100 Days and I Still Love You!

I REALLY DO

Well, since Jenna and Yuna had done talking, I think-

Oh, not yet.

Yuna: Should I bring gifts, the next time I decided to visit?

Jenna: You don't have too! They will be happy to meet the one who was taking care of their daughter this whole time.

Yuna: Oh, you! Come here!

Those two were flirting and cuddling, at the public space!

"Ehem."

"Oh, yeah, right, sorry. Please, proceed."

So, now, I think I will resume about how we decided to break up, 

for our own good.

It had been a month since we date, and everything looks distinct to me. Though we never argue or doing things that couples usually do, like a cuddle, or going on a vacation together, both of us remain in a relationship just fine. Really, it looks like it was like, we are indeed the perfect couple as we did not fight much like the usual couple, but deep down I know, and pretty sure that Jenna, too, noticed that. We both knew something is missing, and it is wrong.

Why?

Because all I felt during the relationship,

it was nothing.

And my heart feels,

empty.

Of course, we did not speak the problem out loud, as both of us wanted to take care of each other. And still, to this day, I think, Jenna might keep a secret from me.

A secret that made her instantly wants to be in a relationship.

Nevertheless, we continued our relationship anyway. 

Wanna go to school together?

Jenna texted me, the very morning during my breakfast. I had breakfast with my dad since we both woke up too early this morning. He prepared pancakes with maple syrup, decorated with whipped cream and blueberries for both of us. As soon as he saw my phone vibrated, like 2 or 3 times, he cannot let it go and asked.

"Lover's things?"

I nodded and flipped the phone down, continue to eat. 

He looked at me, and he had that looks of curiosity.

"You're not going to reply?"

I looked at me, with the sceptical looks, and continue to eat, pretended that I did not hear anything from him. Dad was unsatisfied with my response, so he put down his utensils.

"Are you really sure you're in the right relationship?"

"Yes, dad. Stop nagging this morning."

I tried to stop him from talking even more, but eventually, he already stopped talking. He continued to eat, and the atmosphere on that morning was going back to be in silence. Though we were no longer talking about this, I can read on his face, that he wanted to talk more, but he kept it in himself. 

I finished my breakfast first, so I stand, and walked to the sink, to wash my plate. We both still did not talk about anything afterwards, and dad did not even mention Adam, either. It kind of worrying me when he remained silent, as I was in big trouble, but that was when I five-years-old, or something. However, when it happened during my teenage years, it was still worrying, like I had done something wrong. 

After I washed my plate, I grabbed my bag, that I put on the chair, and was about to leave. Suddenly, my dad sighed.

"If you're not happy with the relationship, please leave. Don't hurt the innocent's heart, and yours."

I stopped, and turned around, to tell him, that I was fine, but I did not do that. I saw his face, with sad, and regretful expression, the first time I have ever seen. Like, he was talking from his experiences and his heart. I clenched my fist and turned around to the door.

"Goodbye, dad."

I waited at the bus stop, the spot we usually waited for each other. Jenna was not there yet, so I sat at the bench there, while waiting for her. I checked my phone, just in case if she had already texted me. In fact, my phone did vibrate a couple times during breakfast, so it possibly from her.

Oh, this was the last message she sent to me, and it was during my breakfast:

Sorry, I might be late! >.<

Hmm, this was at the time, when I was having breakfast.

Perhaps, she was on the way right now?

Should I give her a call?

Ah! She is my girlfriend!

I dialled her number and waited until she picks it up.

.

.

.

"Hi Jenna, everything okay?"

"Omg, Alan! So sorry! I might come to school late or take the day off today. Can you go to school by yourself today?"

Her voice sounds urgent like she is in some sort of trouble or critical matters. I did not want to feel guilty, so I decided to go alone.

"Yeah, sure. Stay safe, okay?"

"Thank you! Bye!"

She hung up on me.

It is natural, right, if we both did not end up by saying 'love you' to each other?

I think it is standard, right?

SO,

I waited for the bus alone that morning. Luckily, I still have enough time to wait, as it was quite earlier. While waiting, I looked at the road, which was not too busy, nor calm. There will be cars on the road, but sometimes, there will not. I was too focused on the street until I did not realize the sounds of motor's engine was getting nearer. 

And nearer.

And nearer.

Why does it sound familiar?

