I Am Worthy

Chapter 8: Try me...

s**t, s**t, s**t! He isn’t seriously going to force me to go with him! No man in their right mind would! I watched as he slowly approached me, taking a step back with every step he took forward. “I am not leaving and you will not make me.” I said, with a wavering confidence. “But that’s the thing, Little Wolf. You are leaving with me, even if I have to drag you from here screaming.” was his hushed response. I couldn’t stop the growl escaping my lips, and he was not looking too pleased with it either. I found myself beside my open window as he continued his approach, and with that I made the decision to jump, like hell was he just going to do what he wanted and think I would go with him willingly. I hit the ground hard and began to shift and scramble away as I heard him roar from my room, “Try me asshat, you won’t win.” I thought to myself as I masked my scent and sprinted to the woods. “Hey River, if you see an angry looking Alpha Blackstone send him North for me?” I linked River as I continued my escape deep into the woods. “Where are you?! What happened?!” Came his rushed reply. I tried to ignore him so I could focus on staying out of sight and, hopefully, out of mind, but man was he persistent, “I am disappearing for a while until he leaves, I can’t tell you where or how long for but reach out to me when he leaves, please.” I said quietly through our link, I could feel his sorrow and wanted nothing more than to take it away but, I can’t, I need Xander to see that I’m gone, whether that be from his own eyes or those of the pack. I felt the sadness of Dominik and Alyssa joining with Rivers after a short while and felt myself becoming so drained from my running and from the hole slowly opening back up in my heart.

I eventually began to slow down as my lungs were burning along with my limbs. I had managed to find my way back to where I started all those months ago. When I first ran. I walked towards a patch of oddly placed mushrooms, recognising them from how I got to this ridiculously wonderful place in the beginning. I walked on through and stayed in the shadows the wood provided. I walked until I found an opening to a meadow.

Flashback

“What is all this?” I asked with tears in my eyes as Eli led me into a meadow full of lilies, daisies, dandelions and more. There was a picnic blanket laid across the soft green grass, with a basket full of all my favourite foods, alongside the basket was a bottle of champagne and 2 glasses. My hands came to my face as Eli watched me with adoration. “I wanted to surprise you, you have been so stressed out recently and I thought you could use a break.” he replied, his voice dripping with such love and emotion, causing my heart to melt, “Oh babe! You did not need to do all this! Thank you for being there for me!” I expressed with a few stray tears falling onto my cheeks, Eli raised his hand and wiped them with his thumb, then pulled me in and kissed me with such passion that when we finally broke apart we were both panting.

End Flashback

As I neared an old hollow tree, my emotions began to get the better of me, the wind picked up around me and rain began pelting my fur, the sky began filling with black stormy clouds, all of this was mirroring what my heart was feeling and so I let it. I stayed in that hollow tree until the storm I had started died down. By this stage, I was numb, again, to everything around me. I was holed up for days, unable to even hunt, to feed myself due to my own grief. After managing to hunt a hare, I decided I would go check on the house I once lived in with my family. It was dark out so I stuck to the shadows in case I heard or came across any passers by. I managed to make it to the garden of the house without being seen. I shifted and climbed through the open window of my old bedroom, grabbed some old clothes and put them on. I walked through the house saving Deana’s room for last. I could feel nothing, just this emptiness that was eating me alive, but I didn’t care, I would welcome it. When I finally got to my sister’s bedroom, I stopped at the door, just staring at it, waiting. For something, anything. But nothing did, and so I entered. I took a deep breath to brace myself for the memories, but instead all I could smell was the faint smell of death, mixed with my sister's scent and 2 masculine scents. With this revelation I inhaled deeper, ensuring to focus on the scents of the men, no matter how faint, I made sure to imprint them to my memory.

