birthday.”

“How are you guys?”

I sit up and cross my legs while talking to him. “Pretty good. He’s amazing. I want to be with him all the time. Sawyer doesn’t want me to pull away so much, but it’s not easy when he won’t even let Moth come over half the time.”

“Who cares what Sawyer thinks? Look, there’s no way that anything you can do would even compare to Candace and me. She got pregnant when she was your age and I was doing drugs. Sawyer didn’t even know where I was half the time.”

“Well, that’s the road we’re going down if he doesn’t stop acting like I’m a child.”

“Franks, you are a child.”

I huff and roll my eyes at him. “Great. So you’re on his side.”

“Of course not. I always disagree with Sawyer. I just think you shouldn’t take being a kid for granted. I know I was a terrible teenager, but it makes me so happy now. I’ve already done the partying, s*x, and sneaking around so now I can settle down. If you’re a goody-two-shoes your whole teenage life, it just means you’ll implode later in life. That’s why geniuses drop out of college. They burn out.”

“I won’t burn out.”

“I know. Just know that you don’t have to trade your high school experience to get good grades. Do both. Sneak out every once in a while, but make sure you do your homework first. Have s*x, but use protection, and if you want to try Molly, get a fentanyl testing kit so you don’t end up kidn*pped in an underground human trafficking ring.” Noel tells me with a little smirk.

“I’m not going to do drugs. I don’t know how to sneak out though. Moth’s band is playing at a bar downtown and Sawyer said I can’t go. I want to go.”

“Will’s room has a ladder outside the window. I helped him cover it with vines so Sawyer and Teagan wouldn’t notice. He sneaks out at least once a month. Jake Dylan throws great college parties and none of the soccer guys ever miss it.” Noel reaches over to pat my shoulder. “Do with that information what you will, but just… make sure you enjoy high school. The reason Sawyer is bitter is because he never got to have this. You do.”

I smile and think about it. He’s right. I’ve been so stuck in books that I haven’t been to a single dance or party since I started high school. I don’t even go to football games or pep rallies. I want to have fun. I want to enjoy it in my way.

“Thanks.”

“So about that boyfriend of yours. Do you think you can get me tickets to his concerts once he’s rich and famous?”

“I think you can buy them since you’ll be rich and famous, mister runway model.”

“I’ve done one runway thing. It’s not exactly Paris Fashion Week.”

“Yet.”

“How optimistic of you. Anyway, I came by to say hey and see if you need anything from the uh… big boy store.”

I snort softly as I laugh. “You’re not helping me feel less like a little kid. I can pay you for more condoms but that’s it. Make sure you get the right kind.”

“Damn, you guys get busy.”

“Shut up.” I cover my face with my hands, but smile when he can’t see. I wish I could have this kind of relationship with Sawyer too. I wish I could talk about s*x and parties and going out without upsetting him. I guess sometimes there are just different roles people will play in life. Sawyer isn’t meant to be my cool big brother.

“Okay well if you don’t want to talk about your s*x life-”

“Wait.”

“I knew you wanted to talk about it. Frankie’s a little freak.”

“I am not. I just wanted to ask something.”

“What?”

“How do you like…” I try to think of how to phrase the question before finally settling on the words I want to use. “Control yourself.”

“Well my brain sends messages to my body-”

“I meant how do you not spend all day having s*x? I mean is it weird that I’m thinking about it so much? Is that bad? I mean I love the sweet cute parts of our relationship too, but I swear every time he does something even remotely sexy I want to jump him.”

“Welcome to being a teenage boy. You’re not crazy, Frankie. Everyone deals with this stuff and it’s normal and not bad at all. If you have a partner you trust and want to be with that way, do it. It’s better than what I did. This one time I got drunk at a party and slept with like three people on the same night. I might have done it at the same time, but I don’t remember.” He grins and stands up to lean against my door. “And with Dax, I can just stay at home and have s*x. It’s always going to be hot and exciting at first but once you move out of the honeymoon phase, you’ll start to appreciate non-s****l intimacy more.”

“He does this thing here he plays his guitar with his eyes closed. Not in a ‘look what I can do’ way, but he looks so peaceful and tranquil when he’s playing and singing. It makes me want to stare at him forever. Sometimes I think about how amazing life would be if I got to wake up to his voice singing a song every morning.”

Noel walks closer to hug me, kissing my cheek when he pulls away. “I’m glad you’re so happy, Frankie. Even if it is with the kind of guy I’d turn down in a heartbeat. Oh, and BTW, I’m only being the cool big brother for you and Will. I’ll probably cry if Julian tells me he’s having s*x, so you’ll have to handle that one when the time comes.”

“Okay. Bye Noe. Thanks again.”

“I love you. Bye.”

“Love you too.”

I get my phone back out when he leaves and feel my heart skip when I see a response from my mom.

‘That’s good.’