Just Look Up At The Stars

Not The Same (Pt. 2)

    “We need to talk to you. Everything is okay, but we need to talk,” Ava stated as she reassured everyone else in the room.

    Worriedly, William said, “Yeah, yeah. Come sit,” as he gently guided his wife to the couch with his hand on her back. 

    “As you have noticed, Juniper has been very distant lately, which is normal, but it can lead to bad things,” Ava started off.

    Frantically, William asked, “What kind of bad things?” as Charlotte looked down, her mind running wild. 

    “When people go through grief, their decision making isn’t always rational. Sometimes they don’t think at all.”

    “Where are you going with this?” William was now frustrated. He just wanted a straight answer, instead of being given a build-up.

    “Your daughter made a really bad decision. She’s physically okay, but she’s struggling.” William’s and Charlotte’s eyes glanced towards Juniper, who was crying with her head down. They looked back at Ava to let her finish explaining what was wrong, but they had so much worry in their eyes. They were terrified of what could come out of Ava’s mouth. “Juniper was feeling really bad last night. She wasn’t doing too great, so she,” Ava paused for a second to think about how she was going to sugarcoat the last part, but instead she just said, “she took a few beers.”

    There was instant surprisement from Juniper’s parents. They hadn’t seen that coming. “You what?” William shouted as he angrily glared at his daughter.

    Ava opened her mouth as she was about to say something, but Juniper interrupted her with, “I’m sorry! I didn’t want to do something like that! I’m so sorry. You have to believe me.”

    William stood up with anger in his stance. “Why? Why did you do it?” Charlotte tried to calm him down, but nothing would work. He was filled with anger and fear. 

    “I don’t know! I just felt guilty for laughing. I just felt really bad, and I wanted to make that feeling go away! I’m sorry.”

    “So drinking was your solution? What were you thinking?”

    Then Juniper stood up. She had the need to defend herself. She understood that her parents were angry, but couldn’t they understand that she was in pain? “I was thinking that I was in pain, and I wanted to be happy! It was dumb, I know! I just wanted to feel better and make the guilt go away! I wanted to be happy without feeling guilty about it!”

    “Drinking is not the solution.” William’s voice was not at a shouting level, but there was still a lot of anger and frustration present in his voice. 

    “I know! Don’t you know that I have realized my mistake? I know I can’t fix it, but I know that I will never do it again. I’m so sorry. I know that won’t make anything better, but I need you to know that I regret drinking those beers, and I have learned my lesson.”

    “Just because you learn something from your mistake, does not mean that the mistake is undone. Do you know how much you could have hurt yourself?”

    “Yes! I know! That’s why I’m apologizing! I know that I have worried you so much more than you already were. I’m sorry. I know that no matter how many times I apologize, it won’t fix anything. But that doesn’t matter because you aren’t going to forgive me anyway.” Juniper rushed into her room full of anger and disappointment, but those feelings weren’t directed towards her parents. It was directed at herself because she knew how stupid she was, and she didn’t expect her parents to forgive her. She wanted them to, but she didn’t deserve to be forgiven. 

    As everyone sat back down on the couch, Ava tried to calm things down by reassuring, “She’s okay. She made a bad choice, but it’s not uncommon for people going through what she’s going through to see alcohol as a solution.”

    “But this isn’t like Juniper. Juniper wouldn’t make a stupid choice like that. She’s smarter than that.” William was still upset, but he had calmed down. 

    “You’re right. She wouldn’t. But the Juniper that took those beers out of your fridge is not the Juniper that you know. That is the Juniper going through grief. You should know that most people would stay with alcohol. They would get addicted and constantly drink to drown out their emotions. Your daughter realized her mistake, and she learned from it.”

    “Yeah, I realize that now. I was just so scared. I don’t want anything bad to happen to her. I don’t want her to think she has to be a drunk version of herself to be happy. I just want her back.”

    “She will come back. It will take time though, and a lot of steps back. Just know that that is progress.”

    “I thought she was happy again. We heard her laugh last night, watching an Adam Sandler movie,” Charlotte said with a slight smile. She wanted to hear that laugh again, but she was upset that she couldn’t see that her daughter was in pain underneath that laugh.

    “She was, at that moment, but like I said before, there will be a lot of backwards steps. You will just have to be there for her and be patient. I know you are so eager to get your daughter back, but don’t rush it. She needs time.”

    They all sat in a comfortable silence, feeling hope and fear at the same time. Eventually, Charlotte said, “Thank you.” No other words needed to be said. Those two simple words said it all. Ava smiled, as William and Charlotte walked her out to her car.

    As the mood had lightened quite a bit with the time that had passed, William humorously said, “I guess that explains why my beer tasted weird today. It was more carbonated than usual. I just thought it was a bad beer or something.” That got a chuckle out of everyone, which was so desperately needed. 

    As Charlotte and William watched Ava drive away, they stood in silence. They didn’t know what they were going to do. They didn’t know how to help Juniper. All they knew was that Juniper was not okay, but they didn’t know how to fix that. William felt extremely bad for lashing out on his hurt daughter, and he hoped that Juniper knew that he was just scared, but they seemed to be just as clueless as their daughter was.