Why He Calls

Chapter 4

Kate’s face lite up when she saw us. Before we even entered her room, she was already adjusting the bed and moving things around. I asked how she was feeling. She said she just really wanted to go back to school with other kids.

Aden and her started playing Candyland and then Aden showed her how to change the TV channel. I went to find the doctor for an update.

“Okay so as you know due to the high fever, they admitted her for tests and observation. With her immune system still in recovery we had to be super cautious. It was just a stomach bug. She’s better now. She been symptom free since yesterday so she can go home tomorrow after her AM labs.”

“Thank you so much. That’s great. How’s her trial and treatment going?”

“Her body is doing much better now. And she’s been responding very well to the new course of treatment. Her last dose was last week. Her final blood tests will be in two weeks, she’ll have scans the week after and then she will come back for a follow up at the end of the month. Once we have her latest workup and full body scans, we’ll reexamine and see where we are but I am cautiously optimistic.” The doctor explained and it made me optimistic as well. I only allowed myself a few minutes of hope before returning to my usual, always be realistic/practical.

I walked back to her room and sat down next to her bed, “So Kate, you get to come home tomorrow. And then if all goes well, you’ll only have 3 more visits this month.” I told her the hopefully true news.

“Yay!” She excitedly clapped her hands and hugged me before I sat next to her. “Can I go back to school when I come home?”

“Tomorrow’s Sunday, silly. There’s no school on Sunday.” Aden said obviously taking what she said too literally.

She wrinkled her nose and replied, “I know that I mean school on Monday.”

“I’m sorry, angel. The doctor hasn’t cleared you for school yet. We have to wait until your immune system is stronger.” I explained. I didn’t know a better way to explain it to her so I didn’t try to rephrase in kid speak.

“Oh.” She said looking so defeated. She hated her online classes and missed playing with other kids. Aden played games and tried his best to entertain her when he could. But with their age difference and even size difference it wasn’t the same. He was growing more into contact sports and preferred playing outside. While Kate, well she’s a six year old who either has to stay inside or is always at the hospital.

I’m not supposed to take her to the park or even stores because of how high risk the germ exposure around other kids is. I asked the nannies and backup sitters to temperature check themselves and please if they have any possible symptoms, even just a cold, to let me know. I’ll usually give them a $50 “cancellation fee” on their next pay for being honest with a “I have a cough” or “I’m stuffed up and it’s not allergies”.

Unfortunately, I can’t be disinfecting every surface of the house 24/7 and she still got a bug. A kid in Aiden’s grade was sent to school sick instead of their parents finding a sitter or taking off. Said kid actually went to all of his morning classes and lunch before the staff sent him to the office. The morning teachers complained saying his parents never should have sent him. The nurse said he had to go home and his parents didn’t come get him until the end of the day.

Some of the other parents, including a teacher who has kids there, complained which is how I found out about it. Aden has all the same classes with the kid. He washes his hands frequently but even if it just got on his clothes, the germ still could have got brought into the house.

When Aden and I get home, I decide to spend the evening making sure everything is sterile for when Kate comes home. Aden helps me with his room and then proceeds to just stay out of my way. I end up on a frenzy. Disinfecting every surface including Aden’s school things and then start the laundry.

I then go get Aden. “Hey so I’m going to be cleaning all the clothes just to be safe. It’s the last thing I have left. Want to watch a movie while I’m just waiting for the machine?”

“Yeah, that’d be okay. If you make popcorn.” He says. I roll my eyes but of course oblige. We head to the living room where he pops in the next Harry Potter movie since we can’t watch most of them with Kate yet. The second one is two scary for her. She can only handle the first and third one. The fourth and beyond are all PG 13 so not sure if the ones I think she would be okay with are age appropriate.

Tomorrow we’ll be back to mostly animated films but tonight is Aden’s choice. The popcorn’s finished by the time I remember how much I hate Umbridge when she makes her first little ‘a-hem’ at Harry’s hearing.

I hand the bowl of popcorn to Aden as I come up behind the couch. “And this is why I hate wearing pink.” I say jokingly as I sit next to him.

He points out a book to movie difference and I remember why I love showing him all the films I grew up with. I did the same when I was younger, I would read the books first. With the exception of Lord of the Rings. Tolkien was a bit above my reading level when our parents first let me watch them. They didn’t care about age appropriateness as long as there was no revealing s*x scenes so I was Kate’s age when I first saw them and didn’t appreciate them until I was Aden’s age rewatching them.

The next day, I get Kate from the hospital. She undoes a good chunk of my cleaning efforts in her bedroom just spewing her toys everywhere. But she’s big enough to pick up after herself. Not to do heavy duty cleaning but small things like putting toys away, making her bed, etc.

Aden suggests we do a movie marathon since Kate is still a bit slow moving. We settle on the Kung Fu Panda trilogy and the popcorn pan is active again. I melt some butter and cheese after and this time get out the smaller individual bowls. I scoop from the big bowl into two small bowls and then call Aden to help me carry stuff.

Aden takes the big bowl and helps Kate set up on the oversized recliner. Kate can lay out in it and she’ll usually use the armrest as a pillow if we don’t bring her one but Aden does. He brings her a blanket too and a stuffed panda to go with the evening. He puts her bottled drink in the cup holder and her popcorn bowl in her lap on top of the blanket. He’s so patient and caring with her it makes me so proud.

I sit at the other end of the couch this time closest to Kate in case she needs something. Aden reclines his end and surprisingly he’s the one who falls asleep before the end of the third movie not Kate. I still carry Kate to bed even though she wants to stay up later. I tuck her in and then go to wake Aden.

“Hey big guy, back to school tomorrow. You’ll probably be comfier in your bed.”

“Nope, I think I’m good here.” He says groggily.

