Forest Through the Trees

Chapter 11 (Alex)

God, what an annoying little b***h Willow is. Most people aren’t dumb enough to mess with me and the odd one that is, I wouldn’t mess with myself.

But HER!

My blood is still boiling and I don’t know why.

How is it that she can get under my skin so easily?

I could have handled her. I should have shown her why I am not someone she should f**k with. Seeing the look on her face after throwing her insults back at her would have been so sweet. The pout on her pretty little lips would have been ecstasy.

So why didn’t I?

Shake it off Alex.

I need a smoke.

I head out the back doors and straight for the tree line. The smoker's “Pit” is a couple of yards into a pine grove past a chain-link fence that separates the school property from the rest of the world. This fence is the only thing that keeps us from getting nabbed for smoking at school. The faculty know about it but it's not their problem as long as we are off of school grounds. And most of them wouldn’t care anyway.

However, there is the odd busy body who organizes the periodic “raid”, where they basically send out cops to try and scare us straight. It accomplishes nothing. The kids scatter like roaches and the few they manage to grab get a warning, and maybe grounded or beat by their parents, but that’s it. The next day everything is back to normal.

I slip through the hole in the fence and head for the group, fiddling with the lighter in my pocket as I walk the worn path. I already feel better and I don’t even have a cig. I almost smile as I get closer and can smell the smoke in the air.

I don’t come here very often. I don’t even really NEED to smoke. I just like to get away sometimes. But what I really crave is that feeling I get when I light one up. I really can’t explain it.

For the most part, I am greeted with grunts and nods as I enter the clearing. There are a bunch of fallen logs that have been hauled over to make a circle. Some people sit on them others stand around. The stoners keep separate from the regular smokers.

I notice Lizzie over with the pot-heads and do a double-take.

Jamie’s younger sister sticks out like a sore thumb with her strange outfit. He would freak if he knew she was hanging out with this crowd. It makes me smile. I am not one to judge, for obvious reasons, and I won't rat her out either. I am just surprised and didn’t expect it out of her.

She catches sight of me and gives me a big smile and excited wave and I nod back at her. We have always gotten along. We both know what it’s like to be on the outside of social norms, and I guess that’s something to bond over.

In a strictly platonic way, of course. She's my best friend's little sister, after all, so she is strictly off-limits.

Unlike my best friend's girlfriend?

I push that thought away, refusing to think about last night.

“Hey, stranger!” I turn around and see Q coming towards me with her usual entourage “Long time no see!”

Q is the one-stop shop around here. Providing every misfit and stoner with her pilfered supplies. I have to admit, I am a little jealous. She cornered the illegal market at this school and makes a killing at it. Even more impressive is the fact that she not only manages to fly under the radar and avoid severe punishment but rules her broken queendom from loyalty and respect.

Which I am beginning to see is a lot different than the conditional respect that comes from fear alone.

I take her in. She is thinner than she was a few months ago, but not in a good way. She was always on the small side but now she looks hollow and sickly. Her dull, messy, brown hair is clearly unwashed and her naturally tanned complexion looks pale when contrasted by the dark circles under her eyes.

Apparently, the summer months have been bad for business.

Q and I come from similar backgrounds. And by that, I mean we both come from nothing.

By the look of her, I'd be surprised if she has had a decent meal or even a good night's sleep since June.

Fortunately for me, that is one thing I don’t have to worry about. We may not have much but my dad always makes sure we have enough to eat and a bed, or in my case a couch, to sleep on.

From what I know about Q she probably doesn't even have a home to go back to.

She gives me the once over too “Well Damn if you haven’t gone up a level hot stuff” an appreciating smile creeps across her face and I do my best not to cringe.

Q was almost passable as cute once, but now... well she looks like hell.

The problem is, that I may have slightly encouraged her affection towards me in the past. But to be fair it was a mutually beneficial arrangement. We would help each other out, so to speak, and she would always sweeten the deal with a discount on her wares.

“You know, I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately” She practically purrs, leaning into me.

Great.

I struggle to find some part of her that I still find attractive. There wasn’t much in the first place but a growing boy has needs and there is always SOMETHING. Maybe this is just another thing that Scar has managed to ruin for me. How can I compare anyone to her and not be disappointed?

I say nothing. I don’t want to encourage her but I also don’t want to totally piss her off either. I might still need something from her in the future.

Lucky me, she doesn’t seem to care if I have something to say about her declaration or not and simply continues on.

