Primrose

I'm naturally introvert since i was young. Marami naman akong friends pero when it comes to socializing nahihirapan talaga ako. Tahimik but loud inside our friend group. Some may think that I am silly or naive when it comes to things. Wala ring sumeseryoso when i'm speaking about something kasi akala nila nakikipagjoke lang ako. That's a struggle especially when I want to rant my feelings and stuffs. Thankful talaga ako sa bestfriend ko kasi siya lang napagku-kuwentuhan ko. Yana listens attentively for every word I say. I also reciprocate it kapag siya naman ang may problema. I remember her saying na someday I will find someone who I can lean to and be my safe haven. But actually I'm scared. What if i caught Hanahaki disease? Tapos hindi nila maibabalik ang feelings ko? I know that my name is Primrose but I don't want to be a flower. It's beautiful with consequences. Once we graduated in junior highschool, we agreed na sa iisang school lang kami lilipat sa senior high. Mas madali kasi kapag may kilala ka na talaga at hindi gaano mahihirapan mag adjust. After the orientations, I decided to take a walk around the vicinity of the school. Wala naman siyang pinagkaiba sa last campus namin aside from the garden. My eyes caught the bright red rose where the sun shines. I don't know if bawal siyang pitasin but I want to. Kukunin ko sana ng palihim nang may kumalabit saakin. "Sorry miss, pero 'di mo ba nakikita yung sign?" nakataas ang kilay na tanong saakin ng lalaki. Before I can even comprehend what he said, our eyes met. It's beautiful yet suffocating. Seems like I am being pulled to him. "Uh, where?" Kurap-kurap 'kong tanong. He pointed the sign na para bang kasing laki ng 1/4 paper ang sukat. Mukha bang mababasa ko 'yan sa labo ng mata ko? "Sorry po, but the sign is too small for me to read." Pagdadahilan ko rito. Totoo naman kasi. Baka kahit kasing kapal ng hollowblocks ang isasalamin ko, di ko makikita yan. "I just want you to know. Seems like you're new here. 11?" Nakangiti nitong saad. Kuya wag kang ganyan, mahina po ako sa mga gwapo. "Yeah, i really apologize." I said while slightly bowing. He motioned his hand saying no. "I'm just doing my job. See you, Rose." Ngumiti muna ulit ito saka umalis. I watched his back while walking away. Grabe, ang gwapo. Pero ano daw? Rose? Alam niya ba pangalan ko? Eversince that day, lagi na akong tumatambay sa garden. Hoping na makita ko man lang siya. Kahit isang segundo lang o kaya mapadaan lang. Kahit di niya ako matandaan o makilala. Lord, ano na? "Seems like tambay ka na dito ah." I heard someone said at umupo sa tabi ko. Tiningnan ko kung sino ito at halos magwala ako kasi finally, andito na siya. "Yeah, ang ganda kasi ng ambiance. Ikaw ba, bakit ka andito?" I asked while smiling. "Hmm, pahinga lang." saad nito at sumandal sa puno kung saan kami nakaupo at tumingin sa kalangitan. "Bakit? May problema ba?" Lumingon ito saakin at umiling. "Wala naman, busy lang sa supreme student council kasi isang month palang since the school started." "Wait, you're an officer there?" Gulat kong tanong. Kaya siguro pinagalitan niya ako last time. Buti di ako nasumbong. "I'm the President." Muntik ko na malunok buong bote ng yakult dahil sa sinabi niya. "Oh dahan dahan lang, gulat masyado 'e." natatawang saad nito habang inabot ang tubig at hinimas ang likod ko. "Pero bakit di mo ako pinagalitan nung pipitas sana ako ng bulaklak? Diba guidance dapat yon?" I asked. "Napitas mo ba? Diba sinabihan naman kita. Don't worry about it." He gave me his assuring smile. Ang gwapo, please. Lord, ibigay niyo na 'to sa'kin. "Tulala ka nanaman baka ikaw may problema?" He chuckles. Pati