Two months have gone by since my return to my home. I managed to pick up one of the scents of the men that had been there that night, following it until it was at its strongest. I am currently hidden in the shadows, making sure I have my hood up and tail tucked in so that no-one would see anything out of the ordinary if they were to look my way. I recognised the man's face as soon as I saw him leave the building he was in. A bank, of all places, probably to deposit his blood money. I felt my hatred burning through my veins as I watched him. He began looking around himself, probably feeling my eyes burning holes into his back, but when he saw nothing he continued on his way. I followed him at a safe distance until the sun had disappeared, allowing the night to take over. I watched him enter a warehouse that was located alongside a dock, which had a few armed guards walking to and fro in front of the door. “Time to dance with the devil.” I thought to myself as I made my way from the darkness of the shadows in which I stood. I walked up to the warehouse and stopped when the guards noticed me. “What are you doing here?” One of them called over to me, clutching his rifle and preparing to shoot. “Please, I just need somewhere to rest.” I replied, allowing my voice to sound weak, like I was helpless. “Well baby girl, why don’t you come on over, I am sure that I have space in my bed, I can get someone to cover me here.” The man spoke with a smile etched across his unflattering features. “Sure, lead the way, handsome.” I flirted back, He quickly made his way to me and stood towering in front of me, “I’ll be back shortly, cover for me.” He said to the other guard whilst looking directly into my eyes. “The other guard chuckled lowly and took up a position in front of the doors, unmoving from his place as I followed the first.

Once we made it to a discreet area, I slowed to a stop and waited for the man I had followed to notice. Once he began to turn around, I quickly hid in the shadows, “Hey baby, Where did you go?” He called out as I heard him walking back in my direction. He passed me by, not noticing me in the darkness, and so I approached him from behind and ran my hand along his arm in a seductive manner, “I’m right here.” I whispered into his ear as he turned to look at me. Once he looked at me with his lopsided grin, I smiled a toothy grin back, only mine was more malicious with my canines on full show. “What the fuck.” I heard him mutter as his smile dropped, I then pulled him close and sunk my teeth into his throat, listening as he let out a gurgled scream, his blood running down my face and his neck and torso. I then closed my jaw more and pulled back, listening to the tearing sound that came as I ripped his throat from him and watched as he bled out. Once satisfied that he was dead, I made my way back to the warehouse, keeping to the darkness so that the second guard would not see me. I picked up a rock and tossed it a little bit off to the side of myself, then watched as the guard slowly perked up and began making his way towards me, rifle at the ready. “Who’s there?” Came his gruff voice. I could smell his nervousness, and that made me grin. He approached where the rock had landed and I began to silently approach him from behind. Once close enough, I wrapped my hands on either side of his head and quickly twisted, not giving him a chance to register my presence before his head was facing me and his body the opposite direction. I then made my way to the door of the warehouse and slipped in, allowing my nose to pick up on any smell, letting me figure out how many people were around. I walked into the middle of the warehouse and called out, “Hello? I need help, someone hurt my friend!” Within seconds a large number of men with guns came out of their places, all looking equally alarmed, but when they laid their eyes on me I lowered my hood and lifted my eyes to meet all of theirs. “Time to say goodnight boys.” I said threateningly, with a grim smile on my face as they all began to point their guns at me. I allowed my anger to take over, allowing the fire in my blood to show itself, lighting up the men around me like Roman candles.

Once the men had stopped screaming and were nothing more than ash, I walked around following the scent of the one I was truly after, the one who participated in the murders of my sister and my love. I found the smell in a pile of ash. Satisfied that he suffered, I decided I would gather some tools from the nearby ‘workshops’ that looked more like torture rooms. I found a very pretty blade and decided that it would be all I needed for my upcoming plans. Now begins my hunt for the man who shot my sister, and that won’t be too difficult now that I am at his base. I made myself at home in an office I had found within the warehouse, kicked my feet up and let myself sleep. My dreams were restless, making me relieve all my pain, over and over, again and again, until I was eventually awoken by the sound of men shouting, wondering what had gone down the night before, and with the breeze of their entrance I could smell the one I was after. I stood from the seat I had slept on and walked out to the balcony overlooking the inside of the warehouse watching the panic on each man's face as they all began to notice me, but my eyes were caught by one man, who had a look of horror written across his features as he began to turn and run. The men around watched this exchange in fear and confusion, but all it took from me was one word, “Stop.” and they all did, they couldn’t move. I walked down the steps to my side and proceeded to the one who had caused all this trouble, “Whatever is the matter darlin’?” I asked, feigning sympathy as I placed a hand on his shoulder and walked around in front of him. “What the f**k are you?” He managed to get out, the fear in his voice evident, “What? Little old me? The one you took everything from? Well, darlin’, that night I became the monster in everyone's nightmares. That night, I finally became who I was meant to be. A hunter. A predator.” I spoke to him slowly whilst keeping my eyes locked on his, then I lowered my voice and continued with a venom dripping from my words, “A lost soul who wants revenge for their loved ones.” As I finished I took out my newly acquired blade and began to carve at his face, listening to him scream whilst those around us watched on. I skinned his cheek, then moved to his neck and slowly dragged my blade across, watching as the blood slowly began to seep out, until it was at a nice fast flow. I watched as he tried to fight the inevitable darkness, but eventually the light behind his eyes went out.