“You and I would make a good team”. She says matter-of-factly while pulling out a bag of smokes from one of the deep pockets in her oversized, faded-green trench coat. She fishes one out, placing it between her lips.

“Team?” I ask dumbly as I watch her seal the bag back up. Any hope of a freebie dying as I watch them disappear back into her pocket.

She smirks as I involuntarily lick my lips.

“Yeah. Team.” She reaches over and slides her hand into my pocket, snagging the lighter that I was still unconsciously fiddling with. She uses it to light the smoke, taking a long haul that ends with a euphoric sigh. I have to grit my teeth as she exhales in my direction and hands me back my lighter.

If I wasn’t on edge before I sure am now.

“I can’t see how I could possibly have anything you would want Q, so what are you talking about?”

She gives me another once over “Oh Alex, don’t sell yourself short. You have plenty that I want” letting out a sigh she continues “But what I am in NEED of, is one of your other talents”.

She takes the smoke that has so far been hanging from her lips and offers it to me. As badly as I want it, I am afraid to accept it before I know what I may be getting myself into.

She raises an eyebrow at me when I shake my head.

With a shrug, she takes another haul before continuing. “You see, I lost one of my guys, and I am in need of some replacement... muscle.” She nods over to the guys who follow her around.

I recognize them as Dylan and Karl. Like Q, they too look like they have seen better days. Dylan in particular I remember him from grade 9 phys-ed. From what I remember he used to be beefy. I always figured he was some kind of sports guy. Karl, I don’t know much about. But now they both look like a strong wind could knock them over and neither could pass as anything close to “muscle”.

I had assumed they were just vultures, hanging around and waiting for Q to throw them a scrap. But now that I know better, I see them more like wild dogs. The way they fidget and watch her is like they are anxious for the chance to get some action.

What kind of action? I don’t care to find out.

I look back at Q. Is she seriously asking me to be one of her goons? “What’s wrong Q? Things not going as smoothly as they used to? Or are you losing your touch?”

So much for ruling with respect.

“Call it whatever you want baby, but I am willing to make it worth your while”.

The way she winks at me makes my temper spike again. I hate that she thinks she has me pegged. Because she doesn’t.

“And what makes you think you have anything I want?” I spit back.

Q claps her hands. “YES! That's what I am talking about! That’s what I am looking for!” She laughs. “I need that FIRE!”

I had forgotten how nuts she is, just another thing I never found attractive about her. I've had about enough, and start shaking my head. “Yeah, that's not gonna happen.”

I start to move past her and head back towards the school when she cuts me off by stepping in front of me.

“You know I have never been good at taking NO for an answer” A wicked grin spreads across her face “I guess that’s something else we have in common”.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Fists balled, I glare down at her putting as much venom behind it as possible. I have never and will never use physical force on a woman. But she doesn't need to know that.

Dylan and Karl are beside her in an instant.

“Down Boys” She actually giggles “We’re just playing” like this is some sort of f*****g game.

I take my time sizing up her “Boys”, doing my best to convey that I have no doubt in my ability to end them both. I know enough not to underestimate them, after all, it is two against one, but I am confident that I would come out on top if it came down to it.

Still, I'd rather not.

Surprising, as I am usually all too ready for a fight. Jamie likes to say that I have a hair trigger, and he is right. But something is telling me to play it safe today.

“You better muzzle your dog's Q, or you’ll be looking for two more replacements,” I warn, dragging my glare back down to her. But the look on her face actually makes ME uncomfortable.

It’s like she wants... Scratch that. More like begs for me to do my worst and I hold back a shiver as I feel my skin crawl.

What the hell happened to her? This is not the girl I remember.

“Well, we can meet up later and work out the details,” she says, breaking the silent tension. Lowering her voice, like the mutts standing inches away from her won't hear, she adds in a flirtatious tone “But maybe we’ll keep it just between you and me next time”.

Winking she pats my shoulder and finally steps out of my way allowing me to leave.

*** *** ***

My need for a smoke was temporarily forgotten after my encounter with Q.

Deciding that today was a complete write-off I left for home before things could get any worse. But the walk was long and knowing what I likely faced, made the cravings returned with a vengeance.

So instead, I decided to take my time. Not wanting to arrive too early and rouse the beast.

I turn onto our street just in time to greet my youngest sister’s school bus. Stepping off, Emily spots me and instantly abandons her backpack on the sidewalk, running towards me and launching herself into my arms.

