Just Look Up At The Stars

...Yet So Far Apart

    Juniper had felt all the color drain from her world. She couldn’t see any of the beauty that she had seen before. She couldn’t see the red sofa that she would find comfort in when she was sick. Instead, she saw an ugly grey couch that she received the worst news possible on. She didn’t see the picture of Jake on her phone as something that she could look at to find peace. Instead, when she looked at the picture, all she felt was pain and a reminder that she would never see that perfect and beautiful face ever again. Her heart had shattered into a million pieces. She was heart broken. She couldn’t feel anything, but pain. She couldn’t feel the passing of time or the sunlight that was passing through the window onto her face. She couldn’t pay attention to her movements. All she knew was that at some point during the day, she walked up into her room and sat on her bed. She couldn’t remember how she got to her room. She just knew that the location of her hurt heart had changed from the sofa to her bed. She just knew that she would never be the same again. She just knew that she could never heal from this. 

    But, as much as she was hurting, Juniper’s mind was silent. It was frozen. She couldn’t process anything that was being said to her. She couldn’t hear her parents come in and out of her bedroom, checking up on her. She couldn’t get words through her mouth, or even through her mind, when her parents asked if she was going to be okay. All she could manage was a depressed look up, filled with tears that made her blue eyes sparkle in a horrible way. 

    Juniper was comforted with multiple heart-filled hugs from her family and acquaintances, almost as if they were trying to give Juniper parts of their love to mend her heart that had seemed nonexistent at that moment. Although it didn’t help her, Juniper appreciated the effort people gave to comfort her because she knew that they must have been hurting just as bad. Everyone loved Jake, and the loss of his life had a major impact on the way everyone lived their life from then on. 

    It was dark outside by the time Juniper had zoned back into reality. She had just been staring at a spot on the wall all day, but when she glanced out the window, she saw that the moon was shining through a few white clouds in the dark blue night sky. That caught her attention because she didn’t know how long she had been in her room. Or if she had even eaten, but she didn’t feel hungry, so she just thought that she would try to lie down and close her eyes. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to sleep, so instead, she looked back on all of the good memories she and Jake had shared over the past couple of years. The first one that came to mind was when they found their perfect spot. 

    “You know what we need?” Jake asked as he held Juniper’s hand during their walk along a beautiful dirt path surrounded by trees. 

    “What?” Juniper laughed. Jake always asked the weirdest questions, but they always had a fun time laughing at each other’s stupid questions.

    “We need a spot.”

    “A what?” Juniper laughed again. 

    “A spot. You know? A place where we spend a lot of time together. But no one else can know about this spot. It’ll be just ours.”

    “You know, that doesn’t sound half bad. Do you have an idea of where this spot would be?”

    “Well, I was thinking of somewhere that is peaceful. I don’t think there should be a lot of buildings around.”

    “Yea. That sounds nice. We should find a place that would have a nice view of the stars at night. So there shouldn’t be a whole lot of lights around. And it should be an empty field, so we can gaze at the stars without anything in the way of that.”

    “Maybe a couple trees would be nice. I think it would add a bit of life in this empty field.”

    “I think we just came up with our perfect spot. Now the only question is, how are we going to find it?” 

    Jake smiled and proudly stated, “Follow me,” as he took Juniper’s hand and sped up his pace, leading the love of his life to their perfect spot. 

    Juniper was in awe as she saw exactly what they described. What stood before her was an empty field with long grass, exactly one tree, and no buildings in view. When it would get dark, it would allow for the most beautiful stargazing. It was unbelievable. “How did you know what I envisioned? How did you read my mind? How can a place like this even exist? It’s so beautiful.” Juniper looked at Jake with more love in her eyes than she had ever thought was possible. 

    “I know you. I know that you love to look at the stars, and to fully experience the wonderful magic of their beauty, there can’t be light pollution. I was just wandering around, when I saw this beautiful field. I thought it would be perfect for us,” Jake wholeheartedly explained, while he led Juniper deeper through the field. He slowed down to a stop as they arrived at a fresh cut section of grass, with a blanket spread out on the green grass. Jake knew that Juniper loved to lay in the grass, but she didn’t want bugs to crawl on her or for the grass to give her an allergic reaction. So he took the time to cut the grass a couple hundred feet away from the tree. However, he also knew that Juniper loved the long and wavy grass, so he only cut a small section. That way, there would still be long grass waving with the wind. 

    “It’s amazing. Thank you.” Juniper was speechless. She didn’t know what to say. When she looked up at Jake, her eyes were watery because she couldn’t believe that someone could ever love her as much as he loved her. She loved him more than anything and couldn’t imagine losing him. 

    “I love you,” Jake quietly said as he leaned in to kiss Juniper. After a moment of staring deeply into each other’s eyes, they sat down on the blanket that was lying out in front of them. For hours, they laughed at clouds that they saw and funny family memories that they had experienced. They talked about so many amazing times in their life that they would often look back on for a smile. 

    Once it got dark out, Juniper rested her head on Jake’s shoulder as they had laid down on the blanket. They laid there in silence as they stared at the stars, knowing that they would always remember that moment. 

    Juniper opened her eyes to her lit up room and noticed that her face was soaked with tears. She missed him so much, and she wanted him back. She wanted to go to sleep and wake up with it all being a nightmare. But, as much as she didn’t want it to be real, she knew it was. She had to accept that it had happened, but it was just too difficult. She couldn’t think about it. It hurt too much. 

    It was midnight when she last checked, but Juniper didn’t know what time she had started to zone out again. This time, however, thoughts were going through her head. She was thinking about how much she missed Jake and how far away he seemed. Not that long ago, Juniper had spent all day with Jake, but now she wouldn’t ever see him again. That realization had a heartbreaking effect on Juniper. It made her relive the entire experience of finding out again because everytime she thought about how close she felt to him, she realized that she would never be that close to him again. Although he wouldn’t ever leave her heart, she knew she would never see him again. 

    A part of Juniper was angry that Jake could do such a selfish thing. He lost his sister and was broken because of that, but then he puts people, who he loves, in the same position he was in. Juniper found that selfish, but she also knew that he was in pain, and that he would never want to hurt anybody. He needed help, and he couldn’t get enough of it. Juniper wanted to be there for him. She wanted to go back in time and hug him one last time. She thought that it might have made a difference if someone gave him a hug and just listened. Ann and Lucas hugged him, but they couldn't understand his exact feelings. Juniper thought that maybe, just maybe, if she would have called him or visited him when he was out of town, none of this would have happened. He would still be there. They would still be close together. 

    But, Juniper knew she couldn’t turn back time. She knew there was nothing she could do to fix it, to bring him back. He was gone. He was too far away to reach for. He was too unwilling to reach back for the hand that was reaching to him, telling him to hold on. He was too far away. He used to be so close, but within a second, he was consumed into the darkness that he couldn’t get out of. The darkness was too deep for him to jump out of. The darkness was too dark for him to see the hand that was reaching for him. The darkness was too empowered to escape from. The darkness that he was consumed by was the one who was selfish. The darkness was the one who was unwilling to let him get help. The darkness was evil. The darkness pulled him further and further away.