I looked at the others who had yet to move, “I want you all to shoot each other, the last man standing gets to live.” I called out to all of them with power and an eagerness to my voice and just like that, the shots began ringing out. I went back to the office area and stood on the balcony, watching the chaos unfold, and I smiled, enjoying it. Eventually, there was one man left. He was around 6ft3, had a dark full beard but his head was shaved. He was quite gruff looking but he beat the slaughter, fair and square. “What’s your name?” I called to him as he stood panting amongst the bodies of the fallen. “Frank…” He replied, but he had a questioning gaze, “Go ahead, you can ask.” I said as he watched me cautiously. “What are you and how did you do that?” He questioned, his eyes never leaving me. “I don’t quite know, but if that is all then you may be on your way.” I said quietly, keeping my eyes down. I heard his heavy footsteps gradually closing the distance between us as he climbed the steps to me. I turned and looked at him as he came to a stop just a few feet from me. “I can take you wherever you need to go, and I will not tell a soul of what went on here. But thank you for ending this. I have been trying to find a way out for years but was always too afraid. You, however, gave me a push that I am grateful for.” Frank said whilst looking me in the eye, I looked into his eyes searching for any hint of deceit but found none, so I gave him a small smile and nodded. “The woods, by the glen up north…” I said quietly returning my gaze to my bare feet, “Okay, let's get going now then, before the authorities arrive, as I am sure that someone heard all the shooting going on.” “Thank you, Frank.” .

Frank did as he said, he took me to where I had asked and, so far, not a soul knows of what went on at the warehouse by the docks. I have since decided I would be better on four legs rather than two whilst in the woods in case I came across any wanderers to avoid any suspicion of some random girl walking aimlessly. It has been a further 2 months since then. I can feel myself getting lost in the darkness of my own soul. Many hunters that have managed to come across me unfortunately did not make it very far before they became my supper, yet I do not feel any guilt from all the lives I have taken, I feel nothing. But recently there has been an occasional fuzziness in my head. I don’t quite know what it is, but yet the further I move into the forest the more I can feel it. “Kiara? K?! Are you there? Can you hear me?” I hear his voice in my head and I feel a warmth in my heart as I revel in the sound of it, “Hey Riv, how’s it going?” I said with a waver in my voice.

“Xander, he went crazy when he couldn’t find you, destroyed the house, eventually his beta came for him and managed to drag him back to their own lands. I tried to link you but I could not get through. I was worried sick!” He began to rattle off. That’s when the pain began to make itself known again. I left my friends to sort out a problem that should have been mine. I felt horrible, I hated the fact that I did that, but I can’t change it now. Instead, I made my way back to them, allowing the guilt to gnaw at me, finally allowing myself to feel again now that I was returning to those who were kind enough and gracious enough to let a monster like me into their lives. I had allowed myself to kill innocents. I killed at least 150 people who were involved in some sort of gang, but I still took them away from their own families, their own lives outside of that. I killed at least 50 hunters who happened upon me whilst they were going about their business in the forest. I really am a monster.