“Lex! Lex!” she cries excitedly as I scoop her up.

Out of five siblings, Em is by far my favorite.

People are always shocked when they find out there are six of us.

I share the middle spot with three younger siblings. Emily is the youngest, then the twins Michelle and Michael. The two oldest are Brad and Sasha but we hardly see them because they are older and moved out, and Sasha has long since broken contact.

Not that I blame her.

Emily is currently seven and looks like she could be my miniature female clone.

“Hey, there squirt” I set her back down and tussle up her hair “Did you have a good day?”

“Yeah! Have a good day!” she says absently “I have a snack?”

I can’t help but smile, the kid is a bean pole but can out eat me any day of the week “Let’s go see what I can rustle us up”.

Em's bus driver waves me down when we stop to pick up her bag. I greet the overly-friendly older lady who always has the same smile stuck on her face.

I wonder if constantly showing teeth is a job requirement when driving a short bus?

She hands me a letter from Em’s E.A and tells me how Emily has been very well behaved lately and that she is very proud of her.

Jesus.

I hope it’s exhausting to be so damn condescending.

I give my best fake smile, thanking her and telling her to have a good night. Doing my best to match her overly cheerful tone and hoping it annoys her as much to hear it as it does me.

Emily may be special needs, but I am not.

The bus pulls away and I sling Em's backpack over my shoulder and follow her home. I can’t help but smile as I watch her try to hop from leaf to fallen leaf all the way back.

There was an accident when she was an infant and she ended up with some brain damage. Doctors hoped that she would get better once the swelling stopped and she fully healed but it didn’t work out that way.

We get in the door and Em drops all of her stuff in the hall and runs off to the living room.

If I had never been to Jamie’s house and watched his mother scolding him for the exact same thing, or seen how immaculate Scarlet’s home is kept, I would assume the disastrous state of our house was normal.

For a while, I tried and keep on top of the cleaning, but I soon realized that being the only person out of six in the house to put any effort in, was like trying to stop water from a burst pipe with just your bare hands. So, I have resigned myself to living in filth AND chaos.

I just heap my shoes onto the pile in the hall with everyone else's and have been in the house for all of 30 seconds when my mom starts yelling for me.

And so, it begins.

“Alex! Where are my smokes?”

“Nice to see you too Ma,” I say under my breath as I round the corner into the living room and approach her recliner.

I keep my distance because, one, the thing reeks, and given how much the rest of the house stinks, that is really saying something. Not surprising at all though, considering she lives in that chair. and pretty much only getting up to use the bathroom.

And two, because I need to stay out of range.

“Did you get them? Where are they?” She tears her eyes away from the T.V screen long enough to look at me with her hand outstretched.

I decide to ignore her question. If she isn’t going to even try for basic pleasantries with me, then I'm not going to try and placate her.

“This came from the school for Emily” I place the letter in her hand.

She looks at it for a second before tossing it onto the pile of dirty dishes and clutter that once was a coffee table.

“Damn it, Alex. I have been waiting all day. Your father said he texted you to pick me up smokes on your way home from school. Now, where the hell are they?”

My fists are balled so tight I wouldn’t be shocked if my nails broke the skin. This lazy b***h sits on her ass all damn day, won't clean or cook, or even so much as pretend to show the minimum amount of interest in any of her six kids whatsoever. Meanwhile, our dad works two jobs, three when we really need the extra money, all while she throws his hard-earned cash away on two packs a day and can’t even get her ass out of the f*****g chair to go and get them.

The worst part? She used to be a great mom. But I can barely remember that time and it hurts too much to think about.

“WELL?” She shrieks which causes Em to cover her ears and whimper.

I focus on Emily and take a deep breath. I know I need to defuse this for her sake.

“Come here Em” I scoop her up and hug her, already feeling better when she is in my arms. I take a few more calming breaths before facing my mom again.

“I didn’t get the message. I misplaced my phone” This is true, I wasn’t able to find it this morning and knowing this house I may never see it again.

“Jesus Christ Alex...” She huffs and slams her fists into the chair's arms “God damn it! I need them NOW! How mu....”

“FINE!” I cut her off shouting back at her before she really gets going “I’LL GO GET YOUR f*****g SMOKES YOU...”.

I hold back but barely.

Fuck, she pisses me off.

So much for keeping it calm for Em.

I storm out of the room with Emily before I say something I would regret her hearing.

Looks like my night has been planned out for me... Again.