pagtawa ang pogi. Hustisya po. "Tambak lang this month, grabe pala mga Prof dito." "Ganyan talaga para kapag patapos na yung sem, madali nalang. You can do it naman." He said saka nagbigay pa ng thumbs up. Natawa na lamang ako dito. "Wait, di ko pa pala alam name mo. Care to introduce?" tanong nito. Akala ko alam niya. "Diba tinawag mo na ako last time?" naguguluhan kong sabi. "Oh, the rose? I just called you that kasi pinipilit mo pitasin yung rosas. Is it your name that's why you want that?" Ah kaya pala, kala ko naman kilala niya ako. "Primrose. Primrose Valentina, that's my name." I held my hand out. "Mikael Jio Salazar." He also reached out his hand for a shakehand. "Can i call you Rose?" "Why? Primrose and Rose is different kaya." I joked. "It just reminds me of our first meeting but if you don't want, i respect it." He said apolegetically. "No it's okay. I like it." I smiled and we talk there for hours. Under the tree where the sun rays shone. "Napapadalas na pagtambay mo sa garden ah. Nagtatampo na kami." Kunwaring malungkot na saad ni Heart. "Di ah, nakakarelax kasi don. Sumasama naman ako sa gala." Dahilan ko. "Pero kapag break time wala ka na. Yung totoo, may kinikita ka don 'no?" Khaycee tsked at it. Pinagtitripan nanaman ako nito. "Sorry guys, lowkey lang kami." Nakayuko kong saad na agad naman nasundan ng batok ni Jannah. "Di naman masakit, aba. Ano kayo lang may lovelife?" I said while I cross my arms while pretending that I'm upset. "Nag-aalala lang kami sayo. Do you experience it ba?" Cody asked worriedly. l know what they're saying. Pero di ko alam if meron na ba. "Not sure, baka crush ko lang." I shrugged. "Basta mag-ingat ka, sabihan mo agad kami ah." paalala ni Heart kaya tumango ako dito at ngumiti. Natatakot ako pero sa tuwing makikita ko yung ngiti ni Mikael nawawala lahat ng iyon. I watched how Heart and Khaycee suffer from the illness. Mahirap kasi wala ka namang magagawa. Only themselves can help them. Luckily, it did not last long at nareciprocate naman yung feelings nila. And i'm happy kasi masaya sila sa relationships nila. I would trade anything for my friends' happiness. As for me, I never really thought of it kasi mostly infatuation lang nararamdaman ko before kaya di ako naaapektuhan. Pero ngayon, ewan ko. I just let the things flow on their own. If ever man na mangyari saakin yun, edi tatanggapin ko and try to make it work. Easier said than done. Months have passed and lalong dumami ang schoolworks. The semester is almost over. Lalong napapadalas ang tambay ko sa garden kahit na wala naman si Mikael doon lagi. Dumadalaw din ako sa office ng Supreme Council minsan kasi nandon si Yana kaya nakakalibreng silay ako. The things between Mikael and I, it is just friendship. Minsan hinahatid, sundo niya ako. O kaya sumasama sa sila ng barkada niya sa barkada namin. Yun lang. Pero I still think that I have a crush on him. Sobrang inspired ko na pumasok sa school at excited tumambay sa garden. Kahit isang smile lang, buo na araw ko. Nagchichikahan din kami about ourselves and how our day went sa ilalim pa rin ng puno ng mangga. It's surreal. Kasi I can rant about my studies and personal stuffs with him without worrying about the his judgement. I hope he feel the same way too. It's already 7 am in the morning at nalate na ako. Di kasi ako nagising sa alarm, siguro sa pagod at puyat kagabi. Di rin naman ako masusundo nila Yana kasi malayo bahay nila saamin. Nagmamadali akong tumakbo lalo na teacher namin si Sir Fernandez. Baka hampasin ako ng libro ng El Filibusterismo non. Pero kapag mga kaklase kong lalaki, okay lang. Jusko. "Goodmorning to you, Miss Valentina. Sobrang aga mo