“Suit yourself.” I say. He looks at me surprised I didn’t make him go his room. Then he stretches out and rubs his neck. Not the right level of support using a recliner as a pillow and I know his neck’s feeling it. He stands up leaving the blanket he had grabbed on the couch instead of putting it away.

I knew he’d go to his room, but I really don’t care if he decided to sleep on the couch. He’s almost twelve and doesn’t need a strictly enforced routine anymore.

I clean the living room and kitchen before heading down the hall to my room. The way our house is laid out, there’s 2 bedrooms, a full bathroom, hall closet, and closet with the hot water tank on the left side. The open floor plan living room connected to the kitchen is in the middle. There’s a laundry room off the kitchen and a half bath off the living room. Then the right half of the house has the third bedroom, another smaller closet, and then the master bedroom with an ensuite bathroom at the farthest point.

With how sick Kate was when we first moved here, I was originally thinking about making the third bedroom her room since it would be closer to mine. But the day we moved she picked her room. She liked the view of the lake from her window and having a bigger closet. Her bedroom is closest to the living room. Her and Aden share the bathroom except for emergencies. The half bath is mostly for guests. Well intended for guests, it’s been just the nannies/babysitters.

I have a baby monitor in Kate’s room because I can’t hear her from my room. She knows that it’s in there. I told her it’s not about her being in trouble or that I don’t trust her. It’s in case she gets really sick, so I can hear her ask for help. It was the best solution I could think of.

I go to my room and change into a baggy sleep tank top. I lay the matching bottoms out on my reading chair to put on in the morning when I make breakfast. I don’t have my next assignment until Wed. Cara is always on Fri into Sat with the occasional extra day. And my last regular is on Sat this week. Tomorrow, I will get up super early to make breakfast for the kids, workout, shower change, and have a relaxing day until they come home.

Working out is part of my job requirement. Well staying in shape. I’m cheerleader thin but very fit. I spent years training in the pack and all through school doing gymnastics, dance, cross country and even one season of cheerleading. The other girls in cheerleading were sharks. Always backstabbing each other to get to the top. When they were all pretending to like each other, then it was just about parties, popularity, and boys. I hated it. I only joined because a lot of other girls I meet in gymnastics said the sport crossed over well. Cheerleading wasn’t pay to play like gymnastics or dance was so it was my closest option when I had to drop the other two.

It was also one of the only approved sports for werewolves after we shifted for the first time. We weren’t allowed to play any contact sports. So no football, hockey, or even soccer. It was too big of a risk to our secret. But plenty of human girls can lift other girls to make a pyramid so the council deemed it safe.

I sit down at my desk and load my computer. I pull up my expense spreadsheet and login to my bank accounts. I input my last pay, and under bonuses, I put in the tip I got from Mike. I spend about twenty minutes working out future calculations. There’s multiple possibilities.

Obvious best case scenario, Kate finally gets better. The trial is a success and she can be a normal kid again. With normal childhood expenses. The worst case is she gets worst. But then there’s the middle of the road possibility as well.

All avenues have different realities financially. And as I’m crunching the numbers, I realize that my goal setter savings account has reached it’s max. This account, I opened a few months after we moved, when Kate was basically living in the hospital full time. I look at the nickname on the account and immediately close out the page. I set up that account to save up for the possibility of having to bury her.

It was an extremely low point I hit when I opened that account. An end-of-life case worker at the hospital, Sarabeth Dean came to talk to me. She introduced me to a hospice director and a funeral director. Miss Dean was very blunt and to the point. She really needed sensitivity training and she was fired a few weeks after she talked to me. Apparently, she was getting kickbacks for referring people to this specific funeral home.

Why would anyone ever want to profit off of death? Off of people’s grief? But at the time, fearing the worst, I listened to her. I let the hospice director give me a tour. I let the funeral director give me their pamphlet. I let them talk to me and say all their ‘part of the cycle of life’ crap.

And then I went online and looked up what all goes into burying a child. And I did the math a little higher than the average cost and opened up that account.

Kate stayed really sick for almost two more months before she started getting better. Before she started getting well enough to come back to our, at the time, crappy tiny apartment. And she decided she wanted her 4th birthday party to be thrown in the hospital. In the place, I never wanted to take her back to. Of course we went. I’d never seen so many cheerful sick kids outside of those donation ads on TV.

I asked Kate after the party why she wanted to have it there so badly. She said it was the only place she had friends.

I looked away from my computer and saw the array of pictures hanging above my desk. They were almost all pictures of the three of us, either individually or together. Except for two. One picture was of Aden, our mom, and myself before Kate was born. I was thirteen only a little older than Aden is now and he was four so Kate wasn’t even an atom yet.

The second picture is torn in half right down the middle so that it’s just our mom. It was taken about six months after the one of the three of us, on our parents fifteenth wedding anniversary. It was right before everything went to hell. I take that picture off the wall and look at it. I notice halfway down on her waist, it his hand. I don’t know why I never thought of that before. He was never completely removed from the picture.

No matter how long it’s been, I can’t help being so torn between this horrid grief nor this borderline hatred. Because ultimately, it’s partly her fault that this is where my life is now. It’s partly her fault that Kate is an orphan. When we left, I shielded the kids from so much of the truth. They both knew, in a kid friendly explanation, what led to us needing to leave. And of course I couldn’t shield them from everything, because they lived through it with me. But they didn’t know why things had reached the point they had. Kids don’t need to be brought into adults’ problems.

I take the picture out of its frame and push it into my desk, in the same drawer that the other half of the picture is in. I think twice about this and move it to a different drawer. I don’t know why I kept the other half. I think the only reason was because nothing bad had ever happened until after that day. We truly had a happy life and great parents until after.