Until the sounds stopped, I finally realized, whose bike it was that made that sounds.

I turned around to look at him again.

One more damn time.

He looked at me, with his glaring eyes, from top to bottom. I did not want to get into trouble, or insult, again by him, so I chose to watch the street again.

"So, you prefer to ignore my existence, and make like I didn't exist, huh?"

I thought he was talking to his phone, as both he and I, no, it was clearly him, that makes it clear, that we are not friends. He just pretended to be my friend, so that he can laugh it with his gang. I stayed silent because the question was not for me. 

Suddenly, someone grabbed my collar and lifted me up.

"What the- put me down, you maniac!"

I raised my voice as he clearly did not has the intention to put me down. His eyes were filled with rage, but somehow, I sensed a glimpse of sad in it.

"Why should I? It's your fault!"

He yelled at me and somehow got to attract some attention from the pass-by people. 

Why is he mad? 

He was the one who draws the line between us!

"It's my fault?! My fault?! You're the one who chooses for us to be like this! Remember?! Put me down now!"

I kept struggling to get loose from him, but he was just too strong and tall. I cannot get my feet to reach the ground when he lifted me up. Though with my words, he simply did not want to give up yet.

"Well, I'm not the one who hangs out with a girl, and-and decided to kiss her! And be in a relationship with her, afterwards!"

Wait...

Wait, wait!

Is he talking about the time, 

When Jenna and I met at the bus stop,

And it seems that we were acting friendly at that time?

And then, he showed up, 

Looking at us, and he decided to leave, 

Just because he jealous?!

BUT!

If he was jealous, he should just say it.

Not insulting me, in front of his gang!

"So what?! It's not that like you like me or something like that, right? You just want to play with me, and laugh it out with your so-called friends, so what's the point of this?!"

I cannot control the emotions inside me. I deserve to be mad and angry about all this stuff.

He was still at fault when he decided to say those words, instead of confronting me and be honest. 

He chooses that way!

After listening to my confession, Adam looked guilty, no, rather than blameworthy, he looked defeated. Like, he knew now, it was never anyone fault, but solely him. Later on, he put me down and gave some spaces between us. 

I looked at him, with the feeling of angry, mad, bitter, yet deep down, there is one emotion left. Disappointed, in him, and also in myself, as we both did not try to tell our true feelings. 

Even I tell him my true feelings, 

Is he feels the same way as I did?

The moment he wanted to say something when I saw the movement on his lips, my bus came. 

I wanted to wait and listen.

I really do!

Yet my ego won this round.

I turned around to go to the bus's door and was about to enter it. 

Before I do, I stopped at the bus's stairs and looked at him for one last time.

"Goodbye, Adam. It's over."

With that, I walked into the bus and sat at the nearest empty seat. The bus went on, and I did not take the chance to look at him.

Jenna: So that's why we broke up afterwards.

Alan: Shh! Don't spoil it.

Jenna: Sorry.

At school, I did not focus on any classes, as my mind was wandering around, aimlessly. Though Jenna tried to grab my attention, I simply ignored her and let my mind strayed around.

Yuna: Rude!

Even after school, when all of our classmates had left the class, I still sat on my table. Until Jenna decided to slam my desk, with both of her hands, which then woke me up from my bewilderment.

"Earth to Alan, is your soul lost its way this morning?"

She asked me as she noticed that I was not myself today.

I did not give her replies, alternately, I looked down at my desk. She looked worried.

"Is something wrong this morning? You look awful."

She asked again, as she concerned about me. I finally realized that I have something to say to her.

"No, no. Maybe I was too tired for today."

I gave her a half-ass answer, and I knew she knew it too. She looked perplexed but decided to ignore it. After seeing me looked awful, Jenna once again grabbed me and wanted to go out. I agreed with her, because, I think, maybe it was for the best.

Jenna brought me to the city's park, which located not too far from our school. And it was pretty empty at that time, since it was almost evening, as the dawn time. It was only us at that time. 

"Look! A swing! Come, let's sit there."

Jenna took my hand and brought me to the trivet. I watched her play with the swing, while I just sat there, idle. She finally stopped and looked at me.

"Hey, is something wrong?"

I decided to say it today.

I cannot lie anymore.

And Jenna, 

She clearly deserves better.

I stood up and turned to her, who was still sit on the swing.

"We should break up."