naman." Bungad saakin ni Sir habang nagpapapaypay. Sa gilid nito ay babae na nginitian ako at agad ko naman itong sinuklian. "Sorry for being late, Sir." I said kaya wala itong nagawa kaya pinaupo na lamang ako. Mukhang may iaannounce. "Okay, goodmorning class. We have a transferee for today. Introduce yourself." "I'm Marigold Suzon, I studied in Australia and came back here in the Philippines for good." She smiled brightly. Ang ganda niya, grabe. "Ganda 'no beh? Kinis pa. Baka nasa maling bansa lang tayo." Pabirong bulong saakin ni Heart na ikinatawa ko. "Okay lang yan, atleast natural tan natin. Pang everlasting, parang pangalan ko." Biro ko pabalik. Agad namang natigil ang pagtawa namin nang pinaupo na niya si Marigold. Parehas pala kami na may pangalan galing sa bulaklak. Ang galing. I want to approach her but she's too beautiful kaya nakakaintimidate. As the bell rang, agad ako nagligpit ng gamit para makauna sa pilahan ng canteen. "Aba aba, nagmamadali ah." asik ni Yana."Wednesday ngayon, sabay lunch natin sa Grade 12. Mahaba pila." Saad ko naman. Kaya agad na rin silang nag-ayos nang malaman ito. "Dito ka muna sa canteen kumain, Prim. Bonding naman tayo." Pagmamakaawa ni Khaycee. Napailing na lamang ako dito. "Oo na, pabebe ka pa 'e." Si Cody na ang pumila at bumili samin. Exercise daw. Pero ang totoo, mamimirata lang siya ng Grade 12 doon. "Can i join you guys?" Nahihiyang tanong ni Marigold na kakarating lang habang may hawak na tray ng kanyang baon. "Oo naman, may space pa naman." Sagot ko rito saka nginitian. Nagpasalamat naman ito. "Diba galing kang Australia, ano skincare niyo don?" agad na tanong ni Heart kaya siniko ko naman ito. Umirap lamang siya. "It's okay. Maybe the weather, I don't really use a lot of products 'e." sabi nito. Sanaol clear skin. Konti rin naman ginagamit ko, like Safeguard pero di naman ako kuminis. "Why did you came back pala from Australia if you don't mind? For studies ba?" Khaycee asked. "Kind of, i have one reason pa 'e. But i'll keep it a secret muna." She innocently smiled while blushing. Kabataan nga naman, joke lang. Nagkwentuhan lang kami hanggang sa nakarating si Cody at nagpakilala sa isa't isa. Mukha namang masaya siya kasama at kaibigan. Aside from her maarte vibe, maybe ganon lang talaga siya since galing Australia. "Rose, andito ka lang pala. I texted you ah." Biglang sulpot na saad ni Mikael. Ha? Di ko pala nadala cellphone ko. "Naiwan ko kasi phone ko sa bahay, sorry." "Mik, is that you na ba?" Gulat na saad ni Marigold at niyakap si Mik. Uh, okay? Magkakilala pala sila. "Nakabalik ka na pala." sabi ni Mikael habang nakangiti. His smile. There's something about his smile to her that makes me feel suffocated. "Yeah, I told you I'll come back." And she hugs Mikael again, he also hugs her back. They're moment cause commotions. I don't know why I feel like I can't breathe with all these. Is it because of the crowd? The feeling intensifies as if my heart is broken down pieces by pieces and it is stuck in my throat. I can properly breathe and looks like something might come off my mouth from too much inhaling and exhaling. The moment i can't endure it any longer. I tried to stand up while gripping my shirt's hem. "Yana, sandali lang ah. Ang sakit ng puson ko." Pagdadahilan ko kaya nag okay sign naman sila pati na rin ang mga kaibigan ko. Agad naman akong tumakbo papunta sa restroom. I want to puke but I can't. I want to breath but I can't. Naiiyak akong lumuhod habang nakapikit at hawak ang dibdib ko. I felt my tears streaming down my face. Please. As the suffocation subsides, i opened my eyes and don't want to believe what i'm seeing. Petals of Red Roses.