Our Roundabout Love

5

Hope's POV

Green. That was the color in my mind at two o'clock in the morning and I think I know why.

Leo. There was an interaction between us today at my house that just kept playing over and over again in my head. It was as if I were in a f*****g movie, that’s how perfectly it played out. He suddenly opens the door when I'm conveniently leaning on it and he catches me with his body. I’m a little flustered so I looked up at him because he has this annoyingly super sexy height difference over me and we stare at each other longer than we should have and for the first time I noticed his beautifully vibrant green eyes. This all happened In f*****g silence might I add! I'm not a main character type of girl and yet here I am experiencing a main character moment with the most breathtaking boy. God why does he have to be so nice, sweet, charming and funny. For lack of better words prince f*****g charming.

Even with all that I’ve already decided that no matter how perfect he is I won't let him sweep me off my feet. As a matter of fact my feet will be firmly planted on the ground.

I do realize that this is all stupid to think about a guy I met two weeks ago but I’m only thinking about him so hard because he gives me this feeling in my chest that just won't go away. It hurts almost. Like I'm being slowly stabbed and people are just watching it. Like I'm yearning for something more in life when I'm with him. And it's been this way ever since lunch last week this is what it's been like complete and utter torture that makes me spiral. I don't know what I'm feeling half the time but with him I have to know because whatever this feeling is leaves a bad taste in my mouth and I wanted it out but if I don't know what it is then how can I find a cure.

On the other side of this feeling I found that it helped me. I mean I hate it because it was just so new, and so different but it took a little of the depression away. It makes me feel a little more normal. Like a girl is supposed to feel but I'm so used to being out of place that I think I'll- I don't know but regardless of how different it makes me feel I want it gone.

A gush of cold air hits me hard. Making my hair go everywhere and giving me goosebumps. It's so cold up here for no reason. I look down at my dangling feet over the edge and they seem so small compared to the massive land that holds train tracks below me. If I fell it's a good hundred foot drop to the bottom. Why do I even bother coming here? Putting myself in a situation where one wrong move can end my life. I’ve answered this differently every time I've asked myself. It mostly depends on what mood I'm in when I'm here. So the answer I come up with will never be how I truly feel. For instance The fall would most definitely be the end of my life and that's what I liked about it. I know for a fact this is stupid. Yes, but it's the only place where I feel so small yet so important. My answer will change again but maybe one day I'll be satisfied with my own words. Today's answer was a little cynical.

One thing I know for sure is that if I fell I wouldn't be mad at myself. I would have had my prayers answered by whatever God I pray to when I don't feel like rotting away anymore.

I stand up looking down, my mind so clear that I could hear the wind whistling now. Just how many people would miss me if I jumped. Another question I've asked myself more times than I can count. I smile and just shake my head. What a pitiful self made mess I am.

I hurry to get down but before I can even move I hear a rushed foot pattern getting louder with each step then without even moving my head to see where the sound is coming from I'm quickly pulled back off the ledge and into someone's chest. And we go tumbling to the ground with their rather large hands still firmly around my waist.

It all happened so fast that i thought I was being kidn*pped for a second but them I had that dumb realization that I did look like a jumper. The person whose chest is still on my back let out a groan from behind me, I assume because their back slammed into the brick pretty hard and had nothing to cushion their impact. I kinda feel bad. I have to apologize.

I turn around as much as I can, straining my neck just to be met by his face twisted in pain, eyes shut hiding those perfect green eyes. I'm in so much shock that I can't even utter a syllable.

Groning once more Leo opened his eyes a little. The next thing he did caught me off guard a bit making me want to lay like this forever. He mustered up a smile and asked if I was okay brushing hair out of my face but stopping resting his palm on my cheek as if to inspect me like I was something precious to him. This is when I knew he wasn't normal. That he was painfully different and it showed.

I slowly shook my head and he sighed in relief. Why are his hands so comfortably warm?

"That’s good you had me worried sick." His words were barely registering. I was too consumed by the many emotions and thoughts going through my head that were just too much for me to sort.

"What are you doing here?" I managed to utter out.

"I needed to clear my head, but then I saw you up there." The tone of his voice was alarmingly unassuming, I don't know if he didn't want to ask me or if he was stupid at this point. I looked down at the weight on my torso and realized his arms were still locked around me. I quickly moved his hands from around me and scurried a good three feet away from him. He looked puzzled at how fast I moved but sat up anyways looking me dead in the eyes not saying a word. A few minutes went by and this awkward staring match felt like it would never end and the silence and weight of what just happened was killing me.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself." I blurted out cutting to the chase because I didn't need this green eyed god telling my brother who would tell my mom this ridiculous story. That would just cause a lot of unnecessary problems for me.

He scratched his head behind his head looking away."Want to go talk about this over food I'm kinda hungry." Moments later I heard his stomach grumble. His comedic timing was incredible so I couldn't help but let out a giggle.

"It's two am where are we going to go." He smiled standing off brushing off his sweatpants that I couldn't help but notice the bulge in. Ughh cut it out hope not the time. He brushed off the rest dirt from his pants and waltz towards me holding out his hand with this stupid smile that just wouldn't leave his face.

"We'll figure something out." I rolled my eyes taking his hand letting him help me up. There is no reason that one person should be able to be that convincing with just one smile.