Eventually, I made it back to the packlands. I walked lazily up to the house I had briefly called home and I lay down at the door. I don’t know when I fell asleep but I did. I was awoken by someone shaking me and sobbing. When I realised who it was, I was on all fours and nudging my head into their hip, “What happened to you?! You have blood matted into your fur and you reek of it too!” Alyssa managed to say through her tears. She took me in and opened the door to my old bedroom so I could shift without any eyes catching my awful state. I climbed into the shower and washed off the dirt and blood before finally wrapping myself in a towel and leaving the washroom to grab my clothes. I had just got my underwear and a hoodie on before my door was flung open and both River and Dominik came bursting through, when their eyes landed on me. I watched as relief flooded their features. I felt my tears landing on my cheeks as the two of them stood before me and then I threw my arms out and they both came over pulling me into one of their bone crushing hugs. “I am s-s-so so-orry guys..” I stuttered out through my sobbing, “We are just glad you’re okay! Do you want to tell us where you went and why?” Dominik spoke quietly, watching my every movement as I went to sit on my bed. I played with my tail, debating whether or not I should say, but eventually decided it would be best.

As I told River and Dominik all that I had done in the last number of months, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. They sat on either side of me but I could not bear to look at their faces to see the disappointment. “K, we haven’t been through what you have, so we don’t know how we would have handled the situation either, yes the situation isn’t great but it is done, there is no changing it now.” River spoke as Dom gave my hand a squeeze. “Do you think… Maybe… Xander will come by? So we can talk?” I asked quietly as I glanced between the two huge men beside me. Rivers’ expression dulled and Dominiks hardened, but he agreed to give him a call. An hour went by before Dominik came back to my room with a pizza in hand as me and River sat on my bed watching the T.V. “He will be arriving tomorrow.” Dom said as he made himself comfortable on the other side of me, “Thank you.” I gave him a small smile and we continued watching the show that was currently being played. “Hey Dom?” I asked whilst playing with my hoodies edge, “What’s up buttercup?” He replied, not even looking in my direction as he was so engrossed in whatever crap was playing. “If I can get Xander to agree… will you let River come with me to his pack?” I all but blurted out as fast as I could. “Wait what? Kiara, I don’t think I can do that. I haven’t got anyone to replace him anyway!” Dom exclaimed whilst looking at me wide-eyed. River almost choked on his pizza when he heard me, “But Alyssa is perfectly capable! She is the best warrior you have aside from River, so she would be perfect for the job!” I countered, giving him a pleading look. “I will think about it.” He sighed, eventually looking away from me.

I could hardly sleep last night. My anxiety was eating me up about coming face to face with my mate again. “Please let this go well.” I looked to the sky, pleading with whoever was up there. I was so caught up in my own mind that I didn’t hear all the ruckus from outside until Alyssa grabbed my shoulder and started trying to get my attention. “Kiara, you need to come down, now!” She said worriedly, to which I nodded and followed after her. As soon as we made it to the lounge, I froze. In front of me stood a very pissed off Xander Blackstone. I will not lie, he looked like utter crap, yet my heart still fluttered when I saw him. His eyes had dark bags underneath them and he looked like he had lost weight. His skin was pale and his hair dishevelled, I felt awful for causing this. “Where the f**k have you been?” He questioned, anger lacing his voice with a hint of worry. I felt my lower lip begin to tremble as I tried to hold back my tears, “I’m sorry.” I said barely above a whisper, “I know that I shouldn’t have run but I was still dealing with a lot of trauma, and you were so pushy and adamant that I should leave with you, it was too much.” I blurted out as the first tears began to fall. “I am no pushover, and I will not just do as you say because you are my supposed soulmate. I am my own person and will fight for myself as long as I live and breathe.” I continued, not allowing him to speak yet, the others had all begun to filter out of the room giving us our privacy. “I only asked to speak with you because I did not realise how far gone I was, and as much as I hate to admit it, I feel oddly relaxed when you are around.” I finally finished, exasperated. “Come here.” He sighed quietly holding his arms out. I approached him slowly and slipped my arms around his neck as he pulled me in with one arm around my waist, the other behind my neck. By this point, my tears were streaming down my face and soaking through his shirt, but he didn’t seem to mind. We stood like that for a couple of minutes inhaling one another's scent, then all of a sudden I felt something prick my neck. I looked up to Xander, who looked back at me with a cold look in his eyes. “What did you do?” I slurred out before I lost all consciousness and dropped into his arms.